I'm Idle Captain Kim Si-jin, You Bastards!
I’m Idle Captain Kim Si-jin. You bastards.
I’d heard that on a nice day, it only took three days to reach Hanyang, and I didn’t think much of it. I figured it was just a full day of walking, a full day on a boat, and another full day of walking to get there. That’s why, even as everyone else tearfully said their goodbyes, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. But I got it soon enough once we set off.
Kiyaaa!Kiyaaa!
“Kyaa! Master! There’s a wild boar!”
“That’s a deer call, Eori.”
“It’s right in front of us!”
“Oh, shit! What are you doing? Grab your bow! Bow!”
We’d be trekking through the mountains and run smack into a house-sized boar.
“Kyaaaa!”
“What? Why, Eori! What’s wrong?!”
“Look, a baby bear over there. Isn’t it just too cute?”
“No. You’re cuter—whoa whoa whoa! Momma bear! Momma bear! Momma bear!”
Kuwaaaang!
Or we’d have staring contests with ferocious momma bears.
Shwaaa! Shwaaa!
“Uweeek! M-Master, s-save meee…!”
“Whoa, hold on. Eori, uwup, puup?!”
Plop!
“Kyaaak! Master fell in!”
Or we’d fall overboard while sailing.
Not a single day passed without some disaster over those three days. With each passing day, my will to return home crumbled more and more. By the time we reached Geomunpo in Incheon, I was even thinking:
“Eori. What if we just stay in Hanyang? No going back?”
“Th-that’s a g-good idea…!”
“Hahaha! Haw haw haw haw! What’s this whining about? I hear it gets even worse heading to Haenam.”
The magistrate—now just Yi In-su to me—hadn’t changed much since we left. If anything, he brimmed with energy the closer we got to Hanyang.
“At least we won’t have to worry about mountain beasts anymore. Once you hit Geomunpo, you’re as good as in Hanyang. Rest while they unload the cargo.”
“Y-yes…!”
“Yes, sir…!”
We could barely stand, so we mumbled our replies while sitting. The solid ground felt like it was rolling like ocean waves.
“Uuuugh…! Master…! I’m so dizzy…!”
“Ugh…! Me toooo…!”
We huddled back-to-back in a corner out of the way of the laborers unloading, taking in the port.
“Master, it really is like a whole new world.”
“Yeah. Eori, watch your words.”
“Pardon?”
“Ah, nothing. Yeah. It really is a new world.”
I’d felt it back in Gunsan, but ports really sped up development. The buildings were brick, some even with glass windows. And that road over there was perfectly paved with flat stones.
“The sea is so pretty.”
“Oh, that’s what you meant?”
“Pardon?”
“Nah, you’re prettier.”
“Heehee. Master, you think I’ll fall for that?”
“You already have.”
Resting like that helped us recover from the land-sickness a bit. As Eori and I stood, a familiar whinny came from the boat—a horse being led down on a rope.
“Hey, that’s my horse.”
“Here you go. Nasty temper on this one.”
“Borrowed it.”
Kim Jin-sa had lent it to me for hauling stuff to Hanyang. Though his eldest son had asked me to deliver some spring clothes and a letter as a side errand.
“Oh! Dalong!”
Eori’s horse came down too—the one her father had given as part of her dowry. We loaded our unpacked luggage onto the horses, securing it tight so it wouldn’t slip. Yep. Sword, bow—all good. Arrows too. All for self-defense, of course. I’d wanted to bring my matchlock too, but it was illegal outside the county.
Yi In-su’s horse came down soon after, but the man himself was nowhere. We loaded his stuff for him. Even after that, no sign of him.
“What the hell? Where’d he go? Eori, did you see?”
“I-I was just watching the sea.”
“I was spacing out. Where the heck is this guy wandering?”
We couldn’t just stand there with three horses in the unloading area, so we moved to the shore. It was just as bustling.
“Let’s wait here. His stuff’s all loaded. He’ll find us.”
Running around looking for a lost person was a surefire way to get really lost. While waiting for Yi In-su, I strapped my sword and dagger to my belt.
“Yes, got it.”
Eori, leaving home for the first time, seemed a little uneasy. She scanned the surroundings with trembling eyes but kept her composure.
“Hey. You two.”
Some guys approached us. Unlike the soldiers back home, these wore crisp navy uniforms, matchlocks slung over their shoulders. They approached with stern faces.
“Where’d you get that sword?”
“Pardon? This one?”
“Yeah. The one with the snakeskin sheath.”
“The king gave it to me.”
“...What?”
They frowned at the mention of the royal sword, the eosageom. They seemed flustered at first, then smirked.
“What, you buddies with the king?”
“It’s tr-true! The king really gave it!”
“You a girl?”
“Y-yes, I am.”
Spotting Eori’s disguise, they faltered again. I kept my guard up—they felt off somehow.
“So, what’s the business?”
“Ah, well. Yeah.”
