The One Who Always Returns to Me #8
Emil could not calm his racing heart even after returning to his quarters.
The neatly arranged room, the soft glow of sunset seeping through the windows, the solid feel of the wooden bed beneath him—everything was undeniably real, yet it all felt strangely detached from reality.
‘Elaine. My name is Elaine.’
Elaine.
The moment he recalled the name, a peculiar tingling brushed across his lips.
It felt foreign. At the same time, it felt intimately familiar.
A name he was certain he had heard before. Syllables that someone, somewhere, might once have whispered to him.
“Elaine…”
Unable to ignore the lingering sensation on his lips, Emil spoke the name aloud.
His heart immediately began to beat faster.
At one moment his chest felt suffocatingly tight, as if something were lodged there. The next, his breathing grew shallow and rapid. Then heat would flare across his face.
Good god, what was happening to him?
This was exactly like…
Yes. It was the same fluttering feeling he used to get as a boy when he secretly smoked marijuana. Goddamn it.
‘Or perhaps the feeling of falling in love…’
Emil shook his head sharply, as if to fling the thought away.
What ridiculous nonsense was he thinking?
“She said she was a fairy.”
Even as he muttered the words, he found himself absurd.
She was probably some noble young lady.
With the war raging, children of countless great houses had fled to Myrdin for safety. It only made sense.
But those eyes of Elaine’s, and the way her figure had suddenly vanished in that brief moment—there had been something more to her. Something that made her seem as if she truly were a fairy.
“…I’m tired.”
Emil rubbed his face lightly with the back of his hand.
It would be nice if she really were a fairy.
A being who required no investigation into her identity, no probing of her emotions. Just a stranger who had briefly passed through from beyond the world.
That would have made things far easier on his mind.
Knock, knock.
At the sound of someone rapping on the door, Emil’s shoulders twitched.
“Priest, may I have a moment?”
Roen’s voice came from beyond the door.
Emil rose from the bed to greet her.
“…Come in.”
The door opened, and Roen stepped carefully into the room.
“Her Highness Princess Leni has expressed a desire to share dinner with you, Priest. She instructed me to escort you if you are willing.”
“Her Highness? Of course I must go.”
She wanted to have dinner together.
Even if she hadn’t called for him, he had already planned to go. Still, the timid affection behind her invitation filled him with a quiet sense of warmth.
“Ah, but Roen.”
“Yes? What is it?”
“Is there a young lady named Elaine among those staying in Myrdin? Someone you might know?”
Roen tilted her head, thinking carefully.
“Elaine… I’m afraid I don’t recall anyone by that name. But I will look into it. Many who reside in the palace use pseudonyms, after all.”
“I would appreciate that.”
“May I ask what this is about?”
“It’s nothing important. Just something that caught my attention.”
Emil gave a short answer and stood up.
“Shall we go now?”
“I cannot keep Her Highness waiting.”
As he walked, the thoughts swirling in Emil’s head were not of Leni, nor of the queen.
Only…
The faint hope that he might see her again.
That was all that lingered in his mind.
* * *
The room was quiet. Beneath the gentle flicker of candlelight, dinner had been laid out.
The moment Emil stepped through the door, Leni’s eyes sparkled as she welcomed him.
“Priest, I’m so happy you came.”
“You’re happy?”
Leni walked all the way to the doorway to greet him, her joy plain to see.
She looked as pure and lovable as the child he had first met in Iredain.
Emil smiled faintly and returned her greeting.
“I should be the one thanking you for the invitation, Your Highness. And if I may say one thing—there is no need to send someone to ask for my opinion. I am a priest who serves you.”
“Priest, why would you say that?”
Leni spoke firmly.
“I won’t do that. You are my benefactor, and more than that, you are someone precious to me. I will never treat you in such a way.”
A shadow crossed Leni’s face.
She seemed hurt by his words.
Oh no. That wasn’t what he had meant.
He had only wanted to tell her she could call for him without hesitation, but his phrasing must have come out poorly.
Emil hesitated for a moment, wondering whether to add something, then simply said,
“I’m sorry. I spoke unnecessarily.”
He apologized, then gently took Leni’s fingertips and brought the back of her hand to his lips for a kiss.
“…!”
Leni’s face flushed bright red like a ripe tomato.
As expected, this was the most effective approach.
Back in Iredain, he had used such gestures to make her obey. Now, he simply found her reactions utterly endearing.
“Priest… mmph.”
Normally, a hand kiss given in greeting was brief—a light touch of the lips before pulling away.
But Emil kept his lips pressed firmly against the back of her hand, refusing to let go.
The soft texture of her skin lingered against his mouth.
