Chapter 32
Chapter 32
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 32
Chapter Title: Villain Librarian
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"Kakakat! Now it's time to start some real villainy!"
I pushed the cart loaded with books, striding boldly between the shelves.
At last, the moment had arrived for this great body's magnificent plan to truly begin.
This silent library would soon turn into a cauldron of chaos!
The peaceful reading atmosphere is fated to be shattered by this body... Just thinking about it sends shivers of delight down my spine!
Books sorted by color, shelves perfectly arranged in numerical order.
Perfect order—that was precisely what this body had to destroy.
Who would want a tidy world? The world should be overflowing with disorder and mayhem!
"Now, it's time to sow the seeds of chaos."
Normally, a 'volunteer's' job would be to return the books on the return cart to their proper places.
But this body is a villain. Would the great villain Grimoire ever do such a good deed?
I boldly picked up a philosophy book. Friedrich Nietzsche's The Birth of Tragedy.
Nietzsche—he was a genius ahead of his time, just like this body. He might even have made a fine subordinate.
"Today, you shall join this body in its villainy. Consider it an honor."
A blue sticker was on the book's spine. I glanced around the shelves and spotted the cookbook section, filled with yellow stickers.
"A meeting of food and philosophy... This will create unprecedented chaos."
After quickly checking my surroundings, I slipped Nietzsche's philosophy tome next to Cake Baking for Beginners.
"Pitiful humans trying to bake cakes will tumble into the abyss of existence's futility! Huh? But then who will bake this body's cake?"
The black-covered Nietzsche stood out oddly among the vibrant cookbooks, like a crow sneaking into a flock of yellow chicks.
"Anyway, this is chaos incarnate. Kakakat!"
Next was a quantum mechanics textbook, its cover featuring Schrödinger's cat. Where to hide this one...
"Hm, the mythology corner looks perfect. A clash of past and future, reality and possibility! Genius idea!"
I slyly tucked Understanding Modern Quantum Mechanics next to Greek and Roman Mythology.
They were sure to despair. Instead of their sought-after myths, they'd end up studying quantum entanglement!
"This body's villainy continues!"
I spent a full hour meticulously mixing up all the books—not randomly, but rearranged according to this body's own wicked logic.
Russian literature anthologies amid computer programming books, astronomy guides next to yoga manuals, economics primers in the fantasy novels section... The stranger the combinations, the higher my spirits soared.
"Phase one of this body's chaos operation: complete! Now no one will find the book they want! Order crumbles, chaos reigns! Kakakat!"
Socrates baking cookies, Einstein reading Romance of the Three Kingdoms? Dostoevsky coding in Python, Tolstoy explaining C++ object-oriented programming? Already dizzying!
No need to worry about looking suspicious. No one would suspect a mere 'volunteer' of harboring evil intent.
With a victorious smirk, I left the empty cart and decided to take a short break.
A little later, three grad students gathered in front of the first shelf I'd messed up.
Oh, it's starting at last. Poor humans about to plunge into confusion.
I stealthily approached and hid behind the shelf to eavesdrop.
"Hey, check this out. Nietzsche in the cookbook section. I thought it was a mis-shelving at first, but think about it—viewing food through a philosophical lens offers fresh perspectives. Nietzsche's 'tragic essence of art' clearly parallels the creative anguish of a patissier."
"Right! I was shocked how quantum mechanics' uncertainty principle mirrors the Greek concept of fate. The three Fates' prophecies existed in multiple possibilities until 'observed,' right? This has real thesis potential!"
"I found Dostoevsky while hunting for programming algorithms. The psychological structures of his characters weirdly match computer logic flows. Feels like human psyche and code spring from the same source!"
The three pulled out laptops and started typing furiously.
"Whoever arranged these books like this is a genius at breaking down academic boundaries!"
Their faces brimmed with excitement, as if they'd made a monumental discovery.
"Wha... what?"
I smacked my forehead without thinking.
What was going on? My attempt to sow chaos had instead sparked academic inspiration for them?
This body's plan to shatter order and unleash pandemonium was backfiring spectacularly. I hadn't anticipated this... Not even this body's genius brain could predict it!
They truly weren't right in the head! No wonder they voluntarily walked into grad school!
"On to the next operation! I'll plunge the library into chaos with even greater villainy!"
Regaining my composure, I headed to the classic literature corner for my second act of villainy.
I need to plan again. The first failed, so this time it has to be clearer, more blatant evil!
More certain, more ruthless!
I decided on a more direct act of destruction.
"Alright, this one's foolproof villainy! I'll dog-ear every book's corner and ruin the library's precious volumes! Book lovers hate that most! Who else could think of something so wicked?"
My first target: The Old Man and the Sea. Flipping through, the musty scent of aged paper tickled my nose.
