No, We're Not a Couple—Wait, Yes We Are
I picked up the onion I had dropped and asked, trying my best to sound composed. I might have looked calm on the outside, but a cold bead of sweat was already trickling down my spine.
“What do you mean, why? As you can see, I came out to do some shopping.”
Victoria answered with perfect nonchalance and took a step closer. Then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, she pressed herself right up against my side.
“…Y-Your Highness.”
“Shh.”
She pressed a finger to her lips. Beneath her hood, her crimson eyes curved playfully.
“Calling me ‘Your Highness’ in a place like this? Do you want to reveal my identity? From now on, just… yes, treat me like an ordinary housewife.”
An ordinary housewife. This lofty, peerless imperial princess, an ordinary housewife.
…As if that were even possible.
I screamed internally. Even dressed in commoner’s clothes, not a single part of her bearing or aura was ordinary. I could feel the passersby stealing glances at us—at Victoria, to be precise.
“So then.”
Victoria began chattering away, her voice genuinely excited.
“What are you planning to make for dinner tonight? With all those ingredients?”
“…Pardon?”
“I heard about it. That you cook with your own hands. The way you were choosing vegetables earlier was far from ordinary.”
…Just how long has this woman been watching me?
A chill ran down my back, but I forced the thought away. Right now, the important thing was getting through this situation without incident. If I upset the princess’s mood, I’d probably have to listen to more threats about having my legs cut off, just like last night.
I swallowed dryly and scanned the market stalls. My eyes landed on a butcher’s stand where some freshly prepared chicken hung. The meat had a glossy sheen, and its clean color showed no off odors. At a glance, the quality was excellent.
“…It’s chicken stew.”
The words slipped out before I could stop them, like some kind of occupational hazard.
“I’ll make a broth from that chicken, add root vegetables, and simmer it slowly… There’s nothing better for warming the body on a cold night.”
Only after I spoke did I realize my mistake. This was hardly the time to be casually discussing menus with the imperial princess.
But then.
“…Chicken stew.”
Victoria quietly repeated the words. For a moment, her expression changed in a strange way. The playful glint in her eyes softened, and something wistful flickered across her face. It was as if she were recalling something from a very long time ago.
“…Yes. That sounds good too.”
Her voice was so gentle that I was momentarily stunned. Was she acting? Or… was it sincere? I couldn’t tell at all.
This expression was different from the fake, coquettish face she wore in front of the Emperor in the audience chamber, and different from the cold face that had whispered about cutting off my legs last night. How should I put it…
…She just looked like an ordinary woman.
And that was even more terrifying.
“Then let’s hurry.”
Victoria smiled brightly again and, without hesitation, grabbed my sleeve.
“If it’s chicken stew, there’s a lot we need to buy. Onions, carrots, and…”
“Y-Your Highness, I mean… could you let go of my sleeve?”
“Shh. Didn’t I say to treat me like a housewife?”
…There was no reasoning with her.
And so I ended up wandering through the market with the future villainess of the continent clinging to my side.
The real problem was that Victoria seemed to be enjoying this far more than I had expected.
“How about these carrots? The color is lovely.”
“…Yes. They’re good.”
“Oh, these potatoes too. They’re so plump and firm. Let’s get these as well.”
“…Yes.”
“Why do you only ever say ‘yes’? Is shopping with me that unpleasant?”
The way she puffed out her cheeks and pretended to sulk… that was hardly the expression of a woman destined to conquer the continent. Cold sweat poured down my back, but on the surface I somehow managed to keep a smile on my face.
No, it’s not that it’s unpleasant, Your Highness. I’m terrified. I know exactly who you are—how could I possibly shop with peace of mind?
Of course, I couldn’t say any of that out loud. I simply stayed silent and placed whatever she pointed at into the basket.
But something was strange. While I was sweating buckets, Victoria genuinely looked happy. Her eyes sparkled as she examined each vegetable at the stalls, she sniffed at unfamiliar spices with open curiosity, and when she saw discounted fruit she asked, “What’s that?” with genuine wonder…
It was a face I had never once seen inside the imperial palace. Not the mask-like smile, not the chilling madness—just the excited face of a girl her age enjoying a trip to the market.
…Was this acting?
If it was acting, then this woman was a natural-born actress.
But if… it wasn’t acting.
I followed that thought to its end and hastily shook my head. No. I can’t let my guard down. This woman is going to burn the world down soon. Just because she looks ordinary for a moment doesn’t change her true nature.
As I was steeling myself again…
“Hey there, young couple!”
…Couple?
