The Condom Rebellion and the Grader's Outburst
Home sweet home. Elma huffed and puffed as she kicked off her shoes.
"That part-time jerk! Do you know who I am?! Huh?! How dare he treat me like this!"
"Calm down, Elma."
"Does this look like a situation to calm down in? He wouldn't even let me buy a single box of condoms! Ughhh!"
Unable to contain her rage, Elma rolled around on the floor. The hem of her hoodie flapped wildly.
...She looks even more like a kid like this.
Bet you just had a weird thought.
"No, I didn't."
Her intuition is scary good.
"Go wash up. You're sweating buckets."
"I don't wanna! I'm not washing! I'm just gonna live smelling like this!"
She burrowed into the corner of the sofa like a sulking hamster.
Man, her stubbornness.
I sat on the sofa without a word. Elma grumbled to herself.
"......"
She'd glance my way every now and then.
Soon, she slunk off toward the dressing room, looking dejected.
A moment later, the door creaked open stealthily.
"......"
It was Elma. In her bunny pajamas, hood pulled all the way down. The bunny ears drooped limply.
"Didn't you say you hated wearing this?"
"......Hmph."
Elma snorted. She toddled over and climbed onto my lap.
"This."
Elma held up her hand. In it was the box of condoms we'd rung up on impulse.
"You really planning to use this?"
"Of course! After all the humiliation I went through to buy it! That convenience store clerk dared to mess with me, Elma Bronzebeer—four-time PhD holder, youngest full professor, respected throughout academia..."
"Yeah, yeah."
She always drags it out.
Elma tore open the box with a huff. Out came the round, ridged silver packets.
"Tonight, I'll show you I'm not some kid."
"Don't push yourself."
"Shut up! You just sit there, honey. I'll handle it!"
Elma yanked down my pants. Maybe caught up in the mood—my dick was already rock hard.
Elma gulped.
"It's... disgustingly big..."
She faltered for a second, but soon ripped open the packet.
"Here goes."
Elma grabbed the rubber ring and positioned it at my tip, trying to roll it down.
But.
"Ughhh...!"
She grunted and strained. It wouldn't go on.
Maybe her short fingers? She couldn't grip it right. When she'd get one side on, the other would slip.
"Why won't it fit?!"
"I'll do it."
"No! I'm doing it! I said I'd put it on!"
Dwarven pride, huh.
Elma bit her lip and yanked with both hands, stretching it as wide as possible.
"That's not how you—"
Pfft. Slip.
Her hands slid. Thwack!
"Ah!"
The condom flew off. Right into Elma's face.
Smack!
"Ugh...!"
Elma toppled backward. Her bunny ears flopped.
The condom's counterattack.
"......"
Silence.
She lost. To a condom.
The youngest full professor. The grand magitech scholar. And older than me, too.
Her almond eyes welled up with tears.
"Ughhh..."
"Elma?"
"Waaahhh!"
She finally burst into tears.
"Damn it! I quit! What the hell is this?!"
"You okay?"
"A stupid rubber scrap dares mock me? You think you can look down on me 'cause I'm small?!"
Her sorrow exploded. She pounded the floor, sobbing.
In her bunny pajamas. Adorable and heartbreaking.
I scooped her up and sat her on my knee. Blew gently on her forehead.
"No one's mocking you."
"Liar! It bounced right off!"
"It's 'cause you're so pure, Elma."
"......Huh?"
Elma sniffled and looked up.
"You've never done this before."
"W-Well, yeah..."
"Of course you'd fumble. It's proof you've lived a chaste, pure life, right?"
Nice packaging. It worked wonders. Elma's expression softened.
"R-Really?"
"Totally. If you were good at it, I'd be crazy jealous."
"True. I am kinda precocious."
Back to self-praise already. Her simplicity is a blessing.
"Then I'll put on the new one."
I grabbed a fresh one. Tore the packet, checked the orientation, rolled it down smoothly.
"......"
Elma's eyes went wide. Like she'd seen something magical.
But then her brows furrowed.
"......Hold on."
"Yeah?"
"You're too good at that."
Zing. Suspicious glare.
"Not the skill of someone who's only done it a couple times."
"Ah, this is just—"
"Who was it?"
Elma thumped my chest. Bunny ears perked up. On guard.
Wait, aren't those just the hood?
I decided to let it slide. Not the time to nitpick.
"How much did you play around before me? Huh? You're a total pro!"
"No, it's not like that."
"Liar! No way you'd be this smooth if you hadn't!"
Her mouth stuck out. Cheeks puffed up.
The taboo between lovers: exes.
Elma was fuming.
"Honey... rolling around with other girls... always slipping these on, right?"
Her eyes welled up again.
Jealousy. And whiny grievance.
I chuckled and pulled her into a hug.
"I practiced."
"......With who?"
"By myself."
"......Huh?"
Elma blinked.
"Alone?"
"Yeah. So I wouldn't mess up with the person I truly love."
"......R-Really?"
"Of course. Fumbling in front of you would be uncool. I ran simulations ahead of time."
Total lie, of course.
But it's the right answer now.
"Pre-learning just for you, Elma."
"H-Hng..."
Her face flushed red. Lips twitching upward. That tsundere look—happy but playing hard to get.
"If you couldn't talk so smooth..."
She buried her face in my chest.
"Fine, I'll let it go. Since it's for me."
Her simplicity is a blessing.
With her mood lifted, Elma eyed my cock curiously. Poked it with a fingertip.
"Whoa... so slippery."
She pressed her forehead to my stomach. Bunny ears tickled my solar plexus.