"Huh?"
Upon closer inspection, the corners were already crumbling from age. Other books were worse—the covers peeling, pages worn, corners frayed.
"Darn, these books are too beat-up... I can't even dog-ear them! My villainy can't proceed!"
After a moment's thought, a brilliant idea struck.
"Then... I'll repair the books first, then dog-ear them! This body's genius brain shines again!"
I went to the library office, gathered repair tools—clear tape, glue, patching paper—and returned to the literature section.
Carefully flattening covers, I glued split seams with special adhesive. Crumpled pages I smoothed one by one with an iron. Frayed spines got reinforced with specialty tape.
"Shakespeare, this body breathes new life into your works. You should be grateful."
For some reason, my heart felt calm. Watching tattered paper revive under my hands... was unexpectedly fun.
This is just prep for villainy. Fix them up, then destroy them properly.
One book, two... Before I knew it, five volumes gleamed like new under my touch.
"Oh my, repairing books with such care!"
"Eek!"
Turning around, I saw the librarian who'd given me the volunteer badge, watching my work.
"Thank you for doing our job!"
"N-no! This is... so I can dog-ear them later... Right! Reviving them for the ultimate villainy!"
Before I could finish, other librarians crowded in, marveling at my repairs.
"Wow, such meticulous work! Most of these old books were slated for disposal!"
"Your spine reinforcement is pro-level! We couldn't do it that delicately."
"That taping technique—library science major? Or book arts specialist?"
A middle-aged woman, apparently the head librarian, patted my shoulder lightly.
"I've never seen a student love books this much. How about I nominate you as volunteer representative next week?"
My face froze. What? Volunteer rep? No way!
"This body is a great villain! Not loving books, just..."
Facing their genuine gratitude and praise, it suddenly felt hard to cling to my villainous facade.
Looking around, the repaired books sat neatly, shining like new. Touching them felt like the work of a true bookbinder.
This body, bearer of the King's DNA, talented at mere book repair?
I reached for the corner of the last repaired book (Hamlet).
Finally, true villainy begins! This is what I'd come for!
My finger touched the page corner. Just one fold...
But I hesitated. This was a book I'd just painstakingly revived with my own hands.
"Urgh..."
Unthinkingly, I smoothed it back out.
"Hm... This is strategic camouflage for villainy! Yeah, gain their trust, then unleash bigger evil!"
Now for the third act of villainy.
I weaved between shelves, pondering new evil ideas.
People browsing stacks, students quietly reading, scholars deep in research... How to shatter their peaceful routines?
I tapped my horns lightly to stimulate my brain. How to corrupt this temple of knowledge... Too overt destruction lacked villainous elegance, too subtle pranks risked misinterpretation as good deeds...
That's when I overheard a student whispering to a friend.
"Dude, you spoiled the drama ending for me! So annoying!"
"If you hadn't watched till now, you'd never finish it anyway??"
A flash of inspiration hit. Gray light flickered from my horns.
"Yes! Spoilers! One of the things people hate most!"
This was pure villainy! Everyone gets mad at spoilers!
For reference: In Endgame, Iron Man and Black Widow die! Kakakat!
Ruining anticipation and joy in one sentence—that's the terror of spoilers!
And among genres, one is especially vulnerable to spoilers!
That would be...
"Mystery novels thrive on guessing the culprit, so what if I write the culprit's name on the first page? Even this body admits it's diabolical!"
Knowing the culprit voids all deduction. Perfect for spoilers!
I applauded my own genius. This time, I'd prove my ruthlessness!
Scanning around, I reached the mystery section.
Agatha Christie, Conan Doyle, Keigo Higashino—their works neatly aligned.
I stacked about ten famous ones and carried them to a quiet corner table. Time for covert villainy where no one watches.
"They say life's spoiler is death! This body's spoilers will slay readers' souls! Kakakat!"
I pulled out a pencil and opened the first: And Then There Were None.
Flipping past the cover to write under the title, I paused.
"Wait, who's the culprit in this one?"
Panicking, I skimmed pages. Complex prose, myriad characters. My head spun. I should've asked Everlin!
"Who killed whom and why? Too complicated!"
Honestly, I'd never properly read mysteries. This body stuck to comics and YouTube—dense text novels hurt my eyes... my brain... just lazy, okay?
"Argh, whatever! Who reads this stuff anymore? Shorts era, and they stretch 3-minute video content into hundreds of pages?!"
Finally, I scrawled boldly on the first page.
The butler did it!
Next: Sherlock Holmes collection.
"Hm... Holmes hung with that doctor, right? So the doctor's the culprit! Watson! Closest people are always suspicious!"
Then Murder on the Orient Express. I'd seen the movie... vaguely.