“Yes, you two! You must be newlyweds. Come take a look at our tomatoes! There’s nothing better for a new household!”
The middle-aged woman running the vegetable stall beamed at us—at the two of us with our arms linked—and called out brightly.
I jumped in surprise and waved my hands frantically.
“Ah, no, we’re not a cou—”
“—Yes we are.”
…What?
The one who cut me off and jumped in was Victoria. She had already clasped her hands together like a shy newlywed bride, her cheeks faintly flushed as she smiled at the woman.
“My husband is terribly shy, you see. Ho ho.”
“Husband…”
Husband? Husband?!
AAAAAAAAAAAGH…!!
“Oh my, I see. The groom is a bit bashful. But what a beautiful bride! Here, take some of these tomatoes. Since you’re newlyweds, I’ll throw in a little extra!”
“Oh dear, thank you so much.”
Victoria accepted the tomatoes with a sweet smile. Then she turned her head slightly toward me.
“…Were you about to say we aren’t?”
Her voice was still gentle. But those crimson eyes were not smiling.
And at my side—her fingers began poking my ribs. Gently. But with unmistakable pressure.
Poke. Poke poke. Poke poke poke poke poke…!!
…I knew exactly what this meant.
‘If you say we aren’t, you know what happens, right?’
Whether it was acting or genuine, I still couldn’t tell. But one thing my instincts understood perfectly was that if she wanted to, those fingers could easily slip between my ribs.
Victoria puffed her cheeks out again, as if urging me to answer.
I… eventually surrendered.
“……Yes. We’re… we’re a married couple.”
“My goodness, you two look perfect together! You’re practically glowing!”
The woman burst into laughter. Victoria’s eyes curved beautifully in satisfaction.
And just like that, in the middle of the market, I became a married couple with the villainess who would soon try to kill me.
…Hey, Kyle. Are you really okay with this?
Pretending to be newlyweds with the woman you’re supposed to run from while accepting free tomatoes?
But no one was there to answer me. Victoria simply hummed a little tune, both hands full of shopping baskets. She looked so delighted that even her steps were light and bouncy.
…This woman really does look happy. Is she seriously the one who’s going to overthrow the empire?
. . . . .
By the time the sun had completely set, we were on our way back to the imperial palace. The baskets were heavy—chicken, onions, carrots, potatoes, and the bonus tomatoes. There was more than enough to make tonight’s chicken stew and still have plenty left over.
As we walked side by side down the darkening street, Victoria remained silent the entire time. The excited energy she had shown at the market was gone; she simply gazed quietly up at the night sky.
Somehow, that silence felt even more unsettling. I almost preferred it when she was chattering away.
After we had walked for some time…
“…Sir Lowenheim.”
“…Yes, Your Highness.”
“Today.”
Victoria spoke softly.
“It has been… truly a long time.”
“…Pardon?”
“Walking like this, with my heart at ease. Spending an ordinary day… with someone.”
I turned to look at her. Victoria was still staring up at the sky. In the moonlight, her profile somehow looked lonely.
“…I’m looking forward to it.”
“…To what, if I may ask?”
Then Victoria slowly turned her head. Her crimson eyes, catching the moonlight, glowed softly. And on her lips was a smile I had never seen before today—a truly unadorned, genuine smile.
“The warm bowl you will make for me.”
“……”
“It has been so very long that my heart is already fluttering with anticipation.”
…What is this now?
Thump…
My heart skipped a beat strangely. I couldn’t tell whether it was from fear or from something else.
“So… would it be all right if I visited your quarters this evening?”
Victoria asked carefully. I reflexively opened my mouth to say no. Inviting the woman I was supposed to escape from into my own room was pure insanity. I had to refuse.
But.
Those crimson eyes looking up at me. The melancholy reflected in the moonlight, the faint blush on her cheeks. The fragile expression that seemed to be earnestly waiting for something.
The moment I faced that look…
…I couldn’t bring myself to say “no.”
I have no idea what came over me. In the end, I answered like this.
“…Yes. I will prepare a delicious plate for you.”
At that, Victoria’s face bloomed like a flower. Her crimson eyes curved beautifully like a crescent moon, and an irrepressible smile spread across her lips. It was as if… she had finally obtained something she had waited for a very long time.
“…Good. I’ll be looking forward to it.”
That single sentence somehow tickled a corner of my heart.
…Hey, Kyle Lowenheim. This… doesn’t seem like it’s just ruined anymore.
Beneath the setting night sky, I adjusted my grip on the heavy basket and let out a long sigh.
…It looked like I would have to make a very generous pot of chicken stew tonight.