Revenge Fulfilled and Tits for Days
Squish squish—me, completely zoned out as I kneaded the massive glutinous rice cakes hanging off my chest. What snapped me out of it was the groan coming from behind me.
“Ughhh…”
—Jerk!
“Eek?!”
If I hadn't been startled, I might've kept groping my tits forever. These massive glutinous rice cakes... what insane magic.
Come to think of it, what about Yeop Hu-hu?
Snapping back to reality, my mind finally turned to my mortal enemy. People always care more about their enemy's well-being than their own, right? Even if I take a hit, if that bastard suffers worse, I'm happy. Which means no time to fret over turning into a woman right now.
—Whip!
Decision made, I whipped around to look behind me.
“Ughhh…”
“Hic?!”
I'd guessed from the groan, but it was way worse than that. He usually looked kinda gay, but now? Terminal cancer gay. No cancer insurance in Ming China, huh? Poor fucker.
“So that's what happens when all your qi gets sucked dry.”
Looks like even the energy needed for basic life functions got drained. I could kill him with one hand now, but I'm holding off for one reason: the bastard's suffering like hell, wandering the gates of death.
If I touch him and he goes peacefully, I'd be pissed. No way.
—Wriggle wriggle.
“Your Majesty... I have to protect you... cough cough... You're being deceived right now...”
Like he's watching his life flash before his eyes, he's rambling nonsense. Acting like he's some eternal loyalist, yapping about His Majesty nonstop. To me, it just sounds like bullshit.
“Reminds me of Korean class.”
That guy who wrote Gwandong Byeolgok in the textbook? Talked about his love for the king and shit, but turns out he was a corrupt official. This fucker's probably the same type.
“Hic... Your Majesty...”
His wriggling slowed, his voice fading. Is he really on death's door?
—Swoosh.
I sidled up next to him and said,
“You traitorous scum! I am disappointed in you!”
“Ugh... Your Majesty... No... that's not...”
Pretending to be the emperor and laying into him, even on his deathbed he starts crying. Feels good.
“Silence! How dare you deny Us? That's proof you're a traitor!”
“Gasp... No... How could I ever...”
“Then you are a traitor, right?”
“You're misunderstanding...”
“Daring to deny my words! Traitor! You're a traitor!”
“Cough...!”
Affirm it, traitor. Deny it, traitor. No wonder everyone wants to be emperor—this shit turns tantrums into divine law.
“Hic... cough...”
Did “traitor” hit him psychologically? Yeop Hu-hu couldn't even speak properly anymore, just ragged breaths. Yeah, time to go.
So—
—Whip!
I swung a fist loaded with inner power straight at his temple.
—Crack!
—Splat!
His skull caved in perfectly. Instant death, no question. He'd die on his own, but you gotta land the finishing blow.
“Whew~”
Someone once said revenge feels good. They were wrong.
—Bounce!
“Ahahahaha!!!”
It doesn't just feel good—it feels fucking fantastic!
I finally avenged my balls! Settled that ancient grudge! No more shitty brainwashing!
—Bounce bounce!
—Jiggle jiggle!
Leaping for joy, my tits bounced right along. Still not used to this...
“Hmm...”
I rubbed my forehead, pondering for a sec.
“How the hell did this happen?”
This woman's body bore zero resemblance to my old self. Even smelled nice. Guihua Preservation? Or sucking up all of Yeop Hu-hu's qi? Or pure coincidence?
—Scratch.
“Eh, whatever.”
I dropped it. Better than being a eunuch, anyway. No need to go back to worse.
“Alright... time to pack my shit?”
With the damn eunuch dead, no reason to stay trapped in this remote mansion. I threw on some rough cover-up and headed to the warehouse for my stuff.
***
—Clink.
“Seriously, nothing here.”
Humble little warehouse, humble contents. Even scraping the bottom, just a few copper coins. Guess he blew all his cash. The plight of the unemployed. I get it—breathing alone drains your bank...
Anyway, fucking terrifying.
—Thud.
“Hm?”
While rummaging, something fell from the shelf.
“A book?”
A diary, technically. That damn eunuch's diary... Nothing more fun than peeking into someone else's.
—Flip.
I dusted it off and opened it.
His Majesty bestowed the name Hu-hu upon me. He says my laugh cheers him up. A cheeky naming, but if it pleases him, it pleases me.
“Hoo...”
So that's why the weird name—emperor picked it. Guess he was a big deal once.
His Majesty—no, the late emperor—passed. I can't forget his final moments, entrusting me with the crown prince... I shall serve the new emperor with all my horse and strength to honor his will.
…
My suspicions were right! #### was a fake! How did the cancer spread so far in the Imperial Palace... Even the Dongchang has been tainted by #####'s demonic claws. Barely escaped, but can I return? Hope the secret warehouse in Beijing is safe.
“Huh?”
The tone gets frantic toward the end, last page soaked in blood—barely readable.
“No way...”
Something happened in the Imperial Palace? But this fucker wasn't a real loyalist, right?
“Hmm...”
After reading, I pondered—
—Snap.
—then shut the diary. Conspiracies? Who gives a shit? If anything, it pisses me off thinking it led to my balls getting cut.
Makes me mad just thinking about it.
“Burn the damn thing?”
Irritated, I headed for the candle to torch it. Then—
—Clink.
“A box here?”
Spotted a dusty box, long untouched.
“What's inside?”
Emergency cash maybe? I opened it.
“What the—?”
Women's clothes and a hophwae.
“Yeonhwa?”
The name on the identity tag—Yeonhwa. Obvious woman's name.
“No fucking way...”
Did Yeop Hu-hu cross-dress to go out? Changing gender's the best disguise on the run, but a gay-looking fucker in drag? Nauseating just imagining.
“Well, not useless.”
Perfect for me now. My massive rice cakes won't fit men's clothes. And an ID? Jackpot.
—Rustle rustle.
“Like this...?”
I pulled out the clothes and draped them on carefully.
“...”
Easy to put on—barely any fabric. Meaning... not much coverage.
Did ancient Chinese women wear this shit everywhere? No wonder the population boomed.
—Slip.
“All dressed.”
Clothes and accessories on. Ironically, Yeop's eunuch training helped—learned to dress superiors.
Brainwashing paying off? Pisses me off...
“Sigh, mirror time.”
Revenge done, no point sulking. I sighed and checked the mirror.
And
“Hic?!”
I freaked.
“T-Too slutty...”
Way too slutty! Clothes are bad, but this body! Thought the rice cakes were just up top—there's ass cakes too...
Born in the 21st century, I'd be rich off Instagram alone. But nope, in barbaric Middle Kingdom where they lop balls if you're careless, I become a woman.
“Gotta veil the face.”
Pretty face in a lawless world? Disaster magnet. Box has cotton cloth—veil it is. Annoying, but better than nothing.
Eunuch worse than woman, plain woman worse than hot one.
“Time to go?”
Almost 10 years since reincarnating as a kid—finally stepping into the world.
—Squish squish.
“...”
—Squish squish.
“Can't stop...”
Kept groping since earlier. Hands move on reflex if I blink. What sorcery...
—Squish squish.
Super soft but firm—not mushy, perfect feel. Moist, warm too.
“Ugh...”
—Gulp.
Waited 10 years... 10 minutes delay won't hurt, right?
—Squish squish.