Judgment and Jealousy
Is that why Sa-bang-ji rubbed me the wrong way?
"So this is your home, huh?"
"I'm sorry, sir. But we can't just let someone die."
"Tsk…."
"I'm truly sorry."
I knelt in one of the sarangchae rooms, bowing my head repeatedly in apology. Seated alone before me with arms crossed, Yi In-su wore a deeply displeased expression.
"My deepest apologies, ma'am."
Just stay quiet, would you? The woman—Sa-bang-ji or whatever her name was—sat behind me, bowing her head politely. Naturally, Yi In-su looked just as displeased with her.
His gaze shifted back to me. "All right, Si-jin. It's good that you think of me as family, but living so casually like this…."
"I'm sorry, sir."
"My deepest apologies, ma'am."
You, stay quiet!
"Hah! What am I to do with this…!"
It wasn't as if I'd dragged in some random guest out of the blue, putting him in a tough spot. The guest I'd brought was a lesbian.
In this rigidly closed society where even the word "homosexuality" didn't exist, being a lesbian was a crime in itself. But to me, with my modern sensibilities, she was just someone with unusual tastes. Though, admittedly, there was something about this woman named Sa-bang-ji that strangely filled me with disgust and revulsion.
"Tch! Fine. What should I call you?"
Yi In-su asked Sa-bang-ji, apparently deciding not to throw her out just yet. She answered in a voice huskier than most women's, but demurely nonetheless.
"Yes, ma'am. Just call me Bang-ji."
"All right, Bang-ji. Do you have anywhere to go if you leave?"
"Having lost my parents young, I've wandered from house to house as a servant. If I'm chased out from here too, I'll freeze to death on the streets with nowhere to turn."
She should've just died…. No, no, I couldn't think like that. For some reason, just having her there made me frown. It felt like I needed to chase her out of this very room right now.
"Master? Are you in there?"
Is that why Sa-bang-ji bothered me? Eori's voice came from beyond the closed sliding door. It was hollow, devoid of any emotion. Only then did I grasp the source of this chilling feeling.
"Y-yeah, Eori. Are you out there?"
Yi In-su seemed flustered too, hearing Eori's voice like this for the first time. He stammered but quickly regained his composure.
"We're in the middle of an important discussion, so wait quietly outside."
"Yes, sir. As you wish."
Eori backed off more readily than I'd expected—or so I thought. "Master? I'll see you outside."
There was no way she'd let it go that easily. I nodded with effort at her hollow tone and replied.
"Uh, y-yeah. Okay. Got it."
I should've sacrificed this Sa-bang-ji woman and saved myself. This was the first time I'd saved a life without getting blood on my hands and ended up full of regret.
"Hah! Well…."
Yi In-su let out another dry laugh, murmuring with a sigh. Still keeping his arms crossed, he glanced back and forth between me and Sa-bang-ji. Then he fixed his gaze on me.
"Tell me, did you bring this girl here to take her as a concubine?"
Crack! As soon as his words ended, something wooden shattered beyond the door. Takji's voice revealed the culprit.
"M-miss? Why are you chopping firewood?"
"Mm. Just… felt like it. Waiting for Master was boring."
Crack! How the hell do you chop firewood to make that sound? Part of me wanted to know, but mostly I didn't. I had a feeling I'd experience it firsthand with that firewood later.
"Si-jin, answer me quickly. She's waiting."
"N-no, no, no! Absolutely not!"
I shouted loud enough for Eori outside to hear.
"If a woman's being chased by a man with a club, isn't it only human to help, no matter the reason? And! A woman! Liking! Another woman! That's not a capital crime just because it's different from others!"
I bellowed the truth about Sa-bang-ji being a lesbian with all my might. Sure enough, the rhythmic chopping sounds stopped.
Just to be safe, I added, "Besides, I couldn't stand by when she looked at me like that. Seeing a woman about to get beaten for loving another woman felt no different from me trying to marry a Hwacheok girl despite opposition."
In Joseon, where men and women were kept strictly apart, so too were social classes. I figured comparing it to my own situation with Eori would convince both her and Yi In-su.
"Hmmm…."
Clunk! It seemed to work. Yi In-su closed his eyes and groaned, while outside came the sound of an axe or something hitting the ground.
"…All right. I understand."
Yi In-su opened his eyes after a few seconds and looked at me.
"I'll let her stay until her master arrives."
"Thank you, sir."
"My deepest apologies, ma'am."
Uncomfortably enough, Sa-bang-ji and I bowed our heads almost in unison. Yi In-su continued, watching us.
"Also, you said she serves Yi Jeong-won of the Hojo? I'll send word to his household that you're here. If her master comes for her, out she goes without delay."
"Yes, ma'am. Thank you."
"Good. That's settled. Si-jin, you stay here."
Why? I kept the thought from escaping my lips. I sat back down awkwardly as I started to rise.
Sa-bang-ji left, leaving Yi In-su and me alone.
"Si-jin."
The moment she was gone, Yi In-su called me. His voice sounded utterly exhausted.
"Why do you keep bringing trouble like this?"
