The Day I First Held Him in My Heart
The regressed villainess still remembered with perfect clarity the day she first held her unrequited love in her heart.
It was back when she had been nothing more than the youngest imperial princess. The imperial palace was vast and resplendent. And to her alone, it had been a place of bitter cold. The Emperor’s favor poured onto the eldest son, the Crown Prince. At the very least, the older princesses received the gaze of others. But Victoria received nothing at all. Her mother had passed away early, she had no powerful maternal relatives to back her, and all that remained for her was the hollow title of imperial blood and the shabby circumstances that ill-suited even that name.
“Oh my, would you look at that. The unwanted youngest is standing alone again.”
In a corner of the banquet hall, the sneers of the princesses, fans covering their mouths, drifted toward Victoria’s back.
“Shh. She is still a princess, after all.”
“A princess? What princess has no mother? She’s just clinging to the imperial family because of her bloodline.”
“Hehe, you’re right about that.”
Victoria lifted the corners of her mouth. Slowly she turned her head and looked the princesses who had spoken straight in the eye.
“…For someone who is merely clinging, it seems this one’s dancing and singing are a cut above yours. How regrettable. I suggest that at the next banquet, you polish your own skills before wagging your tongues.”
“Wh-what did you say?!”
“Goodness. That lowly blood must not have been taught anything beyond talking back to her elders.”
It was then that the Crown Prince approached with leisurely steps.
“…Victoria.”
The hall fell silent. The eldest son, the man designated as the next Emperor. The look in his eyes as he gazed down at his sister—no, at something not even worth calling a sister—was filled with open contempt.
“Because your mother was of low birth, you behave like lowborn filth. You are a disgrace to the imperial family. You don’t even know when to keep that mouth of yours shut.”
“……”
“Listen well. The very fact that something like you dares to attend an occasion like this under the pretense of being a princess lowers the dignity of the imperial house. If you knew your place, you would stay quietly shut away in your quarters. Do you understand?”
Dozens of gazes poured onto Victoria. Mockery. Contempt. Feigned pity that looked away. Not a single one stood on her side.
Victoria held her head high. She bit her lip, hid her trembling hands within the folds of her skirt, and maintained her arrogant mask to the very end. It was the only way the young girl knew how to confront this freezing world.
Yes. In the end, there was no one. In this imperial palace, there wasn’t a single person who would take her side—
“—Your Highness the Crown Prince.”
A low, heavy voice cut in.
Victoria flinched and turned her head. At some point, a man had stepped between her and the Crown Prince. He wore armor and carried a sword at his waist—the uniform of the Imperial Guard. The man bowed politely to the Crown Prince, yet his body naturally blocked Victoria’s front.
“…Sir Lowenheim?”
The Crown Prince’s brow twisted.
“What business does the Vice-Commander of the Imperial Guard have? I am currently disciplining my sister.”
“I apologize, Your Highness. However—”
The man slowly raised his head.
“The person standing here is also Her Highness Victoria von Roseria, a daughter of His Imperial Majesty and a legitimate member of the imperial family. Therefore, I have a duty to escort Her Highness the same as any other member of the imperial clan.”
“…What?”
“I am the sword of His Imperial Majesty. And to a sword, everything beneath His Majesty’s shadow is equal. There is no distinction between legitimate and illegitimate children, nor between those who receive favor and those who do not.”
The hall stirred. How dare a mere vice-commander of the Imperial Guard talk back to the next Emperor? Yet that man—Kyle Lowenheim—did not retreat an inch. He simply faced the Crown Prince with eyes as solid as bedrock and continued calmly.
“Therefore, if Your Highness wishes to rebuke Her Highness the Princess any further, you must first go through me. That is the reason I wield a sword.”
“……This insolent—”
The Crown Prince’s face flushed red then blue. But he had no justification. The vice-commander was merely stating that he would faithfully carry out his duty. Punishing him for it would instead make the Crown Prince the one violating imperial law.
“…Hmph. Nothing but a sword, yet that mouth of yours is quite lively.”
