Cooler Than a Fan, You Scamming Bitch!
How's that! Cooler than any fan, right? You scamming bitch!
The thrill of that victory was short-lived. As the Dragon Boat Festival wrapped up, life slipped back into its everyday rhythm. Posing as a genius at the seodang, playing around with Eori, occasionally facing class discrimination—that was the routine.
"Heeheehee! Master! You have to come out right now! You really can't be late!"
"Got it. Just wait a sec."
"Hurry back! What if someone picks all the wild strawberries?!"
As usual, after seodang let out, I arrived home with Eori. Excited about going to pick wild strawberries together, I left her waiting at the gate for a moment and headed inside.
"Mom! I'm back from seodang, huh?"
"Son. You're home?"
"Hohoho! My boy takes after his mom—he's so handsome."
Yeah, I know. I'd noticed the sewing machine wasn't humming on the way home, but I hadn't expected a guest.
Some auntie I'd never seen before was sitting side by side with my mom on the porch.
"Hello."
Who the heck was she? Unknown face or not, I bowed politely in greeting.
"Hohoho, hello? Such a handsome young master."
I'd never fully bought into physiognomy as a science, but this time? Maybe it held water. Her long, slanted eyes and sharply protruding mouth made her look just like a fox. The cunning, villainous kind.
"Mom. Who's this?"
I asked as I approached my mom. She kept the same smile she'd had since I walked in and answered.
"It's market day today, right? We met at the market and hit it off."
"Call me Auntie Jang, young master."
The only thing I liked about her was that she called me "young master" instead of some sea dragon kid crap. Still, something felt off, so I pretended not to care and tried to head to my room.
"Madam. Where was I?"
The moment I showed disinterest, the auntie jumped right into her pitch.
"You know, Madam, this is a total no-brainer deal. How much does it cost to raise just one kid? They say you have to rack your brains just to feed one child."
"I'm fine, though. I have my sewing work."
"Pfft! How long do you think that'll last? Life's unpredictable, Madam. I used to live as a noble lady's daughter in Hanyang! But look at me now. Stuck peddling with a merchant. Right?"
"W-Well, yeah."
"It's okay. No need to tiptoe around it. This life has its own happiness. Wait, no—that's not the point. Think about it. One big score this time? No more market trips till the young master's wedding."
"But the price is too low, and buying in bulk all at once..."
"Come on! That's perfect! Cheaper is better, right? They say go for the red skirt—same goods, bigger savings, bigger win!"
Didn't she know cheap crap's worthless?
"And Madam! You know I don't blab this to just anyone. I'm telling you because it's you. I wouldn't even talk to anyone else!"
Sure, lady. We just met today.
Even from a quick listen, this auntie reeked of scam. Not the fake Rolex kind from my doctor or lawyer days—this was pure con artist bullshit.
No hard proof she was a scammer, though, and I couldn't butt into adult talk. So I pretended to be gone and eavesdropped.
"And this isn't something I offer everyone."
The auntie, who'd been rapid-firing, suddenly lowered her voice. I'd seen this on TV: the "secret" ploy to hook trust and attention.
"We usually only take three people, but I've got two spots filled and one left. You're so refined, Madam, and your face is so kind—I think I can make you a special member."
"Member?"
"Yes, member. Our Honji Merchant Guild has ranks: gap-eul-byeong-jeong-mu-gi-gyeong-sin-im-gye—ten levels total. Normally you'd start at gye, but since I recommended you, you can jump to im."
Pyramid scheme!
"There's a joining fee, but it's peanuts. Five nyang? Come on, you can swing five nyang. Honestly, pay that and save a hundred nyang!"
No need to hear more. I stepped right in front of the scamming bitch, plastering on an innocent grin.
"Auntie! Can I join too?"
"Hohoho. Young master, this is adults only."
"I wanna do it! I really wanna! Mom! Can I?"
I played the naive kid card, looking at Mom. But her face had frozen in horror.
"...Son. Don't."
"Aaaang! Mom! I wanna do iiiit!"
"You! Get out now! Hurry!"
"Y-Yes? Madam?"
Mom was the real deal. She might not know the scammer's heart, but she read her son's like a book.
"Wh-What? Suddenly?"
Luckily, the bitch was clueless. But seeing her stand awkwardly, I panicked she might bolt too soon and stalled.
"Auntie! Wait just a sec! I'll grab a fan!"
"F-Fan?"