"Let's test it."
"Huh?"
"What it feels like against skin."
She undid the front of her bunny pajamas. Riiip. Pale barley skin. Plump cleavage.
"Put it in."
"Between your tits?"
"Yeah."
As if I'd refuse.
I laid her tiny body on the sofa. Slid it between her ample breasts.
Smooth.
"Haaah...!"
Condom lube. Mixed with Elma's soft skin. Chewy. Squishy. Slick.
"How's it feel?"
"Weird..."
Elma's eyes glistened. Staring at the tip poking out from her cleavage.
"Slippery and cold, but I can still feel you perfectly."
"Same here. Incredibly soft."
"Really? You like my tits?"
"The best."
I thrust my hips. Gliding back and forth in her cleavage.
Squelch. Squelch. Sticky sounds.
Tiny professor in pink bunny pajamas. She pressed her breasts together with both hands. To please me.
"Hng... haa..."
Elma's breaths grew ragged. Eyes glazing over.
"Honey. More."
"More?"
"Rub harder."
She squeezed her tits tighter. Clamping my cock in chewy flesh.
"Feels like it's really inside..."
"Elma."
"Feels so good..."
Forgetting her earlier tears, Elma panted in pleasure. Bunny ears quivering.
Tonight was gonna be a long one, too.
=============================
Midterms. Everyone got busy.
I was no exception.
Scribble, scribble. Tap, tap.
Pen scratching paper. Occasional keyboard clacks.
At the sofa table, I wrestled with my major textbook.
Non-Linear Mana Circuits: Topological Mathematical Interpretation. The title alone made my head throb.
And the price—why so ridiculous? Elma wrote it, apparently.
Dwarven greed.
Normally, super-intuitive Elma would butt in here with "Bet you had a weird thought."
But she was quiet. Busy.
"......"
Elma wore glasses she'd bought who-knows-when. No prescription. Just fashion ones to look "intellectual."
Problem: size. Adult glasses didn't fit her.
Slide. Every time she looked down, they slipped. She frowned and pushed them up repeatedly.
Adjust. Then put on a stern face to keep grading.
Pop quizzes right before finals—brutal.
Still, cute as hell.
She's being quiet.
Busy, so unusually well-behaved. Normally she'd whine "Play with me," "Touch me," "I'm bored."
Impressive. Kinda boring, though.
Flip.
Page turn. Silence.
"Haa......"
A sigh. From Elma.
I glanced over. She propped her chin, spinning her stylus. Lips pouted. "Bored" written on her forehead.
Hitting her limit, huh.
I pretended not to notice, back to my book.
Flip.
"Haaaaah—."
Longer this time.
I buried my nose in the book, feigning ignorance.
Then—thunk! Tap-tap! Bang!
She slammed the stylus down noisily. Flipped pages aggressively. Hammered the keyboard like it owed her money.
Look at me.
I'm bored.
Stop studying and play.
Her whole body screamed protest.
My lips twitched.
Professor pride kept her from outright begging a student during exams. But interrupting her husband's studies felt bad. After agonizing in that tiny head, this was her compromise.
"Argh! Seriously!"
Finally, Elma slammed the desk.
"These idiots! How thick-headed do you have to be to write this as the answer?!"
Shouting. Excuse secured.
Not bored—furious at idiot students. Lame acting.
I set down my pen. Looked up.
"What's wrong, Elma?"
Like she'd been waiting, Elma kicked back her chair and bolted over.
Patpatpat.
"Honey! Look at this!"
She shoved the tablet in my face. Huffing so hard her glasses slid to the bridge of her nose. Almond eyes poked over the lenses.
"What was the question?"
"I asked for the three essential factors to consider when designing mana circuits in extreme cold environments!"
The answer's probably "insulation, thermal efficiency, mana conductivity." Or something.
"But guess what this moron wrote?"
Elma jabbed at the answer sheet.
Answer: Strict, Serious, Stern
"Pfft..."
Laughter burst out.
Strict, serious, stern. Not wrong, technically. Elma is kinda strict and stern.
"You think this is funny, honey?!"
Elma jumped up and down. Sleeves flapping.
"I'm serious! My students are this dumb—my reputation's gonna tank!"
"Cut 'em some slack. You are strict and stern."
"The problem wasn't asking about my personality!"
Elma flung the tablet onto the sofa. Plopped down beside me. Crossed her arms. Pouted.
"Stressed. Blood pressure up. Neck hurts."
"......"
She narrowed her eyes up at me.
Comfort me quick.
Cheer me up.
I need to study, but...
How do you ignore something this cute?
I turned to her.
"C'mere."
"......Huh?"
I reached out. Slid my hands under her armpits. Soft, chewy skin.
"Wh- Wha?! Hey! W-Wait!"
I hoisted her up. Dense weight—heavy for her size.
Tiny feet kicked in the air.
Plop.
Sat her on my thigh, back against my chest. "Human chair" position.
"Hey! What're you doing?!"
Elma squirmed in surprise.
"Don't interrupt! I'm busy!!"
Talking tough, but her back was already pressed fully against my stomach.
"Don't bother my studying—just sit here quietly."
I wrapped my arms around her waist.
"H-How dare an undergrad manhandle a professor like this! I'm busy!"
"Do it from here. And..."
I paused.
"Here, I'm your husband, right?"
Whispered softly. Kissed the top of her head lightly.
"Ughhh..."
Her ears flushed like a thermometer. Resistance stopped. Tantrum, really. Just tsundere flailing.
"Tch... all brawn, no brains."