Chaotic Lunch Hour, and the Teacher's Threatened Purity
♬♪~
One by one the dull classes finally ended, and before long the bell announcing the end of fourth period rang through the classroom.
For academy students, that particular chime was holier and more sacred than any angel's trumpet.
"Hey! Run!! Today's menu is spicy pork!!"
"Get out of the way!!"
The second the bell hit, the roars of male students flooding into the hallway like a zombie horde filled the air.
Lunchtime, huh.
Fortunately, our school had a cafeteria massive enough to seat every student from first year through fifth year all at once. Which meant there was no real need to risk your life sprinting like that—there was always enough food to go around.
"Whew. Guess I should head down and eat too."
I stretched my arms overhead and was just about to stand when—
"Han Si-woo!!"
—grab!
A familiar, crushing grip clamped down on my right forearm. I didn't even need to turn my head. That brutish squeeze could only belong to the orange gorilla that lived next door.
"Let's go eat! Since it's the first day, I'll specially treat you to lunch with me!"
"You mean you want to eat with me, not the other way around."
"Sh-shut up! Less talking, more walking!"
Seo-ah huffed and yanked my arm hard. Fine, fine. Grabbing lunch with my childhood friend wasn't the worst idea. She was basically the only person I knew here anyway.
I let myself be hauled toward the back door of the classroom—and that was when—
—tug.
"...?"
The hem of my blazer suddenly pulled taut. Someone behind me had a death grip on my clothes and refused to let go. I looked back to find Lee Eun-ha staring blankly, fingers clamped tight on my jacket.
"...Where are you going."
"Where do you think? It's lunch, so I'm going to eat. You should hurry up and eat too."
"I'm coming."
"...Huh? You're not eating with your friends?"
Eun-ha just pressed herself against my back, still holding on.
"My cat tower's moving. How's the owner supposed to fall off? We're going together."
"Hey! You've been like this since earlier!!"
Seo-ah's eyes blazed all over again as she snarled at Eun-ha.
"Who said you could sneak up and stick to him like that?! Get off right now!"
"Don't wanna. Si-woo's broad and warm—he fits me perfectly. And when you eat, you need a table."
"A table?! Now you're treating people like furniture?!"
The second their little war of nerves looked ready to start again, cold sweat slid down my spine. What the hell did I do to deserve getting tortured like this on day one...!
"Ahaha! What is this, what is this? Entertainment already, and it's only lunch?"
And as if things weren't chaotic enough, another uninvited guest barged in and dumped oil on the fire. Naturally, that someone was Cha Si-a.
The flashy gyaru—her shirt buttons hanging on for dear life over a chest that looked ready to burst free—drifted toward us trailing her signature vanilla scent.
"You guys are heading to lunch, right? Let me come too! All my friends got put in other classes, so I didn't have anyone to eat with~"
"Y-you—what are you doing here! Go eat with your twin sister!!"
"Ugh. With that wooden block Cha Ga-eun? You trying to make me choke on my food? I'm eating with fun Han Si-woo."
Si-a brushed off Seo-ah's protest like it was nothing and casually linked her arm through my left one.
—soft~
"...You're kidding me."
Something insanely soft and violently overwhelming pressed against my left arm. This... this was genuinely dangerous. Twenty years of pure-blooded virginity had not prepared my fragile reason for that kind of physical assault.
"Hey hey hey!! Where do you think you're attaching yourself?! Get off right now!"
"Why~? Si-woo isn't complaining. Why are you the one freaking out? Right, Si-woo?"
Si-a leaned in until her lips nearly brushed my ear and whispered sweetly.
Somebody save me...
And so, against all odds, our bizarre four-person party formed and started walking toward the cafeteria.
—murmur murmur...
"Yo, what the hell is that?"
"What is this, the Chair King IRL?"
"But that girl lineup on either side is for real...? Famous TikToker Cha Si-a, and the orange-haired girl is insanely pretty too... Wait, who's the one hanging off his back? His personal pet?"
All the way down the hallway to the cafeteria, stares drilled into us from every direction. Like Moses parting the Red Sea, students stepped aside and opened a path the moment they saw us.
Shit...! How much farther is it...!
I somehow managed to cool my burning face by the time we finally reached the cafeteria.
Haa... we made it...
I loaded my tray with rice and side dishes, scanned the room, and spotted an open table.
"Oh, there's a free one over there. Let's go."
In the far corner, luckily, sat a table that could fit four. I made a beeline for it—but the closer we got, the more my steps slowed of their own accord.
At the table right next to it, a girl with long, gleaming silver-white hair sat alone, eating with an elegance that dared anyone to approach. The Ice Princess herself. Cha Ga-eun.
Of all places...
The awkward memory of first period's break flashed through my mind and made me hesitate, but there literally wasn't another open table left. We had no choice but to sit down right beside her.
The second I sat, Seo-ah and Si-a launched into another territorial fight over who got the seat across from me. In the end we settled on Seo-ah across from me, Si-a on my right, and Eun-ha next to Seo-ah.
I set my tray down and snuck a glance at Cha Ga-eun. Whether we sat next to her or made noise, she didn't spare us so much as a look—just kept her book open and picked at her rice with her chopsticks. How do you even study while eating? Doesn't she get indigestion?
"Alright, dig in, everyone. I'm starving."
I picked up my spoon, trying to reset the mood—and that was when—
"Si-woo! Open up, aah~!"
Seo-ah, sitting across from me, speared a little Vienna sausage on her chopsticks and shoved it straight toward my mouth.
"...Huh?"
"Come on already! Open your mouth! My arm's getting tired!"
