The Crossdresser's Secret Exposed
That bastard's got one! I'd figured Eori and Sa-bang-ji wouldn't hit it off during our little stare-down, but by the time the night sky had fully darkened, there they were, sitting side by side on the porch, giggling away.
"Heehee. Sister, is that really true?"
"Yes, it is. So I told him, 'How can you be so damn clever? If you're that smart, why don't you do it yourself?'"
"And what did he say?"
"That's the funny part."
Right after dinner, they'd been chatting quietly, but by the time I'd scraped together a draft and emerged, they were already calling each other sister. I muttered to myself that it was nothing, but it still bugged me. I watched them closely as they talked.
"Oh, right. Miss, let me read your palm."
"Sister, you can do palm reading too?"
"Heehee. I've had all sorts of lucky encounters wandering the streets. I learned from a certain master. Want me to take a look?"
"Sure. Here, what do you see?"
"I haven't even looked yet. Hmm, let me see..."
Eori held out her hand without a second thought, and Sa-bang-ji wrapped her fingers around it softly, pretending to examine the lines.
"Oh my, miss, your hand is so delicate."
"Is it? Heehee. These are hands that wrestle beasts every day..."
"Really?"
Sa-bang-ji held Eori's hand up to the light from the room, praising how pretty it was. It looked exactly like a guy at a drinking party trying to flirt with a girl. And it wasn't just the stroking—the gaze she fixed on Eori was suspiciously tender.
It might've been my biased prejudice, but the unease wouldn't quit, so I headed over to Eori.
"Come here!"
Before I could take another step, a voice boomed from beyond the gate. Takji came out from the annex and went to check who it was.
"Who is it? Uh, uh, uhhh...!"
Takji, who yapped endlessly at me, froze at the sight of whoever was outside. I had a pretty good guess and went to Eori.
"Eori, go inside."
"Huh? Why?"
"He's here."
"Who? Oh! You mean that person?"
"Yeah."
"Heehee. Got it. Sister, this way."
This wasn't the Crown Prince's first visit, so she caught on quick. Eori smiled like she'd just gained more gossip fodder and led Sa-bang-ji away.
"Heehee."
Sa-bang-ji giggled softly as she followed, and something about it nagged at me. I watched until they disappeared into the room. As the door slid shut, I glimpsed inside—no one else was there. The thought of Eori alone with Sa-bang-ji gnawed at me.
But outside stood no one less than the second-most powerful man in Joseon. I couldn't leave him waiting.
"Hey, come out."
I shoved the still-frozen Takji aside and approached the half-open gate. There stood a few armed officers with swords at their waists and one scholar in a gat.
"Your Highness."
The scholar looked up. It was the Crown Prince, long beard framing his face. He met my eyes and grinned mischievously.
"Haha, so, did you miss me?"
"...Of course."
"Then what's with the silence?"
"I'm so overcome with emotion I can't speak. Please, come in."
I exchanged a few words with him and led them inside. I lightly smacked Takji's head to snap him out of it and told him to fetch Lord Yi In-su.
"Greetings to Your Highness."
Yi In-su emerged from his room after dinner and bowed in the yard. He looked perfectly polite, but the initial jitters from his first encounter with the prince were long gone. And who could blame him? The first time, he'd been thrilled: The Crown Prince in my home! This is an honor for the family! But now, with visits every few days, it was more like, Shit, the prince is here again—quietly annoyed.
"Haha, go rest easy. I have business with the captain."
"Yes, Your Highness."
He would've insisted on staying at first, but now he knew better and retreated to his room. He probably wouldn't emerge until the prince left.
"Alright, Si-jin, let's head in."
"Yes, Your Highness."
The prince led the way to my quarters. The moment I shut the door behind us, he dropped the act.
"Aigoo, I'm dying. Being Crown Prince is a goddamn nightmare."
No eyes on us now, he flung off his gat and flopped onto the floor, waving his wrist lazily.
"How much have you written? Show me."
"What is this, your private study?"
"Lemme see. The palace is crawling with historians. Sometimes they hide under the damn floorboards like cockroaches."
"Pfft, bullshit. I don't buy it."
"Hey! It's true! Anyway, where's the writing? You didn't slack off, did you?"
"I wrote. Hold on, I'm getting it."
"Too bad. I was gonna toss you in Jip-hyeon-jeon to write full-time."
Ugh, you ruthless prick! Chilled by his joke-that-wasn't-a-joke, I fetched the draft from the stack of papers.
"Here. Have at it."
"Yeah. Last page... nice. Huh, from Honam to Hamgil-do? Good localization."
I sat on the floor while he read without getting up once the door was shut. But my mind was on Eori with Sa-bang-ji. Would she try anything? Nah. She said she loved that end-of-the-line girl that much. Wait, no—plenty of straight guys cheat despite loving their wives. Why wouldn't a lesbian? Hold up. The perfect person to ask about lesbians was right here.
I'd heard one of King Munjong's wives got kicked out for fooling around with a palace maid. Time to probe the source.
"Your Highness."
"Yeah?"
"Don't get mad, okay?"
"Too late. Spill."
"About Crown Princess Consort."
"Just call her sis-in-law."
"Sis-in-law. Was she a les...?"
"Oh, Consort Bong? Yeah."
The effect was underwhelming. He admitted it casually.
"In original history, yeah. But I tweaked the script. She's one of my concubines now, along with Consort Hui Kim. History's Queen Hyeondeok and Consort Hyeondeok Kwon are my main wives."