"Needs a twist... Yeah! The culprit is the train itself! The train as the true mastermind! Shocking, right?"
One by one, two by two.
I ramped up the creativity(?) in culprit accusations.
The culprit is you, the reader! If you hadn't read this, they wouldn't have died! - Villain's Meta Deduction
No culprit exists! Everyone's complicit! Or it was all a dream! - Villain's Fantasy Take
The culprit's the cat! That silent watcher! Revenge of the meow! - Villain's Cute Angle
I cackled alone, scribbling wild guesses and absurd culprits.
"Kakakat! Thanks to this body's villainy, mysteries lose all fun! And spoilers' horror? They're contagious! Spoiled rage spreads to others! One spoiler triggers an endless chain... rendering all mysteries obsolete!"
Mission accomplished, I grinned in satisfaction.
Returning the books, I hid behind a nearby small shelf, ready to bask in my masterpiece.
Soon, 5-6 people gathered at the mystery section.
A middle-aged man led, followed by men and women of various ages. They scanned shelves with familiar ease.
"What do you all think this month? Recent mysteries feel stale—no fresh tricks."
"Agreed, Professor. My 2,000th book, and I can spot the culprit from page one."
2,000 books? Why waste time on such drivel? This body read fewer than ten in a lifetime!
Finally, one picked up a book I'd tampered with.
Yes, grab those! Become my villainy's victims!!
"Hey, look! Someone wrote on the first page."
"Check it! Totally wrong culprit guess. 'The butler did it'...??"
Here it comes! Time for rage, disappointment, despair!
But... the woman's face showed not anger, but intrigue.
Wait... that's not mad? What?
"This is a fresh interpretation! One line upends traditional narrative strategy. 'Butler did it' is a meta-hint to confront the author's misdirection!"
"Exactly, it amps suspense throughout. Makes you suspect the butler nonstop."
A bespectacled man spoke passionately. Others nodded.
"What?"
A tiny yelp escaped me. Luckily, they ignored it.
What are these mystery otakus babbling? Enhance suspense? I was trying to ruin it!
Far from fury, they were fascinated by my scribbles!
They pulled more tampered books.
"Sherlock: 'Watson did it'? Revolutionary! Reframes Holmes-Watson dynamic! What if Holmes is Watson's imaginary defense mechanism for his crimes?"
"Orient Express: 'Culprit is the train itself!' Allegory for modernity's mechanized violence? Everyone as cogs in a 'system'—pierces Agatha's hidden social critique!"
Heated debate ensued. One insight sparked deeper layers from another.
"N-no way..."
"Look! 'Cat did it!' No cat even in this book!"
"Postmodern break from conventions. 'Cat culprit'—how symbolic! Surely represents humanity's unconscious and repressed instincts! New lens on the work!"
"Here's 'Culprit is you, the reader!' Meta-fiction questioning reader ethics. Critiques our enjoyment of crime!"
A balding elder marveled. The middle-aged leader, voice rising, declared:
"Everyone, what a serendipitous find! This anonymous reader's bold interpretations have shattered our perspectives. A pivotal moment for our mystery club!"
"I can't sleep without mysteries nightly—15 years strong. Lately, all predictable and boring. These scribbles... reignited that first-read thrill."
Others nodded agreement.
"From today, our group pursues 'Joy of Intentional Misreading'! Analyze how provocative culprit claims unlock new depths!"
They buzzed with fervor, gathering my books to the table.
"How... how is this happening?"
I staggered out from behind the shelf. Legs weak. Even my horns drooped.
My third villainy: total failure. Nay, transformed into literary inspiration!
"Wonder who left these genius notes. Not mere graffiti—this challenges and reinterprets mysteries themselves!"
"For S-City Mystery Lit Society's 20th anniversary, let's hold a special symposium. Everyone write papers on these 'villainous interpretations' for a special journal issue next month?"
"Must meet whoever penned these insights. Invite as honorary advisor to our club!"
All agreed with the leader.
They're hunting me... for the reading club? This body?
I shook my head reflexively.
"No way! Villains don't read books! This body sticks to comics!!"
My horrified(?) outburst mercifully drowned in their chatter.
They handled my scribbled books like archaeologists with treasures.
Reading with these weirdos? Can't even imagine!
I fled the mystery section in haste.
Why did my villainy always twist like this?
"Gyaaaah...! What is wrong with this world? My villainy again! AGAIN! Veers off-course...!"
A sigh escaped. Three failures already.
"Wait... Is this world testing how creative my villainy is?"
This was a trial! The world's challenge to me!
"Right! Mundane evil won't shock the world. Need more creative, ruthless, genius villainy!"
Would this body give up easily? Never!
"Frustration forges top villains!"
Perfect! All this was just the growth pains of a wicked villain!