Suicide
Suicide.
Clatter—
The magic tool resting in my hand slipped and struck the floor.
"Break her thoroughly. Until she has no choice but to rely on me."
"Until even she can no longer trust herself. Shatter her mind."
"Uh.......ah...?"
Faced with a situation I could not comprehend, my brain felt as if it had simply broken. All that left my mouth were formless, babbling sounds that could not even be called language.
"Of course, there is always the chance the young lady will live out the rest of her days with her wings permanently broken."
"Perfect. That means she'll never leave my side for the rest of her life."
"..A..Athena...?"
My pupils shook as though an earthquake were tearing through them. My hands, my feet, even my breathing began to tremble violently.
The magic tool showed me no mercy. It simply continued playing the next exchange.
"..The young lady will be deeply wounded."
"Then I'll be the one to heal her."
"Do you truly wish for her to collapse?"
"Rosaline."
"..Forgive me."
"Ah..no.."
It's a lie.
Athena would never have said something like that.
I clamped both hands hard over my ears.
I felt as if I must not hear another word.
Yet the magic tool remained pitiless, continuing to pour out her voice. The voice of the woman I loved more than anything drove into my ears with the clarity and brutality of bullets aimed straight at my heart.
"Tell everyone to isolate Hera completely. Anyone who lets a word slip will have their head taken off on the spot."
Drip..
"I don't like the idea of anyone getting too friendly with my slave. Order that maid to hurt Hera properly."
Drip..
"Dillon, was it? Give him a generous severance. Thanks to him, I was able to carve the brand into Hera."
Drip..
I hate this.
I don't want to hear it.
"Aaaah!!!"
I yanked at my ears with enough force to tear them off.
A sharp sting followed, and blood began to trickle from them.
It hurt—yet I still could not stop.
Because the words spilling from the magic tool hurt far worse than torn flesh.
"Young lady!!!"
Alina rushed in, seized both of my self-harming hands, and crushed the magic tool under her heel. Only then did the sound finally cease.
I threw myself against her with a trembling body, clinging as if begging, and forced the words out in a desperate voice.
"Alina...it isn't true, right..? A..Athena...she couldn't have said those things..could she..?"
"....."
"Bordin...must have tampered with it using magic, right..? Yes...th..that has to be it.."
"Young lady."
"Tell me, Alina..!! I..it's a lie...isn't it...?"
Alina looked at me with a face full of turmoil. When I spoke through my tears, she squeezed her eyes shut once, then pulled me firmly into her arms.
My face buried itself against her shoulder until I could see nothing at all.
"....Everything is true, young lady."
".......Wh...at...?"
"Every word that came from the magic tool was an order given by Lady Athena."
"......N..no..."
"Young lady. It is not too late."
When I gave no answer, Alina pressed on.
"Run. I will buy you as much time as I can."
"......"
"With the Imperial Seal, you should be able to seek the Great Sage's aid. If it is him, he will surely—"
Alina noticed her shoulder growing wet. She took hold of my body and gently eased me out of her embrace.
"Young lady..?"
I could no longer find Alina's face.
Tears poured down so thickly that my vision blurred into nothing; I could see nothing at all.
"Huh..?..Haha...strange..why..are my..eyes....."
"Young lady?!"
"I can't......see..."
"—!!"
Alina began to scream at me, but I could not properly hear her.
The shock of a truth too heavy to bear felt as if it had simply severed something inside my brain.
And just like that, I fainted.
Ah......
I want to die.
"Athena, why do you like me?"
"Hmm. Because you're pretty?"
"...."
Athena answered without the slightest hesitation.
It was clearly meant as a compliment, yet it did not sit well with me at all.
Liking me because I'm pretty...doesn't that just mean I have no other charms whatsoever..?
Whether she sensed my slight sulk or not, Athena gave a soft snort of laughter and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
"Pfft..Obviously I'm joking. Did I hurt your feelings?"
"....Not really."
I did feel a little wounded, but for some reason I did not want to admit it, so I denied it.
"I love you."
"Mm..?"
Startled by the sudden confession, I turned my gaze to her. Athena was looking at me with eyes that burned.
"It isn't only your appearance. Your pure nature, your little habits—every single one of them is unbearably precious to me."
She climbed over me and began to lean toward my lips.
"Athena.."
"I love you, Hera."
I slid both hands around her neck, closed my eyes gently, and smiled.
"I love you too."
.
.
.
"Mom!! No..!! Don't do it!!"
"Young lady..! Please calm down...!"
"You promised...you promised you wouldn't leave..!"
"This isn't working. We'll have to put her to sleep for now...-"
.....
....
...
In the dream that brushed past me, I thought I heard Mari's voice.
".....Ugh.."
I forced open eyelids that felt as heavy as lead and found myself lying on the bed in my room.
When I lifted my head, a warm, damp towel slid down from my forehead.
Traces of someone nursing me were left all around me in abundance.
"......"
My eyes were open, yet my mind still seemed half-asleep; everything felt hazy.
A buoyant sensation, as if I were walking across the sky itself.
That ticklish, mysterious feeling was not entirely unpleasant.
Leaving the dreamy sensation behind, I tried to steady my slightly spinning vision and move my body to get out of bed—
Clink—
"....?"
My arms would not budge an inch.