"I'm sorry, sir."
"Enough. Even though I've stepped out like this, if you'd left that girl behind, I'd have been deeply disappointed in you."
"Thank you, sir."
"But your actions aren't entirely proper. Bringing another guest into the house without consulting the host is a grave discourtesy. If it had been anyone else, they'd have thrown you both out on the spot."
"I'm sorry, sir."
"I'm not saying this just to hear apologies. What I want to tell you is—"
Agh. Can't you summarize in three lines? My legs were starting to cramp.
"Si-jin. Will you do that?"
"Yes, sir. I'll keep it in mind—deeply in mind."
"You haven't kept it in mind, have you?"
"I-I have!"
"No. You haven't. Whenever you say that, it's always a lie."
He saw right through my fib, making his six years as magistrate look worthless. In the end, I had to endure the lecture until all sensation left below my knees.
"That should be enough for you to get it. Go on, then."
"Yes, sir. Ugh!"
They were definitely my feet, but they didn't feel like mine anymore. The only sensation was a faint tingling like an electric current.
"Master!"
I barely made it out of the room without collapsing. As I slumped onto the veranda, Eori hurried over.
"Master, are you all right?"
"Y-yeah. Just… my legs are numb."
"Is that so? Heehee. Let me help you."
An innocent smile lit up Eori's mature face—the kind a child makes right before a prank.
"N-no, you don't have to help!"
Too late. Eori plopped down on the veranda and kneaded my feet like dough.
"Ow! Ah! Eori! Stop! It hurts! Hurts!"
"Heehee. This is how you make it go away fast, Master."
"N-no! It'll go away on its own!"
"This way it's much quicker."
"Aah! Ah! Stop! Stop! Stop! I surrender! Surrender! Surrender!"
I pounded the veranda crying surrender, but her hands didn't stop.
"…."
Takji, of course, watched the scene with a frown. He approached slowly and asked me, writhing in pain.
"Sir, are you really the Tiger-Slaying Boy?"
"Wh-what? Why ask that suddenly?!"
"Is it okay for an officer to surrender over numb feet?"
"Yes! Why not?! Try it yourself!"
"You look just like a neighborhood kid."
"Th-that's you! Aah! It hurts! Eori!"
Eori's method shortened the duration instead of the intensity of the pain. Thanks to that, I recovered faster than expected.
"Heehee. Master."
Even after I recovered, Eori kept massaging. Even through my socks, I could feel her long fingers clearly.
"Master. But is it really true?"
Eori looked at me with wide, curious eyes. She glanced sideways at Sa-bang-ji in the yard and whispered like it was a secret.
"That woman really likes other women like herself?"
"Yeah, seems so."
"People like that exist in the world?"
"They do. There's even one who followed me to Hanyang saying she wants to marry me."
"Heeheehee."
Eori ducked her head, her face slightly flushed.
"Um…."
Then Sa-bang-ji approached slowly. Seeing her, Eori pulled her hands from my feet. Sa-bang-ji glanced at them but bowed her head in thanks.
"Thank you so much. It's all thanks to you, young master."
"Uh, yeah. Sure."
"But is it true? You're really marrying a Hwacheok woman?"
"Yes. Why?"
Helping her didn't mean I liked Sa-bang-ji. The inexplicable disgust lingered, and with Eori there, I made sure to show it.
"Heehee. Yes, that's right."
Fortunately, Eori didn't give me her lifeless stare. She stood from the veranda and flashed Sa-bang-ji a bright smile.
"Despite his family's opposition, Master took me, a girl from a Hwacheok household, as his bride."
"Oh. Lucky you."
"Yes, very much so."
Eori nodded emphatically, smiling as she looked Sa-bang-ji up and down. She ended with a small sniff, as if saying she'd win any fight.
"…."
Sa-bang-ji sized her up too. Looking up at Eori—who was bigger than most grown men—she scanned her slowly. Her gaze lingered briefly on the ample chest that even loose hanbok couldn't hide.
"I'm so jealous. Having a man like the young master."
"Y-yes…."
Eori's brow furrowed ever so slightly. Her mouth stayed smiling, but like a dog losing a stare-down, she averted her eyes and shifted her body.
Ignoring who'd started the tension, I'd never seen Eori cower like this.
"Hmph!"
The cowering Eori suddenly snorted and thrust out her chest proudly. She declared confidently,
"Yes! With a man like Master, I consider myself the luckiest woman in all eight provinces of Joseon!"
Kugh! So cute! That's my wife for you!
"Heeheehee. I'm so jealous, young master."
Sa-bang-ji covered her mouth and giggled, seemingly agreeing. But her eyes on Eori were oddly cold.
Si-jin. Has the kid finished writing? Should I go check?
"You there. Prepare for a night outing tonight."
"Yes, Your Highness. Where to?"
"To see Hanryang Gapsa Kim Si-jin."
"I'll send word ahead."
"Mm. No need. It's just a quick chat."
If he finds out I'm coming, it'll ruin the fun. If he hasn't written it, I'll shove him into a contract position at Jip-hyeon-jeon on the spot.