Would You Believe Me If I Said My Daughter Was Born in Ten Minutes...?

"Carry those vermin into the dungeon."

"Gra."

"Urgh!"

"Kshk!"

Once it was all over, the battle feed that had filled my vision snapped off where it stood.

Click—!

"Agh, shit... Is it 'cause we're both guys..."

Without meaning to, I had both hands clamped over my groin.

I eased back in the chair and let my spine meet the rest.

Valeria had carried out the order I'd given her. The blond goblin who'd lost everything from shoulder to arm was still alive, so on that count alone it was a flawless job.

Of course, the bit in the middle—where all ten goblins got castrated as ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a group—had been a little outside my expectations. No. A fuck of a lot outside them.

But they were the ones who'd whipped their cocks out and charged. They'd even run their mouths right in front of me, filth about impregnating Valeria and the rest of it. Every bit of that was on those goblins. Thinking about it again still pissed me off.

"I will never forgive NTR..."

We weren't even anything yet. Still. Absolutely not.

And while I was busy drinking the victory soup before the meal was served, a familiar howl rolled in from beyond the plaza.

"URARARARARA—!!"

Boom, boom, boom—!!

The three orcs I'd sent toward the entrance were coming in. Dark crimson chains hung from their fists. Valeria must have tossed them over for binding. Sure enough, behind the orcs, ten goblins were being hauled along the ground with those chains around their necks.

Shhhhff—

"Ghk..."

"Krr..."

"Spare... us..."

I looked down at the bundle the orcs had dragged in. Eyes that had lost their focus. Crotches soaked through with blood. The wretched end of males who'd lost their dicks and been reduced to gelded wrecks.

"Ugh... it's even worse up close."

But hold on. Only three orcs had brought the goblins in.

"Hey. Where'd the lady go? Why'd only you lot come back?"

I cocked my head at them. The three orcs set their clubs down at the same time and lifted thick fingers, pointing my way. Behind me. Behind the throne I was sitting on.

"Huh? Behind me?"

I started to turn, not understanding a thing, and in that exact moment—

"Master."

"KIYAAAAAAAH—!!!"

I let out the most girlish scream of my twenty years and toppled backward.

Thud!

"Ow, ow, ow...!"

When I looked back, Valeria was already perched on the armrest of my chair, gazing down at me.

"Pfft. I had not thought you would startle so."

Her face said the spectacle I'd just provided had been thoroughly entertaining.

"A-ahem...!"

I coughed into my fist and rose as if nothing at all had happened. Inside, I was so mortified I wanted to bite my tongue and die.

Valeria stood, inclined her head, and spoke.

"The intruders I was commanded to subdue have all been brought."

"Ah... yes."

I nodded. The look on her face, though, said my answer had not settled anything.

"And yet the task was not performed to perfection."

"Sorry? You kept all ten of them alive."

"There was... a slight problem, you see."

She jerked her chin toward the heap of goblins sprawled behind the orcs. I turned my head, and my eyes went round.

"...Huh?"

The blond goblin. The one who'd been running his mouth at Valeria on the screen and gotten himself thoroughly corrected. Something was wrong with him. From the sheared stump of his left shoulder, red things like tentacles were budding and squirming.

"I-I'm sorry... please spare me... I'm sorry..."

He kept mumbling, soul already gone, and between his lips a pair of sharp fangs jutted out. Just like Valeria's.

"...Did he turn into a vampire?"

"He was spilling so much blood that I injected a little of my own."

The trait I'd seen on her system window came back to me.

So if you put your blood in them, they become vampires...

Valeria let out a sigh and went on.

"In any case, this one failed to fulfill the master's command to perfection, and the fault is plainly mine. I shall accept punishment."

She sounded entirely serious. I had no particular intention of punishing her. I'd been planning to work those goblin bastards as dungeon slaves anyway. Vampire or dickless cripple, so long as they followed my orders, that was enough.

"Come on, you're going to take a punishment over that? Long as they aren't dead, it's fine."

"Wh—what?"

Her expression stiffened a little.

"They charged first. That's self-defense."

I wasn't the nitpicking type. And more than that, I had no desire to sour a beautiful woman's mood. I waved it off as nothing and planted my ass back on the throne.

"Right, then. Situation's more or less handled, so I'll just sit back down and—"

She stepped in front of me.

"No. This is a failure I, as a Guardian, cannot permit."

"...Yes?"

"I shall not be satisfied until I have been punished."

Her eyes still had no intention of bending. A perfectionist, and stubborn as a mule on top of it. Better to humor her than try to talk her down.

Except.

What kind of punishment am I supposed to give?

I scratched my head for a moment, then laughed, awkward.

"Heh... but as you know, this is my first time being a Lord. I don't even know what punishment I ought to hand you."

"Hm? Then simply deliver the strongest one."

Had she really done anything that bad?

I thought about it, then went with the easiest option.

