Jealousy
"...Ah."
"...An."
Someone was calling my name.
I let the sound slip past me a few times in my half-asleep haze, until a shake of my shoulder forced my eyes open. A face was looking at me from so close our noses nearly touched.
"Ji-an. Wake up."
"...."
"I said wake up. We have to go to school."
I sat up with a start. She was crouched beside the bed, looking up at me — already fully dressed in her uniform, bag slung over her shoulder.
"...What are you doing here."
"Waking you up."
"Yeah, but why."
"I came to pick you up today."
"...How did you even get in."
"They opened the door for me, so I came in. They said you hadn't come down yet, so I told them I'd go up myself."
She answered as if it were nothing at all. Then she slowly looked around someone else's room.
"But your room really has nothing in it. Same as the old days."
Just then the alarm started going off by the head of the bed. She glanced at it and shrugged.
"See. I was faster."
"...Wait outside. I need to change."
"Okay! I'll wait downstairs!"
She left the room in high spirits. Only after the door closed did I turn off the alarm.
I washed up, put on my uniform, and went downstairs to find her standing in the entryway, tapping her toes. The housekeeper stood beside her looking completely at a loss.
"Young master. Your friend is here..."
"I know. I'll be right out."
"Then what about breakfast?"
"If I eat I'll be late, so I'll just go."
"I brought some."
She pulled something from her bag — bread wrapped in plastic.
"Mom said looking at the time you probably wouldn't eat breakfast, so she told me to pack some for you."
"...Thanks. I'll eat it."
"Yeah. Eat it on the way."
When we stepped out the front gate, she took the lead down the alley. After a couple of steps she turned back and gestured for me to hurry up.
When we were little, I was the one who opened the door to her room and woke her. She was the kind of kid who only opened her eyes after I'd pulled back the covers and called her name several times.
As we got a bit older, I sat at her family's table and waited. Older still, I waited outside the front gate. Taking her bag, slowing my pace, checking she hadn't forgotten anything — that had been our morning for nearly ten years.
Today it was the reverse.
I walked while tearing open the bread bag, and she stuck right beside me. Close enough that our arms brushed. If I put a little distance between us, she closed it again before long.
"Why are you walking so close today."
"So what. We always used to walk like this."
"You used to be way out ahead."
"That was a long time ago."
She bumped my arm with her elbow.
"Ji-an. Let's go together tomorrow too."
"We go to school together every day anyway."
"Not like that. Meeting in the morning and going together like this."
"That's what we do every day."
"No. It's different."
"What's different."
"I don't know. It's just different."
When we reached the uphill path in front of the school, she grew quieter. The chatter cut off, and only her breathing remained.
"Take it slow."
"...I'm fine."
"Fine my foot. Your face is all red."
"That's because I ran. The light changed earlier so I ran."
She insisted, but her steps had clearly slowed. I shortened my stride to match hers.
Passing through the school gate and climbing the stairs, she gripped the handrail. Then, noticing I was watching, she quickly let go.
After hanging up my bag in the classroom, I started toward the window. Kim Seol-ah was already there with a book open.
About two steps in, the hem of my uniform was tugged from behind.
"Where are you going."
"I need to talk to Seol-ah for a second."
"I'll come too. Let's go together."
She followed, still holding my sleeve. Kim Seol-ah looked up and glanced between the two of us. Her gaze paused briefly on the sleeve Han-gyul was holding.
"...What."
"I have something to talk about."
"What are you two trying to talk about."
She asked out of the blue.
"Nothing much."
"If it's nothing much, I can listen too."
"I didn't say you couldn't."
Kim Seol-ah answered shortly and pulled a canned coffee from her desk drawer, pushing it toward me with a thunk.
"Drink."
"Why all of a sudden."
"It was buy one get one free. Two would be too much."
As I took the can, I felt a gaze from the side. She was looking back and forth between the can and Kim Seol-ah.
"Ji-an doesn't really drink coffee."
"Then you drink it."
"It's not mine."
Kim Seol-ah tapped the desk a couple of times with the pen she was holding. Then she didn't reply at all.
"How was yesterday?"
After a long while, she asked while looking out the window.
"What?"
"You went to the PC bang. Was it fun?"
"Yeah. It was alright."
"What do you mean alright. We had a really good time."
She cut in indignantly.
"I learned how to play the game yesterday too. At first I kept dying and the screen went red, but later I stopped dying and lasted a long time. Ji-an even said I was getting the hang of it."
"Oh~."
"It would've been nice if you'd come too. Why didn't you?"
"I had stuff to do."
Kim Seol-ah cut it off like that and turned her eyes back to the window.
She looked like she wanted to ask more, but eventually closed her mouth. Instead she still didn't let go of my sleeve.
During break, Park So-yeon poked her face through our class's back door.
"Hey, Lee Ji-an."
"Yeah."
"I found the full strategy for that boss from yesterday. I figured out why we kept dying in phase two. When that ground AoE drops, you're not supposed to back up — you have to push forward into it."
"Forward?"
"Yeah. If you go back, it covers everything anyway so you can't dodge. That's why we kept getting cornered and dying."
"So we should've stuck close from the start."
"Exactly. The problem was we got scared and kept backing off."
"I was the one who said to back up."
"Yeah, so it's your fault."
Park So-yeon grinned. Just then Han-gyul slipped in beside me.
"What are you talking about?"
"The game we played yesterday."
"Tell me too. I played yesterday too."
"I'll tell you, but you couldn't even open the door and go in yesterday."
"That was because the keyboard was weird."
"What about the keyboard."
"My fingers kept going to the wrong places. That's the keyboard's fault, not mine."