Even as he spat those words, the Crown Prince could do nothing more. He had no choice. Kyle Lowenheim. Though his rank remained at vice-commander of the Imperial Guard, his sword was something no one in the empire dared speak of lightly. The man who had swept the swordsmanship tournament at a young age and single-handedly halted the great army of northern nomads, earning the title Sword of the Emperor. Across the entire vast empire, only two people could face him with blades and claim victory.
Even for the next Emperor, making an enemy of such a man would be foolish. So the Crown Prince merely snorted and turned away. The princesses followed, casting sidelong glances as they scattered.
In the end, only Victoria and that upright man remained before her.
“……”
Victoria stared blankly at that broad back.
…It was the first time. The first time in this imperial palace that someone had stepped in front of her. The first time someone had called her neither an unwanted child nor lowborn filth nor motherless—simply a member of the imperial family who must be protected.
The man turned and offered her a polite bow.
“…I apologize for the disturbance, Your Highness. I am Kyle Lowenheim, Vice-Commander of the Imperial Guard.”
“……Why?”
Victoria spoke before she could stop herself. Her voice trembled thinly.
“Why did you shield me? …I have done nothing for you. On the contrary, helping me will only earn you needless hatred.”
At that, Kyle tilted his head as if slightly puzzled. As if asking what kind of obvious question that was.
“Does it require a reason? I simply protected someone who needed protecting.”
“……”
“And doesn’t someone have to stand on Your Highness’s side?”
It was a plain statement. Neither pity nor compassion nor any hidden motive to look good—just the calm, upright voice of a man stating his conviction. For some reason, that single sentence pierced deeper into the young Victoria’s heart than any blade she had heard in the banquet hall.
…That day, Victoria learned for the first time that even in this cold imperial palace, there was at least one person who saw her not as an unwanted child but as a person. And that this one person was the upright, almost stupidly straightforward Sword of the Emperor.
…At the time, she had no idea that those indifferent words would one day become the beginning of a chain that would bind Victoria for the rest of her life.
“Sir Lowenheim, it is time for the shift change.”
As the sun began to set, one of my subordinates approached and saluted sharply. I gave a light nod and yielded the position I had been guarding.
“All is well. Double-check the night patrol routes once more, and report immediately if anything arises.”
“Yes! Loyalty!”
My subordinate answered vigorously and took my place. I loosened the clasps of my armor and slowly made my way back to my quarters.
Being second in the Imperial Guard hierarchy did come with one perk. Instead of the communal barracks, I had private quarters. It was small, but one room was plenty for a single person. Most importantly… it was a space where no one could casually peek inside.
I closed the door, removed my armor, and hung it up. I set down my sword and rolled my stiff shoulders a couple of times. Standing at attention beside the throne all day was more exhausting than it looked. My legs ached, my back was sore, and the armor had left clear marks on my shoulders.
Still. Still, though.
From now on, it was entirely my time.
I headed to a corner of the room. There lay my little secret that no one else knew about. A small brazier. Several well-used pots. A wooden cutting board I had carved myself, and a single knife I had carefully sharpened.
…Yes. Cooking utensils.
The vice-commander of the Imperial Guard fiddling with a kitchen knife instead of a sword—if anyone saw, they would faint from shock. But what could I do? It was practically an instinct.
A Michelin-starred chef in my previous life. That body had died and crossed into this world, but the sensations ingrained in my hands had not gone anywhere. If I didn’t slice, boil, and season something at least once every three days, I couldn’t settle down. My hands would itch unbearably.
“…What should I make for dinner tonight?”
I crossed my arms and squatted in front of the brazier, lost in thought. I still had a bit of the broth I had made a few days ago. What should I add to it? Maybe throw in some meat and simmer it into a stew. Or should I go for a clean, clear soup instead? What vegetables did I have left…
After rolling menus around in my head for a while, I ran into one problem.
“…I’m out of ingredients.”
When I opened the cupboard, it was completely empty. Not a single onion or carrot in sight. I had been sneaking things out under various excuses for the past few days and apparently forgot to stock up on actual food.
The warm bowl I had pictured in my mind was on the verge of vanishing because I lacked ingredients, and strangely, it left me feeling hollow inside.
