EP.7 Life Is Like a Game -2
EP.7 Life Is Like a Game -2
After the heat from the police had cooled off somewhat, I met up with Yata in front of a certain hotel.
"So the bastards are in here?"
"Yep!"
"Let me double-check. There's no doubt the traitor and that bitch are lovers, right?"
"Right, and today the two of them are on a date here."
"Good. That's enough for me."
I didn't need to make a plan.
The sons of bitches deserved a stage that fit them.
Resolved to show them utter chaos, I took the pistol Yata had brought for me and walked into the hotel.
"Come to think of it, this place..."
It was a love hotel, wasn't it?
A love hotel, where even the lobby was saturated with red lighting to set that kind of atmosphere.
A love hotel was certainly a standard destination for a couple on a date.
They came to a place like this in broad daylight?
I really had no idea what couples these days were thinking.
"Two adults here!"
"Huh...?"
I had been agonizing over how to kill the two who were probably in the middle of a hot and heavy session.
Before I knew it, Yata had gone to the front desk and was going through check-in.
"I got the room next to the targets! Good, right?"
"Huh? Was that necessary?"
We just had to kill the bastards and leave. Did we really need to rent a room?
As I tilted my head in puzzlement, a thought suddenly flashed through my mind.
Could it be... you're trying to play an adult game right now too?
"I had my reasons for getting it, so stop with the weird thoughts, dear husband."
Yata pointed out that I was having strange worries.
I trusted Yata and followed her lead. As she had promised, there was a reason we needed the room.
"You get it now?"
"Yeah."
Two burly men and two companion dogs were standing guard in front of their room.
They looked like they weren't carrying anything, but I could tell they had weapons hidden all over them.
If we had charged in without renting a room, the situation might have turned into a fight.
"Then let's go!"
"Whoa?!"
Yata pulled my arm against her and strode confidently to the room we had checked into, and I was dragged along, powerless to resist her strength.
Our destination was the room right next to the one the men were guarding.
That drew the men's suspicion, but our awkward young-couple act got us into the room without incident.
"Looks like they pegged us as a couple, thank goodness."
"Yeah. So, to make absolutely sure they don't suspect a thing, shall we have some real fun in here?"
Yata casually slipped the shoulder of her top down, exposing her collarbone and cleavage.
Her skin, which looked like something dipped in and pulled out of a chocolate fondue, stirred up a desire to lick it.
Endure...
"W-Wait a sec?! Tia's here too!"
"Ah-ha! Of course I'm kidding!"
"Ugh...!"
"Did you think I was serious?"
"Thinking back on how you normally act, I couldn't help but think you were serious."
"Is that so? Still, unlike a certain fox, I'm a crow who knows how to separate business from pleasure, so don't worry too much."
"Could you please stop telling jokes like that, then?"
"Dear husband."
Yata approached me softly and wrapped her slender arms around my neck, then brought her small lips close to my ear and whispered.
"But still, tonight... I plan on being serious...♡"
At Yata's announcement of joining in, delivered in a voice that was sticky and cloying, every hair on my body stood up stiff as thorns.
I was not aroused. I was terrified that my odds of dying by snu-snu that night had risen sharply.
I had braced myself for the draining event the moment I abandoned Miho's quest. Learning that it came with additional DLC made the gamer in me scream.
"Eheheh..."
My head sagged, and a hollow laugh escaped me.
There was no helping it. Since things had come to this, I was going to destroy the sons of bitches who had helped create this situation.
I resolved myself again and again.
"Now let's get started for real."
An official strategy meeting to that end.
Calling it a meeting was generous. The participants were me, Yata, and Tia, who sat inside a cardboard box of unknown origin.
But even with Yata alone, the strategy meeting was as rock-solid as a comforting bowl of soup.
Her foresight ability allowed her to grasp every upcoming situation in advance and tell us the probabilities.
"How about crossing over using the railing outside the window?"
"That'd be tough. There's a sniper outside the hotel watching this side."
"What if we take him out first?"
"He has people around him too. If we take them all out, won't it eat up too much time?"
"Hrmm...!"
The men we had to kill were directly beyond the thin wall, but reaching them was not simple.
In my heart, I wanted to plant a bomb on the wall and blow it up along with them.
The number of tools at my disposal was severely limited.
In other words, the number of things I could do was also limited.
"Should I go grab more tools?"
"I can say with certainty that if there's a window of opportunity, it's only right now. After this, it'll be an all-out war no matter what."
"That's a headache. Isn't there some other good way to do this?"
"Since the future keeps changing, I can't tell you much. But shall I at least give you a hint for a decent plan?"
"Please."
"Okay. First, in 30 minutes, the people next door will finish their... business and be starving."
I didn't need to hear that kind of detail...
"And there's a newly-opened chicken place near the hotel."
"Aha. So we place a delivery order there?"
"Right. And for their grand opening event, that chicken place delivers in a special way..."
"In a way...?"
