Chapter 33
Chapter 33
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 33
Chapter Title: Villain's Philosophy
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Library break room.
Grrrrowl—
Lunchtime was already approaching. A villain's stomach is more precise than an atomic clock, so I knew it was exactly noon without even checking the time.
I sat in a quiet corner and looked down at the volunteer bento box.
Chicken mayo rice with spam, kimchi, and pickled radish. Not a bad lineup at all.
"Hmph, how foolish! Providing food to a hungry villain. You'll regret this!"
I scooped up a bite of the savory mayo-drenched rice and recalled this morning's operations.
I'd messed up the sorting, but it ended up sparking academic inspiration instead.
I tried dog-earing book corners, only for them to repair the worn-out books instead.
I spoiled mystery novels with culprit hints, and they cheered it as a fresh interpretation...
"Kuh... Just thinking about it grinds my teeth!"
Still, the bento wasn't bad. Of course, compared to Everlin's cooking, it was an insult to the taste buds.
As I ate lunch, scenarios for my revenge play kept unfolding in my head. Possibilities for all sorts of villainy swirled together like mayonnaise.
"Failing in the morning doesn't mean I'll fail in the afternoon!"
I piled kimchi on the spam... and took a bold bite!
Crunch crunch—
There had to be more effective villainy out there. The reason this morning's plans failed... was because they were too merciful! I'd been too generous!
"This afternoon's villainy will proceed with unprecedented boldness! Like swallowing in one gulp, I'll plunge the library into chaos without hesitation! Kakakat!"
I swung my chopsticks through the air, imagining the library crumbling in my mind.
"Hm... Burn all the books and bury the exam-takers in a pit... No, that's Qin Shi Huang! My villainy can't be mistaken for plagiarism! It needs to be more creative!"
I polished off the last spoonful of chicken mayo rice and set down my chopsticks. I even neatly separated the trash for recycling.
Even a villain can't just toss trash anywhere! Villains have their dignity, after all.
"Kakakat! Energy recharge complete! Time to resume villain mode!"
I clenched my fist, horns bristling defiantly. The faint gray glow emanating from them seemed to herald the success of my next plan.
On my way back into the library after lunch.
My villainy radar locked onto the first target.
The reading room windows were wide open.
"Look at that insolent window! How dare it open without this great one's permission! Everything in this world must receive the approval of the great villain Grimoire!"
They must have opened them for ventilation, right?
"No breathing without a villain's permission! Fresh air? That's only for when this one feels like it!"
I rushed over and slammed the window shut with a thunk.
I'd blocked the fresh air everyone wanted!
First step of villainy: complete!
Next, I dashed to the AC control panel.
"28 degrees? Too lukewarm! I'll crank it down to 22! Sitting in this freezing cold will shatter everyone's focus! A chilling draft will seep into their very bones! Kakakat!"
I proudly raised my horns to admire my handiwork when—
"Ah, thank you so much!"
I jumped in surprise at the voice behind me and whipped around. A group of exam-prep girls were beaming at me. Not terrified, but smiling?
"That old fogey library villain kept the windows open for 'ventilation' and set the AC to 28 degrees—it was so stuffy."
"Yeah, and with the fine dust levels so bad... Why even open the windows..."
"Now we can actually study! You're our hero!"
Fine... dust? Closing the windows had blocked the fine dust?
"The horns? Cosplay? Is the library doing a special event?"
"She's got a volunteer badge... Library mascot?"
"I... This one was trying to torment you all! To make you catch colds from the cold... Block the air circulation..."
But before I could finish, they returned to their seats and dove into studying. My warning vanished into the AC breeze.
Despair washed over me. I stomped my feet without thinking.
"Why does it always turn out like this! Why does my villainy always end up earning gratitude!"
I bit my lip and steeled my resolve once more. It wasn't time to give up yet. For a villain, setbacks are just stepping stones to success.
"Kakakat! Now begins the true afternoon villainy onslaught!"
I turned on my heel to scout my next target.
No one can stop this one's villainy! Fleeting setbacks only fuel greater malice!
A neatly made sign caught my eye. It was in the self-help section.
"Perfect target just appeared."
A great villain knows no defeat. Well, she knows defeat, but not surrender!
"The most popular section... Then my villainy will have maximum impact! I'll shatter their vain dreams and motivations completely!"
I strode boldly to the self-help corner. The bestsellers shelf was lined with flashy covers: '7 Steps to Success', 'How to Get Rich', 'The Power of Positive Thinking', 'The Miracle of 1% Habits'—books peddling hope to the masses.
