Secret Friends with the Princess
Alsanna took several deep breaths.
She had just sent a telegram via communicator announcing that the inquisitor was heading to the grand duke's residence.
I have to buy time. Until Freira can hide Hamel.
Otherwise, the future that awaited was...
"-Not bad, -for a tin, -can."
"Hameeeeel!!"
Nothing but the ending where the tin can got witch-hunted and melted in lava.
I can do this. She's just an inquisitor, but I'm a bishop!
Alsanna faced the inquisitor with resolve. First, she had to boldly declare who she was. Taking the initiative was key.
"I am, the Karstein Diocese—"
She wanted to say she was the Karstein Diocese bishop.
"...Karstein Diocese Bishop Alsanna Erhen. Pleased to meet you."
"Y-Yes... uh-huh..."
"I'm from the Heresy Inquisition Office. As you know, I can't reveal my identity."
The masked inquisitor pulled out a document stamped with the seal of the Holy Kingdom's Heresy Inquisition.
The grim symbol alone was intimidating, but the two paladins beside her added to the pressure. As their massive armor clanked together, Alsanna shrank back.
"Bishop. Please guide us to the Karstein Grand Duke's Residence."
"Th-That— We can't right now!"
Three pairs of eyes fixed on her. Alsanna was on the verge of hyperventilating.
"The grand duke's residence is undergoing major construction right now!"
"..."
Of course, it didn't land at all.
Alsanna's tearful wriggling continued. Monster burrows here, demon collaborators' traps there, and so on.
"Th-The bridge up ahead is about to collapse! How about we take a detour for three days?"
"Bishop."
"Y-Yes, sir!"
Finally, one paladin spoke up.
"We'll eliminate any threats."
"Could you please provide precise guidance?"
Alsanna sniffled.
I'm sorry, Hameeel...
A few hours earlier.
I brewed coffee for Freira. After confirming no one was around, I whispered softly.
"Miss."
"Eek!?"
Freira nearly spilled her coffee.
"Hamel. Don't whisper so suddenly..."
"Pardon? ...My apologies. I have a favor to ask of you, miss."
"What is it, what!?"
Freira's lips curved into a full smile. She must really want to help me.
"A telegram will arrive soon. Don't be startled."
"Huh?"
Tick, tick. Paper began printing from the communicator in the corner of the drawing room.
"How did you know?"
"Don't be startled yet. Take a look."
Hmm. As expected from the lame bishop. Cute.
"H-Hamel. What do we do? You'll be marked as a possession case!"
Freira paled dramatically and clutched my hand tight. That's why I told her not to be startled.
Her opponent was the most fanatic inquisitor in the Holy Kingdom—my natural predator among predators.
But why was I so calm?
Because the woman coming wasn't a real inquisitor. If she were, I'd have dug a tunnel straight to the demon realm by now.
An imperial disguised as an inquisitor on a covert trip.
The Second Imperial Princess, Selene von Baltgard.
The two paladins as escorts probably weren't real either. Likely imperial magitech special forces.
The problem was those two magitech agents. The paranoid emperor had probably assigned them to monitor his daughter.
So I had to shake them off somehow and get a moment alone with the princess.
To prevent the empire's downfall, I needed to accelerate the heroines' growth as much as possible.
I gently wrapped an arm around Freira's shoulders.
"Miss. It's fine. This was expected."
"...But it's the Heresy Inquisition."
"I have a favor to ask."
The young lady looked up worriedly. I smiled faintly.
"The inquisitor will request a single guide. Nominate me."
"......"
Freira sighed deeply before replying.
"You have a plan, right? ...Got it."
The four of them passed through the grand duke's front gate. Alsanna was the first to enter the mansion.
Her eyes were already red-rimmed.
"Alsanna?"
"...H-Hic... Hweeeeng—"
? What? Why the sudden flood of tears?
As Freira patted her back, Alsanna wailed nasally.
"I tried my best... but I couldn't stop themmm..."
"Sobbing detected. Comfort mode activated. Good girl, good girl. Don't cry, don't cry."
"Hwaaaaaang!!"
As expected, "don't cry" was the cheat key for tears. Alsanna rushed to me and grabbed my hand.
"Why didn't you run away? You're going to face the inquisition now!"
"Alsanna, well, you see..."
Freira exchanged glances with me, then gave up on explaining.
Good call, my miss.
Meanwhile, Alsanna clung to my hand like she'd never see me again, apologizing over and over for being useless.
She's bawling so cutely. I want to cuddle her.
I'll spoil her rotten later.
Anyway.
Ulrich and the inquisitor sat across the drawing room table. As an automaton, I naturally stood behind the grand duke.
"Welcome to the grand duchy, Inquisitor."
"Thank you, Grand Duke Karstein. It's just as I heard—an impregnable fortress."
An awkward air hung between them. Ulrich cautiously asked.
"What brings the Heresy Inquisition to this remote northern wall?"
"There was a recent rebellion plot, right? Seventh Legion Commander Gaius Kroitzen."
"...Indeed."
"His Majesty the Emperor requested an investigation from the Holy Kingdom. To root out any more betrayers of humanity."
Of course. The emperor wanted a pretext to take down the grand duke.
Ulrich's expression darkened at the imperial decree's seal.
"One more thing. As you know, the Holy Kingdom has been searching for the holy sword for over a century. Any progress?"
"...Regrettably, no."
"I see. No one to draw it yet, then."
