The Late Spring Chill
“W-what did you want to ask…?”
I was a little nervous, not knowing what kind of question would come out of Jiyu’s mouth.
I raised my gaze slightly to look into her eyes. It was an expression I’d never seen on her before.
No, to be precise, this was the first time I’d looked at her face head-on, so it was only natural.
Perhaps because I’d been training with a mirror, facing a woman’s face had become more familiar than I’d expected.
The moment that thought crossed my mind, our eyes met. Jiyu gave a light, playful smile.
Training with a mirror? Familiar, my foot. I immediately averted my gaze.
Feeling like I’d turned my head too blatantly, I looked back at her face.
This time, Jiyu rested her chin on one hand.
“Wow, you really act just like Eunhae-oppa….”
“H-how did I act just now…?”
“Looking at my chest and then turning your eyes away when we make eye contact.”
…It’s so unfair.
I wasn’t looking at her chest. Absolutely not.
I just couldn’t meet her eyes, so my gaze naturally drifted toward her lips and chest area.
And then, I’d gathered what little courage I had to try and meet her eyes, failed, and looked away. That was all.
But to the other person, it must have looked like I was checking out her chest and then dodging her gaze.
It’s so unfair.
“It’s not like that….”
Jiyu leaned forward, resting her body slightly on the table. Her chest pressed against the edge of the table.
She pointed a finger at me and laughed.
“There, you did it again.”
“N-no…”
I trailed off. I couldn’t deny it.
I mean, how could I not look…?
Is the Jiyu I’ve seen all this time the real one?
Or is the Jiyu sitting in front of me right now, with that mischievous expression, the real one?
“You didn’t tell me you’d turn out this cute.”
“Then what on earth were you imagining…?”
“Just a bit of a chest and maybe longer hair? But I never thought you’d become a completely different person. Have you become a woman entirely?”
“Yeah….”
Jiyu’s eyes sparkled.
“How is it after the change? Is there anything uncomfortable?”
Uncomfortable, huh.
It felt like nothing had really changed from my original life.
I spent most of my time at home anyway, and my original routine hadn’t changed at all.
If there was one thing that was uncomfortable in my daily life, it was…
“My height got a bit shorter…?”
Jiyu narrowed her eyes.
“Sunbae, you were short to begin with.”
“What…?”
“We were the same height. Even before that happened.”
“….”
Since Jiyu’s height and mine were actually the same, I had no room to argue.
Whenever we stood facing each other, our eye levels were perfectly aligned.
Seeing me standing there blankly with my mouth slightly agape, Jiyu giggled.
She didn’t even seem to be trying to hide her laughter.
“Anything else? Like, is your chest uncomfortable?”
At Jiyu’s words, I instinctively looked down. My thighs were clearly visible without anything in the way.
I looked back at Jiyu.
What is this girl saying?
Jiyu pointed at my chest with her finger.
“Ah, your chest is small, isn’t it?”
I found myself clenching my hands without realizing it.
“T-thanks to that, it was easier to adapt.”
Actually, because my chest was on the smaller side, it didn’t really feel like I’d become a woman. The only thing that felt truly alien was what was between my legs.
But even as I said it, I felt annoyed. What is this complex, subtle emotion?
It felt similar to when Siu used my shoulder as an armrest and teased me.
Jiyu laughed out loud at my reaction.
“Don’t laugh….”
Jiyu rested her chest on the table and continued with an indifferent expression.
“My chest is heavy, so my shoulders hurt. I thought I’d finally found someone who could understand my pain, but I guess I can’t ask you about that.”
Ah, I see.
I finally understood Jiyu’s motive completely.
She really, truly, purely, just wanted to meet me out of curiosity.
The days I’d spent on edge flashed through my mind. I’d been so terrified back then.
Fine, since you started it.
I let out a small sigh, stared at the cafe ceiling for a moment, and opened my mouth.
“Actually, there is one more uncomfortable thing about being a woman….”
Jiyu replied, her face still holding traces of laughter.
“What is it?”
“I keep getting hit on while walking down the street….”
“…What?”
“It must be tough for women…. I don’t know how many times a day it happens.”
“Are you joking right now? How is that uncomfortable?”
“N-no…. I’m really getting hit on. Doesn’t that happen to you…?”
“…Is this the kind of person you are? Wow. I was worried, but you’re totally enjoying it.”
Worried? There’s no way a person who’s actually worried would ask questions like that.
And enjoying it? It’s actually uncomfortable. You have no idea how creepy the guys who come up to ask for my number are.
“W-what, you started with the weird talk first…!”
Jiyu stared at me intently and then took a sip through her straw. She let out a sigh.
“I want to get a boyfriend, too.”
“…Suddenly?”
“Don’t you feel lonely, Sunbae? Well, I guess that’s why you don’t have any friends…, or at least that should be fine.”
“You can just make some….”
“If it were that easy, I would have done it already…. Is my standard too high?”
“What are your criteria…?”
Jiyu began to count them off on her fingers, looking serious.
“He shouldn’t know any women other than me—well, one or two is fine. He shouldn’t like drinking—oh, but he has to be able to drink with me, so he can’t be unable to drink at all. And also, he shouldn’t smoke.”