One eyed Eori, signaling his buddy wordlessly. The other cleared his throat and got to the point.
“Ahem! Ahem! There’s a theft report. Some rich house nearby says a snakeskin-sheathed sword was stolen.”
“Oh? Hope they find it.”
“Hahat, no need. We already did.”
I’d expected them not to buy the royal sword story, but pegging me as a thief? No way. I waved my hands to clear it up.
“No, this is definitely from the king. We just arrived at Geomunpo. Misunderstanding.”
“How’re we supposed to believe that?”
“Ask the laborers on that boat. We came together.”
“You could’ve coordinated with them.”
“I’d rather kiss a girl.”
Though my first kiss went to that boy Eojin.
“Hey! You mocking us?!”
“Ahem! Easy, buddy. They’re just kids.”
The one reining in his overexcited partner glanced around, then lowered his voice for the real pitch.
“Young master. How about covering our drinks instead?”
“Pardon?”
“We won’t report seeing you here. We’ll ignore the gisaeng too. Just some drink money. Generously.”
The rich-house theft was obvious bullshit. They thought I was some rich kid eloping with a gisaeng.
“M-Master…!”
Already anxious from leaving home, now this extortion. Eori paled, clutching my sleeve.
“It’s fine, Eori. Hang on a sec.”
I held her hand to calm her, then rummaged in my pocket.
“How much?”
“Whatever’s comfy for you, young master. Say, ten nyang?”
“Nah. You guys protect the country—hard work. Here’s more.”
“Heh heh. Knew you had style and class.”
“Here.”
What I pulled out wasn’t a money pouch—it was my gapsa badge, proving I was an officer.
“Huh?”
“What?”
The familiar item appearing from an unexpected place left them stammering.
“Wh-why’s that coming from there?”
“Why? ‘Cause I’m a gapsa.”
“You’re a gapsa, young master?”
“Yeah. I’m Idle Captain Kim Si-jin. You bastards.”
No need to hold back the anger. I smacked their foreheads with the heavy metal badge. Just enough for scaring Eori.
Thwack! Thwack!
“Aak!”
“Ugh!”
Even if an idle gapsa had no command in peacetime or stipend, officially I outranked these punks.
“Si-jin. What’s going on?”
Luckily, Yi In-su showed up with his servant.
Eori explained what happened.
“Sir, these guys tried to extort us.”
“What?”
Yi In-su’s face darkened. He glared at them, muttering in disbelief and fury.
“I’ve never seen such lunatics. Extorting their superior? A gapsa heading to Hanyang on royal decree?”
“?!”
“?!”
At “royal decree,” their faces went ghost-white. Ignoring the dirt, they dropped to their knees, begging.
“S-s-sorry!”
“Mercy just once! I didn’t want to, this bastard—!”
“Hey! You suggested it first!”
These twenty-somethings bickered like ten-year-olds. I swung the badge with each word.
“Rank!” Crack!
“Name!” Crack!
“Out!” Crack!
“With!” Crack!
“It!”
“Aaaak! P-private Kim Eun-ji!”
“Private! Ugh! Private Kim Han-jo!”
“What? Privates? You rookie privates shaking down civilians?”
Soldiers extorting was bad enough, but green privates too busy with basics pulling this shit? Infuriating.
“Hey. Up.”
“Th-thank you.”
“Save it. Give me your squad leader’s name and rank. Or your direct superior’s.”
“Captain! We’re sorry! Mercy!”
“Up. Three, two—”
“We’re up!”
“Oh? No rank and name?”
“Private Kim Eun-ji!”
“Private Kim Han-jo!”
“Shut up. Give me your squad leader—or direct superior’s name and rank. Properly. I’ll check. You know what happens if wrong.”
Finally, they spilled their direct superior’s name and rank. I ripped off their name tags before telling them to scram.
I’d been too naive. Even in this advanced alternate Joseon, people’s morals hadn’t evolved much. I’d known that since home…!
“Si-jin.”
“Master?”
“Y-yes? Huh? Eori?”
I’d been glaring at the retreating soldiers and only now noticed Yi In-su and Eori watching. I forced a smile and apologized.
“Sorry. We finally reach Incheon, and this happens—I lost it.”
“Hahaha! No need. You had every right. Felt good watching.”
“But Master, you were kinda… cool…!”
Not bad reactions. Yi In-su laughed heartily; Eori blushed and fidgeted. I relaxed a bit.
“But how’d you learn to handle soldiers like that?”
Not quite relaxed yet.
“Looked natural. Like a seasoned officer.”
Of course. I’d been a modern soldier. Learned to chew out rookies then. No hitting, though.
I brushed it off vaguely. “Eh, just went with my gut.”
“Hmm. Your gut, eh…”
“B-but where were you? We looked forever.”
“Ah, right. Renting a carriage. This way. Let’s go.”
I followed Yi In-su with Eori, praying nothing like that happened again.