What? I Have to Pull Dungeon Guardians from a Gacha?

I stepped out of the Breeding Facility and made my way back to the center of the plaza, dropping once more into the same crimson chair I'd taken the first time.

Sssk—!

"God, that's nice."

The moment I sat, a hologram window bloomed in front of my eyes, as if it had been waiting for me.

Ding—!

Tab after tab unfurled in a long row to the side.

"Hmm..."

Being the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠master didn't mean a thing if I had no idea how any of it actually ran. Earlier I'd been too busy impregnating whoever the tutorial shoved at me to think straight, but from here on I needed a proper look.

And then—

"Hnnn~ A mere human, and you dared make our Casey submit...?"

Somehow Elin, Fiona, and Bellose were already plastered right up against the throne.

"This is the first dungeon master I've ever seen who's this much of a pervert~?"

"Ehh~ He's a total beast. So lame~♡"

"......"

They'd just been wrung through a pussy-climax by that yin gate, and instead of being scared they ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠were clinging even harder. What was wrong with these women? Did they not possess a concept of fear? I genuinely could not comprehend how a mesugaki elf's brain was wired.

"Why are you still here?"

"Heeeh~?"

"Are you actually asking because you don't know~?"

"We've got nowhere else to go, so we're here. You stupid or something?"

"......Ah."

Right. I'd thrown up a Breeding Facility and nothing else. There wasn't a single place for them to sleep or eat on an ordinary day.

"Then say so."

"You didn't aaask~?"

"Stupid, just like I thought♡"

"So lame~"

"......"

I ignored the elves heckling me from an inch off my face and tapped the [Construction] tab.

Tick—!

I scrolled the list with a finger, and my eyes stopped on the very first entry.

"Found it."

"Huh. Cheaper than I thought."

I currently had 9,900 Dungeon Gold and eighty-seven Building Materials left. At that price, putting up one of them was nothing. I hit [Y] without hesitating.

Press—!

KRRRRRUMBLE—!!

"Whoa?!"

"What—what is thaaat!"

The plaza floor shuddered, and a great red magic circle unfurled across the empty ground right beside the Breeding Facility.

FWOOOSH—!

Stone walls thrust up through the circle, and over them wooden pillars and windows began snapping together at a ridiculous speed.

THUD!

A matter of seconds. A two-story house stood finished right beside the Breeding Facility—white walls set with dark wooden pillars, the sort of place you'd only ever see in a fantasy anime.

"......"

The three mesugaki glued to my side rolled their eyes toward the house at the same time.

"Wooow~!"

"Is that our house?"

"It's huge?!"

Their eyes started to glitter.

Flash—!

And they vanished from in front of me.

"Fast as hell."

Already, from the brand-new Living Quarters in the distance, completely unhinged voices were ringing out.

"Waaaaah!"

"There's a beeed!"

"This room's mine! Don't touch iiit!"

Anyway, I'd driven off every fly that had been buzzing in my ear. I turned my attention back to the management window.

My eyes went to [Defense], sitting at the far right.

"......"

I had no idea which part of Earth this space was connected to. But if it was built the same way as the dungeons I'd seen on the news, there was a good chance invaders would come pouring into mine as well. The least I could do was set up some kind of defense.

I tapped [Defense].

Tick—!

"......Huh?"

The instant the tab opened, I doubted my own eyes.

The design was uncomfortably familiar. Beneath the summon tickets, jewel boxes of every color flashed and beckoned.

"This is just a gacha game."

Dungeon defense, I'd thought, meant laying traps, raising walls, stationing monsters. This was a gacha game with the cash-shop button ripped off and nothing else changed.

And that one line in particular—

—was extremely dangerous.

"I cannot resist this kind of thing..."

I checked what I still had.

Tick!

The dungeon hadn't even existed for long, and what I'd spent putting up the Breeding Facility and the Living Quarters wasn't all that much. Right now it looked pretty comfortable. But the second I let talk like that spin my eyes around and I slammed every last coin into a hundred-pull, I was fucked.

"......"

I knew. Because the bastard who'd poured his entire net worth into a single game was me.

"Ja Jihwan. Control yourself."

The big pull could wait until the gold was fat. I moved my finger to the option sitting just above that hundred-pull.

Ten ought to be about right.

I needed bodies to plant at the dungeon entrance and throw at invaders anyway. I tapped the little description window stuck just beneath the button.

Tick.

"SS......"

SS wasn't coming out until the day I died. S was a joke, and I had no business even hoping for A.

"Minimum C. Just let me see a C."

Those mesugaki who'd been blinking around the place like Hong Gildong himself were only D-Rank. One C-Rank early on, and I could hold out somehow.

"Let's go, fuck!!"

I poured ten years of gacha-sommelier soul into it, gathered every last bit of qi into a single finger, and pressed the button.

Press—!

The payment notice had barely appeared before the space directly beneath the dais warped, and a gate spewing blue light gaped its maw wide.

Vmmm— vwoooom—!

Swollen with anticipation, I shot up off the throne.

Okay. This is kind of novel.

So they walked out of the gate themselves.

And then—

Thud... thud... thud...!

Heavy footfalls, and three hulking shadows burst from inside the gate.

"UWOOOOH—!!"

"CHIIIIK—!!"

"GRARARARA—!!"

Green skin, tusks jutting crooked from their mouths, monsters squealing like stuck pigs while they beat their chests like King Kong. Orcs.

Ding—!

A simple status window floated up over the orcs' heads.

"Haa... three E-Ranks... damn it."

Watching the three orcs stare at me like idiots, I sat back down. Seven chances still remained. Three E-Ranks in a row meant a D or a C was about due to pop.