"...Yes."
Sorry, but I drew it. It turned into an iron mace, though.
The inquisitor tilted her head. A lock of hair peeked from under the sealed mask.
Sunlit golden blonde. Just like the princess I remembered.
"The Holy Kingdom suspects the holy sword is beyond the wall. Mind if we search briefly?"
"You're requesting troops, then."
"No. Just one guide."
Doubt flickered across Ulrich's face. Beyond the wall was demon territory worthy of the name.
Feuding barbarian tribes that allied and betrayed. Camouflaged monster nests everywhere. Deeper still, demon bases leading to the demon realm.
"No need to worry. Two paladins will accompany me, and I'm an inquisitor."
"...Understood. Adelheit."
"Yes, Your Grace."
As expected, she nominated the knight captain. For four people crossing the wall, sending elites made sense.
"...Father. I have a different idea."
"Freira?"
And the grand duke's daughter threw a wrench in as I'd asked.
"How about sending Hamel?"
"M-Miss. With Knight Captain Adelheit here, how could—"
"But Adelheit needs to eat and rest too, right?"
Freira joked lightly while glancing at me. Right. And incidentally, I don't even need the bathroom.
"Hamel? The man standing behind you?"
"My butler automaton, Inquisitor."
Silence fell for a moment.
The princess and her magitech agents were disguised as Holy Kingdom folk. The Holy Kingdom despises automatons. One paladin raised his voice.
"Lady Freira. You suggest using a tin can as a guide? The Lord will be wroth."
"Cromwell. Calm down. I believe the lady means well. ...I'll gladly accept the courtesy."
Her method acting is insane. They're playing both sides themselves.
I smiled faintly. Freira lifted her lips in response.
Alsanna, standing beside us...
"...Why? Why Hamel...?"
Looked like she'd been slapped, her face crumpling.
Crunch. Crunch.
Beyond the Northern Wall.
Only footsteps marked the silent snowfield. As an automaton, they no longer needed to act around me.
"..."
"..."
Yet no banter emerged. Proof the princess and her magitech agents were at odds.
The empire's sun was the emperor alone, but there were those who followed the moon.
That's why I needed to meet the princess alone. Selene was the only sane royal. A single ray of light.
First, ditch the magitech agents.
Thin threads dangled from conifers dotting the snowfield—traces of local monsters.
Roughly... about there.
I halted. The two magitech agents drew greatswords.
"Error. Recalculating path. Error."
Hamel's Feint Form 1: Pretend to be a junk tin can.
"...Automaton unit error. Proceeding with mission."
"Resume perimeter search. Bearing north-northwest. Advance initiated."
The magitech agents dropped the paladin act, revealing their true emotionless tones. You couldn't tell who the tin cans were.
Unfortunately, they didn't know the north well. Capital-based and all.
Crunch— The moment a foot hit the snow-covered plain, the ground collapsed, revealing a massive maw.
"————!!!"
Thousands of teeth lined the mouth. A gigantic worm-like body burst from the earth.
Frostworm. Predator of the snowfields.
I grabbed the princess's waist and clung to a tree. The monster that swallowed the two agents plummeted off the cliff.
Live strong underground.
"Save the paladins! Automaton, recalculate the path!"
"Response. Absolutely not."
"Don't you care? Follow the Automaton Three Laws!"
She's still acting the inquisitor.
Worried? Yeah, very.
Worried about you and me getting caught by those human weapons.
Those two killing machines would shred nearby monsters soon enough and climb the cliff barehanded.
They'd track us immediately. Time was short.
I set the princess down in the snowfield.
Now for one of End of Empire's most famous lines.
The secret signal of the covert organization following Second Princess Selene.
I intoned gravely.
"The moon shines through the parted clouds."
The princess's demeanor shifted instantly.
"...Eagles cry over the wolf's corpse."
Romance fantasy secret codes are so cringy. Hands and feet curling in embarrassment.
Anyway, now I'm your secret friend too.
The princess brushed snow from her clothes and asked.
"Call sign?"
"Big Raven."
I'd agonized over the call sign all last night.
Big Raven.
Kya. So romantic. Other candidates: Dragon Slayer, Mysterious Man, Black Iron Knight.
[………………]
Lately, the system logs seem speechless often.
"I didn't expect the grand duke's automaton to be recruited too."
"Not recruited. I came of my own accord."
Even as I spoke human words, the princess didn't scream or tense up.
"What you are doesn't matter. But I must confirm. ...A possession case?"
"No. I have Argent's autonomous thought module installed."
Lie.
The princess nodded and touched her mask. White steam hissed from the seams. Her face was revealed for the first time.
Perfect golden blonde like captured sunlight. Contrasting sapphire eyes. Her gaze held no tremor.
Second Imperial Princess, Selene von Baltgard.
"...I see the Empire's Silver Moon."
"Enough. No need for formalities."
Her form-fitting priestess robes outlined her curves perfectly. She rarely wore armor, so chances to see this were rare.
I took it all in.
This is the empire's hips.
Princess best girl.
Selene ignored it and spoke bluntly.
"Big Raven. Listen well. The emperor seeks a pretext to purge the grand duke. The lady won't be spared either."
No wonder the empire falls.
I hid a hollow laugh and replied.
"Then don't give him one."
"Have a plan?"
Do I ever.
"I'll subjugate the witch and present her head."
Selene's eyes widened for the first time.
"...Big Raven. There are easier ways to suicide."