Chapter 14
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 14
Chapter Title: Bed Like a Shipwreck
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"You know? When I close my eyes, the bed feels like a shipwreck."
I pressed the remote button.
Whirr-.
The chair reclined backward.
"Ooh, it's mo-... Gah?!"
Pssh! Pssh!
The shoulder airbags inflated.
The problem was Elma's height.
There were no shoulders where they should have been.
The airbag clamped down on her head instead.
"Gyaack!! My head! My heaaad!!"
A scream erupted.
Unfortunately, that was just the beginning.
Vrrr-.
The massager.
"Aaaah! Hey! Why are you tying me up, you bastard!!!"
Her limbs were bound.
The rollers on the back descended along her spine.
Calibrated for adult male strength.
Thud thud thud thud! Thwack! Thwack!
"Gyaack! My bones! My bones are breaking!!"
Elma's body thrashed wildly.
Her head was crushed, her limbs squeezed, her back pummeled.
It was a massage.
...Or not.
It was closer to a beating.
"Husband!! Turn it off! Shut it down!! This thing's a murder machine!!"
"Where's a murder machine like this?"
"It exists! I supplied something similar to Guantanamo!"
...I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Even amid the chaos, her short limbs flailed desperately.
"Pfft... Haha!"
"Don't laugh!! I'm gonna die like this!!"
I hit the stop button.
Hiss-.
The massager released.
The chair returned to its original position.
"Guh... Cough..."
Elma was a total wreck.
Her twintails were a tangled mess.
Her dress straps had slipped down.
Her eyes were spinning in circles.
"......The guy who made this... drag him here..."
"You should've just gone for the weak setting."
"No... Th-this thing has malice. It's from eugenicists trying to wipe out short people like me..."
"Yes, yes."
Elma staggered down from the chair.
Her legs trembled nonstop.
"Husband..."
"Yeah."
"I just wanna go home..."
Exhaustion was plain on her face.
Crushed by stone, snared by the mattress, beaten by the machine.
We came to shop, but it turned into a stunt show.
"Tired, huh?"
"Yeah. Everything here sucks. Nothing catches my eye."
She snorted and turned her head away.
"Got it. Let's call it a day. We'll grab something delicious for dinner since you're wiped out."
"Yeah. Meat. Meat."
Elma grabbed my hand.
Small and sturdy.
Her calluses tickled my palm.
I laced our fingers together and led her along.
On the way back to the parking lot.
Elma clung to me again.
She seemed strangely listless.
The fidgeting in my arms had clearly died down.
"Why the long face?"
"......"
"Mad we couldn't get a bed? We can find better ones later. Oh, there's tons of good stuff online these days too..."
I tried to soothe her.
But Elma shook her head.
She nuzzled her head against my chest and mumbled.
"Nah. It's just..."
She hesitated.
"I'm too small... It bums me out that I couldn't even pick one bed that suits us."
Inferiority complex.
Her husband was so big and fine.
But she was a dwarf who couldn't even use a proper bed.
"What are you talking about? It's not because you're small. The beds are just ridiculously huge."
"......Haha."
Lame consolation.
She let out a deflated laugh.
"You always say the prettiest things, husband. Scamming must be your true calling, huh?"
"I'm serious though? I like you small."
"Pervert."
"I'll take it as a compliment."
We got in the car.
Elma chose my lap over the passenger seat.
"What about driving?"
"Autopilot. I'm beat."
Elma gestured toward the dashboard.
The steering wheel started moving on its own.
She settled into my lap.
This angle. This position.
I felt like a baby seat.
I wouldn't say it...
"You just thought something weird, didn't you?"
"Nope."
Her instincts are sharp.
This professor.
"......"
Inside the speeding car.
Gentle vibrations.
Passing scenery.
Elma stared out the window, then her lips moved.
"But seriously, nothing there grabbed me at all."
Calm voice.
"Yeah? What didn't you like?"
"No soul. No soul."
Elma pouted.
The car fell quiet.
The tickling movements against my chest slowed.
Lost in thought, maybe.
Her almond eyes stared off into space.
"Guess we don't need to buy one for a while."
"Huh? Then where do you sleep?"
"We already have one at home."
She looked up.
Bonk.
She rested the crown of her head against my solar plexus.
She smiled brightly, like a girl.
"The wolf."
I blanked for a second.
Wolf?
"The rug?"
"Yeah."
Elma's eyes grew distant.
Like a girl reminiscing about her first love.
Her cheeks flushed pink.
"It was better than I thought. So fluffy. So warm."
She wriggled deeper into my arms.
"And it's the first place we slept together, husband."
Her small hand toyed with my collar.
"......"
I was speechless.
This woman, always grumbling and acting haughty.
Then bam, she hits you right in the feels.
"Truth is, the warehouse is stuffed with beds."
Elma added quietly.
Her gaze fixed out the window.
"Imported from overseas, artisan-made, stuffed with wyvern down... I bought all the fancy ones. Splurged on customs too."
Tap, tap.
Her little finger drummed the window.
"But they all flopped."
"Uncomfortable?"
"Nah."
She shook her head.
Her twintails swayed limply.
"Too big."
"......"