'If this one ruins all these... how wicked would that be?'
I gathered an armful of top self-help books and sat at a quiet table.
"Time for the evil comment terror!"
I opened the first one, '7 Steps to Success'.
[Success comes from persistence. Only those who don't give up reap the rewards.]
"Tch!"
I tsked and pulled out an orca post-it. Gripping my pen, I smirked evilly and wrote:
[This is all nonsense! True secret to success: Become a villain! - Advice from the Great Villain]
I pressed the post-it firmly with my fingers and grinned in satisfaction.
Next, 'How to Get Rich'. The cover showed a suited man flashing a thumbs-up.
[Financial freedom will change your life. Become rich and have everything you want.]
I went even bolder on the first page:
[World conquest beats money for true happiness! Conquer the world, and money follows! - Grimoire Empire Principle #1]
For 'The Power of Positive Thinking', I sneered:
[The power of negativity is far stronger! Think happy, and disappointment hits harder! Villains expect nothing from the start, so no disappointment! - Villain Philosophy]
The more pages I turned, the hotter my fury burned, adding ever more vicious advice.
[The secret to success is effort. Just 1% growth a day makes you 37 times better in a year.]
[Effooort? Wake up! It's all luck!]
[Don't fear failure. Only challengers seize opportunities.]
[Challenges are hypocrisy from winners! Losers are dead and silent!]
[A positive mindset solves everything. Change your thoughts, change the world.]
[Positive mindset? Trust only this one's horns! No horns? Just give up!]
My hand flew faster, slapping on orca post-its.
[Study while others sleep? Ridiculous! Villains need full rest for peak villainy! - Villain Health Studies]
[Failure is the mother of success? No, failure is just failure! But villains have no failure. Every outcome is part of the plan! - Villain Psychology]
[Endure it? If you hate it, quit. Villains don't care what others think. - Villain Demeanor]
[Don't try to please everyone. Impossible. This one's happiness comes first. - Common Sense Even Villains Know]
What started as blind criticism shifted to my real thoughts. But it's villain philosophy, so it's fine, right?
"This'll demolish their motivations! No one will chase dreams now—world conquest is mine! Kakakat! Perfect villainy!"
Now the self-help books were plastered with Grimoire-style villain philosophy. All the orca post-its were used up.
Having inscribed 'villain truths' on every book, the world's willpower would crumble.
Acting oblivious, I pulled out my smartphone and launched a mobile game. Randomly placing champions, my eyes stayed on the shelves.
Now, time to watch my villainy destroy souls!
Soon, a woman approached the self-help corner.
She set down her heavy bag and paused before the shelves. Her movements screamed weary daily grind.
'First victim spotted!'
The plump orcas perfectly captured her gaze!
"What's this?"
My lips curled up. Now to witness her despair!
"A world that demands endless effort... Society always blames me for failures... But these post-it notes are so honest. More comforting than the self-help books."
"Wha... what?"
Comforting? This one's philosophy brimming with great evil??
Next, a suited office worker man spotted a post-it.
"I needed a message saying it's okay to fail. Feels like escaping the pressure to be perfect."
"These honest notes motivate more than empty words. Whoever wrote them, thank you!"
"This convinced me to quit tomorrow. Gave me courage to escape five years of workplace bullying."
"Eek?!"
More people flocked to the corner. Some rummaged shelves for my post-it books.
"Here's another! 'Effooort? Wake up! It's all luck!'"
"Yeah, really. Fooled by the effort myth too long."
"'Study while others sleep? Villains need full rest for peak villainy!' True, sleep deprivation is so harmful..."
They carefully peeled off the orca post-its, tucking them into wallets or phone cases like treasures.
"Wait! Those are my orcas! My orcas are getting whaled!!"
I'd stuck on dozens, but they took them all as 'true self-improvement wisdom'.
How ironic! The ultimate villain giving comfort and courage to people!
"Giving hope instead... A fatal stain on my villain career..."
Then my phone buzzed. A peek showed '#OrcaPostIt' trending. Photos of my post-its were spreading like wildfire!
#OrcaPostIt #VillainPhilosophy #RealSelfHelp
"Weird hashtags trending? All with my orca post-its?"
My post-it pics already had thousands of likes.
People shared my villain philosophy like genuine self-help quotes.
Then an even more shocking alert popped up.
The article said 3,000 orca-shaped post-its sold out in 10 minutes.
"My villainy tool becoming a hot item... My words of comfort changing the world? It was supposed to be a curse!"
Tremble tremble—!
I stealthily backed away from the crowding self-help corner.
Today's villainy score: negative one million points...!