When I looked down, I saw both of my wrists bound in soft-cloth restraints.
While I was still struggling to make sense of the confusing situation, a voice came from the direction of the door.
"Mo...m..?"
Mari stood there holding a towel, staring at me with trembling eyes.
Without a moment's hesitation she ran to me and threw herself into my arms.
"Ma...ri.."
She hugged me so tightly it almost hurt, as if declaring she would never let me go.
I wanted to stroke her hair, but my firmly bound arms refused to allow it.
In the end I could only lie still for a long while. Then something damp began to soak the area near my chest.
"Cough....Ma..ri, are you...crying..?"
When I tried to speak, a burning sensation rose in my throat and a dry cough escaped.
"Hic..Mom...are you okay now....?"
At Mari's words a fragment of memory tried to surface, only to be swallowed by the thick blue fog clouding my head.
"What...happened..?"
Hearing my cracked voice, Mari's eyes went wide; she hurried off somewhere and returned with water, bringing it carefully to my lips.
Moistening my parched throat made me feel a little better.
"Mom...don't go...don't leave Mari behind and go away.."
Her desperate, pleading cry slowly parted the fog, and the memories began to rise to the surface.
The crashing, pounding sounds.
Alina gripping my thrashing arms.
Mari clinging to my legs, pinning me down.
And last of all—
Myself, tearing at my own flesh in an attempt to end my life.
"Hic...! Haah...huff..!!"
The moment the memories returned, my breath grew short again and tears poured from my eyes.
"Mom..! No...!!"
Seeing me like that, Mari immediately pulled something from her clothes and pushed it into my mouth.
A slightly viscous liquid slid down my throat.
As soon as the mysterious fluid entered my body, that same hazy, soft sensation wrapped around me once more.
"Haah..haa....ha.."
My heart, which had been hammering like mad, gradually calmed, and my breathing slowly returned.
Surrendering to the floating sensation, I let my body sink into the bed. Mari laid the towel she had brought back onto my forehead.
"Hic...Mom....."
Watching Mari weep bitterly beside me as she tended to me filled my body with a guilt too vast to put into words.
What have I done....?
The memory was hazy, yet unmistakable.
I had tried to kill myself right in front of Mari.
.....How could I do that.
How could a person who is supposed to be a mother commit something so cruel.
I had sworn I would take responsibility to the very end—yet the moment the pain became too much, I had tried to turn my back on her just to escape it.
A vicious self-loathing seized my heart.
I felt no different from the parents who had abandoned me.
"Ma..ri...will you come to Mom..?"
When I called her name, Mari's tear-filled eyes went round and she scrambled straight into my arms.
Even though I could not move my arms to hold her, I shifted my body as much as I could to wrap myself around her.
"Mom's sorry, Mari..hic...I'm so sorry...."
"Uh..Mom?!"
When I apologized through my tears, Mari looked more than a little startled.
I had committed an unforgivable sin against her.
How deep a wound must my selfish act have left in her heart.
"I'm sorry..Mom was just...hurting so much for a moment..and I made a mistake..."
"...."
"From now on nothing like that will ever happen again....Just once..will you forgive Mom..?"
Mari stared at me with violently trembling, stormy eyes. Then relief finally broke through, and she rubbed her head against my body as she cried.
"....Mom is bad...."
"..I'm sorry, Mari.."
"You promised....you said you'd always stay by my side...hic.."
"I'm sorry....I'm truly sorry.."
"Waaah...."
Mari poured out her sobs against my chest for a long time.
Only after a great while did her expression ease, and she fell asleep in my arms.
.
.
.
"Y..oung lady...are you all right now...?"
Leaving Mari sleeping softly beside me, I looked toward her.
"Alina.."
She was watching me with a face full of worry.
She must have finished cleaning up; the maid's uniform that had been soaked in Bordin's blood had already been changed for a fresh one.
When I tried to sit up, Alina hurried over and gently pressed me back down onto the bed.
"You need to rest, young lady..."
".....Alina."
"Yes...?"
She looked puzzled at my call.
"The things you said to me before..were all of them because Athena ordered you to..?"
"Ah....."
I did not need to hear the answer. Her meaning reached me clearly enough.
"I'm sorry..I didn't know, and I struck you.."
"No, young lady."
Alina cut me off.
When I turned my head, she was looking at me with a resolute expression.
"Even if I received an order, the one who hurt you was still me."
"....."
"So please do not forgive me. It is my fault, young lady."
"Alina..."
A complicated tangle of emotions passed between us.
Only after a long silence did I finally speak again, having made up my mind once more.
"...Alina...-"
I started to say something to her—
Bang—!!
A shattering crash cut my words short.
"Hera!!!"
Ah.
The moment I heard the voice, my heart began to thrash again.
The same voice that had tormented me to the brink of madness only moments before.
I turned my trembling head toward her.
"Hic...huff...."
The instant I saw that familiar color so like the sun, my breathing quickened and my body shook.
Slowly I lifted my gaze to meet her eyes, and once again tears slid down my cheeks.
The person I least wanted to see right now.
And yet, so contradictorily, the person I wanted to see more than anyone.
The one I loved as if she were my entire world—
and hated enough to want to die.
Athena stood there, breathing hard, staring at me with a desperate expression.