I'll Be the Scumbag (1)
Ten minutes later, when the viewer count hit 2,000.
"Hello~"
"Thanks, Yeonji-nim. For inviting me."
"Ahaha. Yeah, right."
The two exchanged greetings in the voice chat. They looked so chummy. What a main girl showdown. Right?
"Ahaha. True. Isn't Cheol-deuk a total menhera?"
"Yeah, and Yeonji-nim doesn't even know subculture..."
"It's just a hobby for me."
Okay, scratch that. You really can't judge a book by its cover. Even an oblivious guy like me could tell those words had thorns.
Is it a good thing that it's so obvious, or should I be worried?
I let out a sigh over a pointless dilemma that wouldn't change anything anyway. No options meant no headaches from overthinking, at least.
"Hahaha."
"Hehehe."
They were smiling, at least. Nice to see.
The chat reactions were business as usual. The only difference? A bit more bleach spam. Gallery DMs suddenly exploded with double curses, but nothing new. That was basically cute.
One nagging question, though.
What are they even betting on in this main girl debate?
In the gallery, main girl battles were always Galdu Cups. No holds barred—size, personality, speech, actions—they'd excavate every detail to prove superiority. Pure war.
But this was a stream. Maybe at least a veneer of rational debate?
"Honestly, my boobs are bigger, right?"
"It's a VTuber character!"
"Yeees~ So that's one point for me?"
"You can't touch a virtual character. Invalid!"
I totally agreed with the viewers. At least I was in the sane camp right now. Most folks were like that guy nitpicking cough sounds—desperately highlighting anything better than 0.1%.
"Do you know how important spoon-holding etiquette is these days?"
"How big a difference is the grip?"
"Yeonji-nim just doesn't care. A mother-in-law would."
"My friend has no family."
"Ahh..."
If only it stayed at tantrums. Sometimes it got awkwardly solemn. Like with friends, family, military service.
[You have been forcibly ejected.]
[You have been forcibly ejected.]
"Hehe.... Guess I gotta cheer him up."
"Our NewbiePorkHam isn't living miserably, okay? Your consolation is plenty."
"I'll do it instead."
"No need?"
"Yeees."
Cheol-deuk's avatar nodded.
"I can do it well."
With a confident, embracing smile. Almost saintly.
"Hm."
I scratched my chin. Sure, I'd sponsored a ton, but this level of obsession? Anime menhera had excuses like the protag caring for them.
'Cuz saving a psycho for pure love is delish material.'
My track record? Maybe three visits after the first. Sponsorships? Gave more to others, no doubt.
'Just quick to fall in love?'
Time would fix it... but months in?
I shook my head to clear the thoughts. Deduction wouldn't solve it. Love ain't a test answer key.
"NewbiePork, you watching the stream?"
[Unemployed Guy sponsored 10,000,000 milk.]
[Yeah.]
[You have been forcibly ejected.]
...Just a donation typo.
"So who's winning so far?"
Hmm... I pondered for 10 seconds, typed a message, and sponsored again.
[Unemployed Guy sponsored 10,000,000 milk.]
[I just like Newbie. You two are both crazy.]
I'll be the scumbag.
# # #
The next day, my secretary came up to the house and told me to sit in the chair. Her eyes were fierce, so I obeyed meekly.
"Boss."
"Yeah?"
"Why didn't you pick one?"
"How was I supposed to pick there?"
"You should've. It was content."
"Even with my safe choice, didn't you see the gallery meltdown?"
"I don't look at the gallery."
"...Good. Better that way."
I lurked there constantly, but wouldn't recommend it. The art board drew all VTubers riding my back in some Hitomi-style hentai art. Mine? Lazy paper face with "NewbiePork" scribbled on. Asked why in comments, got "[You're Unemployed, not NewbiePork.]" Lmao.
Egosearching your nick just drains sanity—no way I'd suggest it.
"What's the deal?"
"Kinda deep. Hard to judge."
"But was I really crazy? I'm still young. Early 20s..."
I chuckled at her aggrieved look. 12 hours post-stream, still holding a grudge? Kinda cute.
"Not like that."
"Really? Boss isn't a lolicon? Viewers said hakko means undergrown kids."
"...What?"
"That's the meaning. Small ones."
"Not wrong, but not that nuance."
"Oh?"
I nodded reassuringly; she sighed in relief.
"Why the main girl battle anyway?"
"...Just."
"Weren't you safety-first? Jeongbae matters."
"Yeah. Jeongbae is key."
"Whoa. Secretary dropping jeongbae."
"I'm not a monk. Don't mock me for slang."
She waved it off. Latest slang? Felt 10 years off—creepy laugh escaped.
"Eww, don't laugh like that. Oh! Know what? Folks say Jeongsil Jeongbae is you."
"Why?"
"'I'm friends, he's just a sponsor—unfair compare? Boss even came to my stream.' Default win vibe?"
"Makes sense."
I nodded.
"Right?"
"But does who Jeongsil is even matter?"
"Newbie influx? Huge deal."
"Didn't you say streaming's a hobby?"
She clamped her mouth, then blurted: "Well! Success is nice... Right?"
"Worried you'll quit if your stream blows up."
"No? Makes sense? Even at 1M subs, 10K viewers, if you say quit, I would."
...Kinda extreme. At that level, fair to quit.
"Jeongbae loyalist?"
"...Yeah."
"True, I could raise you no life impact."
"Raising me?"
"Around that level? House in my name, salary, food, bills—all covered. Foster care lite. Now contract-bound."
"So I go 'Master~'?"
I stiffened. "Ew, no... Not my taste."
"Harsh! Play along then sour face."
"Should've joked back then. Strictly contract."
"Obviously. I get it."
She nodded poutily. Sounded superfanship, vocab lacking tho.
"Anyway, I'll stick by Boss forever."
"Let's hustle."
I smiled, offered hand. "Of course. But real Newbie taste?"
"No comment."