Offering a luxury fan as the joining fee? Her lips curled up. Relieved as she sat back down, I ducked into my room.
"Yes! Just wait!"
"Son! Si-jin! No! Don't do it! Son!"
I ignored Mom's desperate pleas for a moment and rummaged for my stuff. Not the fan from the wrestling tournament... it was the bow and arrows Kim Jin-sa gave me.
I quickly strung the bow, slipped the thumb ring on, grabbed arrows, and headed out. The scamming bitch was still on the porch. Perfect.
"Auntie! Got it! Now for some real cool-down!"
"Hoho, young master. No need—kyaaak?!"
"How's that! Cooler than a fan, right? You scamming bitch!"
I nocked an arrow and drew the string like I was about to loose. The scammer—and even Mom—freaked out.
"Son! What the hell are you doing?!"
"Mom! This bitch is a scammer!"
"Wh-What? S-Sca-Scam?"
"Yes!"
"Son! Still, lower the bow,"
"It's fine! Won't kill her! Hey! Get lost now?"
Twang!
"Kyaaaaak!"
I fired a warning shot into the yard. Blunt-tipped arrow or not, it thudded into the dirt floor, amping the terror.
"Y-Yes, yes, yes! I-I'm g-g-going! Going!"
As I nocked a second arrow, the bitch finally stood. Still calm enough to slip on her shoes? One more shot.
Twang!
"Kyak! Kyak! Kyaaaak!"
"Crawl out now!"
"Y-Yes yes yes, yes! Kyaaaak!"
This one hit right by her shoe, dropping her ass to the ground. She crawled across the yard like that till she reached the gate, then finally staggered to her feet.
"Master? What's going—Mommy!"
"Outta the way! You!"
That bitch?! She'd heard the commotion and was shoving past Eori, who was coming in, to flee. Luckily, Eori didn't fall—just startled.
"Eori. You okay?"
I approached with the bow still drawn but string eased. Eori blinked, clueless, but nodded.
"Y-Yes. Master. Wh-What's happening?"
"Sorry. That bitch was gonna fleece us."
"Huh?!"
"No! Not that kind of fleece!"
Her dark face flushed red, so I hurriedly corrected. Then I spotted the scamming bitch far off in the distance.
"...!"
Huh? Walking now? Seeing I wasn't chasing, she'd slowed. I pretended to aim. She bolted again, vanishing from sight.
Phew. Case closed for today.
"Kim Si-jin."
...Not quite.
"Kim Si-jin. Get over here now."
Mom called me not "son," but full name with surname. No need to see her flushed face to know she was pissed.
"Kim Si-jin. What the hell was that?"
"Mom, no, actually, it was—"
"Get over here now!"
"!"
Her raised voice made Eori jump. Forgetting our strawberry promise, Eori just bowed and scurried home.
"Kim Si-jin! Now!"
"Y-Yes, Mom!"
"Pull those yard arrows!"
"Yes!"
Heroes are lonely by nature. Especially when no one appreciates the deed.
I set the bow and arrows on the porch, yanked the ones from the dirt, and handed them to Mom. She gripped one tight, dropped the rest, and said,
"Kim Si-jin. Roll up your pant leg."
"Mom. At least in the room—"
"No. Up here. Now."
"Here!"
I hopped onto the porch and hiked my leg. Before swinging the arrow like a switch, Mom hit me with a question I'd heard even in modern times.
"Kim Si-jin. What'd you do wrong?"
"Aimed a bow at Mom's guest."
"And?"
"Did it even after you said no."
"And?"
"Being handsome like you."
Smack!
"Ow?! Mom! That really hurts!"
Smack! Smack!
"Aah! Mom! It really hurts!"
"It's supposed to hurt! Should I hit you so it doesn't?"
"N-No, that's not—huh?"
The switch stung way more than usual. Then I spotted a small metal piece on the porch. A tag with "gye" engraved.
Gye? Honji? Where'd I hear that?!
Smack!
"Aaaak! Mom! Wait!"
"No! Hold still!"
"No! Mom! Wait! This is important!"
I waved both hands to stop her from arrow-whipping me. Before the next hit, I snatched the metal piece—proof of the merchant guild.
"Mom. That lady said she was from Honji Merchant Guild, right?"
Pyramids need dozens, not one or two.
Smack!
"Aaaak! Mom! This is serious!"
"Is that what you wanna talk about now?!"
Smack! Smack!
I took over ten more before I could warn Mom about the pyramid danger.