"Ah-haha! You'll find out the rest when you go see for yourself, dear husband!"
"Wh-What? What's with that laugh?"
Yata's meaningful smile stretched her mouth as wide as it would go to the side.
Anxiety began creeping through me.
"Stop dragging it out and hurry up and go! Dear husband!"
"Hrmmm..."
Yata's smile made me reluctant to use that method, but I had no better option. I headed for the fried-chicken shop.
What on earth was at that chicken place to make her act like that...?
***
As soon as I arrived at the entrance of the chicken shop, I understood exactly why Yata had been laughing like that.
A chicken mascot costume with very striking pure white fur.
As a grand opening event, a man forced to wear the chicken costume was sweating as he prepared to make deliveries, struggling to get his motorbike ready.
...So that was what Yata was talking about.
If I delivered food wearing that, I definitely wouldn't be suspected. I'd only be ridiculed... goddamnit.
"Uh, if it's alright with you, could I maybe take the next delivery instead?"
"Huh? Who the hell are you to show up out of nowhere and spout that kind of nonsense? If you're here to make fun of me, get lost! I'm already dying here as it is...!"
His reaction was only natural.
Even as I said it, I felt like some lunatic had shown up spouting crazy talk.
But in this world, there existed a magical tool that could make anyone accept any words.
"Will this be enough?"
Countless bills I personally pressed into his hand.
It was probably far too much money to refuse my shady offer.
"I'll take it off right this minute!"
"You can take it slow..."
No animal followed its desires as faithfully as a human.
Money had persuaded him to accept an offer he normally could have reported to the police.
Was I supposed to be glad things had worked out smoothly, or bitter that I had witnessed humanity at its ugliest?
...Whatever, I got what I needed. Time to head back to the hotel.
In the lobby restroom beyond the front desk, I donned the sweat-reeking chicken costume and Miho's illusion mask.
Now there'd be absolutely no way the men guarding the door or their companion dogs would suspect me.
All preparations were now complete, so I headed back to the room where the targets were.
It was the moment of the final battle. I was confident there would be no problems, but for some reason, I started feeling nervous.
I advanced down the hallway one slow step at a time.
I caught sight of Yata through the slightly ajar door of the next room.
She was clamping her hand over her mouth, desperately holding back the laughter that was about to burst out.
The thing that had made her like that had to be my current embarrassing appearance.
I wouldn't let her off easy—I'd get my revenge later...!
But right now, I had decided to deal with the bastards I wanted gone the most first, so I had to bite my lip hard and keep a straight face.
When I finally arrived in front of the targets' door, whether the men had been tipped off that someone had ordered chicken, they maintained expressionless faces as they opened the door.
But I could see it clearly.
The way their dimples twitched because they wanted to laugh at me.
Would it have been better to just go for the all-out war...?
"Chicken delivery!"
"Oh! That was fast?"
As soon as the door closed, a frivolous male voice sounded from within.
This man waddling out had to be that government traitor who pissed me off so much.
"Pfft!! So this is the grand opening event! A-haha-ha!! I really couldn't have imagined this in my wildest dreams!"
"What? What is it? Why, babe?"
"Look at that!"
"Pff-haha!! No way!!"
The traitor burst out laughing the instant he saw me.
And the thoughtless bitch who followed him out to see and started taking pictures however she liked, sneering.
Thanks a lot. You two really are a pair of shits, fueling my rage to the very end, huh?
"Time for shock and terror, you penniless chumps."
Instead of chicken, I pulled a pistol from the delivery box and swiftly shoved the barrel into the traitor's laughing mouth. At the same time, I gave the thoughtless bitch's frail leg a hard kick and sent her crashing to the floor.
Then, instead of knocking her out with a blow to the jaw, I planted my foot on her mouth to shut her up, humiliating her.
It was something I couldn't have done in the past, but now that I'd become an agent and received training, subduing civilians was a piece of cake.
"How is it? This chicken place is famous for having great spicy chicken feet too. Hot, aren't they?"
"Mmmph!!"
The bitch could not scream through the pain, and watching her silent anguish felt cleansing.
"Wh-Who the hehell are yooou...?"
"Who am I? You don't need to know."
I pulled the gun barrel out of his mouth and immediately smashed the butt of the gun against his temple, knocking him out cold.
Dealing with the traitor as well made me feel as though a tumour had been cut out of me.
Ahh, bliss...!
I'd hand this traitor bastard over to the government, and I'd have to take that bitch with the big mouth down to the basement and calmly torture her for information.
Just as I made that resolution,
"Woof! Woof!"
"Ah..."
Maybe a faint noise had been made during the subduing process, because the sound of dogs barking came from outside the door.
"Guess it wasn't perfect."
A firefight became unavoidable.
Left with no choice, I knocked out the bitch the same way I'd done to the pickpocket before, and prepared myself for the firefight with the men who were about to charge in.
So I hid behind a table placed in the room and aimed at the door.
