EP.7 Life Is Like a Game -1
EP.7 Life Is Like a Game -1
Fourteen days had already passed since the Motaras Incident.
Director Edwiner hadn't called for me, and I was still on leave.
Normally my leave would have been over long ago, but since I was an agent who only took missions from my direct superior, if he didn't call for me, I didn't really have anything to do.
"Ah, I broke the wrong one."
A peaceful daily life was definitely nice, but the truth was, it was also boring.
I'd tried doing this and that to kill that boredom, but nothing was as good as gaming.
"Kkyu-it!"
"Sorry, I'll break it properly next time. Please don't be so mad."
So today, I was gaming with Tia again to get rid of that boredom.
[Ruin the Divine Beast Forest!]
It was a game that was still hot even though it had been out for quite a while, and its defining feature was the thrilling rush of destroying a village where Divine Beasts lived together, stimulating your destructive instincts.
"Ah, that raccoon dog over there will get an affection boost if you smack him with a wad of cash."
"Kkyu-ii!"
It was an all-ages multiplayer game that Tia could enjoy, so it occupied most of our days.
That didn't mean there weren't any other multiplayer games, though.
It was just that I'd already cleared the others long ago, or lost interest partway through and stopped paying them any mind.
There were online PC games as well.
Let's not. They're not good for Tia's education.
-Knock! Knock!
As I tapped away at the gamepad, someone signalled from outside that they wanted to enter.
When I told them to come in, the door opened, and through the gap, a woman's face with fox ears peeked out.
"Husband, do you have a moment?"
"Why?"
"It's nothing big, but we're out of ingredients for this evening's dinner, so I wanted to ask you to do some grocery shopping."
Suddenly, a [!] quest marker appeared above Miho's head.
Maybe I'd been gaming too long, because I was starting to see things.
But this was a fun situation in its own way.
Living life like a game was something any gamer would want to try at least once, so I decided to accept the quest.
"Thank you! I've written down the ingredients we need on this paper, so just use it as a reference!"
"Got it."
Miho, who used to always try to follow me everywhere, now occasionally let me go alone sometimes, which was very satisfying.
The more her dependence on me decreased, the more comfortable I became.
"You're taking Tia with you, right?"
"Yeah, Tia gets lonely if I leave her alone."
"I see. Then let me just record the time for a moment!"
"Huh...? Record the time?"
"Yes! I have to record how long you were alone with Tia so I can get that much of my own time in return!"
<Miho's Quest - Grocery Shopping>
Eel 0 / 1
Garlic 0 / 1
Oyster Sauce 0 / 1
...
...
Details
Due to the ingredients in the refrigerator running out, Miho has found herself in a predicament, unable to cook.
Please stop by the neighborhood mart quickly and buy the ingredients she wants.
You must safeguard a splendid dinner and a harmonious mealtime with your companion animals.
Requirement - Must be accompanied by Tia
Quest Reward - Miho's Affection, Miho's Stamina Cooking
Linked Quest - Mandatory Defense Battle with Miho
Time Limit - 5 hours
Was all that just an excuse to set up an adults-only defense game?!
Damn it! I got played!!
I should've at least checked the quest rewards or linked quests before accepting...!
But if I gave up now and said I couldn't do it, or changed the quest conditions by not taking Tia with me, there was no telling what kind of penalty I'd get.
So now that I'd accepted the quest, I had no other choice. The only option was to get there and back as fast as possible...
"Husband, whatever else you do, make sure you buy the eel and garlic!"
"Uh, uhhuh..."
Essential stamina items for the defense game.
I had no desire to buy them—or to play the defence game at all—but refusing might leave me sucked dry to the marrow. I had little choice.
The relationship between a Companion Keeper and a Companion Animal as I knew it wasn't like this. When exactly had it turned into this?
"Haaa..."
"Kkyu-ii?"
If Tia were to transform into a human later on and grow up into a beautiful woman someday...
Would Tia also grow up to be like Miho or Yata?
If that were the case, I wasn't sure I could handle it.
"You grow up to be righteous, Tia."
"Kkyu-iii??"
No, at least for Tia, I had to raise her properly.
I had to work hard so she could grow up to be a pure Divine Beast like she was now, not a Divine Beast full of desire like a fox or a crow.
Thus, my very own raising sim, Dragon Maker, had officially begun.
