If You’re the One Who Stayed With Me - 1
I ran for a long time.
“Haaah, haaah!”
Sweat streamed down my forehead.
The sun rising over Hangang Park was blinding.
The familiar Han River rippled and wrapped itself around my vision.
The first day of the regression.
It was a sight I never would have seen if I had just sat blankly in my one-room apartment. I had left earlier than I ever had in any other loop, which meant I could catch the dawn breaking open.
I ran that road.
Tap, tap!
I ran without thinking.
Even if my breath climbed all the way to my throat, all I could think was that I couldn’t miss this moment. A sliver of reason rose up and asked, Shouldn’t you just grab a taxi? but I ignored it.
Sweat slid down my cheeks and scattered into the air.
The sky was blue.
The gray city swayed in blue light.
I ran toward it.
Toward the convenience store where she was waiting.
“Haaah...!”
My face was damp.
Every fluid in my body seemed to be spilling from my eyes, nose, and mouth. My heart was pounding like a mad thing. The sweat at the back of my neck throbbed and pulsed.
Thud
Thud
Please, just stop beating.
My body was screaming at me to rest already.
“Hup...!”
Still I ran.
There it was.
The neat little convenience store.
“…?!”
I could see it.
The parked camper van and truck.
The van I bought to ride with Dr. Jang, and the one I bought to go around donating to churches and temples....
I could see them.
The familiar tents and baskets, the pots and gas burners.
The things they brought from the church and the orphanage.
At the start of the loop, those were things that should not have existed.
Memories from a past loop.
And then.
She was there too.
A-yeong waved at me, then called out with a worried face.
“Taek-oppa! Take it slow! You’ll get hurt!”
“!”
She existed.
I ran toward her.
As I climbed the slope, it felt as if my thighs were about to split open. By then I could taste blood in my throat. My overheated heart beat out of rhythm.
Well, so much for doing anything today.
It was clearly overdoing it.
Still...
I didn’t care.
I opened my mouth and called her name.
“A-yeong-ssi!”
“!”
A-yeong’s eyes went wide.
Her yellow hair stood out brightly beneath her baseball cap. Even the casual style she always wore was the same. That faintly sparkling air about her was still there too.
She walked toward me.
“O-oppa?! Why are you suddenly....”
“I, I....”
I tried to ask her something, but my lungs, on the verge of bursting, refused.
Along with my breath,
I shoved the words out.
“Haaah—hup. I mean, haaah.”
“O-oppa? Did you run all the way here for me? I was just joking since you weren’t answering. And I’m not even broadcasting until this afternoon, so it’s fine. I’m sorry for making you....”
“Hup, no, that’s not it. Haaah.”
“…?”
“Ugh....”
“….”
In the end, I dropped my head.
My drained body sagged on its own.
“Kheuh, haaah. Huh....”
Even grinding my teeth didn’t help.
This damned weak set of lungs would not listen.
If I don’t ask right now, right now....!
I bit my lip with my teeth.
I forced myself to breathe through my nose.
Blood burst in little spurts from my throat.
“Hoo, hup! Hup! Haaah.”
When I stood still like that,
my breathing was dragged back under control.
And then I said,
“Hup....! Uh. A-yeong-ssi...!”
“Yes?”
“My, name.”
“?”
A-yeong’s eyes grew round as she tilted her head.
I asked her,
“Do you remember my name?”
“Huh? It’s Taek-oppa, isn’t it?”
“Full name.”
“Seon, Seonwoo Taek.”
“And the family name?”
“Seonwoo-ssi.”
“What did you call me before?”
“Huh?”
“Please....!”
“….”
A-yeong answered in the form of a question.
“Store manager?”
“….”
Store manager!
“….”
Strange.
My breathing had settled, and yet....
My heart was beating like a maniac.
Thud
Thud
Thud
Thud
Did I run too hard?
I asked,
“How did we meet?”
“The, the shiny hair. You were sitting alone over there....”
A-yeong pointed timidly toward the outdoor tables.
“So, um. Was it the next week? You suddenly said you were the convenience store manager....”
“….”
“…?”
With trembling fingers, I searched my pocket.
Rustle—
I felt paper money.
“….”
I pulled it out.
And there, shyly peeking out, was a crumpled ten-thousand-won bill. The moment I saw that green color, my mind stopped. My vision shook, and my head spun.
I had begged for it so many times.
I had wanted it so badly I didn’t even know how badly.
And now that I was truly face-to-face with it, I was dizzy.
Emotion surged through me like a wave.
“….”
“Oppa?”
“Us.”
“Yes?”
“Do you remember the pancakes we ate?”
“On that rainy day?”
“The camping trip?”
“Th-that day, you suddenly said we should do it. You were talking about economics and stuff....”
A-yeong hesitated.
Flustered, her pronunciation slipped a little. Then she drew both hands up in front of her chest and shrank in on herself. Without meaning to, she tapped her foot.
She looked frightened.
I’m sorry.
Still.
Right now.
Right now....
Please answer me.
“Do you remember this?”
“This... what?”
I made a V with my fingers. Then I lifted it slightly toward A-yeong. She looked at it, then tilted her head again.
“Uh, suddenly?”
“….”
A-yeong hesitated for a moment, then moved a little closer.
She did the same thing.
Made a V with her fingers.
Our two hands tangled together.