She didn’t stop.
“He should work out hard, but he shouldn’t be fake and post photos of his body to show off. Instead of ordering delivery every day, he should know how to cook for himself occasionally.”
“Your standards are… way too high….”
“Oh, and he has to be a bit handsome.”
“Jiyu, there’s no one like that in the world….”
One person did come to mind, but he fell into one of Jiyu’s disqualification categories.
“So I guess I can’t date, huh.”
Even as she said that, Jiyu didn’t look all that sad. She shrugged her shoulders, and her head moved closer to the table.
Suddenly, as if she’d remembered something, she lifted her head abruptly.
“Oh, what are you going to do about a boyfriend?”
“What?”
“Don’t you have any plans to date?”
“Why would I date someone like that?”
“Ah.”
As if she’d only just realized, Jiyu’s pupils widened and then shrank.
“Right. I forgot.”
“What did you forget….”
“I thought I was talking to a woman just now.”
“What is that supposed to…”
Jiyu didn’t seem to have thought about how that would sound to me before she said it.
So, I decided not to think about the meaning behind those words.
It was probably just something she said in passing.
Jiyu swirled the remaining drink with her straw.
“By the way, do you know anyone else besides me?”
“Yeah…. I do.”
“Really? Who? Not family.”
“A, a friend.”
Jiyu’s eyebrows rose slightly, as if she were a bit surprised.
“You said you didn’t have a single friend.”
“Even so, I have at least one friend…!”
“You always went around the lab saying you didn’t have any friends.”
“Did I…?”
It was true that I’d gone around saying I didn’t know anyone at university, as if to self-deprecate.
I’d just been trying to be funny in my own way….
I never expected it to synergize with my usual image and turn me into someone who truly had no friends.
“Honestly, it didn’t make sense that you had zero friends. So, the friend who knows about this is a guy…, right? Yeah? Right, there’s no way you’d know any women other than me, Sunbae.”
“Yeah….”
“But now that you’ve become this cute, won’t your friend fall for you?”
“That won’t happen. He’s a really kind friend….”
“Well, that’s not really my business. But who knows? You might just be oblivious, Sunbae.”
“I’m telling you, it’s not like that….”
“Like, if he contacts you more often than usual.”
I cut her off sharply.
“No.”
Jiyu was a very talkative person. I hadn’t known that well when we worked together, but maybe that was because I always answered her in short sentences.
Now, it felt like we were actually having a back-and-forth.
…Or maybe I’m the one who changed.
Jiyu moistened her throat with her drink, as if her mouth were dry.
Unlike before, Jiyu’s face had changed from playful to worried.
“What are you going to do later?”
“What do you mean, what am I going to do…?”
“Is there a cure?”
“Ah, a, a, probably…?”
Jiyu looked at me without a word.
“Actually, I don’t know….”
“Sunbae, I was teasing you a bit, but if you have any questions, feel free to text me.”
“Why are you going that far for me…?”
“…It’s not that hard, I just, I just wanted to.”
A faint smile spread across Jiyu’s face.
We had a long conversation until all the ice in our glasses had melted.
I’d spent two years with her, but today was the first time I’d realized Jiyu was this kind of person.
Had she just never shown me this side of herself before? Or had I just not been looking properly?
As soon as we left the cafe, Jiyu said,
“Should I give you a ride?”
“No. It’s just a short walk.”
“Don’t be shy, get in.”
As soon as I had no choice but to get into the car, my fantasy about women was shattered. I’d expected a pleasant scent, but the car was filled only with the smell of musty leather seats.
All sorts of trash were stuffed into every nook and cranny, and half-empty water bottles were rolling around.
I’d assumed that if you were a woman, you’d always keep things neat and tidy.
I was a bit taken aback by the side of Jiyu that was different from what I’d seen on the surface, but I didn’t show it on my face.
It wouldn’t be polite to wrinkle my nose at a slightly dirty car.
Jiyu moved a paper bag that had been on the passenger seat to the back.
“Uh, it is a bit dirty, isn’t it…?”
Even so, there was still so much trash that I was a bit reluctant to sit down.
I used only my fingertips to clear away the trash as much as possible before sitting down.
It wasn’t a lie; the cafe really was close, so the car ride was short.
“Is this the place?”
“Yeah….”
The speed gradually decreased, and the car came to a complete stop.
“Then see you later. You have to keep in touch.”
Actually, if I needed to ask about women, I had Sia, so I probably wouldn’t have any reason to contact Jiyu.
This might be the last time I see her.
It was obvious that I wouldn’t reach out first, and Jiyu didn’t have any reason to contact me either.
“Yeah, take care….”
“Talk to the other people from the lab later, too. Don’t be so scared. We saw each other for over two years, but you haven’t had any contact since graduation.”
That was something you couldn’t say lightly if you were the one involved.
How could she know how other people would react?
Or maybe she thinks everyone will react just like she did.
Her head is way too much of a flower garden.
After I opened the passenger door and was about to close it again, I remembered something I’d forgotten.
“Thanks for the ride….”
As I got out of the car, the air felt exceptionally chilly.
Come to think of it, was it the late spring chill?
“Achoo.”
What is this? It feels like my throat is ticklish.