Even at the Cost of My Life #1
…….
Emil woke up at some point without realizing it.
The bed he lay on was not the shabby straw-stuffed thing barely passing for a mattress that he had grown used to.
It was a luxurious piece filled with down feathers.
‘Damn, I overslept.’
The Emil of now had a feather bed, fragrant wine, and a fat pouch of gold coins he had saved during his time as a priest.
He rose from the large, fine bedroom reserved for honored guests of Iredain Castle.
“I wonder if Lady Leni—no, Princess Irenie—is already awake……”
When he threw open the large door, he saw the servants bustling about as always.
…….
Yet none of them spoke to Emil.
Not Tep and Watt, who used to grin and greet him warmly whenever they saw him.
Not the maids who used to hover around him, trying to earn his favor.
Everyone wore uncomfortable expressions and avoided his eyes.
It wasn’t hard to understand.
Queen Alena had said she would not hold them accountable for Alon Ricgard’s rebellion for now, but that didn’t erase the crime of treason.
Everyone knew it.
And that meant even innocent servants could one day find their necks in a noose.
Emil, who had somehow come to be treated as one of the princess’s people, was now someone they had every reason to be wary of.
“You’re up, sleepyhead Emil?”
Pidea, who had woken at some point, spoke to him.
The fact that the only one greeting him inside this vast Iredain Castle was a demon girl somehow left Emil feeling strangely unsettled.
“You’re the sleepyhead. Didn’t I tell you how much happened while you were asleep?”
“Yeah, yeah. All the fun stuff in the world happens while I’m sleeping.”
Pidea grinned.
Emil let out a short sigh.
“It wasn’t exactly fun. I nearly died several times… and got dragged into that pathetic rebellion.”
“Ah, but that’s exactly what makes it fun.”
“Then let all the fun things fall straight into Sheol. I just want a peaceful life.”
Emil spoke indifferently.
Pidea narrowed her brows at his reaction, looking puzzled.
“Hmm. Something’s off, Emil. You’re unusually irritable today. Did something not sit well with you?”
“Yeah. You never sit well with me.”
“No, that’s not it… Hmm. Aha, you’re upset. Aren’t you?”
“What are you talking about?”
Emil asked, irritation clear in his voice.
What nonsense was this demon girl about to spout now?
“While that princess was being dragged away by Alon Ricgard, you couldn’t do anything. Right? In the end, it was that talkative knight Neil who solved everything. If he hadn’t shown up, you would’ve died right there.”
Pidea spoke mockingly.
“No, wait. Since the curse is involved, maybe they wouldn’t have killed you? But you would’ve been locked in Iredain’s underground prison and used however Alon Ricgard pleased.”
The demon girl’s sneering was nothing new, but today her tone felt especially irritating.
“Right? You should’ve been the one to uncover the villain Alon’s scheme and heroically rescue the princess like something out of a story. Instead, you got caught by Alon and couldn’t do a single thing. Poor Emil.”
Her words pierced straight through to his true feelings, making him feel even worse.
Was it really as Pidea said? Had Emil wanted to be acknowledged by Leni—by that princess?
By his own assessment, Emil was far removed from that kind of need for validation. What value could other people’s opinions possibly hold for him?
But… when it came to Leni, even he couldn’t be certain.
Why had Emil stepped forward claiming he could cure Leni’s curse? In the end, that was exactly what had drawn Alon Ricgard’s attention.
Why had Emil tried to protect her himself instead of letting Alon Ricgard take her when she was kidnapped? It had nothing to do with him.
Why had Emil…….
Endless thoughts flooded his mind.
Emil clenched his teeth and shook his head.
“You’re especially noisy today. Pidea, I’d really appreciate it if you’d just shut up.”
Carrying that irritated mood, Emil reached Leni’s room. When he opened the door, Leni was indeed awake.
But there was also an unwelcome guest.
“Ah, good to see you, Priest Emil.”
Neil Bloodfire.
He was in Leni’s room with her.
“Sir Neil… what are you doing here?”
Technically, Emil owed the man his life, and Neil was the one who had saved Leni, so he didn’t actually hold any ill will.
Yet Emil had spoken sharply without meaning to. His nerves were simply too raw.
Neil, however, didn’t seem to mind. He smiled brightly at Emil and answered.
“I told you to just call me Neil. You can even call me cheerful Neil if you want… Anyway, since you asked, I’ll answer. I came to see Princess Irenie. We have quite a bit of accumulated conversation to catch up on.”
Leni gave a quiet nod.
For Emil, who had wanted even a short moment alone with Leni, this was rather unwelcome.