“Ha!”
“….”
“Like a star in your heart—!”
“….”
“I, I high-si....”
“….”
She mumbled,
“This is bullying, isn’t it....”
“….”
I’m sorry.
I looked up at the sky again.
Our two hands crossed,
making an A.
A
A-yeong.
“Aki.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Bigman.”
“Bi, Bigman...?”
“….”
“?”
I couldn’t keep going.
Decades.
A miracle that had come to me after hundreds of tries.
My mouth opened on its own.
“….”
“?”
I kept staring at that A.
I had believed it could never exist.
But the star beyond that sky had come to find me.
“….”
“Oppa?”
She had kept every promise.
That fact carved straight through my heart and mind without mercy.
“….”
So grateful.
So precious.
So dear.
So valuable.
And then.
And then....
“Th-thank you....”
“Oppa...?”
It was strange.
A-yeong had clearly kept her promise like a miracle, and yet something inside me was collapsing all at once. It hurt so badly it felt as if someone had seized my heart in a fist.
My hands trembled uncontrollably,
and it felt as if blood were leaking from my throat and chest.
Still.
With one hand I kept clutching the ten-thousand-won bill in my pocket.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the A our hands had made.
A-yeong said,
“Are you sad?”
“….”
I shook my head.
My throat had somehow closed up.
“….”
“….”
A-yeong asked no more.
She simply took out a yellow handkerchief with her other hand. Then she dabbed at the corner of my eyes. Something soaked the yellow cloth through.
I said to her,
“Thank you.”
“….”
A-yeong lifted the handkerchief again and said,
“For what?”
“….”
“It’s a memory we built together.”
“….”
The handkerchief touched my face again, soft and gentle.
So I closed my eyes before I knew it.
“….”
Thank you....
Under the morning sunlight,
we stood there for a moment.
*
The quiet break room.
Surprisingly, this place too had been left exactly as it was in the previous loop. And the things in the rooftop room had also remained just as they had been before.
“….”
All the All-Star boxes are gone, though.
Even so.
For some reason, my legs gave out.
I sat down where I was.
“….”
Maybe it’s because I pushed myself too hard running.
A-yeong looked at me and suddenly said we should eat breakfast. Then she went down to the convenience store and came back. She was carrying disposal sandwiches in both hands.
When she returned to the break room,
we ate the sandwiches without saying a word.
“….”
“….”
Only the sound of chewing filled the room.
“….”
“….”
I swallowed my sandwich. Then I said,
“…I’m sorry.”
“….”
A-yeong let out a sigh. She looked relieved.
“Geez, you scared me. You suddenly came charging in like that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Did something happen?”
“…Regression.”
“Regression? What’s that?”
“….”
I hesitated.
“….”
“…?”
Then I said,
“Do you remember the paperwork for transferring the convenience store?”
“Y-yes...?!”
A-yeong was horrified. She even sprang halfway out of her seat.
“Y-you mean... we’re selling the store?!”
“….”
I shook my head.
“No. I was going to give it to you.”
“Y-y-y-yes—!?”
Her face went bright red. Her mouth opened and shut, and both hands twitched.
“Th-that.... That, that’s completely.... So, um.... Wait, don’t tell me....”
“For now, I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to keep it.”
“….”
A-yeong’s lips stuck out in a pout. Then she came closer and tapped my shoulder with her cap. It was a painfully familiar feeling.
“That kind of joke is bad.”
“….”
It stung a little.
She went back to her seat.
I apologized.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hmph, I don’t care.”
“…Hey.”
“Hmph, I don’t care.”
“Do you remember ‘Bigman,’ by any chance?”
“Hmph, I don’t care.”
“….”
A-yeong grumbled as she ate her sandwich.
Before, I’d kept pushing her away and pretended not to know, but now I understood why she reacted that way. Coward that I was, I had heard that treasure-like heart in a previous loop.
I like you, oppa.
“….”
A-yeong gave me everything she had. She kept her promise, remembered me, and even gave me her heart....
In the previous loop, I hadn’t given her my best. I had wasted May on pointless things and realized who she was far too late.
I felt so sorry it hurt.
But now was the time to figure out the strange part.
It was that uneasy feeling I’d had since earlier.
“….”
A-yeong doesn’t remember. Bigman, the paperwork, the regression.
Something miraculous had definitely happened.
But the context of what she remembered was vague.
The paperwork and the regression happened at the end of the loop, so fine, maybe that’s why. But Bigman was a keyword from the very beginning of the loop, so it’s strange that she doesn’t remember it.
“….”
This situation itself is a variable.
Was she even really the same A-yeong from the previous loop in the first place?
“….”
No. That isn’t what I’m after. I’m not asking for some useless, unprovable philosophical purity of existence. I shouldn’t be talking like that after seeing those feelings with my own eyes.
Then what exactly did I want to know?
“….”
Just how much has changed?
Thinking that, I quietly turned on the phone I’d brought with me.
And then....
I confirmed something shocking.
Balance: 8.7 billion won
I confirmed another change too.
The money left over from the previous loop had come back with me. I was supposed to start as a broke unemployed bum, but instead I had become a broke unemployed bum with a convenience store and 8.7 billion won.
A rich unemployed bum, no less.
“….”
Is that even physically possible...?
It looked like I wouldn’t need to buy a lottery ticket after all.
---