“P-Priest, your hand… please let go now.”
Even as she spoke with such embarrassment, Leni could not pull her hand away.
Just as Emil was playfully considering holding on for a few more seconds,
“Ahem. Um, Your Highness, Priest… perhaps it would be best if I excused myself?”
Roen’s awkward voice came with a deliberate cough.
Only then did Leni seem to realize the full weight of her embarrassment. She snatched her hand back from Emil and hurried to the table.
“I-it’s fine! Roen, come sit and eat. Priest Emil, you too. Hurry.”
Even as she spoke, she kept rubbing the back of her hand. Emil let out a soft chuckle and took his seat.
The feast was quite extravagant.
There was pork roasted until its skin crackled, and trout fillets steeped in a powerfully aromatic sauce that stimulated the appetite.
However, instead of bringing the food to his own mouth, Emil lifted a forkful and held it out.
A mischievous impulse had struck him.
“Your Highness.”
“Hm?”
“Here. Say ‘ah’.”
Emil extended the fork, expecting Leni to blush again in embarrassment.
But contrary to his expectations, Leni’s eyes widened for a brief moment before she lowered her eyelids slightly and smiled.
Then, looking delighted, she accepted the bite.
“Mmm. It tastes even better when you feed me, Priest.”
Her calm reaction caught him off guard, leaving Emil slightly flustered.
“I thought you would be embarrassed…”
“Oh, I was. I still am… but it reminded me of the old days. You used to feed me like this all the time, remember?”
“Yes, of course I do.”
“Mhm. It was only after you disappeared that I realized it. All those things I found embarrassing and burdensome… they were actually you caring for me.”
Leni spoke with a touch of melancholy.
“Isn’t it funny? Back then, I told you it annoyed me and to take it away. I regretted it so much. I realized how selfish and wicked I had been.”
“That’s not… You don’t need to regret anything.”
Leni shook her head.
“So I thought about it many times. If I could meet you again, I would become a kind woman worthy of you and make you happy.”
“Well, you have always been a good child, Your Highness.”
The moment Emil answered, a fleeting look of discontent crossed Leni’s face, but she soon nodded.
“Yes. I want to become a good woman for you, Priest. I want that more than anything.”
Leni murmured the words softly.
At that, Roen began coughing pointedly from the side.
“Oh dear, are you alright, Roen?”
“Priest… instead of worrying about me right now… haah, never mind.”
Yet Roen continued to stare at Emil with an odd expression.
What on earth was she trying to say?
Emil shrugged helplessly.
“Ah, anyway, Priest. Speaking of old times, do you remember that one thing? When you…”
With Leni’s stories as the spark, the meal continued in a warm atmosphere.
The scrape of knives against plates, the sound of wine filling glasses, the soft crackle of candle flames.
Even within the familiar atmosphere of the banquet, Emil felt as though his body did not fully belong to the moment.
Something kept tugging at his heart.
No—not something.
It was her.
Elaine.
‘No. Stop thinking about her. You’re in front of the princess.’
Repeating the thought to himself, Emil lifted his gaze to Leni.
She sat quietly holding her fork, eyes fixed on her plate, but the corners of her eyes were trembling faintly.
Before Emil could speak,
Leni raised her head first.
“…Priest.”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
“Are you… perhaps worried about something?”
Emil blinked.
Oh no. Had he made her worry as well?
“What makes you say that…?”
“I don’t know. It just… feels that way.”
Leni’s voice was clear, yet it carried an inexplicable ache.
“When I was younger, I didn’t notice. How much you thought about things, how complicated your mind must be. I only ever thought of you as someone endlessly kind. But now… I think I understand a little.”
It was not a pleasant thing to hear.
Emil unconsciously averted his eyes.
A heavy weight seemed to settle on the back of his neck.
Leni continued.
“It’s only my guess, but… it seems as if your heart is somewhere else.”
Emil’s breath caught for the briefest instant.
“Your Highness…”
But Leni smiled gently.
“It’s alright. I’m not scolding you. I know very well. How deeply you think, and how much you care for me.”
Emil looked at her.
A wave of self-reproach washed over him.
What a pathetic man he was.
How could he make a child worry about him like this? He was supposed to be the one looking after her.
A child should never have to concern herself with an adult.
It should never be that way.
“Your Highness.”
“Yes, Priest.”
Emil had been about to apologize, but changed his mind.
“You truly possess a deep and kind heart, Your Highness.”
Leni did not answer.
Instead, she smiled softly, and that smile was unmistakably filled with affection.
“Ahem. Hm-hm.”
Roen cleared her throat several more times for no reason, but by now no one paid her any mind.
The dinner ended quietly like that.