Chapter 188
Chapter 188
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Vine
Chapter: 188
Chapter Title: Kalli & Han Cheon-seong
-----------------------------------------------------------------
***
"...Cadet Han Cheon-seong."
A faint smile escaped her lips as his face flickered in her mind.
The answer was really quite simple.
"Cadet Han Cheon-seong... has been casually suppressing his own emotions all this time."
The main point was that he, a cadet, had acted in such a way. Despite the considerable time we had spent together, I had no idea when he had started harboring those feelings.
Given that he expressed them to me today, I doubted it had been for a short time.
‘All this time… how difficult must it have been for Cadet Han Cheon-seong?’
He had hidden his feelings so tightly that I hadn't noticed a thing, and he had tried to smooth things over by hastily retracting his words.
Thinking back, it was truly an unexpected revelation.
Until today, I hadn't sensed even the slightest hint of it from him. Not a single feeling that he saw me as a woman or harbored any other emotions.
There were occasional moments when he seemed conscious of me as a woman, like when I wore more revealing training attire, but such reactions were utterly trivial.
Other than that, Cadet Han Cheon-seong had meticulously controlled his emotions, showing only a relentless desire for improvement.
He focused on his training and never expressed any other personal feelings.
'And yet I, his instructor...'
Was it right for me to approach him, who had tried so hard to hide his heart, and attempt to advance our relationship?
"To say that I like him too..."
Was it truly right to break down the relationship we had as instructor and cadet?
*Shhh.*
I shook my head, my heart aching.
"...Of course not."
Cadet Han Cheon-seong was trying that hard for a reason. Despite having clear feelings for me, he tried to hide them and devoted himself to his training.
And we both knew all too well why he had to.
Because there was a line between us that should not be crossed.
Because we must not cross that line.
Even he, a cadet, was trying so desperately to compose himself.
"..."
A hollow laugh escaped me, and my chaotic thoughts seemed to settle.
A truly simple answer. In that case, I had to act in accordance with his actions.
Because that was the right thing to do. If even he, the cadet, was trying to maintain the line between us, then I, the instructor, could not be the one to cross it.
"Ah."
Then, a thought suddenly occurred to me.
‘Could it be...’
Why had Cadet Han Cheon-seong pushed himself so hard, clinging to his training with an incomprehensible will?
It was abnormal, no matter who looked at it. He displayed something so remarkable, an indomitable will that no one else could replicate even if they were told to do the same.
Could it be... that he had to be that engrossed in his training just to suppress those feelings?
"..."
As I let out a soft breath, a part of my chest throbbed. A thick, sticky heat filled my heart, a cloying emotion that continued to grow.
If the reason he had been so ferociously dedicated to his training was to hide his feelings for me, then everything made sense.
Cadets who had just enrolled in the academy usually lacked a clear sense of purpose.
Even if they tried to move forward and improve after enrolling, it was often with a vague goal. It was practically impossible for most to possess the kind of strong will Cadet Han Cheon-seong had.
But Cadet Han Cheon-seong had displayed that side of himself 'every single moment' he was with me.
Always growing, always trying to see beyond. It was an act of constantly whipping himself, pushing himself to his limits.
Transcending his outstanding talent, he sought to confront his limits again and again, no matter what.
And if the reason for all those actions...
‘Was me.’
Then his intense dedication to training was understandable. And I believed there was a high probability that this was the case for Cadet Han Cheon-seong.
"...Seriously."
I opened my mouth, but felt at a loss for words.
A huge ripple spread through my heart, which had just decided on a course of action. Staring blankly at the ceiling, countless thoughts tormented me endlessly.
...
By the time midnight approached, the space Kalli occupied was shrouded in deep darkness. Even the moonlight filtering through the window was blocked by the curtains, failing to illuminate the interior.
"Just a little..."
In that deep darkness, Kalli was muttering vacantly.
"If it's really just a little..."
With an affectionate gaze that would have been unbelievable to anyone who knew her, Kalli simply murmured to herself.
"Wouldn't that be possible?"
***
*Regret is always too late, no matter how soon it comes.*
I didn't know the origin of the saying, but I thought it was incredibly true. An absolute truth, if there ever was one...
After all, the very act of thinking a situation was regrettable meant you believed you shouldn't have acted that way in the first place.
*Stare.*
Lying in the dark dormitory, staring at the ceiling, Cheon-seong couldn't fall asleep.
"Was I really out of my mind..."
He muttered self-reproachfully, regret washing over him as he wondered why he had done it.
