Chapter 12
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 12
Chapter Title: Class 1 Large! 15 Years Accident-Free!
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"Class 1 Large! 15 Years Accident-Free!"
Elma picked up the tweezers.
With a monocle magnifier over her eye.
Oh, now she really looks like a scientist.
...Though with "mad" prefixed to it.
Of course, I didn't say it out loud.
"Hmph."
Her expression was so deadly serious.
Tok.
"......"
The glass shard came out.
Just a slight bead of blood.
A scratch that simple disinfection and a single Band-Aid could handle.
But apparently not for Elma.
"Still bleeding..."
Crash!
She upended her bag.
Dozens of vials rolled across the floor.
'Wow.'
Probably potions from Arcadia.
Every single one insanely expensive.
Especially one particularly dazzling golden vial.
"Here, time for medicine."
Pop.
The lid popped open, releasing a sharp ozone scent.
The aroma of high-purity mana.
I knew just from the smell.
Expensive.
Absurdly so.
"Wait, hold on, Elma? What's this?"
"Hm? Grade 0 Elixir."
"......Pardon?"
"Perfect for wounds. New flesh sprouts right up."
"No way, for just a little skin scrape? This thing's super expensive."
One bottle could buy a compact car.
"Is money the issue? When your body's been scratched?"
"Still, that's such a waste... Ack!"
No chance to stop her.
Elma poured the whole bottle on.
Glug, glug, glug.
Sizzle...
A refreshing sound.
Tens of millions gone up in smoke.
The wound site turned baby-smooth.
"Haa..."
Only then did Elma sigh in relief.
"Good. Bleeding stopped."
She slumped over, wiping cold sweat from her forehead.
Anyone seeing her would think she'd just finished a ten-hour major surgery.
"I seriously can't live like this."
"Of course not. Husband and wife are one body and soul. How do you think I feel if you're hurting?"
"Thanks for saying it, at least."
Elma grabbed my foot again.
She rubbed the healed spot with her thumb.
"Did it hurt?"
"Just a sting."
"I'll blow on it~"
Elma brought her face close to the top of my foot.
She pursed her lips.
"Huu~."
A warm breath tickled the top of my foot.
Worried eyes gazing up at me.
Irresistibly lovable.
"Doesn't hurt now?"
An innocent expression.
Maybe because of all the earlier fuss.
Her loveliness doubled as it washed over me.
"Yeah. Not hurting at all."
"Good..."
Mwah.
She kissed the sole of my foot.
A soft, moist sensation.
"Huh?"
Startled, I tried to pull my foot away.
But Elma clamped down hard.
Dwarf grip strength.
Way stronger than expected.
"Stay still. Gotta disinfect."
"It's already healed."
"Just in case. What if it gets infected?"
"With your mouth?"
"Didn't you know saliva has antibacterial stuff?"
"That's for animals..."
"I am your personal beast in heat."
Smooth as silk.
This morning she was whimpering in fear at the sight of my member.
Smack, slurp.
Elma sucked on my toes.
Her small tongue probed between them.
A naughty pleasure raced up my spine.
"Elma, stop... It tickles."
"Just a little more."
She rubbed my foot against her cheek.
"Don't get hurt from now on, okay? If you bleed again, I might really lose it."
What was that?
Why did her eyes look a bit glazed?
...I decided to ignore it.
"Gotta put cushions on the floor. File down all the furniture corners too."
"What is this, a psych ward?"
"It's our love nest! Space for a loving couple! It has to be the safest place in the world."
Elma sprang to her feet.
She put the magnifier back on and inspected my foot meticulously before fetching bandages.
"The wound's completely gone."
"Gotta protect it. No germs allowed."
She stubbornly wrapped it up thick.
So thick it looked like a bear paw.
"......Can't walk like this."
"Knew something like this would happen someday, so I prepared!"
Elma grinned.
She lightly snapped her fingers.
Whirrrrr...
A section of the living room floor opened, majestic steam billowing up.
Something rose from below.
A wheeled chair?
No, that's...
Brass-plated frame.
Thick leather seat.
Control panel on the armrests and suspicious boosters behind the backrest.
"Ta-da! The 'Personal Mobile Fortress MK-2'!"
"......It's a wheelchair."
"No way! It hovers too, plus its own shield and missile interception system..."
Elma explained proudly.
This woman just wanted an excuse to show off her invention.
That aside.
What was that 'knew this would happen someday' bit?
What kind of scenario did she even imagine?
It was unsettling.
"Not riding it."
Still, I just refused.
Better not to know the reason.
"Why? It's super comfy."
"Why ride that when I've got two perfectly good legs?"
"You got hurt!"
"It's healed. You poured the elixir."
The bickering dragged on.
Meanwhile, Elma snapped her fingers.
Golems rushed in and changed our clothes in an instant.
I was in normal menswear.
Elma in her usual goth loli dress.
She really planned to go out like this.
Eventually, Elma offered her own compromise.
"Then, piggyback."
"......Pardon?"
"I'll carry you. I'm strong, remember?"
A 90cm shortstack carrying a full-grown adult man.
Even stray dogs would laugh.
"I'll just walk. Untie the bandages, please."
"No! Absolutely not!"
Elma spread her arms wide, blocking the way.
Her resolve bordered on grim determination.
"Then, this is the best option."
She took my hand.
"I'll support you. Lean on my shoulder. I'll be your cane."