VRMMMM—!

The gate shuddered again, and the second wave of guardians showed themselves.

But what came out this time wasn't even humanoid.

ARF ARF ARF!! GRRRR—!! WOOF WOOF!!

Mutts spraying yellow sparks from every inch of their bodies shot out of the gate.

And their rank—

Ding—!

"......Ah, fuck!!!!"

E-Rank again? And this time six of the bastards.

"No, does that even make sense? Is this app rigged to hell too?"

Three orcs plus the dogs made nine. Which meant only the last one was left.

Fuck my life.

"I'm fucked. I'm genuinely, dogshit fucked..."

Gacha-bust PTSD crept up my spine, and cold sweat started sliding down my forehead. Only the final guardian remained. They'd said a ten-pull guaranteed at least one D-Rank or higher, so the last one was D-Rank minimum, locked in. I yelled at empty air for no good reason.

"Fuck. If a D drops, I swear I'm going back to real life!"

Nobody was listening to the howling, of course. But in my experience, if you threw a lion's roar and then smashed the gacha, it came out good. And unless the devs who built this system were completely conscience-dead, at least a C had to show.

Then the gate started shaking again.

VRMMMM—!

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my palms together like a penitent. All I could do now was pray to every god in heaven and earth and leave it to luck.

"Please... please... God, Buddha, Allah. Amen. Allahu akbar..."

In that instant—

Ba-bam—!

"......Huh?"

From inside the gate came a strange sound effect, one I hadn't heard a single time until now. I cracked my eyes open.

VMMM—! FLAAAAASH—!

The gate that had been glowing blue had changed to a brilliant gold.

"......!!!"

Ten years of a gacha addict's life. There was no way I didn't know what it meant when the screen drowned in gold.

"That's high rank."

Click— click—

Heels rang out of the gate, and a woman's figure walked out from within. The moment I saw her face, my mouth fell open on its own.

"......Whoa."

I didn't care about the pitch-black dress clinging to every curve of her body, or the black hair spilling all the way to her waist over it. My gaze was higher than that. Pale skin, and the small fangs glimpsed between her lips—obviously not human. Could a beauty like this even exist in the world?

If the mesugaki elves so far had been the cute type, she was just a noona. The kind of face that would have me heh-heh-hehing even if she bit my throat clean out.

"Hmm... This does not seem to be an ordinary dungeon."

The woman glanced around once, then stopped her gaze on me, standing blankly before the throne.

Th-that noona... what is she...?

Just meeting her eyes knocked the breath straight out of me.

Ding—!

"No... insane."

I would have been grateful for a C, and an A-Rank vampire had popped out instead.

Valeria approached the throne with a haughty stride, then elegantly lifted the hem of her skirt just a little.

"Well met. Human master."

"Yes? Ah! H-hello!?"

Damn it. I'd already gone a little weak from the very first hello. According to that description, I needed to stay on this noona's good side.

"This seat is of the blood of the True Ancestor Erebos—a body soon to become a True Ancestor in her own right. I am called Valeria."

Whoosh—!

Valeria was standing beside me before I even registered the movement. The mesugaki at least left an afterimage when they vanished. A-Rank really was something else.

"To think my master is a thing so frail he might shatter if I so much as touched him."

"...!"

"Hoh...? Quite the curious male."

Up close, a strange fragrance drifted off Noona Valeria.

"Haaah..."

It wasn't like the sweet body-scent that came off the mesugaki. Thicker. The kind of perfume you'd ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠smell on a mature woman. Every time I drew it in, my head went a little hazy.

"So."

Valeria looked down at me with those crimson eyes.

"What is it this seat is meant to do?"

"Ah. If you would stay here and stop any hostile invaders, that would be enough."

"And?"

"Yes?"

Did Guardians have duties besides blocking invaders? Even if they did, I was never assigning them to a pretty noona like her.

"You really only have to do that."

"Hoh?"

Valeria's eyes narrowed.

Click—

She slowly swept her gaze around my throne, then turned it toward the Breeding Facility standing far off.

"Then I shall ask one thing more."

"Yes. I'll answer as far as I know."

"What manner of dungeon is this place, exactly?"

"Ah."

"From the very air, I feel an exceedingly vulgar and impure energy."

"......"

If it were up to my heart, I wanted to answer that pretty noona. But my class was Breeding Monarch. The dungeon's name was Breeding Dungeon. And the building standing over there was the Breeding Facility.

"......"

Fuck. Lined up all at once, it was even more obscenely vulgar.

"Why is there no answer?"

"Ah... well. If you're asking what kind of dungeon this is..."

Gulp—

I swallowed. The moment she heard the dungeon's name, that noona's face was going to twist. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened my mouth.

"Don't be shocked, and listen carefully. This is a B-Breeding Dungeon."

"......"

"And my class is Breeding Monarch... Ah! Don't get the wrong idea! I didn't become this because I wanted to!"

"......"

I'd worked up the courage to say it, and nothing came back. I cracked my eyes open. Valeria was looking down at me without a word.

"......Um."

"Breeding, didst thou say?"

"Uh... yes."

"Mm. So that is how it is."

Valeria nodded slowly, her expression unchanged. Her reaction was more normal than I'd expected. I started to let out a sigh of relief—

"This seat included?"

"......Eh?"

Instead of waiting for an answer, Valeria lowered her eyes. From my face, past my chest, down to my lower stomach. And there, especially, her gaze stayed fixed for a long time.

Valeria opened her mouth again.

"This seat as well. Thou art saying I, too, am the master's object of breeding."

"......"

What?