Naming the Doggies

Creak__ "Kids...? Wanna talk with me for a sec...?"

I cautiously cracked open the door, peeking my head out to call to the doggos. Wondering if spirit beasts could understand human speech, I gave ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it a shot, but...

Roll roll roll roll

"Hey, kids?"

Crunch crack snap chomp munch

"Kids???"

My words got buried under the sound of them rolling on a fallen tree—the kind of massive log that'd need heavy machinery to chop—and pulverizing it like it was a feather pillow.

"Ugh, calling out like this ain't gonna cut it."

I mean, how tough is their hide for it to sound like a wood chipper? No way they'd hear me at this volume. Guess I gotta get closer? Thinking they'd calm down if they saw me, I slipped outside, leaving the door open, and approached step by careful step, real slow.

"Kids? Could my cute... uh, awesome wolves spare a glance this way?"

The two colossal wolves were still grinding that log to dust. Should I get closer? Deep breath, then I strode forward five whole steps without hesitation.

It was only a few steps, but that should be close enough for my voice to carry. I called out louder than before.

"Kids? Pretty please look over here—kee-yaaak!"

Mid-sentence, a chunk of wood ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠flew at me. And I don't mean a splinter—this thing was the size of my torso. I dove out of the way and survived. For now.

Yeah. For now.

The problem was, the closer I got, the wilder their thrashing got.

Roll roll roll—dodge left as wood flies. "Kids! Stop for a sec and hear me out...!"

Crunch snap crack chomp crunch—dodge right, keep calling, no response.

Not no response—they were straight-up ignoring me.

"What, just pause and listen—ow, you little shits!!!"

Ignoring me? Me? I was pissed now. I'd been trying my best for a heartwarming first meetup since they seemed like good boys, but this? Fine. Time for plan B.

I gave up on talking and dove into the Gallery shop.

"Yes."

You crushed my gentle heart first, you mutts. Not the ideal way to kick off—starting with gear instead of chit-chat—but oh well. I took a huge breath and blew the whistle for all I was worth: reeeeeeek—!

Till I had no air left.

<...!>

<...!>

The two giant wolves froze mid-roll, startled, and turned to stare at me. Okay, this is terrifying. I'd been in "pissed off" mode and gone through with it, but...

<Grrrrrrumble>

Hearing that earth-shaking growl made me regret not just getting crushed in the bunker. Too late now. Run? My back would be shredded. Cry in fear? They'd show off their tonsils up close.

No, in times like this, you gotta brazen it out. Like, what the hell is this guy? levels of shameless.

"Doggos, at attention!"

"How about rolling on a soft bed instead of that hard wood? Wanna come? I'll feed you tons."

Wanna live with me? Shamelessly, I pitched myself as their butler.

After the life-risking gamble of feeding the doggos succeeded, I posted right away to share my saga with everyone.

"Why no reactions to the tree-in-tree pic? That was the main point..."

Shoving aside my regret, I turned to the doggos scarfing down their kibble and meat on the tarp. Swallowing hard as I watched—not 'cause it looked tasty. These guys were huge. Front paws up, taller than a four-story building? Gotta set up a comfy home since I applied for butler duty, but no clue how.

First, keep refilling that vanishing pile. Or I'm next on the menu.

Piled it sky-high for the big boys to chow comfortably, then cautiously spoke.

"Hey, kids...? Not that I mean anything by it, but you're just so big...?"

<Grum?>

They paused eating and stared at me in sync. Bad for the heart. Repeat a few times and it'd stop for real?

"So, uh, might be tough bringing you inside? But I'll make you a spot up top? Promise I'm not bailing!"

Heart pounding, words tumbled out nonsense. Somehow got the point across, looked up at them.

They blinked at each other like chatting. Then one leaned in and lick.

"Eek!"

Not tasting me, right?

"Please don't eat me, more food if you chill and talk..."

Slobbered and backing up in panic.

Two wolves that could gulp me whole licking and staring—cosmic horror, right? Frozen in terror, no hiding, then they started howling.

<Awoooo—!>

With the howl, intense light burst from their bodies. I shielded my eyes, looked away from the glow.

What the—? Brain froze at wolves glowing.

Light faded, rubbed stinging eyes, looked back.

"What wolf hits you with eye bleach..."

""Woof!""

Way down low, cute doggos wagging tails.

"Uh... wolves?"

""Woof!""

Pointed and asked; they barked back. The three-story giants now pocket-sized cuties—one armful each. Did they shrink 'cause I said they were too big? Human-speaking doggos? Can't resist.

Time to name 'em and test.

"If you understand me, answer. Got it?"

Key for names:

"Male doggo bark!"

"Woof!"

The right one puffed chest and barked strong. Gender first, duh?

"Now female doggo bark!"

"Woof!"

Left one barked hard. These cuties get every word!

"Spirit beasts for real? You guys are amazing!"

""Woof!""

Praised, they barked together, panted happy, tails whirring. Got a secretary, house, and now live-in cute doggos. First time with dogs—er, not dogs. Anyway, family needs epic names.

"Got names? Wanna name you guys."

Eyes already sparkling, now extra shiny stares. No names, looks like.

Something cool, memorable—perfect idea hit.

Pointed one by one.

"Left you: Hero. Right you: Champ."

""...""

Tail rotors halted, stares sharpening.

"What's wrong? Don't like—kee-yaak! Ow! Hurts! Let go, don't bite...!"

These punks biting their owner? Was gonna rename if disliked, but nah. Doggos are Hero and Champ. Final.