Do You Keep a Pet?
My brother showed me his smartphone screen with a faint smile on his face.
"It's my girlfriend. Say a quick hello."
A blonde woman with blue eyes inside the smartphone looked at me and greeted me.
I had wondered why his tone was so awkwardly kind, but it turned out to be his girlfriend.
He wasn't the type to speak so softly, so hearing that voice right next to me gave me goosebumps all over.
He’d never been without a girlfriend, so I should have noticed sooner.
His last girlfriend was from the same country, but this was the first time he’d introduced a foreign girlfriend to me.
As expected, he lives in a different world than I do.
Even though we grew up under the same mother, at some point, our ways of living completely diverged.
My brother lives facing outward, while I live facing inward.
"W-what, a call? I can't speak English…."
"Just say hello. You learned it in school, didn't you?"
Of course, I learned basic English in school, but there was a difference between the language you learn for study and the language you actually speak.
To begin with, it was hard enough to make eye contact with the blue eyes on the screen.
I find it hard to talk to strangers, and with the language barrier on top of that, I really wanted to run away.
Still, I couldn't just bail, so I forced a smile toward the smartphone.
"He, hello…."
It was my first time talking to a foreigner like this.
My pronunciation was completely Korean, but the English coming out of the other person's mouth was truly native-level.
Well, she was a native speaker, so that was to be expected, but the comparison was especially stark since she spoke right after I did.
After the greeting, there wasn't really much to talk about. And since my brother only told me to say hello, I had already fulfilled the entire request.
I’m not capable of that kind of small talk.
I can't even do it well in Korean, so how could I do it in a foreign language?
If it had been Japanese instead of English, would I have felt more comfortable speaking?
I don't know how to speak English, but I’ve been exposed to Japanese naturally enough that I feel like I could manage a simple conversation.
Of course, I’ve never had a daily conversation in Japanese. Still, if I’ve reached a level where I can read native announcements without a translator, isn't that pretty decent?
I didn't know how long he intended to keep showing me the screen; my brother’s hand remained frozen, pointing it toward me.
"Th-that's enough now…!"
I grabbed my brother’s hand and forced him to turn the screen away. Even so, I could still hear the sound of the call.
A little laughter. And.
"So Cute!"
Even after hanging up the video call, my brother talked to his girlfriend a little longer.
I pretended not to notice and turned my gaze elsewhere.
I couldn't get used to that sugary, sweet voice coming from my own flesh and blood.
What is this "honey" business? Honey.
It’s gross.
It seemed like they talked a bit more before my brother ended the call.
"You changed girlfriends again…. What kind of person is she this time?"
"An influencer. Do you know what cosplay is?"
"Cosplay…?"
An unexpected word popped out of my brother’s mouth. Cosplay.
It was a word I knew well.
A few months ago, I had even taken a picture with someone who was actually cosplaying.
It’s a relationship that can’t be separated from the subculture I love.
It was a bit fascinating that such a word came out of my brother’s mouth.
"You like games, right? She gets invited to game events and does cosplay."
"Invited…?"
Not doing it as a hobby, but being invited. She must be an incredible person.
"Want to see?"
"Yeah…."
I stuck close to my brother’s side and looked at the smartphone screen together.
The person I saw on the video call earlier was wearing a colorful wig.
It looked quite different from the face I saw on the video call, but since my brother showed me that it was the same person, it must be her.
There must be a difference in makeup, too.
It’s not a game I know well, but it was definitely cosplay. Though the direction was a bit different from what I had imagined.
What I had imagined was Japanese-style cosplay. The events my brother showed me had a completely different direction.
I don't have much interest in them, but as a gamer, I knew the names of the triple-A games that were closer to live-action.
I had never actually played the game she was cosplaying.
In fact, triple-A games are far from my taste, so I only knew them by their reputation.
I only played games that were embarrassing to even call games—like collecting cyber figures—or popular online games.
That’s what suits my taste.
As my brother tapped the screen and scrolled down, there was also a cosplay of a game I knew.
This cosplay was a bit similar to what I had thought of. The beautiful girl cosplay I had imagined.
"Oh, I know this one."
"This was also a cosplay invited by the game company."
"That’s amazing……."
When my brother clicked on what I pointed at with my finger, the photo became even larger.
It was fascinating. That my brother would date an influencer girlfriend like this.
"Pretty, right?"
"Yeah…."
… The cosplay is pretty. Truly.
* * *
My brother seemed to have finished organizing his thoughts as well; there wasn't much to look at, but he stood up and scanned the room.
