Hunting the Dormitory Roe Deer
Another day of that intriguing zeal for studying Joseon, Joseon, Joseon. I stopped by the dean's office briefly for some errand about the dorms, then headed back. Spotting So Ji-hu sitting on the veranda of our room, a random narration played in my head unbidden: Another day of that intriguing zeal for studying Joseon, Joseon, Joseon.
So Ji-hu was sitting there on the veranda, braving the chilly wind as he pored over what looked like predicted exam questions. His lips were turning blue, but the hand flipping the pages was flushed bright red.
I resumed walking and approached him. "Hyung-nim. Aren't you cold?"
"N-No problem...!" So Ji-hu shook all over but shook his head anyway. "Th-This is m-my own t-training method, s-so d-don't worry about it...!"
"How could I not worry?" If I didn't, he'd probably freeze solid right there. Even though it was still late November, it was cold enough for breath to fog the air.
"Just come inside. It's the kind of weather where the first snow could fall any minute."
"I-I'm f-fine, so y-you go in...!"
No matter how much I urged him, it was the same. Thinking of So Ji-hu's stubborn streak, he'd probably stay out there all night. With no other choice, I decided to offer a backup plan.
"Hyung-nim. If you're really cold, try crossing your arms over your chest like this and squatting down."
"H-Hm? D-Does that m-make it less c-cold...?"
"No. It's just easier to clear away a corpse in that position."
"...!"
So Ji-hu, who'd been glued to his papers, finally looked up at me. If his personality weren't quite so serious, and if the weather were just a tad warmer, he might've cursed me out.
"Wait here a sec. I'll grab a blanket."
Chuckling to myself, I headed inside. After being out in the biting wind, the warmth hit my face.
"Hoo, haa, hoo, haa...!"
But this warmth didn't feel like the cozy heat from the ondol floor.
"What the hell is hyung-nim doing now?"
Out on the veranda, So Ji-hu had been shivering over his studies, but inside the room, Jeong Hyeon-beom was shirtless, pumping out push-ups.
"Oh, hey. Little bro's back?"
His trademark bushy beard was soaked with sweat. Jeong Hyeon-beom acknowledged me with a quick head lift, then dove right back into his push-ups, dripping sweat onto the practice sheets scattered on the floor as he read them.
"You memorize like that, hyung-nim?"
"Y-Yeah? Th-That's right. Hoo, haa, hoo, haa."
I'd thought those two were total opposites in looks and personality, but their study methods were polar opposites too.
"Kwaaaack!"
Suddenly, a yell echoed from somewhere in the dorms.
"Damn, that startled me."
It sounded just like the roe deer cries I'd heard back in Chaekho Village. Jeong Hyeon-beom kept studying through it undeterred.
"Hoo, don't mind it, lad. He hollers like that sometimes during his cultivation...!"
"During cultivation? Not some roe deer come down from the hills?"
What kind of psycho screams mid-study? It made no sense—I just shook my head. Still, I grabbed a blanket from the stack in the corner and took it out to So Ji-hu on the veranda.
"Th-Thank you...!"
If you're thankful, you should've grabbed one yourself ages ago. They say the young suffer needlessly, but this guy's at least eight years older than me—why's he putting himself through this?
I shook my head again and went back inside, shutting the door tight against the draft. I hung my overcoat on the wall and finally sat at my desk, spreading out my practice sheets.
"Hoo, haa, hoo, haa."
"Kwaaaack!"
"Hoo, haa, hoo, haa."
"Kweeeek!"
But none of it was sinking in. Jeong Hyeon-beom's grunting push-ups and the occasional screams were too distracting.
"Hyung-nim. Any idea who's yelling?" I twisted around in my seat to look at him.
Jeong Hyeon-beom didn't break rhythm, just shrugged that he had no clue.
"Huh, really?"
No helping it. If you want to study, you need the right environment. Not that I was thinking of cleaning first or anything.
"Ugh, haa! Haa! Haa!"
Finally, Jeong Hyeon-beom stopped his push-ups and knelt up, wiping sweat from his body as he eyed me.
"H-Hm? Si-jin, little bro? What're you up to?"
"Gonna find out who's screaming."
"But why take the gun?"
"Oh, this?" I held up one of the two breech-loading revolvers King Munjong had bestowed on me. Slipping it into my hand, I threw my overcoat back on. "If it's a roe deer, I'm shooting the bastard."
