Poisoned Needles and Cruel Realities
It was clearly a reward in this industry. I had felt a chill, sensing that something was about to happen. But it turned out I had only detected Mohanya's arrival? Was I some kind of Mohanya sensor now? It made sense to grow tense if an opponent as powerful as Mohanya appeared nearby. Still, after all that tension, the one who popped out was Mohanya. How anticlimactic. At least the peace of mind helped.
"If it's Burning Saturday, why not just stay home and sleep comfortably instead of coming to find me?"
"Nyaha nyang! Mohanya has no home nyang. Every street is home nyang. So it's not strange at all for Mohanya to wander around and come see Dangdangjjang~"
"That's quite impressive."
"Thanks for the compliment nyang!"
"That wasn't a compliment."
"Thanks for not complimenting me nyang!"
Damn it, she never backed down even once.
"But why are you here? I'm not on my way to fight anyone right now."
Mohanya had always given me countermeasures for my next opponent. When I went to save Yu Jin-ri, she taught me how to win against someone with a gun. When I met Leni, she showed me how to use Chegi to beat a gunman in an alley. She even appeared when I met Leni without knowing if I would fight. It was as if she knew who I would fight, which made me wonder if she was the author. It was a reasonable suspicion, but I didn't want to be called crazy by a crazy person, so I kept it to myself. It was frustrating and painful.
"Nyang nyang? Didn't I say I came because I wanted to see Dangdangjjang?"
"You always say that, but then you go 'Actually, I came to teach Dangdangjjang something nyang~' don't you?"
"Nyang nyang! Did Dangdangjjang just imitate Mohanya? So cute nyang♥"
Mohanya clenched her fists and started throwing rapid nyang-nyang punches at my chest. Those protruding fangs in her mouth were annoying enough to make me want to yank them out.
"Still, what Dangdangjjang said wasn't wrong nyang. Mohanya always wants to teach something whenever she sees Dangdangjjang nyang."
"Why do you want to teach me?"
"That's a secret nyang! Knowing too much might hurt you nyang…"
What the hell could possibly hurt me?
"Therefore, Mohanya comes because she wants to see Dangdangjjang, and teaches because she wants to teach nyang! Mohanya is a free spirit who lives as she pleases nyang!"
"Stray cats need to be neutered though…"
"Neutering? Mohanya is female, so what are you planning by neutering her nyang? Are you thinking of abandoning her just because she can't get pregnant—"
"W-wait! You can't say lines that cross that line!"
"What are you thinking nyang? I was going to ask if you planned to abandon her just because she can't get pregnant nyang. After all, to become the official wife, one must be able to have children nyang."
"What do you mean by official wife?"
"Since Mohanya is a cat, she can fight very well in the heroine contest known as catfight nyang!"
"Go ahead and do as many catfights as you want. There's no way I'd fall in love with a lunatic like you anyway."
She must have read too many harem light novels and melted her brain. That's why cosplayers who aren't at festivals or modeling gigs are lunatics and should be filtered out.
"Talking more will just wear me out, so hurry up and teach me whatever you're here to teach, then leave."
"Sob sob nyang nyang, already treating me like chewed gum nyang. Mohanya feels like she'll become a defeated heroine nyang. Hora mo zenzen! I'm perfectly fine nyang! Since defeat isn't confirmed yet, I won't act like a loser nyang!"
I really wanted to punch her. Just wait until my combat power exceeds ten thousand. Whether by ambush or whatever, I'd land at least one hit.
"In that sense, today's official wife, Mohanya, will teach you how to win against an opponent who uses poison needles nyang!"
"Poison needles?"
Damn, what kind of baseless nonsense was this? No matter how rootless this world was, why suddenly poison needles?
"Am I supposed to fight some poison-needle bug or something? Is this Pokémon? Should I run from Beedrills in Viridian Forest?"
"Nyaha nyang! Have you gone crazy from watching too much animation?"
Who was she to talk?
"Poison needles are definitely dangerous weapons nyang! They even appear in the game Leori, don't they nyang? If you get hit by purr-purr-purr and normal-Q-normal, you get blinded and it hurts a lot nyang!"
"W-wait! Say the game name correctly! It's not Leori, it's Reori! If you don't say Reori, there's going to be trouble!"
"Nyaha nyang! Reori or Leori, it's the same nyang. If you remove 'mo' from Mohanya, it's just like becoming a regular cat nyang!"
Ah. Don't get dragged in. Getting dragged in would only make me look like an idiot.
"Anyway, the lesson starts right now nyang!"
Mohanya is attempting to use a poison needle on you!
She was going to use a poison needle? But there was no poison needle visible anywhere. Mohanya stretched out her arms without even clenching her fists, as if measuring the distance between us. The moment her fingertips touched my cheek, I felt a sharp sting.
"W-what?!"
When I touched my cheek where the sting had been, blood was flowing down. Soon my vision spun and nausea rose up. What the hell. What had I just been hit with?
"Nyaha nyang! Dangdangjjang foolishly fell for Mohanya's poison needle nyang. From now on, Dangdangjjang is going to get wrecked by Mohanya nyang!"
Thinking was becoming harder. Breathing was difficult too. Even as Mohanya approached visibly and threw nyang-nyang punches, I had no strength to resist. Then everything went black.
When I opened my eyes again, Mohanya was looking down at me with heart-shaped pupils.
"Coming to your senses nyang? You're so pathetic, Dangdangjjang nyang. Be grateful that no one dies in Mohanya's space nyang."
"No, where the hell was the poison needle?"