The FPS genre wasn't my strong suit, but I could at least say I wasn't bad at it.
"Alright, come at me anytime."
I waited for the door to open.
1 minute... 2 minutes... 3 minutes...
A tug-of-war with no end in sight.
It seemed they were also waiting for me to come out.
Both sides knew the one who moved first would be at a disadvantage. This was a disaster.
"This is a problem."
If I went through the window, the sniper would be waiting. If I used the door, I would face the men and their dogs.
I was trapped in this room.
"Was I too hasty?"
Just as I was considering asking for help from Yata next door.
A very familiar cry came from outside the door.
"Kyuit!"
"Right, Tia was here, wasn't she?"
I had thought it was strange that I hadn't heard the dogs barking for a while, and it seemed Tia had helped.
Thanks to Tia, the situation had basically come to a complete end.
I hurriedly opened the door and stepped outside, and sure enough, the men and dogs were sprawled out around the entrance.
"Tia, than... huh?"
But Tia herself, who had taken them all out, was nowhere to be seen. All that was in front of me was a single cardboard box plopped there.
Worse, the box was slowly moving...
"Tia? What are you doing in there?"
"Kyui-it!"
I lifted the flap of the cardboard box slightly and peeked inside, only to have a cute baby dragon protest at me.
A warning not to disturb her because she was in stealth mode...
"O-Okay. Sorry..."
It seemed like Tia had been playing too many games with me, and something had gone a little wrong.
Should we spend our time on other activities besides games from now on?
Now that I thought about it, a life steeped in games hadn't been good for Tia's education...
"Good job, dear husband! I just got to see the greatest masterpiece in a long time!"
"Ah! Now that you mention it, you were laughing at how I looked, weren't you?"
"Sorry! But what am I supposed to do when the laughter just keeps coming out? Pfft!"
"Gah...! Stop laughing!"
I tore off the chicken costume I was wearing and returned to my original appearance.
The situation was over anyway, so there was no need to stay in disguise.
"Oh? You're not wearing it anymore? It looked good on you."
"Would you wear it if you were me? Something that makes a guy look that ridiculous?"
"It looked pretty cute, so it's a shame."
"Don't be disappointed. It was the second-worst outfit in my life."
The first was a dress my mother forced me into when I was young.
"Really? But you never know, it might soon be replaced by the best outfit ever in just a bit?"
"What's that supposed to mea—"
"Deaaar huuusbaaand~?"
"...Hey?"
A magical voice that, with just one phrase, made goosebumps erupt all over my body.
Even from the distant first-floor stairwell, the sound had an unmistakable effect.
Why was she here...?
Just in case, I checked the quest window and saw that the specified five-hour time limit had already expired.
"So you're on an upper floor...?"
"Like you can see, the final boss has appeared. I can't stop her either. So I think you'd better hurry up and get dressed and hide."
"Ugh...! Uwaaah!!"
I snatched back up the chicken costume I'd thrown off and quickly hid inside the wardrobe in the room.
Then, more urgent and terrifying than any timed mini-game before, one had started.
"I had to survive!!"
The sound of her footsteps gradually drawing closer was proof she was climbing the stairs at an alarming speed.
Hurry...! I had to get it on, fast...!
If I didn't mask my scent a little with the intense sweat stench of the chicken costume...!
"...I'd die!!"
I had almost finished putting on the mascot costume.
Now I just had to get one arm in...!
—Crash!
Without warning, a woman's hand punched straight through the wardrobe door and came inside.
It made my jaw drop open and forced an uncontainable scream out of me.
"Gaaaahhk!!"
"Dear husband? Why were you ignoring my request and came to a love hotel with some birdbrain...? Why...? Why...? Why...!!"
Miho's chilling eyes stared piercingly at me through the hole she had made.
At this, my survival instinct went right past a red alert and reached the level of blaring sirens.
Ah, this wasn't a trip to the meat hooks—this was summary execution...!
"I cannot forgive you for having fun in secret without me. No, I don't forgive you...!"
"Miho! It's a m-misunderstanding!"
"Misunderstanding? That's what cheaters commonly say, isn't it?"
Soon enough, Miho grabbed me by the scruff of my neck, dragged me out, and flung me onto the bed.
"Urk!"
"Well then, my cheating husband, you are prepared, aren't you?"
"Hic?!"
"From now on, even if you scream for me to spare you, I will show no mercy!! I plan to etch love marks all over your skin with my fangs and claws, I will squeeze and drain your balls until I conceive, and finally, I will make you oscillate between pleasure and pain until you can only look at me...♡"
From her expression to every single one of her gestures, Miho was horror incarnate.
She was scarier than any horror game I had ever played, and I felt like foam was about to bubble from my mouth.
Oh, God, please...!
"Have mercy...!!"
"Do you think such a thing exists?"
Games were games, reality was reality.
That dramatic scene where your power awakened and you defeated the final boss...
Naturally, it didn't exist in reality.
I really needed to play games only in moderation from now on.