"Of course, before that..."
I had to figure out how to clear this mandatory defense game first...
Gloomy.
***
I was on my way out after buying all the necessary ingredients at the mart as fast as possible.
According to my game-addled brain, it had been about 30 minutes since I accepted the quest, and a quest window was showing me that.
"Thirty minutes, huh..."
Half an hour should make tonight's defence game somewhat easier.
The difficulty would change depending on how much power the boss unleashed, but anyway, as long as the playtime was short, it was all good no matter what.
"Pickpocket!!"
"Huh?"
When I casually turned my head at the sudden shout of a woman coming from behind me, a man wearing a beanie and a mask was running this way.
"Hey! Move it!"
A man holding a woman's handbag that didn't suit him. This guy must be the pickpocket.
"Where are you rushing off to in such a hurry?"
"Uwack?!"
I grabbed one arm of the man who was trying to brush past me, then tripped him with my leg just like that.
I followed with a carefully controlled kick to the fallen man's jaw, knocking him unconscious.
There were better ways to subdue him, but considering I was holding a heavy shopping basket in one hand, I figured this was a reasonably good subjugation.
"Hey! You pickpocket bastard!"
The owner of the handbag appeared belatedly.
I subdued the pickpocket and tried to hand her the handbag I'd picked up.
"Here's your handbag..."
"Ah! My handbag!! Hand it over, now!"
Without a single word of thanks, she snatched the handbag from my hand and started shaking it all around as if it had gotten dirty.
What a rude person...
"I knocked the pickpocket out temporarily, so when the police or an agent shows up later, you can just hand him over."
"Huh? W-wait!"
"Hmm? What's the matter?"
In a hurry to leave, I gave a brief explanation, but the woman caught my arm.
Why was she stopping me? Was she perhaps thinking of giving me a reward for helping?
"If it's a reward, it's fine. I didn't really help expecting one."
"Reward my ass, what reward? I grabbed you because you might be in cahoots with this bastard, you know?"
"...Excuse me?"
"Did you two cook this up together to try and shake me down for a reward? Is that it?"
Th-this crazy bitch?!
I went out of my way to help, and she was accusing me of being the pickpocket's accomplice?!
"Wait! Is that something you say to someone who helped you?! I didn't even want a reward in the first place, you know?"
"You're just reacting like that because I pointed out the truth and you feel guilty! Or do you have proof you're not an accomplice?"
"Then let me ask you the opposite. Do you have proof that I'm this man's accomplice, for you to be saying that?"
"That'll all come out once we go to the police station."
Wow...
She was so infuriating that I could only marvel at her audacity.
Was her head completely empty? Where did a rag-wearing bitch like this even come from?
I'd met all sorts of people in my life, but this was the first time I'd met a woman this shameless.
If I had known this would happen, I would never have helped her... I regretted it deeply.
"Men really are all shameless and stupid, I swear. Stealing people's valuables, telling lies that are obviously going to be exposed."
Help me, Miho!!
I was wrong!
I would let her stay by my side all the time from then on!
Please come and kill this bitch for me!
Please!!
I shouted it over a thousand times in my head, but regrettably, no miracle occurred where Miho appeared and wrecked the woman.
I felt like I was going to die of a rage-induced illness first...
"What's going on here?"
"Officer! Great timing! Please take these two men into custody! One is a pickpocket and the other is his accomplice!"
Ah~ shitfuck! She's really crossing the line, isn't she?
This crazy bitch was already slandering me to the police as an accomplice when the facts weren't even confirmed yet.
My face was getting hot with rage, and I wanted to go on a rampage.
"That's not true! I'm not an accomplice! I'm the one who caught this fleeing pickpocket, I'm telling you!"
"Is that true?"
"Please don't be fooled! I saw it! The two of them working together to steal my bag...!"
"No! How can you lie so shamelessly...!"
Wow...! Was she really insane?
When the police officer got confused, the woman even squeezed out tears and started putting on a performance only actresses winning Best Actress awards could pull off.
There was no way the police would stay still after seeing her method acting like that, so I suddenly found myself in danger of being hauled off by the police.
"I-I'm really telling you, I'm not an accomplice?"
"Let's discuss the details at the station."
"W-wait a moment!"
Not now!
Right now, I absolutely can't!!