"Then how about you choose it yourself, Lady Valeria?"

"This one?"

"Yes. Whatever you feel is the greatest punishment."

"Th... that is so?"

In an instant, Valeria's pale cheeks flushed a faint living color.

Bloom—

"Then this one has no choice but to..."

The proud, cold face of an A-rank vampire had suddenly turned girlish.

What? Why is she blushing all of a sudden?

She cleared her throat once and looked to the side of my throne. Over there stood the pink building I'd left after impregnating Casey. The Breeding Facility.

No fucking way.

"...You're not serious."

"What else is there to be done? The severest punishment can only be this."

Even as she said it, she turned her head a little, as if dodging my eyes. And inside, I roared.

HELL YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

This was a chance handed down from heaven. The perfect chance to bed a beautiful vampire!

But if I start heh-heh-hehing here, the Lord's dignity dies again.

I had to sell it as reluctantly carrying out a sentence. I crushed the face of a man about to float off the ground and opened my mouth.

"Ahem. Well. If that is the only punishment great enough, then it cannot be helped."

"Mistake me not. It is absolutely not because I desire a child!"

Oho. Look at her. Did she not know a hard denial is a hard yes?

"Yes, yes! I know! I know I do~ Then, since we have no choice, in order to proceed with the punishment, we'll move to the Breeding Facil—"

Ding—!

"Huh?"

"...The fuck?!!!"

The moment I read that window, my brain simply stopped.

I pulled out not even ten minutes ago.

The system wasn't about to lie to me. When the implantation notice had popped earlier, the time left until birth had been "10?". I'd assumed, obviously, that meant ten months. Common sense said bringing a life into the world took about that long!

But it wasn't ten months. It was ten minutes?

This was bullshit. It didn't make any sense.

As if to laugh in the face of my denial, a full-throated wail burst from the Breeding Facility in the distance.

Waaaaah—!!

At the sound, Valeria's eyes went round as well.

"Mm? My master."

"...Yes."

"Did you not say it had been only a short while since you awakened as Lord?"

"A d-day. Actually, it hasn't even been an hour."

"An hour... Hoh. So that is the way of it..."

Her gaze slid from my face straight down and lodged, blatantly, between my legs.

"The master's seed... seems rather hardier than it looks."

I stared into space for a few seconds.

Then I shot up off the throne.

"M-Master!!"

Valeria's voice came from behind me. I was already sprinting like a madman toward the pink building, the Breeding Facility, where the crying was coming from.

Crash—!

I nearly kicked the door in on my way through and made for Suite No. 10, the innermost room I'd entered with Casey.

Waaaah...!

The farther down the hall I went, the closer the crying got. Strangely, my heart was pounding. The moment I reached the door ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I grabbed the handle and turned it.

The door flew open.

"Hah... hah..."

Inside, the mesugaki elves—Elin, Fiona, and Bellose—were huddled around the bed. On it, Casey was half-reclined, panting for breath.

"Waaaaaaah—!!"

In her arms squirmed one tiny life.

"Congrats~"

"A scrub like you, actually bearing our descendant..."

"Why is the pervert's seed so fast~"

Ding!

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

My first child was a daughter, and she carried a trait that reeked of an outright cheat—Spirit Transformation.

None of that was getting through to me.

"Ten days? Are you actually insane."

It was already absurd that the pregnancy had ended in ten minutes, and growing into an adult took only ten days? This was a much bigger fucking problem than I'd thought. In ten days I'd have to teach her to read, how to eat, and how to wipe her own ass, all at the same time.

Do I need to go buy picture books?

I was seriously considering it when—

Click. Click.

From beyond the wide-open door came the sound of heels, familiar by now. A moment later, Valeria appeared.

"Well now. Pointy little things."

Elin, Fiona, and Bellose each wrapped elemental mana around a hand and leveled it at her.

Fwoosh—! Flash—!

"...Enemy."

"We have to kill her."

"No question."

Their faces were dead serious. Fair enough. The elves had never met Valeria, so they had every reason to bristle.

I raised a hand and stopped them.

"It's fine. Hands down. She's my Guardian."

"A Guardian?"

"That monster?"

"Why?"

"Insolent. To call this one a monster."

Perhaps because of that wariness, Valeria did not step into the room. Her gaze went instead to the newborn cradled against Casey.

"Wuehh..."

Valeria said nothing. She only narrowed her eyes, as if sinking into thought for a moment, then snapped her head aside.

"The result is splendid indeed. Far finer than I expected."

"Huh? Ah, yes..."

"I have seen enough."

She pointed across the corridor with one fingertip.

"My master. Will the next room serve?"

"...The next room?"

"There was a matter we spoke of earlier, was there not."

She swept her hair back with one hand, and then, in a voice that had gone strangely sticky, she said it.

"The pun-ish-ment this one is to receive."

"......"

Throb—!!

Ah. And just like that, my dick swelled up again.