Chapter 18
Chapter 18
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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 18
Chapter Title: Vacation (1)
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I stared at the flickering screen.
Bright.
Dark.
Bright.
Dark.
Programs broadcast on the television.
I couldn't even register what they were about.
I sat on the edge of the bed, flipping through the channels.
[2 hours 10 minutes]
There was one syringe left.
I was holding it in my hand now.
Having it brought some sense of relief.
If Han Si-hoo brought the medicine from his house, there would be no reason to use this one.
"I need to get more medicine."
A lot more.
I couldn't keep troubling Han Si-hoo.
I have to get more medicine.
I'd been stuck on that thought for three hours.
"...Have to get it..."
I muttered, changing the channel again.
-At the scene where the Academy students played a vital role...
-This is the venue for the Awakener's Association conference.
-Fifteen districts of New Seoul will be reopened. News has just come in of the completed subjugation of dungeons and gates.
I see.
How interesting.
Maybe there's something more interesting.
-The market for large-scale anti-magical beast weaponry is expanding.
Firearms and cannon-like weapons appeared on screen.
There were far more weapons like swords and spears.
Probably because of the setting where guns aren't very effective against magical beasts.
-Export values have reached an annual high...
"...Huh?"
It wasn't the export figures that surprised me.
There was a familiar image.
"I've seen that before."
A company logo.
I'd seen it on a passing truck.
Probably a weapons transport vehicle.
"The picture from the medicine box."
The box that had contained the medicine I checked in the infirmary.
I had stared at it so intently, I remembered.
It was hard to read the letters on the box, but I remembered the picture.
The logo on the outside of the box.
A design made of geometric squares.
I didn't know which company it was.
Did that company make the medicine?
At the very least, they might have been responsible for its transport.
A contractor that supplies military-grade weapons.
Were they supplying weapons to the Academy, too?
"...Should I go look for it later?"
Look for it?
I still didn't know what it was, or where I would even need to go.
I didn't have enough information yet.
Even if I figured out how the medicine was made, getting it was another matter entirely.
-With the help of the new weapon system, the subjugation of the Red Dragon has proceeded successfully.
It was a world where dragons roamed.
What appeared to be the corpse of a dragon remained on the screen.
Monsters, also called magical beasts.
If you left their bodies alone, they would just evaporate.
Except for important items.
I didn't know the principle behind it.
"A strange world."
I didn't know why I even existed in a world like this.
No matter how much I thought about it, there was no answer.
[2 hours 5 minutes]
There was still plenty of time left, but I was already starting to feel bad.
"Am I the strange one?"
In the end, there was only one conclusion.
Use more medicine.
Still, it felt a bit early, so I decided to wait.
A slight anger.
I knew, intellectually.
I knew that self-destructive impulses were not good.
Mental fortitude.
The problem was my mental fortitude.
But now, I didn't have the strength to endure any longer.
"Living is such a pain..."
Only negative words spilled out.
The medicine was still in effect.
I wasn't feeling that desperate, so I should try to hold on.
"...Maybe dying wouldn't be so bad."
No.
Not yet, at least.
I checked the syringe in my hand.
There was still medicine left, so it was okay.
I felt a strange presence.
Someone was here.
"...Si-hoo?"
"-Ah, yeah. I'm back."
I hadn't heard the door open.
It must have been because of the TV.
What I said was probably drowned out by the TV sound, too.
Probably.
"Welcome back. The medicine?"
I welcomed Han Si-hoo.
He must have gone through a lot of trouble going all the way to my house and back.
"......"
Was it not that long of a wait?
Had it been about four hours?
Thank goodness for the television.
At least waiting wasn't boring.
[1 hour 59 minutes]
"Did you get the medicine?"
I could feel my heart pounding with anticipation.
I wanted to use the medicine.
Not for any other reason, but because it had a healing effect, too.
I needed to treat my wounds.
"......"
Han Si-hoo seemed to be contemplating something.
His expression was dark.
Did something happen?
"Was there no medicine?"
Maybe there was no medicine at his house.
Maybe someone had stopped by in the meantime and taken it.
"No, it was there."
Han Si-hoo answered.
He said the medicine was there.
"Really? So you brought it, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then?"
Why wasn't he giving it to me?
He was hesitating about something.
"...Are you planning to use it?"
"Yeah."
Right now.
I had to.
I felt so awful right now.
If I wasn't going to use it, why did he go get it?
No, don't get annoyed.