Park So-yeon laughed and pushed her forehead. She rubbed the spot but still laughed happily.
The three of us exchanged a few more words like that until the bell rang. Park So-yeon waved and went back to her class.
Third period was a moving class.
When I stood up with my books, she stood up after me. Then she sat back down right away. She and I had different subjects.
She propped her chin on her desk and looked at me. When I glanced back as I left through the door, she was still in that same pose.
I met Park So-yeon in the hallway and walked with her. Even on the way, she kept talking about that strategy from earlier, and I asked a few times. Park So-yeon got more excited and chattered even more.
After class, as we were heading back to the classroom, Park So-yeon started to say something from behind, then stopped.
"What."
"No. It's nothing."
"What is it."
"I said it's really nothing. Let's just go eat."
Park So-yeon walked ahead. Her steps were a little faster than usual.
When we entered the cafeteria, she had already claimed a spot.
She seemed to have come with Kim Seol-ah. The moment she saw me, she patted the chair next to her with her palm.
"Ji-an, here. Sit here."
"Yeah."
When I sat, she pulled her tray closer with a satisfied look. Kim Seol-ah sat across, and Park So-yeon next to her.
"You worked hard saving the seat."
Kim Seol-ah tossed out while ladling soup.
"I didn't work hard. This is originally Ji-an's seat."
"Sure."
"What do you mean sure."
"Sure means sure."
Kim Seol-ah left it at that. Park So-yeon watched with amusement as Han-gyul tried to say more.
While eating, she kept picking up side dishes and putting them down, deliberating. There was something spicy among today's side dishes. She poked at it a few times with her chopsticks and eventually pushed it aside.
"That's spicy."
"I know."
"If you know, why are you poking at it."
"Because I want to try it."
"You're not good with spicy food."
"I ate ramen yesterday."
"That wasn't spicy."
"...Okay."
She obediently took her hand away. Then she snuck glances at my tray. I moved the non-spicy side dishes over to her side.
Just then someone from a table over there looked our way and waved.
The yellow name tag that was the symbol of second-years caught my eye. It was Ha Yujin.
I reflexively looked at Kim Seol-ah. She met my eyes, mouthed What, and lowered her head to continue eating.
Fortunately, it seemed she wouldn't leave midway this time.
"Han-gyul, hi."
"Ah. Yes, hello."
She bowed her head and went back to eating.
Normally her face would have turned red and she'd have been glancing over for a long time, but today she just left it at that. I looked at her profile for a moment.
I wondered if she wasn't feeling well. She'd been so out of breath on the morning uphill too.
"Are you not feeling well?"
"No. Why?"
"Just. You're not eating much."
"I am eating."
She demonstratively took a big spoonful of rice. With her cheeks puffed out, she looked at me and smiled.
Kim Seol-ah saw that and muttered like she was talking to herself.
"Unbelievable, seriously."
After eating we went to the library. It was the place we'd been going every lunch period lately.
She followed as if it were only natural.
"Have you been here before?"
"No. First time."
"You have to be quiet. If you make noise the librarian will scold you."
"I know. I know that much at least!"
Even as she said that, the moment she entered she looked around everywhere. Then she spotted the inner table and tugged my clothes.
"But what about those guys?"
Looking back, four boys had taken over one table and were dealing cards. They hadn't opened a single book, just fanned out cards. When one of them put something down, the others put on intense reactions while muffling their voices.
"Is that allowed in the library?"
"Even I don't know anymore."
"You said you have to be quiet in the library, so why isn't anyone scolding them?"
"Because the librarian isn't here right now."
"Then will they get scolded when she comes?"
"They will... probably."
"Then I'll wait until then."
She said it with a very serious face. I pressed her shoulder and sat her down.
After sitting, for about five minutes it was truly quiet. She looked around the shelves, pulled out some random book, and opened it.
And about three minutes later she closed it again.
"Ji-an."
"What."
"I don't understand a single word of this."
"What did you pull out."
Looking at the cover of the book she'd brought, it was a thick philosophy book.
"I thought if it was thick it'd be interesting."
"That's not how it works."
From across, Kim Seol-ah raised her head and looked at us. Without a word she just put a finger to her lips. Han-gyul quickly shut her mouth.
Even so she didn't last long. She folded and unfolded paper, tugged my sleeve, looked out the window.
A long while later it got quiet, and when I looked she was face-down on the desk.
Her breathing was even. I looked at the back of her head for a moment, then turned my eyes back to my book.
From across, Kim Seol-ah said in a very small voice.
"Is she always like that?"
"She's been like that since we were kids."
"Must be nice. Seriously."
Kim Seol-ah said that and lowered her eyes to her own book.
On the way home too, she stuck close beside me.
Park So-yeon waved at the fork in the road and left, and Kim Seol-ah had dropped out earlier saying she had something to do. Left were just me and her, same as yesterday.
"Ji-an. I'll come pick you up tomorrow too."
"You don't have to come. I can just go."
"No. I'm going."
"Why."
"Just because."
"There's no such thing as just because."
"Just because is just because."
She whipped her head away and walked looking only ahead.
I saw her in at the front gate and crossed the wall.
When I opened the front door, the housekeeper approached as if she'd been waiting.
"Young master. Madam contacted us today."
"...Mother?"
"Yes. She asked me to tell you she'll be coming back at the end of this month. She said to prepare the room in advance, so I cleaned the upstairs today."
"...Yes, I understand."
"What would you like for dinner?"
"I'm fine today."
I took off my shoes and climbed the stairs.
One open door caught my eye. It was a room that had been empty for a long time. Fresh bedding had been put on, and evening light came in through the drawn-back curtains.
I passed in front of it and went into my room.