Blasting Off in 4D: Elma's Movie Mayhem and Tent Snuggles

The Dignified Dr. Elma Bronzebeer's stunning beauty! And her husband Choi Si-hoon, armed with the unyieldingly powerful self-control that matches it!

The time before the movie started. The massive popcorn tub the golem had brought. Cola packed with ice. We were all set for viewing.

On my lap. Elma puffed up with pride and opened her mouth.

"Hey, hubby, you know what? They even have ads and safety videos just like a real theater?"

"For real? That's some insane attention to detail."

"Of course! Get excited!"

A tiny hand scooped up a big handful of popcorn. She popped it straight into her mouth. Maybe out of greed? A few kernels tumbled down like rain.

"You eat some too, hubby!"

She shoved a handful into my mouth too. Whoosh—the lights dimmed. The screen lit up soon after.

Animation started playing. It was an emergency evacuation guide.

Whoa, this really feels like a theater.

A golem character on screen pointed to a map. Up to here, it was normal.

But then.

The moment the animated person hopped into the capsule.

The theater ceiling on screen exploded.

BOOM!! WHOOSH—!!

The capsule on screen spewed flames and rocketed into the sky.

"……"

I froze solid.

Safely? Blasting through bedrock? Boosters what now?

Am I a missile or something?

What kind of emergency evacuation is this? It's a nuclear missile launch sequence. I wanted to call it out right then.

But before I could open my mouth, the next video rolled.

It was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠that "ad" Elma had bragged about.

Static. Crackle.

The picture warped like an old CRT TV. Then a grand, solemn military march blared out.

And then.

A female golem in hanbok. Booming, metallic voice ringing out.

This feels familiar...

My face and Elma's filled the screen. Against a red flag backdrop, of all things.

What the hell is this nonsense?

Mysterious silhouettes getting hammered and flying off.

BAM—!! Massive red classical Chinese font subtitles.

"Woooah—!!"

On my thigh. Elma clapped like a seal in感動. The lined-up mini golems all clapped in unison.

"Wah..."

I hesitantly clapped along. Everyone else was, so I followed suit.

Is this how it starts? Totalitarianism or something.

Lost in uneasy thoughts.

"Ahem! What masterful prose! My writing skills are unmatched!"

Elma proudly tilted her chin up. She'd written the script herself, apparently.

"……"

My unease deepened. Our professor's ideology was highly suspect.

National Security Act Article 7: Praising or Encouraging...

I quietly calculated the sentence. Up to 7 years in prison. If the golems counted as an insurgent group, aggravated punishment. That ejection capsule was basically a missile—illegal weapon possession too.

Can I graduate safely?

I pressed my throbbing temples.

Finally, the main feature began.

BOOM—!

The studio logo appeared. Elma's almond eyes sparkled.

"Right, hubby. I forgot to mention something."

"Yeah?"

"This is 'Real 4D'! You can look forward to it!"

"Huh?"

Dread washed over me. Hiss— Hiss—

No sooner had she spoken than the seat started moving slowly. Heavy pneumatic whooshes.

Real 4D...?

The vibrations were nothing like a regular theater seat. It felt like riding heavy machinery.

"Uh, Elma. The shaking's a bit intense..."

"Waaah!! It's starting!!"

BOOM!!

Explosion scene on screen. At the same time.

"Gyaack?!"

My scream burst out. The wall-filling woofers blasted bass that triggered a real earthquake. The floor bucked. The air roared like it was tearing apart.

Pop. Patter!

"Wh-what?!"

The popcorn tub bounced up. Kernels scattered like snowflakes.

Clunk! Even the cola cup tipped over. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠My clothes and Elma's negligee were soaked.

"Ahahaha! So real!!"

Elma just bounced around excitedly. Her squishy butt slamming my thigh relentlessly.

Normally, I'd love it. But not now—no headspace for that.

"Elma! Popcorn! Cola!!"

"Leave it! The golems'll clean it up! Look at that! Drilling through magma!"

On screen. The probe ship plunged through boiling lava zones.

That instant. Sizzle—!

Something poured ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠down from above.

"Pffft?! Gah!"

Scalding water torrent. Later Elma told me it was like hot spring water from the bathroom. To simulate lava heat, apparently. Insane idea.

"Hahaha! Warm, right? You can shower while watching!"

Elma cheered amid the downpour. But I was at my limit.

The probe on screen started plummeting from earthquake aftershocks.

Hiss—! Clunk!

Mechanical noise from under the chair. The sofa shot into the air.

"Ha, life really..."

My sigh was the starting gun for the madness. Up-down. Left-right. Forward-back. Merciless shaking.

Crash bang!

"Gyyyaaah!!"

I'm gonna die. For real.

"Yes yes! Deeper! Dig deeper—!"