She only came up to my hip.
To lean on her shoulder, I'd have to bend over completely.
Anyone could see it was more uncomfortable for her.
But refusing might make her cry again.
"......Okay."
I placed my hand on her tiny shoulder.
Only lightly, pretending.
"Great! Let's go! Mobilizing!"
Elma shouted with utmost gravity.
Like a general heading to war.
"Careful! Door threshold! Lift your foot!"
"......"
"Rock! Dodge the rock!"
"It's a dust clump."
Overprotection. Obsession. Fussiness.
Honestly, a bit exhausting.
But.
"Heave-ho! Heave-ho! Darling, not hurting? Not uncomfortable? Tell me if you're tired, okay?"
That little crown of her head, sweating as she escorted me.
Couldn't wipe the smile from my lips.
Yeah.
If this is the price of the inconvenience, it's not bad at all.
We waddled out the door.
Just like a two-person three-legged race.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
"Wow..."
My jaw dropped.
Underground onsen, tunnel, and now a parking garage.
A personal underground lot.
A feast of luxury cars.
Motor show had nothing on this.
"All these are your cars, Elma?"
"Yeah. Drives are the best for relieving stress."
Elma replied like it was no big deal.
Wait a second.
She drives these massive cars with her stature?
"All modified. Don't worry."
She added, reading my thoughts.
"Gotta load stuff today, so we'll take this one."
A large SUV.
Matte black body.
Heavy tinting.
Mafia boss levels of intimidation.
"Hop in."
Beep-beep.
Smart key chirp.
Doors unlocked.
She headed for the driver's seat.
"Ugh, up...!"
Grunting.
Her back as she climbed in with short limbs.
Cute, but looked strenuous.
I started to get up to help.
"Patient stay put."
She waved me off.
I obediently sat in the passenger seat.
Soon, Elma boarded the driver's seat.
"......?"
She wiped sweat from her forehead and hit the ignition.
"Ahh..."
Mystery solved.
Hiss... hum...
Heavy hydraulic whir and air release.
The seat rose up.
Accelerator and brake pedals extended on frames right under the steering wheel.
"Alright, we're off. Hold on tight."
"Um, Elma. You do have a license, right?"
"Of course! Class 1 Large! 15 years accident-free!"
Her confident shout.
⚙ SYSTEM NOTIFICATION ⚙
[Optical Camouflage Activated]
[External Output: 20s Human Female]
"What's that?"
"So we look normal from outside."
Meticulous.
Genius engineer, as expected.
"Let's go."
Vrooom!
The entire garage floor lifted.
Car elevator.
From underground to surface.
Clunk.
Light poured in.
Behind the school, through sparse woods without people.
Secret exit.
Ruuuumble!
Heavy exhaust roar.
The car shot onto the road.
Good up to here.
Up to here.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
Screeech!
Sudden stop.
A taxi cut right in front.
"Hey, you fucking bastard!!!"
Almost flung from the passenger seat.
Lightning struck my ears.
I looked over.
Elma was slamming the steering wheel and jabbing her finger accusingly.
"Where the hell are your eyes, you son of a bitch?! No blinker? Wanna die?!"
Thick and vulgar.
Dwarf's signature rough temper.
Apparently, the seal breaks the moment she grabs the wheel.
"C-calm down!"
"That fucker cut me off first! Gonna ram his ass!"
Rreev!
She crushed the accelerator.
The car shot forward like a cannonball, tailgating the taxi menacingly.
Click, click, click.
High beams flashing wildly.
"We'll crash like this!"
"It's fine! We'll just bite back!"
"No, we'll get hurt!"
"My car's tough! I tuned it myself! Could take on a dump truck!"
Hooooonk!!
Elma laid on the horn long and swerved into the passing lane.
She rolled down the window and yelled at the next lane.
"Drive properly, you fucker!"
She flipped the middle finger with gusto.
Goth loli, twintails, and profanity.
An insane combo.
Though from outside, she'd look like a normal twenty-something.
"Darling, you okay?"
After unleashing the tirade, she snapped back to her gentle face.
"Uh, a little, no, I mean..."
Words failed me completely.
My soul was still lagging behind the car, chasing from afar.
"Can't let 'em underestimate you on the road. Lots of guys ignore women drivers."
"Still, a bit, no, way too inten- Gyaaaah!"
Vroooom!
Another sharp curve.
My body lurched.
Her small hands spun the wheel like mad.
"Don't worry! I'll get us there fast! Time is money!"
Her little foot floored the pedal.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
We arrived.
Alive, thankfully.
Large furniture superstore in the Gyeonggi suburbs.
My legs were jelly getting out.
Felt like surviving ten roller coasters in a row.
"Darling, you alright?"
"Yeah... sorta."
Elma looked up at me worriedly.
She snapped her fingers.
Shimmer.
Her body vanished.
"Elma? Why go invisible?"
[Insole magic not fixed yet. High-level spell, takes quite a while to restore.]
Her voice came from thin air.
[Don't wanna walk around in my true form. Hate when people stare.]
Her complex.
She was still ashamed of her small stature.
[S-so... you lead the way when we go.]
A shy, mumbling voice.
After boasting she'd support me earlier.
Completely forgotten, it seemed.
Must be really embarrassing.
"Got it. Then for browsing the store..."
[Pass.]
Honest.
Didn't seem thrilled about clinging to me for pizza earlier.
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