‘Come to think of it, Neil is the illegitimate son of Leni’s uncle Damon. So technically, they’re cousins.’
“Then I’ll leave you two to talk.”
“Eh, Priest… you’re leaving already? Can’t you stay a little longer?”
Leni reached out as if reluctant to let him go, but Emil shook his head. He hadn’t come with any particular business anyway.
“No, please rest for a while, Princess.”
With those words, Emil left the room.
Once outside, his heart felt strangely heavy for some reason.
He regretted leaving the room.
He could have just stayed by her side…….
But Emil simply hadn’t wanted to remain in that place. A gloomy feeling seemed to rise within him.
Carrying that uncomfortable mood, Emil stepped outside the castle. A pure white landscape greeted him.
“……It’s already winter.”
When he walked beyond the castle walls, the snow that had fallen for several days had turned the streets completely white.
Suddenly, Leni’s smile came to mind.
That child was a pure girl who could find such joy in a single snowflake.
And Alon had tried to steal that smile away, while Emil had been unable to do anything.
‘…Damn it. Enough with the useless sentimentality.’
Success.
That was Emil’s ultimate goal.
That was why he had treated Leni so well until now, and because that choice had proven correct, he now stood on the verge of wealth and glory.
Emil was a selfish man.
That explanation was more than enough.
His trudging steps eventually led him into the city streets.
The streets were overwhelmingly crowded.
It was a bustle that made him realize anew just how wealthy and prosperous Iredain truly was.
Moreover, since it was winter, people preferred buildings with walls over sleeping outdoors, which drew even more crowds into the city.
“No empty rooms!”
So when Emil entered a tavern, the owner’s shout came immediately.
“Ah… I’m not here to stay the night, owner. Just prepare something to eat. And ale if possible.”
“Oh, is that so? Ale I can give you plenty of. For food, we have a stew with meat in it—want that? Or there’s onion and roasted pork. Only one leg left though.”
“Meat stew? What kind of meat?”
“Who knows. It’s been boiling so long I don’t even remember what’s in it anymore, but it’s got all sorts of things. Should taste decent enough.”
Emil nodded moderately.
“Then give me both the pork and the stew.”
“Will do. Ah, you have enough money, right? A priest wouldn’t skip out on the bill.”
At those words, Emil suddenly looked down at his own clothes. He saw the dull black fabric.
That’s right.
Emil was a priest.
Yet for some reason, that title felt utterly foreign to him right now.
‘A priest who doesn’t believe in God. What a ridiculous story.’
“This should cover it.”
Emil held out two silver coins.
The owner brightened, though he looked a little troubled.
“You’re not even staying the night. It feels wrong to take this much.”
“Then remember my face. Next time I come, treat me to a free drink.”
The owner clicked his tongue and poured a mug of ale, setting it on Emil’s table as he spoke.
“Here’s your ale then. The stew will be right out.”
“I’ll wait.”
Emil slowly tilted the mug, watching the foam burst, and fell into thought.
‘Leni… Cately… Alon Ricgard… Neil Bloodfire… and…….’
“Priest Emil?”
He heard someone calling his name.
When he turned around, a woman was entering the tavern.
She gave off a rather calm impression.
Her expression rarely changed, giving her an almost blank look, but it wasn’t cold like Leni’s. She simply seemed like a quiet person.
At first Emil thought he was seeing her for the first time, but soon he began to feel like he had seen her somewhere before.
“Um… who are you?”
“My name is Roen Bloodfire. We have met before.”
Bloodfire.
The name brought it back.
She was one of the people who had come to Iredain with Neil, and she was also the one who had carried Damon the traitor’s severed head in a sack.
Judging by the name, she was probably another illegitimate child of the royal family.
Come to think of it, while it wasn’t the burning red of Leni’s hair, her hair also carried a reddish hue.
“Ah… you were Sir Neil’s companion.”
“Yes. He is my older brother. Though not one I’m particularly proud of.”
Oh, they were siblings?
Before he knew it, Roen had naturally taken the seat beside Emil and sat there quietly, staring at him intently.
…….
Emil had initially ignored her and remained lost in thought, but Roen’s persistent gaze soon began to feel burdensome.
“Um… is there something you wanted to say?”
Emil asked with an awkward smile.
But Roen simply shook her head quietly.
“No. I was just looking because you’re very handsome, Priest. Is it making you uncomfortable?”
Emil choked on his ale and broke into a violent cough.
Throughout it all, her expression remained perfectly calm.
Emil wondered, even as he coughed, why only strange people kept gathering around him.