Overwhelmed by Kalli's immeasurable kindness in offering to teach me Awakening, I had lost control of my emotions for a moment.
*—More than anyone, I really lo... no, I like you.*
Recalling the words I had blurted out to Kalli, I cringed.
*Rustle.*
I unconsciously pulled the blanket up over my face, trying to hide.
I wanted to crawl into a hole if one was available, a wave of regret so strong I wished I could somehow scoop up the water I'd spilled.
But knowing full well that was impossible, I felt like I was going insane.
"After saying something like that, even Kalli has no choice but to despise me."
Suddenly, her face flickered in my mind again.
She had widened her eyes in surprise at my sudden words. But I couldn't forget the way her expression had turned completely cold just moments later.
The spar that followed didn't last long either. Kalli refused to even look at me throughout the entire match.
She fought while completely ignoring me.
As a result, I was brutally defeated in less than a few minutes. As I tumbled helplessly across the training ground, no words came out.
Of all the spars we'd had, this one was so overwhelmingly one-sided that I felt a fragment of her immense power, enough to break my fighting spirit.
It made me realize that if Kalli got serious, someone like me, even with a level 5 Trait, was truly nothing.
There was an incomparable difference between vaguely guessing the reality and experiencing it with my own body.
"Hoo..."
Recalling that moment, my heart sank.
"Still, that was the first time I'd seen Kalli look so stern."
Just thinking about it again made my heart tremble. I had built such a good relationship with Kalli, and now it felt like that relationship had been pushed miles away in an instant.
"Wait, could it be..."
Did Kalli think my words were a confession?
The thought suddenly struck me.
I had felt a surge of affection for Kalli when she offered to teach me Awakening, but if she truly thought of it that way, the situation was at its worst.
In the original story, it was no exaggeration to say that Kalli loathed romance between cadets. This was emphasized several times throughout the narrative.
So, what if she thought I, a cadet, had said something akin to a confession to her, an instructor? What kind of feelings would Kalli have toward me?
"Aargh..."
Just imagining it made me feel like I was going to lose my mind.
I could immediately tell that Kalli must have taken my words badly. Thanks to the relationship we had built up, she hadn't expressed anything more than that, but...
"What do I do now?"
I couldn't think of any way to clean up the mess I had made.
Roughly running a hand through my hair, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. With my mind so complicated and troubled, it would be stranger if I could fall asleep peacefully.
"Somehow... let's try to be positive."
I forced myself to speak, trying to get a grip. Then, I suddenly recalled what another instructor had told me two days ago.
*—Kalli really cares for you a lot. The attention she pours into you is probably incomparable to any other cadet she teaches. That's how highly Kalli thinks of you.*
For a fellow instructor to say something like that, it couldn't be a lie.
Amidst my gloomy thoughts, I felt a tiny sliver of relief.
"We've maintained a good relationship until now. I'm sure Kalli... will be able to see me in a good light again."
Our relationship hadn't been shallow, so I trusted Kalli a great deal. I believed that the bond between us wouldn't crumble so easily.
So, I decided to focus on restoring our relationship.
"I think it would be best to find some time to talk to her."
It probably wouldn't be good for me to show any strange behavior toward Kalli during class, so I figured I should do it after class was over.
*Glance.*
I slowly turned my head to look at a box sitting on a nearby table.
It was the box containing mithril, a great favor Kalli had once shown me.
I had vaguely thought I needed to repay her, but in reality, I had been putting it off.
"Before I go to her office, I should prepare a gift."
Muttering blankly, I felt like I could see a path forward.
I was short on funds at the moment, but I thought I might be able to find an inexpensive gift that would please Kalli if I looked around.
‘It’s the thought that counts with a gift.’
To be honest, I didn't really believe that, but someone with a righteous character like Kalli would surely think so.
"So, what is there that Kalli might like?"
As I thought about it, I narrowed my eyes.
'They say women are weak to gifts.'
I recalled the phrase from somewhere, but the whole thing was just perplexing.
A gift had to be meaningful to be received. A gift had the greatest meaning when it was useful or something the recipient desired.
In that sense, Kalli, an instructor who had made quite a name for herself on the front lines and came from a rather high-ranking noble family, could probably have most things she wanted.
She was, for all intents and purposes, perfect.
"Then that means... a gift that fills a need is meaningless."
I muttered vacantly, my mind a jumble.
Something Kalli would like.
And something not expensive.
The more I thought, the more I felt like I was sinking into a swamp.
"Does such a thing even exist...?"