"Then the kid I saw last time...?"
"Yeah, Danjong. Though who knows what he'll be called now. Taejo? Taejong?"
He joked about turning it into an empire. I let it slide—I'd suspected as much.
Instead, he cut to the chase.
"But why bring her up?"
"Just curious. I kinda ended up with a lesbian in tow, so I wanted some advice."
"Hah, for real? You taking her as a concubine?"
"No! Why would you even...?"
With Eori around, his constant concubine jabs pissed me off. He chuckled apologetically.
"Sorry, my bad. So, what's the issue?"
"She's getting too chummy with Eori, and it's bugging me."
"Hmm. Really? Eori loves you, right?"
"Yeah, definitely."
"Then you're good. What else?"
"That's it?"
"What more is there? I got multiple concubines besides my main wife, and I know marriage is about trust."
"Trust ain't coming easy, Your Highness."
"Heh, fair enough."
He sat up, still skimming the draft between words, and continued.
"Hey, relax. Marriage is trust. If you can't trust Eori, who can you trust?"
"Yes, you're right."
His words eased my worries a bit. The Eori I knew wouldn't fall for Sa-bang-ji—or any other woman or man. Ever.
"Oh, by the way, what's her name? Kinda curious if I know it."
"The lesbian? Don't know her real name, but they called her Sa-bang-ji at her old gig."
"What?"
His casual grin froze. Then his lips twitched up as he yelled urgently.
"Hey, hey, hey—grab her! Grab her now!"
"Huh? Grab what?"
"That—Sa, Sa, Sa-bang-ji! Go get her!"
"Why?"
"That bastard's not a woman! He's got dick!"
"How's a woman got one of those?"
"For real! He's banged everyone from ministers' daughters to temple nuns! Hurry—hey! Bring that Sa-bang-ji bitch from this house right now!"
He was barking orders—no joke.
"Yes, Your Highness!"
As the officers shouted outside, it hit me: the source of my disgust toward Sa-bang-ji. The husky voice for a woman, the oddly large hands, the lingering gazes at Eori, the sneaky hand-holding flirt. All of it.
"You should've told me sooner if you knew!"
"She doesn't get caught till 15 years later!"
I bolted from the room, kicking down the door to where Eori and Sa-bang-ji had gone.
"Master?"
"Young master?"
Whatever was happening, Sa-bang-ji was using Eori's lap as a pillow. I fought the urge to stab her mouth and growled.
"Hey, Sa-bang-ji. Get up."
"Y-yes?"
"I said get up. Now."
"B-but..."
The bastard hemmed and hawed but rose obediently. She looked every bit the woman: clean-shaven white face, thick lashes, neatly combed hair in a topknot, red lips, shorter than average men. But I trusted the prince. And my gut that sniffed out Han Myeong-hoe.
I waited till she stood, then tested with the universal guy reaction: a fake groin kick.
"Hah!"
"Whoa!"
She jerked her hips back instinctively. Convinced, I pressed.
"Hey. You're a guy, aren't you?"
"W-what? Agh! Wait!"
No easy confession, so I shoved my hand up her skirt. A quick grope, and there it was. Squish! Smaller than mine, but definitely a man's tool in my grip. Rage surged at the thought of leaving Eori alone with this dick-slinger.
"Aaaah! Ow! Y-young master! It's gonna burst! My balls are bursting!"
"M-master? What's going on?"
Eori, baffled by the sudden chaos, stood and asked. I kept squeezing and yelled.
"Eori! This bastard's a man!"
"Huh?"
"A man! Dressed as a woman!"
I'd thought woman-on-woman meant lesbian, but nope—a guy in drag banging a girl.
"No wonder they say open your eyes in Hanyang and lose your nose...!"
Eori seemed to misunderstand Hanyang a bit, but first things first: drag this freak out. Grip firm, I hauled her from the room.
"Aaa! Y-young master! Bursting! Bursting! Young maaaster!"
Weak spot locked, Sa-bang-ji waddled after me. I tripped her into the yard.
"Si-jin, is this the one?"
The officers, moving on the prince's orders, gathered. I nodded at the writhing heap.
"Yes. That's Sa-bang-ji."
"Your Highness! Captain Kim Si-jin has the suspect Sa-bang-ji!"
"Oho! For real?"
The prince strode out in his shoes, approaching Sa-bang-ji.
"Hey! Are you truly Sa-bang-ji?"
His eyes on the bastard weren't human—they were for a horned beast.
"Y-yes?"
"Answer!"
An officer gripped his sword hilt. Only then did Sa-bang-ji kowtow and wail.
"Yes! Yes! I am Sa-bang-ji! Mercy!"
"Hooo, so you're the Sa-bang-ji with both man's and woman's body?"
"Y-yes! B-but how did you...?"
"I know all. Hey! Send word to Professor Jeon Nae-heon of the medical academy! Haha!"
His booming laugh conjured white coats and lightning strikes. ...He wasn't gonna dissect her, was he?
"Penis present. Testicles present. What the hell. You really Sa-bang-ji?"
"Y-yes, that's me, Professor!"
"But why only one male organ? Minus the small size, you're just a guy with bad gynecomastia. Hey, quit covering it—I can't see."
"M-mercy...!"
"Don't whine like that, you prick—it's gross. Your Highness! Just a man with gynecomastia! Your orders?"
"Aw, bummer. I was curious if true hermaphroditism exists. Didn't we nab that sodomy guy last time? Lock 'em in the same cell. Bet they got chemistry."