I knew that if I went to the police station and endured the investigation, I would probably be released without charge.
But if that happened, I'd waste too much time, and my report time for Miho's quest would be late.
A police investigation that seemed like it would take at least over an hour.
In other words, that meant tonight's defense game time would become endlessly long.
That was the one thing I had to avoid.
"Oh, for fuck's...!"
"H-hey...?! Get him!!"
I chose to run.
I had done nothing wrong, yet I had no choice but to run.
Otherwise, Miho would squeeze me dry.
"Haa, damn it!!"
Five stars appeared in the top right corner of my vision.
Only one was filled; the other four remained empty.
If all those stars got filled in, agents would surely be dispatched too...
But right now, that didn't matter.
"That damned bitch...!"
The crazy bitch had wiped away her fake tears and started grinning wickedly as she watched me run away.
Right up to the very last moment, she'd provoked me to drive my anger even higher.
This was even more infuriating than getting hit by political mud-slinging or getting teabagged through in-game chat.
My body started trembling with the rage that kept boiling up inside me.
What should I do? How could I get revenge to a satisfying degree?
I kept thinking about it even as I ran, but no decent plan came to mind, making me furrow my brow.
-Diroring!! Ddirong! Ddirorong!!
As I racked my brains, a welcome ringtone sounded from my pocket.
Wondering who it was, I took my phone out of my pocket, and the words [My beloved crow♡] were clearly displayed on the screen.
That Yata punk...
When had she unlocked my phone and saved her number like this?
It was infuriating, but I had no reason not to answer, so I immediately pressed the green accept button and put it to my ear, and a familiar voice flowed out from the speaker.
[Dear husband, you've gotten yourself tangled up in quite an amusing matter, haven't you?]
"This looks like an amusing matter to you?"
Yata seemed to understand my situation completely.
[Don't be too angry. It'll become an amusing matter soon enough!]
"It'll become amusing? My current situation, getting chased because of a crazy bitch?"
[Yep.]
"How exactly?"
[Before I answer that question, let me ask you something for a moment. What do you think of traitors to the government?]
"Why are you suddenly asking that...?"
[Because you absolutely have to hear it.]
What did I think of traitors within the government...? It should have been obvious that I despised them.
Bastards who sold information about me and government intel to terrorists at every turn, putting me and those around me in danger.
Killing either of them a thousand times would not have satisfied me.
"If I could wipe them out, I'd want to wipe them out this instant, I think."
[Really? That's a relief, then! That woman who made things difficult for you and the government traitor are connected!]
"Connected...?"
[Yep, very closely connected, at that.]
"Closely connected... Don't tell me?!"
[That 'don't tell me' is right.]
"Ha...! Hahaha...!! Bwahahahahah!!"
[How is it? Are you having fun now?]
Only now did I understand why Yata had called me.
Ahh, yes! The world hadn't abandoned me yet!
"Yata, you're the best!!"
[Thanks for the compliment. I would've preferred it if you said that in front of that fox woman, though.]
"That's a bit..."
If I did something like that, I might end up seeing the words 'YOU DIED' written in red letters.
Even for me, losing my life over a single compliment was something I'd have to pass on.
"Anyway, Yata, can you tell me all the information you know?"
[Of course. That's why I called.]
"Thanks to you, my chest feels so much clearer now..."
[How is it? Have you fallen for me?]
"About fifty percent."
[Isn't that too vague? Well, I plan to make you fall head over heels for me someday anyway, so it doesn't matter.]
"Just don't be too extreme about it."
[I can't promise that. Anyway, I'll contact you again once I'm ready, so stay quietly hidden until then!]
"Got it."
[Then I'll see you later, dear husband!]
-Beep!
As soon as the call with Yata ended, a thrill started running through my body.
If I could take out even one of those disgusting bastards, I wouldn't have cared if I had to shave my head bald right then and tattoo a barcode on the back of my skull... but now I could kill both of them without even doing that!
I was so happy I couldn't control my body.
Reporting Miho's quest was still left, but I'd decided not to worry about that anymore.
If I could kill those bastards, I did not care whether I died in the process.
"The world is still worth living in..."
To me, dying of boredom on this long leave, the world had bestowed a new trial,
and at the same time, had given me a fun game to play.
A real-life, not-for-minors game.
In terms of violence, I could confidently boast it would be a game that earned three stars.