Chapter 031
"What the fuck. I'm screwed."
"Yes. She said you're much better than him."
"Oh my god……."
Lily stared at Muller Viscountess with a blank expression. The wariness that had filled her face moments ago melted away like snow in the sun.
Muller Viscountess clicked her tongue inwardly.
Just what the hell did Kasian do that his name alone disarms her like this?
The saintess who seemed like she'd suspect even a bundle of cash handed to her straight-up disarmed at the mere mention of his name. At this level, he was practically a cult leader. And the fact that the one enthralled was the national church's saintess made it all the more chilling.
No way he has woman-charming powers too, right?
Thinking about it, the picture came together. His supervising professor, Iris, who was a few years older. From the looks of things, she might be the senior and mentor, but Kasian held the reins. Then there was Elisia, assigned to the same group. She smiled brightly at Kasian, unlike her infamous image, right? And now this pink-haired saintess in front of her.
Hah.
It was clear.
The Palace Count passed down something real nice to him.
Corinth del Parne, the Palace Count, had countless women pining for him before and after his marriage back in the day. This is why bloodlines are scary.
Muller seized the momentum to drive the wedge home.
"I'll give you time to think it over, so mull it calmly and give me your answer. It's absolutely not a bad offer for you……."
"I'll answer now!"
"……Huh?"
Lily didn't even pretend to deliberate. She clenched her fists tight and shouted.
"I'll do it! Disciple! Absolutely!"
"Huh."
Oh my god. Men are terrifying like this.
Muller Viscountess felt a refreshing satisfaction at her straightforwardness, but on the other hand, she was floored by Kasian's influence.
Then, Lily added hesitantly.
"Um…… but Professor."
"Speak. Anything."
"Instead of other conditions, I have just one request."
A condition, huh. Money? Scholarship? Muller Viscountess crossed her arms and nodded.
"Go ahead. I'll grant anything."
Lily fidgeted, then shyly opened her mouth.
* * *
That same afternoon. After classes ended, I put off heading home and sank into the chair in my private lab, gazing at the ceiling in what had to be the world's most arrogant pose, as usual.
Legs crossed on the desk, hands clasped behind my head.
I'd been in this pose for days straight. Not sick of it. Will I ever get sick of it? Will I even get sick of it in this lifetime? Not forever…… but at least until graduation. Except for Intro to Herbalism and other farming classes, I wanted to stay frozen like a statue in this position.
The afternoon sunlight streaming through the window warmed my stomach nicely.
"Life's good."
No crown prince ditching his future wife to chase other girls. No villainess brewing radioactive tea like a pro. No saintess showing up with animals dangling off her like a cashpet. Even my mentor, Professor Iris, was tiptoeing around me and not barging in.
What's a sanctuary? This is a sanctuary.
Fridge and bed, please arrive soon. Especially the fridge—gotta stock it full of drinks first.
I'd scoured for all kinds of fruit juices. Lost in happy fantasies, my lips twitched into a grin.
Knock… knock….
The knock came with a deliberate pause.
……What?
Only one person ever visits. So not who, but what. But somehow…… it felt subtly different from usual. Off. Something was up.
A bad feeling hit me, and I uncurled from my slouch, sitting up straight.
"Come in."
Creeeak.
Bad feelings always smack you in the back of the head when they turn real.
The door opened, and Iris walked in. But her face was a sight.
What? Did she raid my potato field?
She was fidgeting way too much. Unsettling. My spine sensor blared danger alarms.
"What? Did you cause another incident?"
"……."
No response. I feel this all the time, but how is this a mentor?
She was hemming and hawing like she was scared of getting scolded.
"Sigh."
Yelling wouldn't change shit. No knight-meme rage, Kasian del Parne. Or at least save it for 19+ bait. Okay. Mind control complete.
"Spit it out. The suspense is making me more anxious. Did we lose the lab again?"
"No, not that……."
Iris fidgeted, avoiding my eyes, then dropped the bomb in a tiny voice.
"I'm really sorry, Kasian. But this lab…… we'll have to share it with someone for a while."
"……?"
Hook sinks in instantly. Thunderbolt from a clear sky. Mind control shattered. Brain fry engaged.
"What?! Why? Suddenly? No way! You said it was my private space! Exclusive!"
"It's…… things got complicated."
"Complicated how?! Professor Hiks stamped it himself, right? Who dares question the head of the magic department's grand wizard?!"
