Help Us!! We've Been Trapped in an A-Rank Gate!!

"... Ooh, I kinda like that? ... Wait, no."

Even after becoming human, an Elder Lich's nature didn't go anywhere, apparently. I almost took the bait for a second there.

I shook off the temptation and looked over at Mark One, who was reading the same post beside me.

"Hey, wanna go save those kids and come back?"

"I have no objections, my lord... but what if it really is a trap, as they said?"

"What do you mean, what if? Just kill them all and nom on the loot... I mean, cut them down and bury them somewhere sunny. Can you do that?"

"If my lord commands it, I am prepared to move at any time."

Once I'd confirmed Mark One was on board, I typed up a post on the spot.

I killed time chatting with users while I waited for DollLover's message, and a notification popped up at the bottom of the screen.

"Okay, love it. Go, Mark One! Slice up every last monster and come back!!"

"I shall return shortly."

With that brief farewell, Mark One vanished in an ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠instant.

Watching the two of us — and the gallery situation unfolding on screen — Kim Gunwoo, a.k.a. S-Rank Slime, edged closer with extreme caution.

"Um... Miss Ha Yuna?"

"What do you want, you— wait. Who are you? You still haven't gone home?"

"Th-that's actually why I came over. May I go home now?"

"...Huh?"

Our friend Kim Gunwoo seemed to have had fear and obedience properly installed. He'd been standing there in silence this whole time, waiting for my permission to leave. Poor guy.

I tipped my head a fraction and answered in my best royal drawl.

"Very well. Thou mayest return home. But might I ask one last favor?"

"W-what is it?"

"Simple. Lend me some money. Just two million won."

I made the demand with complete, shameless confidence, and Kim Gunwoo's expression did something complicated. Not quite indignation. More like he couldn't decide if he'd heard me right.

"Lending it to you isn't... difficult. But may I ask just one thing?"

"Speak."

"...With your abilities, Miss Ha Yuna, you could easily make tens of billions — hundreds of billions — in a single day. So why borrow money from someone like me? Honestly, I still don't even understand why you've been staying here."

"Ahh, that."

I flicked a look at Alkerniman, who had been slinking sideways, reading the room with every ounce of self-preservation he possessed.

"No big reason. Some insane alchemist pulled a spectacularly stupid stunt and three hundred billion won evaporated in an instant."

"Th-three hundred billion won? Hah. You lost a sum of money I can't even imagine... and yet you don't seem all that bothered."

"Of course not. I can make it back in a week... right?"

Alkerniman, who had been eavesdropping from a distance, nodded so hard his head nearly came off.

"O-of course!! I've already finished brewing every last potion — we just need to sell them in a week!! Please, just spare my life!!"

"Good. Don't screw it up."

"Yes, my lord!!"

Kim Gunwoo listened to all of this, froze for a beat, then pulled out his phone and opened the transfer app with trembling fingers.

"Your ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠account number... please."

"Okay."

I rattled off the numbers, and two million won landed with a cheerful little beep.

I glanced at the text notification, then nodded.

"You can go now. You probably lost a few years off your life today, so go eat something sweet and get some sleep."

"Miss Ha Yuna... thank you, truly...! From now on I'll watch my mouth, and I'll be loyal— I mean, I'll be polite—"

"I don't need your loyalty. But you should definitely learn to lock your mouth before you start thinking."

"Yessir!!!"

Kim Gunwoo folded at the waist in a ninety-degree bow, snapped back up, and practically sprinted for the elevator.

The doors shut — and peace settled over the living room in an instant.

The smell of night air. Soft lighting. The particular quiet of a brand-new home.

"Hahh—"

I rose slowly from the sofa and pressed the power button on the PC installed as a basic amenity on the far side of the kitchen island.

Do officetels come with computers as a standard these days?

The question crossed my mind, then drifted away. It didn't really matter.

Welcome chime. Browser. Shopping mall.

The outfit reflected in the screen made me shake my head with genuine feeling.

"...I need to buy clothes, immediately. Anyone can tell this ratty short-sleeve tee is not a king's attire. Is this what the king of all undead is supposed to wear? Does that make any sense?"

Ibella nodded from beside me, draping an arm over the back of the chair.

"I agree. Image-building is half authority. The other half is cuteness."

"Why does cuteness get to be the other half."

Alkerniman jumped in at once.

"Considering my lord's beautiful and adorable appearance, I recommend a dress or a cardigan!"

"You. Shut up."

"Yes, my lord!"

Mordane flicked his thumb against his forefinger.

"Measurements complete. Shoulder and waist actual values extracted. Size S — Korean standard ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠— is the most natural fit."

"Oh for fuck's sake. S? I'm that small? Unbelievable."

"That is correct. There is no margin of error."

"...Tch. Fine."

The shock lasted about three seconds. I clicked my tongue, pulled myself together, and typed my tastes into the search bar with complete, unfiltered honesty.

The first page loaded all at once.

"I've got the soul of a man's man. I don't wear this stuff... but I'm a woman now, so I have no choice but to dress the part."

Nobody was even paying attention, but I muttered it anyway, just to cover the embarrassment, then mash-clicked Add to Cart.

"Let's see... cardigans in lilac and cream, two. Pleats in ivory and black, two. Sweatshirts in cream and pink... shoes in a 230... wait, 230 millimeters is tiny."

Mark Two raised a hand.

"My lord, if we consider defensive capability when going out, inserting a thin barrier-inscription plate into the loafer insole would—"

"Shut up."

"My apologies!"

Without Mark One around, it felt like the kids' reins were slipping. Guess we really did need a by-the-book drill instructor.

I opened the checkout window, and the delivery options sparkled at me.

"Nice. Dawn delivery."

I coolly swiped through the two million won Kim Gunwoo had transferred. I'd pay him back next week at zero interest. He was a good kid, so I should keep him alive.

Purchase complete.

I leaned back in the chair and laced my fingers behind my head.

The night view beyond the window glittered.

"This should do it for the first round of throne-outing wear. Now I can wander around outside even more comfortably."

Ibella asked, almost offhand.

"Shall we expand the indoor line as well? Besides pajamas, I'd recommend a knit long cardigan plus a house dress, or a hooded zip-up and jogger pants set."

"Later. Today's enough."

Mordane gestured toward the kitchen, and herbal tea settled onto the table. Even potion-obsessed Alkerniman quietly cupped his mug, for once.

It was quiet.

For the first time, it actually felt like I had come home. Not because of the furniture, or the curtains, or the lights — but because of the kids here with me.

I turned off the monitor and walked slowly to the floor-to-ceiling window, then sat.

My face looked back at me from the glass.

A short-sleeve tee. No matter how I looked at it, it was just ridiculous.

"It'll change soon enough."