"...".
"What?"
Jeong Hyeon-beom stared at me with a furrowed brow, like he was wrestling with some headache.
No matter how I pressed, he just spouted nonsense. "Si-jin, little bro. If you'd flunked the military exam, you'd have turned bandit."
"Me? If I flunk, I just retake it. Why bandit? And have you ever seen a bandit this handsome?"
Rolling my eyes, I headed out again. On the veranda, So Ji-hu was now bundled in the blanket like a cocoon, still studying.
"H-Hm? B-Beol-jang little bro, wh-where you headed...?"
"Roe deer hunting. Be back soon."
"R-Roe deer hunting...?"
"Kwaaaack!"
Right on cue, another yell rang out from somewhere.
"Hear that? Roe deer's in the dorms. For sure."
"Th-That one was a p-person's voice, n-not roe deer...!"
"Nah, no way. You never heard a roe deer before? That's how they sound."
"I-I have heard them...!"
"You must've misheard."
Leaving shivering So Ji-hu behind, I descended the veranda. My leather shoes had already lost their warmth as I slipped them on and listened carefully while walking.
"Kraaaack!"
Luckily, the yells—no, roe deer cries—were coming from the first-year dorms. If it'd been the seniors in second or third year, I'd have had to give up and head back.
I made a beeline for the source. A crowd had already gathered outside one of the first-year rooms, not including me.
"This joke's gone too far!"
"Hey now! It's no joke! This is how I get the words into my head!"
"No weird cultivation method like that exists in all eight provinces of Joseon!"
You're pretty weird yourself. Everyone seemed to have their own bizarre study rituals.
The guy griping had smeared his face black like a racist caricature. Another had scribbled text all over his clothes, and someone else was actually eating pages from a book—not exaggerating, really chowing down.
"Heavens! What a circus!"
A mutter from beside me made me glance over. Shit! Nearly jumped out of my skin!
A student stood there with wild, disheveled hair, tsking at the others like he was the only normal one.
"Why's your hair like that?"
"Oh." He flinched, like he hadn't expected me to speak. Peering at me cautiously through the curtain of hair over his face, he replied, "T-Tied my hair to the ceiling."
"Doesn't that hurt?"
"It does. But this sharp pain drives the words right into my brain."
You're gonna go bald...
"Yeah, well. Good luck with that."
I gave him a perfunctory nod and pushed into the crowd.
"Excuse me. Coming through."
"Hey! Such rudeness—hmph! Hmph!"
The students I bumped reacted the same: indignant at first, then spotting my face and the revolver in my hand, they quietly made way. Maybe this gun wasn't for lead slugs but manners injection.
"Hey, you."
Thanks to them, I came face-to-face with the roe deer impersonator up on the veranda.
I looked up at him. "You the one who's been screaming since earlier?"
"Y-Yes!"
This smug bastard. He ought to be apologizing profusely already.
But I'm a modern guy at heart. Holstering the revolver, I crossed my arms and made a polite request. "Could you keep it down a bit? As you can see, you're not the only one studying here. Just a small favor, please."
"H-Hey! Are you threatening me?"
"When did I threaten you?"
"Coming with that vicious thing and asking favors! How's that not a threat?!"
"Huh? Vicious? This?"
It was so absurd I held up the revolver. The roe deer guy froze like I might shoot him with it. But I wasn't firing lead—I hadn't even loaded it.
"His Majesty bestowed this on me himself. And you're calling a gift infused with his boundless grace 'vicious'?"
"Uh, th-that's...!"
Nothing beats the king as a cheat code. Mentioning His Majesty made the guy panic and stiffen up.
"Just keep it quiet, got it?"
"Y-Yes, I'll do that. I'll be more mindful."
His stiff neck finally bent. After he apologized and promised to watch himself, I turned crisply and left. The protesters dispersed now that it was settled.
As I watched them go, I thought: No normal people at this academy. Wait, isn't this Jeonju Hakdang? Don't they gather all the intellectuals of Jeonbuk Province here? So why are they all weirdos?
I could kinda get studying in the cold wind or while exercising—at least it keeps you awake. But face paint guy, human screen with notes on his clothes, goat munching books, ceiling-hair-tying dude, and roe deer screamer? Not a normal soul in sight.
"Haa, this country's future looks bleak."
Sighing, I headed back to my room, convinced I was the only sane one at the academy.