Right. I made up my mind.
“…Time to go to the market.”
It just so happened that today was my day off. I had left the night patrol to my subordinates, so until dawn, the time was mine. With a good disguise, slipping out to the market outside the palace was no big deal.
Of course, actually escaping would have to wait. I had only suffered that ordeal at the rear gate last night. If I moved recklessly again today, there was no telling where that princess might pop out from. The smart move was to lie low for a few days and avoid suspicion.
…And honestly, right now I was just hungry. To feel hungry while my life was hanging by a thread—I really was something else. But what could I do? People had to eat to live, and I was the kind of person who would never bend my principles when it came to food.
I put on a shabby coat that commoners wore and pulled the hood deep over my head. The reflection in the mirror looked exactly like an ordinary young man from the neighborhood. I had neatly folded away any trace of the vice-commander’s dignity inside the coat.
Before leaving my quarters, I paused and scanned the surroundings. There was no sign of anyone in the corridor. Outside the window, the sunset dyed everything red, and in the distance the bell signaling the shift change rang softly.
…Good. No one’s around.
Still, just to be safe, I exercised extra caution. That woman wasn’t watching me from somewhere again, was she? The rear gate yesterday. The storage room the day before. The stable the day before that. The scenes of those blood-red eyes waiting for me at the end of the colonnade kept flashing through my mind.
…No. Surely not. It had been more than half a day since we parted at the audience chamber. How could the princess possibly know I was going out to buy groceries? That was too much of a paranoid delusion.
I shook my head vigorously to dispel the ominous thoughts and carefully slipped out of my quarters. I moved along the shadowed colonnade, avoiding people’s eyes, and exited the palace through a secluded side gate. Fortunately, no one recognized me.
The path from the palace to the market. The market at dusk was full of vitality. Fresh vegetables were piled high on every stall, the smell of grilling meat filled the alleys, and the noisy haggling of merchants echoed back and forth. It was a living scent I hadn’t smelled in a long time.
Escaping the palace’s suffocating incense and tension and mingling among ordinary people like this finally let me breathe freely. Yes, this was it. This was what I liked. Not splendid banquets or golden audience chambers. Just a warm meal and the ordinary people who shared it. This modest scenery.
In a mood where I felt like humming a tune, I stopped in front of a vegetable stall. I picked up a plump onion, turning it this way and that to gauge its freshness. Thinking of the bowl I would make for dinner tonight brought a smile to my lips without me realizing it.
Around the same time, at the entrance to the market, Victoria stopped walking in the middle of the crowd. Beyond the street bathed in the red glow of sunset, she saw a familiar hooded back.
‘There you are…’
She slowly raised a hand and pressed it to her chest. Her foolish yet lovely heart was still pounding wildly.
…You wouldn’t know, Kyle. To you, I am probably nothing more than the mad princess who will soon dye the palace in blood, and you will struggle with all your might to escape me. Just like last night. Just like today. Just like tomorrow.
…Yes, run if you wish. As much as you like. But in this life, I will not let you go anywhere. Just as you once handed me a warm bowl, this time I will give you the entire world. Even if that means binding both your legs in place.
A smile rose to Victoria’s lips once more. The smile of a gentle, madness-tinged, love-stricken woman.
“…I have been waiting, Kyle.”
Her quiet whisper scattered into the sunset.
“You could die and wake up again and still never know how long this one has waited for you.”
“Ho. What a coincidence meeting you here, Sir Lowenheim.”
…The onion in my hand dropped with a dull thud. My heart sank. That voice—gentle yet chilling, impossible to forget even if I tried. I turned my head with the creaking motion of a broken doll.
There she stood. Even in commoner’s clothes, her noble bearing could not be hidden. Jet-black hair flowing from beneath her hood. And between those strands, blood-red eyes that gleamed with vivid intensity. Victoria von Roseria stood gracefully beside the stall as if she had been waiting for me all along, smiling sweetly.
“…Did you come out to buy ingredients for dinner? How fortunate. This one was just feeling rather uninspired about eating.”
…I’m fucked.
This time, I truly, sincerely thought so.