Si-hoo went through a lot of trouble.
"I haven't used this one yet. If you have the medicine, I think I can use it now."
I held out the spare syringe Han Si-hoo had given me.
This one's performance was too poor.
"The one from the house, what kind of medicine do you think it is?"
"Medicine that makes the pain go away."
"What exactly does it treat?"
"...Are you messing with me?"
Everything hurts.
"No. Sorry. That's not what I meant..."
"I think I know what you're worried about, but it's fine, so just give it to me."
I understood his concern.
He didn't know what was in it.
But the same went for the syringe the Academy gave me.
The one the doctor gave me was more effective.
So I had to use the doctor's medicine.
"Sorry. Still, I know it could be dangerous for you, and it's the medicine that doctor gave you... I can't give it to you right now. Because it's dangerous."
Dangerous.
Not using the medicine was the most dangerous thing.
If you weren't going to give it to me, why did you bring it?
Did he even bring it?
He hadn't even shown it to me.
"Oh, so is this a safe medicine?"
I held up the syringe Han Si-hoo had given me.
The medicine from the Academy.
Its performance was bad, and its effects were short-lived.
This was the stranger medicine.
[1 hour 53 minutes]
I even felt bad while its effects were still active.
I was scared I might get angry at Han Si-hoo if I wasn't careful.
"It's safe."
Even as he said it, Han Si-hoo seemed a little unsure.
I wanted to ask him on what grounds he could say it was safe.
If I pressed him, I felt like I might get a little angry.
"Ah, okay."
"Sorry."
"You... I guess you would think so. Yeah. On what basis do you trust the Academy anyway? I hate the Academy..."
I was rambling.
"If I don't have the medicine, I can't heal, I can't, so why won't you give it to me? Do you want someone like me to just keep hurting? Why..."
Stop talking nonsense.
I couldn't control it.
As I thought, the anger itself was the problem.
I had to use the medicine.
-*Pshk.*
The auto-injector was convenient.
You just had to stick it in.
I took the medicine before I could make a wrong choice.
[6 hours 33 minutes]
The anger subsided.
The negative feelings vanished.
Medicine was medicine, after all.
"Ah, sorry. I'm sorry for saying all that weird stuff... Thank you for going all the way to my house."
I didn't forget to say thank you.
Thinking it over, I might have been a bit rude.
Demanding the medicine as soon as he arrived.
"It's okay. You don't have to apologize."
Han Si-hoo, who said that, looked like he had lost a lot of his confidence.
The atmosphere around him felt strange.
He seemed even gloomier.
"Sorry, the medicine... you can just handle it. It's just... I was saying strange things earlier because I didn't use the medicine soon enough, so don't worry about it."
I decided to leave it to Han Si-hoo.
Now that I'd used the medicine from the Academy, it wasn't so bad.
I should have used it before I said something I'd regret.
I don't know why I hesitated so much.
"Hey, Seo-ah."
"Yeah?"
"I got a call from the Academy, and they said they can keep supplying the medicine you're using now."
"Aha."
"So... the medicine you were using before, let's only use it when it's absolutely necessary."
"Okay. Sounds good."
That was fine.
Though I wasn't sure when a time of absolute necessity would come.
How would I even explain that it's truly necessary?
"And the medicine I brought..."
"Yeah?"
"No, it's nothing. I'll tell you later."
Later?
It must not have been anything important.
"Hey, why the long face? It's not because of the weird things I said, is it?"
I asked, sitting down on the bed.
I felt a little anxious.
I couldn't even remember what I had blurted out before using the medicine.
"No. It's not that."
Something felt off.
Even with my dulled emotions, I could tell this much.
Anyone could see he wasn't in a good mood.
"I just... there's something I want to ask you, Seo-ah."
"Hm?"
"I want to hear about what's happened to you until now."
Han Si-hoo was about to ask a question.
What's happened until now.
A lot had happened.
"Uhm."
Even if he asked, I couldn't answer everything, but I was curious what he wanted to know.
"...That."
For someone who said he had something to ask, he was taking his time.
"You know."
After a long hesitation, Han Si-hoo finally spoke.
What was he trying to say?
"I went and saw earlier... why was your house in that state?"
"Huh?"
The state of my house?
Was there a problem?
"It was a huge mess."
"Really?"
A mess?
Was my house that dirty?
At most, it was probably just a little dusty, right?
It was a house in the slums, to begin with; I think he was expecting too much.
I had been living there quite contentedly.
