204. I won't do it.
204. I won't do it.
People never changed.
Needless to say, even more so for a god.
Putting that aside, I might have already known, in truth.
'Because that's the setting.'
Hestia's setting.
Hestia's track record in the NTR Academy.
And on top of that, all the actions I had witnessed up to now — every single thing seemed to prove Hestia's 'true nature'.
The consistently displayed actions up until now.
And the suddenly changed actions over the past few days.
If you asked which of the two should be believed, well, the former was the obvious answer, wasn't it?
"No. Actually, that's right."
So, that was it.
I was able to say this toward Hestia.
"Because from the start, Hestia, there was only one thing you wished for."
Me escaping the regressions.
As assistance for that, Hestia losing her virginity.
This was a mutual deal.
A deal exchanging values we perceived as equal.
"From the beginning. That's how it was."
I felt something fall — thud — drop downward.
I felt something wither. But that wasn't anything particularly strange.
I could understand it. I could accept it.
It was nothing all that special.
"Haaaaah....."
A sigh that escaped on its own.
I covered my face with one hand and pressed against it firmly.
'Getting your hopes up on your own, and then getting disappointed on your own, huh.'
That was exactly the mindset of an immature brat.
And letting the other person see the emotions that arose from that was something you absolutely shouldn't do.
"...Hestia."
"Hero...?"
I sorted out my feelings.
No, it was closer to suppressing them than sorting them out, but for an adult, those two words amounted to the same thing anyway.
"Let's go to a motel first."
"..........."
"I've gotta pop that virginity cherry."
"Ah......"
This was a deal.
A deal between me and Hestia.
And albeit unintentionally, the key had actually been an ending in my hands, but until I figured that out, Hestia had steadily helped me.
If so, repaying that favor was the morally right thing to do.
I grabbed Hestia's wrist and stepped outside.
Our destination was a nearby motel. I wasn't sure if it would be check-in time, but if worse came to worst, doing it in a back alley would do the trick.
Just as I was about to head out with that vague thought—
"Nngh...!"
"....Hm?"
Hestia stopped walking.
She grabbed my wrist in return and made me halt.
"...You're not going?"
She said she wanted to lose her virginity.
Though I figured the outdoors might be a bit hardcore for the first time, so I was going to get a room...
No, wait.
Maybe, because it was Hestia, she actually preferred the outdoors?
As someone who sought more stimulation the more she had been repressed, the option of outdoors from the start wasn't entirely out of the question.
"If you wanna do it here, then here's fine too."
Anyway, it would all be time that vanished when the regression ended.
Was there any need to hesitate?
I was about to head behind a nearby street tree just like that.
".........."
"...Not this either?"
Hestia didn't move.
She just kept her head down, staring at me with low-lidded eyes.
"....Why?"
A look that seemed dissatisfied with something.
And not just simple dissatisfaction, but a complex expression mixed with resentment, hurt, confusion and bewilderment — several emotions all tangled together.
"Hero...aren't you bothered at all?"
"Huh?"
At last, Hestia spoke.
"Doing it with me...does it really not bother you at all?"
"....Not particularly?"
No particular thoughts came to mind.
Because this was a deal. Because it was fair compensation for the deal.
Getting personal about something stemming from that was what would be weird.
"Before, just a few days ago, you hated it so much."
"Ah....."
I remembered it from a quite early regression.
The day I said I was reluctant to match our bodies together, so I'd substitute blood instead.
".......Hoooh."
That day, I felt an intense pounding in my heart toward Hestia.
Probably, I had glimpsed Ur through her.
On top of that, captivated by the thought that she was shedding blood for me, I kept feeling that pounding, unable to see the truth.
"That time, it was like that."
I felt love.
I thought it was love.
And so, doing it with Hestia was something I shrank from.
Because I already had someone I loved.
Because loving another person while having someone I loved was something that went against the grain.
"But...."
All of that, in truth, was solely for one single goal.
The pounding in my chest was pent-up desire.
The situations that kept exceptionally provoking me were also intentional.
Even my continuous wavering — everything that had shaken my emotions.
"Now, I'm fine."
"..............."
The fact that she had simply shaken me for her own goal.
I could accept it. I could understand it. So I could move past it.
Because from the beginning, this was never something like 'love'.
'And it's not like I only took losses.'
And she was even consistent.
At this point, I felt like the fool who'd been conned.
Hestia never even tried to deceive me — I just had deluded myself however I pleased, hoped however I pleased, and got disappointed all on my own. Even to my own eyes, the sight was pathetic.
"So let's go. A motel, a hotel. Or want to go to a club? If it's not enough, tell me. Since the regression's already underway, if once isn't enough we can do it more."
I had found the key to escaping the regression.
Theia's condition was also fine.
I had enough time to wrap things up.
Having finished that calculation, I grabbed Hestia's hand and pulled.