Elma going wild on top of me. Freaking out at the digging scene. Eyes rolled back, gleaming madly. True to her earth-bloodline.

No more. Survive first.

"Elma! H-hold on a sec!"

I grabbed her waist with both arms. Hoisted her squirming little body up.

Leap! I desperately hurled myself off the bucking chair.

"Hey! Tin Can! Open the door quick!"

The waiting golem flung open the soundproof door. With Elma tucked under my arm, I bolted onto the red carpet.

BAM!!

The door slammed shut. BOOM.... Dull explosions rumbled beyond the thick soundproofing.

"Hoo... haa..."

I collapsed on the floor. Gulping ragged breaths. Soaked in water, sweat, and cola everywhere. Popcorn bits rained from my hair.

Then.

"Whyyy!!"

Elma dangling from my side. Little legs kicking in the air, whining.

"It was getting so fun, why'd you come out! We were just about to nuke it!"

"Staying longer... I'd explode before the nuke..."

"Tch! Scaredy-cat! Wuss! Zero PTSD! Zero Fifty!"

Elma stuck out her lips. But.

Twitch.

Our eyes met, and she froze. Pale face. Heavy breathing. Tattered clothes.

"...Huh?"

Her almond eyes shook violently. She'd grasped the situation.

Her proud shoulders slumped. Kicking legs went still.

"Hubby..."

Her voice dropped low. No trace of her earlier hype.

"You had it rough?"

"Feels like it shaved off like 3 years of my life."

"Ah..."

Her head drooped. Barley-blonde twintails sagged. Soaked in cola and water, she looked like a drowned mouse. No, hamster.

"It sucked...?"

"……"

"I put so much thought into it... but it was no fun...?"

Her voice started trembling. Bad sign. Our hamster was about to cry again.

"Sniff... I... nyaaang..."

Tiny fingers fidgeted together. Teary eyes looked up at me. Welling droplets.

"You took me on that trip last time... sniff... I wanted to make it fun for you tooo..."

Guilt and self-blame. Her intent to please me. And the loss of failing.

Elma's lips quivered.

Agh. How do you get mad in this situation? At such an adorable creature looking so down.

"Elma."

I mustered the softest voice possible. Shifted her from my side to my lap.

"Wasn't no fun at all. My stamina just couldn't keep up with you."

I pinched her wet cheek lightly. Squish.

"Ugh... really?"

"Of course. Anyway, we both look like total messes right now."

We chuckled at each other's states. Fizzy cola stench. Popcorn crumbs everywhere. Clothes plastered to skin from the water.

I stood, carrying Elma to the bathroom.

"Let's wash up first. Too sticky."

"Sniff... My poor hubby suffers 'cause he married the wrong wife..."

"Tsk. No self-blaming."

I planted a light kiss on her crown. Smack.

"I'm doing it 'cause I want to."

We finished a warm shower. Clean, fluffy skin. Changed into pajamas and headed to the living room.

"Elma. Stay here a sec."

"Huh? Where you going, hubby..."

I sat her on the sofa and went to the dressing room.兼 warehouse.

Pulled out a bag from the corner.

"Oh? That."

Elma's eyes widened. The two-person tent from the abandoned mine expedition.

I cleared a corner of the living room. Pushed the table aside for space.

Assembled the poles, draped the fabric. Tap tap tap. Rustle.

A cute little tent popped up.

"Hubby, why a tent all of a sudden...?"

"Just wait. Not done yet."

The wolf beast hide on the floor. Our beloved "Neukdori." I dragged it over.

Shoved it straight into the tent. In the cramped space, the huge hide bunched up. Fur overlapping into a super plush floor.

Finally.

Click.

Hung an LED mood light from the ceiling. Soft, warm glow. Enclosed cozy space. Plush, soft beast fur.

Perfect. Better than any theater.

I unzipped the entrance. Held out a hand beside it.

"Come on in."

"Ooooh..."

Elma crawled in carefully. Pressed the fluffy wolf fur with both hands, grinning ear to ear.

"So squishy!"

"Right?"

I followed her in. Tent filled up. Our shoulders naturally touched.

We leaned back at an angle. Propped the tablet PC against the tent wall.

"C'mere."

I opened my arms. She wriggled right in like she'd been waiting.

Plop. On my chest. Soft, squishy body pressed tight, no gaps. Warmth seeped through our skin.

"Mmm... hubby smell... so good..."

Elma rested her forehead on my solar plexus. Rubbed her cheek like a cat.

I scratched her crown lightly with fingertips.

"Heehee."

Like a purring cat. Happy little hum.

Tap. Hit play.

"Eh? Isn't this that same movie from earlier?"

"Yep."

"You didn't see the beginning?"

"The 4D was so intense, I don't remember a thing."

Elma giggled at my joke. Her gloom totally shaken off—a light, cheerful laugh.