That old man's pride seemed solid, but it was just that flimsy?!
As I flailed in outrage, Iris sighed deeply and shook her head.
"I tried to block it…… but there was an offer I couldn't refuse."
"An offer you couldn't refuse?"
Isn't that mafia talk for kidnapping someone to pickle them?
Threats? Who threatens the empire's youngest grand wizard? The emperor?
Conspiracy theories raced through my head. But Iris's next words mocked my imagination—realistic, and thus crueler.
"An offer to donate rare magic materials and ancient tomes worth three years of the department's budget, free of charge. The condition? Just one: lab access for a specific student."
Ah. Fuck.
I knew the culprit. Money bullshit? Only one person in this zone could pull that.
* * *
And the next morning. When Iris visited again, a very cautious, familiar voice came from behind her.
"Excuse me……."
I, staring blankly out the window, slowly turned my chair to check.
A pink-haired girl stood in the doorway, clutching bags as big as herself in both hands.
Lily.
"……Hah."
A sigh burst from deep in my gut. Teeth grinding.
This damn pufferfish invaded my room too? Not content with the incinerator?
Muller Viscountess…….
So this was her big picture. Lily probably said something like, "Can I crash in Kasian-nim's lab? That house jerky is killer," and Muller went, "Sure, money fixes everything," dumping cash on the magic department.
To the profs handling the budget, it was too big to refuse. It was a huge sum.
Damn…… this is why money's the boss.
No, fuck. If you're gonna do that, give it to me! I take all the damage, my privacy's wrecked, and the old magic department geezers reap the benefits?!
My state-of-the-art greenhouse! My unlimited card! And it loops back like this.
Muller Viscountess, that lady. 200% intentional. To screw me over and hook up her disciple.
I despaired at having glued the wart even bigger—and with bond.
Lily peeked at my scary face and hid behind her bags. But her eyes sparkled as she stole glances.
Like she wanted to greet me happily. Fat chance.
Did I look like I was in greeting mood?
"What're you staring at? Eyes down. This is my house."
"……!"
Lily flinched, then beamed.
Funny?
"Hehe. Nice to meet you, roommate."
"Who’s roommate?! Parasite!"
"Hehe."
"Laughing? You get the situation?!"
I slammed the desk and stood; Iris adjusted her glasses with a cold flash and cut in.
"Kasian. This isn't a house. It's an academy lab."
"Is that the point right now?! My sanctuary's invaded!"
"……Sorry."
"Sorry fixes it?! My lab! You said it was mine!"
"……I'm really sorry. For real."
Iris tucked her tail. Normally, her cowering would be cute and cool me off, but not today. With Lily here → crown prince barges in → wait, fuck, my future crown princess? → Guillotine ending.
Clang.
"Argh! My fate!!"
I tore at my hair in agony.
Then.
Rustle, rustle!
The zipper on Lily's bag unzipped on its own, and two furballs popped out.
Brown squirrel. White rabbit.
Curious about the new place, they sniffed around the lab floor.
"……."
Just peachy, huh? Not a 1+1, but 1+3?
Wait, why two? Where's the other one?
The ominous thought hit just as—
Tap, tap!
A sound from the window.
No way.
I creakily turned to look.
A sparrow chick perched there. With that same "What, fucker, not opening the door?" pissy glare from before, it bobbed its head and pecked the window rhythmically.
Tap, tap-tap! Tap!
"Gahhhh!!!"
I knew it, that fake bird punk. Last time I chased it off, it must've gone to Lily like, "That guy's lab is cozy as fuck? Good hideout?"
Meanwhile, the squirrel scampered to my feet and pawed my shoe tip.
Tap, tap.
'Hand it over.'
Gangster vibes all over it.
"These jerky gang bastards finally invaded here too!!!!!"
My scream filled the lab.
Lily smiled brightly amid the chaos and headed to the window; Iris fidgeted cluelessly, fiddling with her staff.
"Can I open it?"
So brightly, too.
"Do whatever……."
Lily opened the window, and the sparrow flew straight over my head, pecking my scalp.
"It must be happy to see you after so long, Kasian-nim."
What the fuck. I'm screwed.
I remember a modern lit scene with roasted sparrow at a street stall.
It's sizing me up to see if I'm edible soon. Jerky-fed sparrow roast. Sounds tasty. Damn it all.