Masochist Noah Has No Father
Masochist Noah has no father.
"...Duke? Such harsh words all of a sudden."
"No. She's an orphan."
"Ah."
"And I don't have a father either."
"...Didn't you stab him in the back yourself, Your Grace?"
"Anyway."
The conversation had veered off-topic for a moment, but now back to it. Noah has no father. She's been that way since she was little. So the only figure she could emotionally depend on was her 'Father in Heaven.' In other words, she was raised on biblical teachings.
"It sounds like you're saying something really awful."
"Awful? Come on, in this world, how many orphans are there? Most of the major characters don't have both parents."
"Now that you mention it, that's true for me too."
Let's talk about another orphan in this world—Zara. Zara is the 'most unfortunate girl in the world.' Which means she was the happiest, enjoying a privileged childhood. She grew up under a kind father and refined mother, receiving a fine education.
And the saintess is Zara's antithesis. They're opposites in every way, including their family backgrounds. In other words, Noah is the 'happiest girl in the world.'
"She doesn't look all that happy. How can bearing others' pain be happiness?"
"Noah's a masochist."
"......"
"No, really. You saw her refuse to let go of the suffering."
She needs suffering to be healthy. She loves this suffering-filled world. She's a being who endlessly pursues agony. If you don't call that a masochist, what do you call it?
"...Still, she looks so weary to me."
"Of course. Noah's a good person. Being virtuous is exhausting; no way around it."
Evil can act on whims. True evil doesn't strive to be evil—it's effortless. Even being vile behind closed doors while pretending to be good up front makes for fine evil.
But good is different. Goodness must constantly prove itself. That's why it's so grueling.
"So you're saying it's tough in the end?"
"Yeah, quantitatively speaking. Just as Zara grows more unfortunate day by day... Noah grows happier day by day. When Noah takes on both their pains, she gains happiness equal to both. The key is the gap between lows and highs. She's as happy as she's unfortunate—or maybe more. True happiness can only be found amid misfortune."
Just as Zara had a more privileged childhood than others, Noah was born into more misfortune. A life born with everything and endlessly losing it—versus a life born with nothing and endlessly receiving. From that perspective, Noah is undoubtedly the happiest in this world.
"You look unconvinced."
"No, I get it... but honestly, maybe this world is better off just perishing."
Canaria's face darkened. Disillusioned by the world's absurdity, it seemed. Well, I agreed, but... we'd finally gotten motivated to save it, and talk like that kills the drive.
Instead of arguing, I pulled a gold coin from my pocket. Historically, it was a miracle cure for Canaria.
"On second thought, even in a world like this, living earnestly matters."
"Right?"
"Yes."
"Don't be too pessimistic. Our goal is to save the world."
"Understood."
Pessimists have no place in my plan. One hero who declares 'This shitty world might as well end' is enough troublemaker.
Finishing treatment for a patient with mouth inflammation, Noah tidied her medical tools. The metallic clinks were louder than usual.
"Doctor, are you alright? You look pale."
"Ah, yes. I'm fine. Just... a bit of a restless night. It's not affecting my work, so no worries."
Noah looked unwell. Her expression lacked energy; anyone could see she was exhausted. Even the patient noticed.
"You, having a sleepless night? That's rare. I hope I didn't bother you over something trivial."
"No. Even a small inflammation can lead to bigger issues if ignored. Don't hesitate—come to the clinic anytime you're in pain."
"Haha, got it. You're so diligent, Doctor. Still, rest when you're worn out."
"...Yes. I should."
She was tired. Noah suddenly realized it and forced a smile. She wasn't taking proper care of herself.
"Next time, I'll bring some herbs good for fatigue."
"If you have something like that, don't give it to me—"
"No need to refuse."
"...Yes. Thank you, then."
The patient left. Watching from the side, Gigachad chuckled.
—"Doctors gotta stay strong enough not to worry patients, right?"
"......"
—"Won't even meet my eyes. Where'd that boldness from yesterday go?"
"Shut up."
After honestly spilling her twisted inner desires, Noah had started avoiding Gigachad's gaze. Facing yourself is pretty embarrassing. Especially for someone as kind as Noah.
An arrogant person might see only virtues in ten mirror glances—but the humble see flaws first every time.
"...Father. I have sinned much in thought, word, and deed, and often neglected my duties."
—"Stop, Nosatppi. No need to put yourself down. Cut the negative thoughts. It's not shameful that you're a masochist who finds happiness in suffering! Sure, you wouldn't want others knowing, but still."
"Please."
—"Brace yourself. Stay strong, think positive. Pursuing pain isn't a flaw—it's a strength. Means you can smile through any moment of life."
Noah nodded in agreement. She always told patients the same: never lose positivity.
Then she felt pathetic. Admitting she was the patient herself.
Hard to deny when she was seeing hallucinations.
"Sigh... Yes. A patient properly acknowledging their illness is the start of all treatment. I need to examine... and heal myself properly."
—"Good job. Great goal. Facing yourself and deciding to change is huge. Let's improve bit by bit. My Daughter."
"Do you get it? I mean getting rid of you."
—"I'm your inner self, Nosatppi. Closer than your heart, always with you. Visible or not doesn't matter. What counts is it's invisible."
"Sigh. Fine. Let's start the examination."
Noah began her treatment. Using the saintess's power wouldn't heal this mental ailment. Patient: herself. Symptom: hallucinations. Cause: the heart. Prescription:...
—"Only one way to heal the heart."
"What's that?"
—"Become the alpha! Hard work, hard training. Give your all every moment, decide your life by your own will. That's it."
"Not helpful..."
She'd have to think on the prescription slowly. First time with this illness. Long examination ahead.
......
Time flowed slowly like a river. But it never stopped.
"Doctor! Thanks for healing my wound last time. It's not much, but... I wanted to show my gratitude."
"I'm fine. Use this money for those in need around—"
—"You Fucking Idiot. It's gratitude for you. Not for some poor kid. Can't you tell thanks from charity?"
"...Thank you. I'll use it for those in need."
"Haha. Yes. You're so kind, Doctor."
Noah listened to the hallucination. She decided to mostly do what it suggested—for accurate diagnosis, of course. Wouldn't follow if evil, but despite the rough tone, the advice was usually sound.
Was this hallucination her inner self too? Noah diligently noted it in her medical log: what it said, when it was pleased.
—"For real? What that person needs isn't forgiving a friend. It's getting mad properly, expressing emotions. Fight if needed—even fists. Forgiveness comes after clearing the grudge. Unresolved resentment just repeats."
"Quarrels solve nothing. Anger and curses drag you into the pit. Forgiving others quickest saves your own heart."
—"Yeah, your 'Father in Heaven' would say forgive seventy-seven times. If you'd cut it off right once, one forgiveness would've sufficed!"
Sometimes they argued a topic. But it wasn't unpleasant—refreshing, even. Strange. Truly, strangely so.