I had clearly been pricked by Mohanya's fingertip. So why had I been poisoned?
"The poison needle was right on the finger nyang!"
Mohanya proudly held her middle finger in front of my eyes. A tiny needle was actually protruding from it. Damn, what was this?
"Surprised? But humans who use poison needles treat this as basic nyang. No one knows where the poison needle will come from nyang!"
"Then what do I do? You didn't even explain how to observe their actions in detail."
"Nyaha nyang! Did you think action observation was all-powerful? Of course, if you press 'View Details,' you can see where the poison needle is nyang. The problem is that pressing 'View Details' makes the explanation too long—do you have the ability to read all of it?"
Pressing View Details would show an explanation? I pressed the still-floating warning window to switch to detailed view. The warning window enlarged, and the following text appeared:
The poison applied to this needle is extracted and extremely concentrated from the nectar of the giant Nepenthes, known as the Nepenthes Beast poison. Despite its terrifying name, it is simply a paralyzing toxin and not lethal. However, its paralysis efficiency is considerable, capable of putting even a giant elephant to sleep in an instant. If a human is hit, they will certainly not wake up for a full day. Currently, the poison needle Mohanya has coated with Nepenthes Beast poison is embedded in her right middle finger. It is too short to be easily seen, so caution is advised.
In normal situations, the text length was readable enough to absorb the information, but in an urgent combat situation, it was impossible. So that was why Mohanya had asked if I had the ability to read it all. Unless I had developed the skill to extract only the necessary text, which I didn't—I had no such speed-reading ability, so it was definitely impossible.
"Then what am I supposed to do? If I don't know where the poison needle will come from, I can't win."
"Nyaha nyang! That's why you need to develop your eyes nyang. Endless practice is the only way to survive! Get up nyang!"
"The paralyzing poison hasn't worn off yet…"
"Don't exaggerate nyang!"
Mohanya poked my stomach with her shoe. Why did I feel another sting?
Everything went black again.
There had been a poison needle on her shoe too, and I had been paralyzed and fainted before opening my eyes.
"Remember that you woke up quickly because this is Mohanya's space nyang! If it were real, Dangdangjjang would have been asleep for two whole days nyang!"
If it had been a lethal poison instead of a paralyzing one, I might have slept forever. My body still didn't have full strength, but I managed to stand up somehow. I definitely couldn't afford to exaggerate. I didn't know when I would fight someone using poison needles, but Mohanya had a reason for putting me through this training.
"I'll try to develop my eyes somehow."
"Nyaha nyang! Good thinking nyang. Then, to increase Dangdangjjang's concentration from now on, I'll add a reward nyang."
"A reward? What kind of reward?"
"Every time you faint, Mohanya will step on your face with her foot nyang."
"That's not a reward, that's a punishment, damn it."
"For someone, Mohanya's foot smell might be a reward nyang! I'll turn Dangdangjjang into one of those Dangdang types nyang!"
Damn it, I'd grit my teeth and dodge. She wanted me to smell that lunatic's foot odor? Who knew if she even had athlete's foot?
"I don't want to smell your foot odor even if I die, so I'll focus like hell!"
...
And so I had to smell Mohanya's foot odor thirty times. Every time I opened my eyes, Mohanya's foot was resting on my face, and through the short black skirt, I could see Mohanya's panties. Mohanya's foot smell was cherry-scented, and her panties were pink lace. I hadn't wanted to know any of that. At least it wasn't a stench, so that was something.
"How is it? For someone, this would definitely be a reward nyang?"
"Still, somehow… I succeeded on the 31st try."
"Nyaha nyang! You got hit by Mohanya two more times before that, so it was success on the 33rd try nyang!"
"So what, damn it."
Having my face trampled by a foot thirty times made me feel like my human dignity was in danger. So I gritted my teeth and stared hard, and that thin poison needle began to faintly come into view. Now, damn it, I had the confidence to dodge even if someone came at me with poison needles. Bring it on if you dare. I'd take that bastard down and stomp on his face with my own foot. Since getting revenge on Mohanya was difficult, I'd have to do it to someone else.
Had I lost thirty-two fights? My combat power had risen by 320. Even losing to Mohanya was helpful. If she weren't a lunatic, I'd want to endlessly praise her as my master.
"Mohanya has given enough rewards and taught enough lessons nyang! The fourth lesson ends here! Then bye-bye nyang~ See you next time nyang~"
"Wait a moment."
"Nyang?"
Mohanya had been about to disappear while waving her hand as usual. I stopped her with words.
"Do you have something to say nyang?"
Someone as strong as Mohanya might know. Asking a lunatic felt a bit off, but her power was real, so she might be able to answer.
"If… if someone precious is taken hostage, how do I fight to win?"
Everyone except me was weak. So it wouldn't be strange if they were taken hostage at any time. Ever since the Leni Siss incident, this question had remained in my heart. If Leni had been taken hostage back then, what could I have done? No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't find an answer. But if it was Mohanya, who always trained me, she might know. So with a pounding heart, I waited for Mohanya's answer.
Mohanya smiled as if it were nothing and spoke.
"Is the hostage strong nyang?"
"No, they're weak."
"And you still want to win nyang? When a weak hostage's life is on the line?"
"Because in this world, losing means death."
"That's true nyang. Losing means death nyang. So the moment the hostage is taken, consider it defeat nyang."
"What?"
"If you still want to win…"
Mohanya's expression turned serious for the first time as she dropped her smile.
"The only way is to give up on the hostage nyang."
Because that was reality.