As long as the medicine was in sight, that's all that mattered.
"There was broken glass on the floor, and the mirror too..."
"R-Really?"
Thinking back, I think something had fallen near the entrance.
The bottle that held the pills had shattered.
I had a vague memory of half-heartedly cleaning it up.
The mirror was broken, too.
Did I break it?
"I think that might be right."
Retracing my memories, I guess the house was dirty.
"What were all those scraps of metal piled up in the room? The chains and all that."
"Scraps of metal, chains? Ah, th-that."
I really should have cleaned the house.
The problem was that I just lived there, thinking it was too much of a hassle.
The medicine was in the living room; it would have been better if he had just grabbed that and left.
It seemed he had looked around every corner of the house.
"I thought maybe you'd picked them up from around the neighborhood, but why were you keeping them in the house?"
"Well..."
He was right, I did pick them up from around the neighborhood.
Back when I didn't yet know how good the medicine was.
Did I throw all the medicine away?
A choice that made no sense.
"I, I don't remember."
Let's go with that.
Explaining it was a pain.
Was it obvious I was lying?
It was all something I did because I didn't want to take the medicine.
How long could I last without it?
It seemed like an incredibly foolish thing to do now, but back then, I just thought I had to do it.
"Is it that hard to talk about?"
"......"
It is.
I didn't have a clue where to even begin explaining.
Claiming I didn't remember was an excuse, but it was also partly true.
"So, so..."
It was nothing special.
I used the things I'd gathered to block the door and tested how long I could last without medicine.
The plan was to gradually increase the time I could endure.
[-1 minute]
The moment the number dropped below zero, I didn't want to live anymore.
I tried not to think about what happened back then in detail.
[6 hours 26 minutes]
What was he thinking, making me feel bad all of a sudden?
It would be a problem if the medicine Han Si-hoo brought back wasn't enough.
That would be a time when I truly needed the doctor's medicine.
Ah, maybe that wouldn't be so bad.
Hmm?
Should I just use it freely?
Maybe there was no need to save the medicine.
Let's not save it.
Let's use the medicine when I can.
How strange is it to suddenly feel like you want to die?
It's better to live happily and peacefully for a long, long time.
Back to the topic.
Anyway, I had to explain to Han Si-hoo.
"That was... just, how should I put it..."
Let's try to sum it up in one sentence.
He was so curious, it was probably right to give him an answer.
I could say it was because I couldn't take my medicine.
My mental state was a little unwell.
Thinking about it now, it was truly ridiculous.
Why did my past self hate using the medicine?
The doctor said it was a good thing.
I could only be considered sane when I took it, but I guess I thought I was fine back then.
I just didn't want to admit that I was sick.
A sick person just needs to take their medicine.
"If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."
Han Si-hoo seemed to have grown even more somber.
"...Uhm, sorry."
I was trying to explain properly, but my thoughts had wandered too long.
This was one of the few problems with the medicine.
It made you just stare blankly into space, thinking.
"It's okay."
He said it was okay even if I didn't tell him, so there was probably no need to explain.
"Well, do you have any more questions?"
I could answer other questions, to some extent.
Probably.
Han Si-hoo mumbled.
As if he wanted to say something.
"...I'll ask later."
"Later?"
"Yeah. Later."
It was all the same to me.
"I don't know everything that's happened to you, but when you feel you can talk about it, tell me."
"I will."
"Whatever bad things were done to you... I'll make sure nothing like that ever happens again."
"U-uh."
I wasn't subjected to any bad things, though.
Who would do what to me?
I had never let a bad person into my house.
He must have misunderstood something because the house was a mess.
Saying he'll make sure nothing like that happens again must mean he'll protect me.
I can take that as a good thing, right?
"I'll trust you."
I said with a smile.
Smiling was what Yoo Seo-ah did best.
I must have smiled well.
But I really can trust him, right?
There was no way someone who gave me medicine could be a bad person.
When he stabbed me with the knife at first, I thought Han Si-hoo hated me, but seeing his attitude now, that didn't seem to be the case.
Han Si-hoo still treated Yoo Seo-ah as his childhood friend.
Right?
I resisted the urge to check for a wound on my abdomen.
He stabbed me there.
No, we're friends.
It's okay.
It was peaceful.
Good.
It was more comfortable than when I was at home.
With Han Si-hoo here, it felt safer.
So, what if I used the better medicine here?
Like the one the doctor gave me.
Yes.
A small smile touched the corner of my lips.