"Lying alone on the bed... it feels weird."
Elma gripped my collar tight.
"Like I'm this tiny thing all alone on the bed. So... Never mind. Better not say depressing stuff."
Her voice trailed off low.
"It's fine. Tell me."
"You know? When I close my eyes, the bed feels like a shipwreck."
"Yeah."
"Like I'm adrift all alone in the vast ocean? So I kept making the bed smaller, smaller, even drew the curtains. But it still felt too huge."
Complex.
The bone-deep loneliness stemming from it.
The empty space in her bed, the silence, reminded her of her 'size' every night.
"That's why I always had nightmares. Like sinking into the dark ocean depths."
Her voice quivered.
I carefully wrapped my arms around her shoulders.
"But not last night."
Elma looked up at me.
My reflection filled her almond eyes.
"Because you were there."
"......"
"Your chest against my back, your heartbeat. Everything was so big. It was so warm, I didn't even feel small."
The size difference gave her security instead.
By filling that void.
"......"
My heart ached sweetly.
Her defenseless, fragile confessions.
I was the one getting shaken.
I hugged her tight.
Her hair smelled sweet.
Her body warm.
I was happy.
My arms were plenty wide enough to reassure this little woman.
"Elma."
"What."
Lazy reply.
Just two days.
Yet she'd already curled up comfortably in my arms.
"I liked it too. Super warm."
"Right? See, I was right."
"Yeah. You were. From now on, I'll make sure you don't have nightmares. If you feel like you're drowning, I'll hold you tight and save you."
"......Hmph. All talk."
Elma's face flushed red.
She buried it in my chest.
Looking down, I saw her sly smile.
"......"
Still,
there was one rather practical issue.
I hesitated, then carefully spoke up.
"It's nice and all, but..."
"Hm?"
"That wolf head... isn't it kinda scary?"
This had nothing to do with romance or warmth.
This morning's disaster.
Waking up to a wolf's maw right in your face.
Every morning, half-asleep.
Bad for heart health.
"Hmm. Yeah, it is."
Elma nodded too.
"Seeing that every day will give me a heart attack. You don't wanna be a widower right after marriage, right?"
"No way!"
Elma waved her hands frantically.
Then she pondered for a bit.
Tapping her lips with a tiny index finger.
Suddenly, her face lit up.
Had a good idea?
"Then let's cover its eyes."
"Cover them?"
"Yeah. Slap a sleep mask on it. A cute one."
Wolf head with a sleep mask?
I pictured it.
Wolf head.
Ferocious beast with jaws agape.
But cute sleep mask over the eyes...
"......That might look even more terrifying."
"I'll decorate it pretty. Add ribbons, give it some cheek puffs."
Elma chattered excitedly.
In her head.
The savage beast was being remodeled.
Into a cute pet dog.
"Maybe a pacifier in its mouth? Or flowers?"
"Please, just leave it. Think of the wolf's pride."
The wolf in the afterlife might kill itself again if it saw this.
Call me traditional, but I'm Korean.
Desecrating corpses is against the rules.
"Hmph. It's my house stuff, so it's mine."
She'd already pulled out her smartphone and opened the shopping app.
Searching for 'dog ribbons', 'large breed accessories', and such.
"Hmm, hood's gotta be black. With lace. To match our couple pajamas!"
"A sheer hood on the wolf?"
"Huh? Great idea, right?"
Even charitably, no.
"No way."
"Why~ It's fun."
"Scared it'll haunt my dreams."
I shook my head vehemently.
But Elma ignored me.
Giggling as she filled the cart.
"Look forward to it, husband. I'll let you sleep on an 'adorable' wolf from now on."
We arrived at the parking lot.
Fervent cheers greeted us.
[Welcome back!]
[Ooh! Our great and beautiful queen!]
[Towering beauty! Golden proportions! Our queen has returned!]
Waaah.
The little golems lined up, cheering wildly.
"......"
"......"
Silence.
My gaze turned to Elma.
Her face was heating up like a thermometer.
"......Qu-queen?"
"N-no!! That's not it!"
Elma screamed and charged out.
"Hey! You tin cans! Don't you have any sense?!"
Thud! Bam!
She kicked the golems' shins.
"Sheesh...! You little... Format! Format you right now!"
[Beep? What's wrong, queen?]
[Following settings as programmed.]
"Shut up! My husband's right here!"
Elma flailed her arms in the air, huffing.
Whoosh-
A small drone floated over, dangling a tablet PC.
"Title change... here. Queen to Master. And etiquette settings too..."
Her face beet red,
lips mumbling as she frantically tapped the tablet.
"Hoo... Hoo..."
Done?
Elma panted heavily.
She glanced back at me sheepishly.
Her eyes shook violently.
"Th-that was... just a test..."
"You've been testing everywhere, huh."
"Morale boost! Morale boost! Professors use their brains a lot, so this stuff matters!"
She stomped her feet and wailed.
Lace hems and twintails danced in the air.
"Fine! Just move the luggage!"
At her shout, the golems scurried off with the bags.
Creator's instinct, maybe.
Embarrassed but bossing them around came naturally.
"Shall we go in, Your Majesty?"
"I said don't tease...!"
Elma pinched my side.