"....I don't want to."
"Huh?"
And
"I won't do it."
"....Hestia?"
Hestia refused.
"All of a sudden? Before, you said you wanted to."
Now I was fine with it too.
Open mind. Even doing it multiple times was OK.
So why, now of all times, did she say she didn't want to?
"I do want to. It's a wish I've wished for my whole life, have been wishing, and am wishing for."
"Then why—"
"—I don't know."
".........."
She said she didn't know.
She'd kept wanting to, but today, she said she didn't want to.
"I don't know either. Really, I don't know."
This.
This feeling.
This version of myself.
"I wanted to do it. With Hero — anyone was fine, I just wanted to do it."
But she didn't want to.
For some reason she didn't know, she didn't want to.
Up until just a moment ago, she had wanted to so badly.
"Right now....I can't."
It feels like I can't do it right now.
If I do it right now, I feel like I'll probably regret it for the rest of my life.
"............."
Standing in that spot, still.
Simply staring down at the ground, still.
"If you don't want to...it can't be helped."
Chrono let go of Hestia's wrist.
He turned around just like that and stepped out of the training grounds.
".....Uuut...!"
Hestia collapsed right there on the spot.
******************
".....Oh.."
I walked toward the outskirts of the city.
If I kept walking, what would appear?
I walked and walked and walked some more, and something like a transparent wall blocked the path ahead.
"[Present Sight]"
Name:???
-Time is twisted.
"Bingo."
So there was a barrier.
Thinking about it, it was simple.
If this world 'regressed' but wasn't 'real', then thinking of it as a 'barrier' was logical.
No, even putting that aside, the fact that I hadn't even once tried to go outside was so laughable, as it all too clearly showed off my hikikomori nature.
'Still, now that I've figured this out,'
the next part was a matter of time.
Should I laugh at how it was literally a matter of 'Time'?
"Let's see..."
I examined the 'time' of the 'barrier'.
With the 'Eye of Cronus', I looked for the 'twist' in 'time'.
"Huuuum...!"
Lines. Or points. An assembly of countless points.
And surfaces born from the infinite gathering of these lines.
A space formed by surfaces combining. The flow of the space. The lines of the space.
"Urgh....uuuugh!"
I felt like I was gonna puke.
It was a bit like watching computer graphics.
Should I call it a structure where the inside goes out while the outside comes in?
It felt exactly like watching a 3D solid model shifting back and forth between an octahedron and a cube, undulating back and forth between the 3rd and 4th dimensions.
Simply put, I had no idea what was what.
'Still, it's a relief I more or less have a feel for it.'
Within the flow, I could see a part that was especially creaking.
When I adjusted the 'time' of that part and synchronized the inside and outside, the 'flow of time', the wall was neutralized for an instant.
"Ah....too bad."
But the moment the wall was broken, it restored itself just as quickly.
Still, I decided to take comfort in the fact that I had at least found a clue.
Anyway, a challenge. It was a continuous challenge.
"Huuuum...!"
A swirling flow.
The flow of 'time' surrounding the wall.
I kept reverse-calculating and erasing, but the moment I erased, the waves behind swept over and filled the empty spot.
'...If this keeps up, there'll be no end to it.'
It disappeared but didn't disappear.
It kept regenerating and reviving all over again.
And clichés like this mostly had the same strategy.
"Probably gotta find the core and smash it, right?"
This barrier. I had to destroy the core of this veil.
I had no particular basis, but I did have basis in the name of cliché, so that should be fine.
The problem now, however, was where this 'core' was...
"....No way."
If this was also a typical development, it was a typical development.
I examined the 'time' of my own body.
"────Ah."
Inside me. My soul.
The 'time' that existed within it was
"Fuck."
continuously being supplied somewhere along a thin line.
...I had never imagined even the slightest that I was being treated like a battery.
As a side note. In Hestia's case.
"..............."
Why was it
"Nngh...!"
It was clearly something I had been wishing for.
Wishing and wishing, and something I had kept wishing for all along.
"......Uugh..."
But why?
Chrono, Hero said it was fine.
Yet why did I refuse, saying I didn't want to?
"Ugh....uuuugh...!"
Am I a moron? Am I actually just a crazy bitch?
I don't know. I have no idea whatsoever.
Really, really, I have no idea....
"Heuup...eut....huuueuuk...!"
My chest hurt.
A lump came to my throat.
Tears welled up in beads and fell to the ground below.
My lungs shriveled tight and my body curled inward.
"Huaa...ahh...!"
I didn't want it....
I simply felt that I didn't want it.
"..........."
I had wanted to lose my virginity.
But, no.
This wasn't what I had wanted.
'What I, truly had wanted was...'
That was
Probably
Something that must never be permitted to me
"────Ah..."
Hestia finally realized what her own 'desire' truly was.