"I have perfectly working hands, why are you—"
"Stop arguing and eat!!"
I read the murder in Seo-ah's eyes and reflexively opened my mouth. The sausage went in.
"Geez. When we were kids I fed you all the time, and now that you're big you act all shy."
She wiped a smear of sauce from the corner of my lips with her finger—then casually stuck that same finger into her own mouth and licked it clean.
"Cough...!!"
The sight made me choke before I could stop myself. This insane woman...! She did it so naturally I almost let it slide...!
"Hmm... Si-woo, look this way."
Then Si-a, sitting beside me, propped her chin on her hand, smiled seductively, and picked up a piece of rolled omelet with her chopsticks.
"Here. Time for Noona to feed you too~? Aahn~"
She leaned her whole upper body toward me. Between the gap in her school shirt, that dizzying valley slammed into my field of vision all over again. I had nowhere safe to put my eyes and just flapped my mouth open and shut at empty air.
"Tch... Not going to eat it? So you don't want what I give you... I'm hurt..."
When I only kept opening and closing my mouth, Si-a drooped her eyes and faked a little tear. Instantly, the murderous stares of every nearby guy started boring holes into the back of my neck.
I could practically hear the phantom voices. "That bastard's full of himself." "What a goddamn fraud."
"I-it's not like that...! I-I'll eat it!!"
In the end I squeezed my eyes shut and accepted the omelet Si-a offered.
"Pfft. Good boy. That's our puppy."
She ruffled my hair with a satisfied smile. At this point I couldn't tell if I'd come here to eat or to get psychologically tortured.
Meanwhile Eun-ha, across from me, was quietly transferring every single piece of meat from her tray onto mine.
"Uh, hey. Why are you giving me all your meat."
"A cat tower has to be sturdy. Eat lots of protein. And..."
She blinked her sleepy eyes, stabbed a cherry tomato with her fork, and held it out to me.
"Eat this too."
"I am genuinely full—"
"...If you don't, I'll bite you."
Eun-ha flashed the tiniest hint of her pointed canines in a warning. So I had no choice but to cram her cherry tomato into my mouth as well.
With both cheeks stuffed like a hamster's, chewing mindlessly, all I could manage was a hollow laugh.
What even is this...
—crack.
"...?"
Right then, a dull, chilly snap hit my ears. I turned my head. The source was none other than the table right next to ours—Cha Ga-eun's.
She still had her eyes fixed on her book, face perfectly blank. But one of the plastic chopsticks in her right hand had snapped clean in half and was now rolling ugly across her tray.
"..."
Ga-eun looked down at the broken chopsticks with empty eyes, then took out a handkerchief and wiped the corner of her mouth. Slowly she turned her head and pinned our table with her gaze—no, more precisely, she pinned me, both cheeks still packed full of food, with those ice-cold eyes.
The look was subtly different from the one she'd given me during first period. Contempt? Pity?
No. This was something closer to... a very fine, twisted irritation. Like her mood had been spoiled.
W-what? Is she mad because we were too loud?
She stared me down for a long moment, then suddenly stood up.
"I've lost my appetite."
Short. Freezing. She snatched up her tray and walked out of the cafeteria without a single glance back.
The three of us left behind just blinked at each other.
"What is her deal? Why'd she randomly go nuclear?"
Si-a scratched the back of her head, baffled.
"Maybe we were being too noisy...?"
"Who cares, who cares! Ignore that stuck-up ice block and just eat with us, Si-woo!"
Si-a cranked her energy back up and started shoveling the rest of her rice. But some nameless unease sat in my throat and wouldn't let the food go down.
Is she still mad about me talking back earlier...?
Or—just maybe, like those classic rom-com anime beats—was she secretly jealous of how loud and cheerful it looked hanging out with a guy friend...?
Yeah, no. That's pure brain rot.
A perfectionist like Cha Ga-eun would never. I shook my head hard and was about to finish what was left on my tray when—
"Hgyaaaaak!!"
—CRASH CLATTER BANG!!!
Oh boy... here she comes again.
Right in the middle of the cafeteria, a painfully familiar, juicy scream and a massive crash rang out. Every single student in the room snapped their heads in that direction at once.
"Ow... uuugh..."
On the floor near the serving line, sprawled out flat amid a lake of spilled spicy pork and seaweed soup, a woman lay face-down with long pink hair fanned out around her. I didn't even need a second look. That was our homeroom teacher—Im Ji-hye.
"Aah... I fell again... my knee..."
She rubbed her knee with a teary face. But this time, unlike usual, there was a massive—no, a catastrophically massive—problem.
She had landed in a perfect cat-pose sprawl, and her H-line pencil skirt had flipped clean up her back. As a result, the dizzying line of her black stockings and the curve of her hips were being broadcast, free of charge, to every male student in the cafeteria in a spectacle so violent it should have been illegal.
"O-oh no! Teacher, you have to be careful!!"
"I'll wipe that up for you, Teacher!!"
The blood-boiling guys nearby lit up like Christmas trees and charged in with tissues from every direction.
"Ah, n-no, it's fine! I-I'll do it myself...!"
Teacher Ji-hye flailed on the floor, completely overwhelmed by the pack of wolves closing in. At this rate, our homeroom teacher's purity was about to get seriously threatened on cafeteria tile.
"These goddamn hormone-drunk monkey bastards..."
I let out a deep sigh and shot up from my seat.
"Huh? Hey, Han Si-woo, where are you going!"
"I'm going to rescue Homeroom."
Leaving Seo-ah's call behind me, I dove straight into the war zone at the center of the cafeteria.