His gaze moved along the walls.
From the acrylic stands I had collected quite diligently, though they were humble compared to Siu’s collection, to every corner of the room.
I had cleaned it up neatly before he came in, but I didn't expect him to look around this much.
Every time my brother moved to look around the room, I followed him closely from behind.
For some reason, my heart was pounding with anxiety.
"What’s this?"
"This is a game called Blue Archive, a series I like these days. This is really popular lately, you must have seen it at least once, right, Brother?"
After I finished speaking, I realized my words had been a bit fast.
And it felt like my octave had gone up a little, too.
"… I’ve never seen it before."
My brother didn't linger long, as if he had no interest in the acrylics. That was to be expected.
"Really…?"
I scratched the back of my head, feeling awkward for no reason. I had gotten excited and worked up without realizing it.
I want to say the things that pop into my head right away.
I need to fix this personality of mine that gets so excited whenever something I know comes up, but I can't seem to change it.
My brother took a few steps, and his gaze went to the dresser next to the bathroom.
"Do you even wear makeup? You weren't the type to do things like this."
And he pointed to the skincare products placed on top of it.
Toner, lotion, moisturizing cream. The things Sia had pointed out one by one, even teaching me the order in which to use them.
Things I hadn't wanted to buy, but had to buy because of Sia and was now diligently applying every single day.
Honestly, I thought I’d quit soon because it was a hassle.
After waking up in the morning and washing my face lightly, one more step was added, and at some point, it became a routine in my daily life.
"It’s not makeup, just skincare. Br-Brother, you do that kind of thing too. It’s just the amount that men usually do."
"I wasn't going to say anything, but did I hit a nerve?"
"No, I was just worried you’d misunderstand. And don't use those forced 'modern' words. It makes you sound like an old man."
I said that, but inside, I felt a little stung.
"I am an old man. Look at my age. I’m closer to 40 than 20 now."
My brother, who said that, has a youthful face. He snorted and looked around my room more.
One step, two steps.
My brother inadvertently pulled open one of the dresser drawers, saw the contents inside, and closed it quietly without a word.
It seemed like he wanted to just move on, as if he’d let it slide.
Perhaps it was because it was a drawer containing feminine hygiene products, and he didn't know what to say.
I wish he’d at least said something, even if it was just a joke.
Like, "Do you do this too?" just like he did with the skincare products.
I’d be totally fine with that.
"… It’s completely a girl’s room."
My brother probably said it without much thought, but it echoed in my ears once more.
It’s hard to deny, since I had thought the same thing.
And since my body is actually a girl’s now, it really is a girl’s room.
"What’s this outfit? Did you wear things like this, too?"
My brother pointed to the clothes I had worn when I went to Siu’s housewarming party.
"Th-this too, I had no choice, I just wore what an acquaintance bought for me."
I paid for it with my own money, but since Sia picked it out, I had no choice but to buy it.
In fact, other than wearing it once to not disappoint Sia, I haven't touched it at all.
Since Sia said she didn't know I would wear it, I probably won't have any reason to wear it in the future either.
"It’s not exactly an outfit to be ashamed of, so why are you reacting like that?"
"It just looks like you’re enjoying it too much…."
"I don't think you need to think of it that way."
My brother seemed to have looked around the room enough, so he sat down comfortably.
Seeing that the tension in his shoulders had eased a bit more than before, it seemed he had gotten used to it.
* * *
After some time passed, my brother checked his smartphone. Then he stood up and brushed off his knees.
"It’s time for my flight, so I should get going."
"You’re leaving already?"
The words just popped out. It was so obvious in my voice how disappointed I was.
My brother must have sensed my feelings, as his expression softened a little.
"I just stopped by briefly on my way back after seeing Mother. I’m sorry."
My brother stood up and started gathering the luggage he had brought.
Actually, the only luggage he had was a single suitcase.
Four years of time had turned into such a short meeting. I think it was the same when I saw him last time.
I don't know the exact time he arrived, but I think he was only here for about an hour at most.
"When are you coming back next time…?"
"That’s…. I don't know how things will turn out."
"Let me know when you come next time…."
"Okay."
My brother approached the front door. It was a shame that he was leaving already.
"But Eunhae."
"Yes…?"
My brother put his feet into his shoes. Since his face was toward the front door, I couldn't see his expression.
"Did you use to keep a pet?"
My body flinched without me realizing it.
"Why is there a puppy pad in the house?"