Chapter 93
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 93
Chapter Title: The Mayor's Lament
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"I did it...!"
A few days passed.
The labor was over.
That hellish mountain of documents had finally been conquered under my seal of approval.
My fountain pen raced across countless sheets of paper without a moment to dry, and as a result, my desk had regained its primordial tranquility.
Empty.
Clean.
Silent.
And I couldn't stand it.
Because this peace signified my utter defeat!
I had become a hero.
The apostle of justice who eradicated corruption.
The surgeon who carved out the city's cancerous tumors.
My approval rating was skyrocketing toward 65%, citizens chanted my name, and the media churned out paeans to me every day.
[Is Lee Garam a god?]
[MIGA's miracle continues]
[A political wunderkind eyeing the presidency]
I was suffocating under the weight of all that glory.
"No. I can't let it end like this."
What was my goal?
Impeachment.
Where was my dream?
Flight.
What was my hope made of?
Slush funds.
A simple, clear three-step combo: impeachment-escape-slush funds.
That was the blueprint of my life, Lee Garam's.
Right. So I'll just do it again.
Seven falls, eight rises. Even a hundred losses are fine.
I'll keep getting up until it works.
Let's analyze the last failure.
The timidness of only taking bribes "just enough not to go to jail."
The vague hope of "maybe I'll get impeached."
The pathetic self-preservation instinct of "what if something goes wrong?" ruined everything.
That complacency birthed this document hell.
This time is different.
I've made up my mind.
I'll give flesh to take bone.
I'll gladly sacrifice chunks of my reputation to seize the bone of impeachment.
No more beating around the bush. No more safety nets.
Straight ball. Fastball. Full frontal assault.
I need to be reborn.
As a bolder, slyer, wickeder corrupt mayor.
"Money."
Yes, money.
From now on, I'll be Neo Incheon's greediest mayor.
I picked up the phone.
First target: Neo Tech's CEO Kim.
With his competitors all dragged off to prison one by one, he's surely trembling under his blankets.
No better mark for blackmail.
Ring ring ring- Ring ring ring-
[H-Hello?]
A voice thick with tension came through the receiver.
Oh ho. Already scared stiff. Good, very good.
"Hey, CEO Kim? It's Lee Garam."
I pitched my voice as arrogantly and intimidatingly as possible.
Corrupt mayor acting, start.
"We need to meet and talk."
[Hiiiiiik!]
A scream-like shriek erupted from the other end.
[M-Mr. Mayor! We haven't done anything! Really! No tax evasion! No embezzlement! No entertaining either! Our company has never broken the law once since founding! We're a clean business!]
"No, that's not what I—"
[The city hall audit team was just here! You checked everything! Even the kimchi jar in the fridge! Our company doesn't have a speck of dust! Please, spare our lives!]
"No, I mean, if you have anything to give, just give it."
[What did we do wrong! Our employee welfare is top-tier, and we pay our corporate taxes honestly! Please spare us! We support your great Neo Incheon purification campaign! MIGA! Make Incheon Great Again!]
"That's not—"
Click.
Tu- tu- tu-
The line went dead.
I stared blankly at the receiver for a moment.
What the hell?
I hadn't even mentioned the word "bribe" yet.
"Huh?"
Something's off.
No. You can't fill up on the first sip.
Neo Incheon still has plenty of companies left.
Second target: Blue Ocean's CEO Park.
A guy raking in cash from marine plant projects. Surely has plenty of dirt.
"CEO Park. How's business lately?"
This time, a softer approach. Pretend to check in, lower their guard. Classic tactic straight out of Sun Tzu.
"If you're having any troubles, tell me. I might be able to help out, yeah?"
[Hik! Mr. Mayor...!]
A panicked yelp from the receiver.
[We're really clean! For real! If you want, we'll open all our books right now! Or just do a tax audit! Strip us bare!]
"No, that's not it."
[How could we fail to grasp your high intentions! We lowly things nearly marred your grand vision! We're truly sorry!]
"I mean, just cough up some encouragement fund or something."
Encouragement fund. Meaning, encourage me. With money.
[Yes! Of course! Blue Ocean will donate for the city's development! 100 million! No, 200 million! No, 500 million! Transparently! Through official channels!]
"No, can't it be off the books?"
[Don't worry! We'll handle the receipts perfectly! Donation receipts help with year-end taxes, Mr. Mayor!]
Click.
The line cut again.
Thud.
I slammed my head on the desk.
Why does every conversation go like this?
What I want is dirty money. Unlaundered bundles of raw cash.
The underground economy's blessing, no receipts needed.
So why is everyone so eager to donate legally?
"This won't do. Time for the direct approach."
Third target: Green Energy's CEO Choi.
No more buildup. Straight to the point.
"CEO Choi? Lee Garam."
[Y-Yes, Mr. Mayor. What is it?]
"Give me some money. As a bribe."
Silence flowed through the receiver.
Success? Finally got the message?
[...As expected.]
CEO Choi said in a low voice.
[You've started another trap investigation, Mr. Mayor.]
"It's not a trap! For real!"
[Yes! The trap that says it's not a trap! As expected of the schemer Lee Garam! Not your average guy! But we won't bite! Green Energy grows only sustainably, eco-friendly! Goodbye!]
Click.
"Wha—hey?"
My money! My slush funds! My impeachment!
All vanished into the receiver.
"Why! Why won't anyone give me a bribe!"
Where did this city's entrepreneurial spirit go!
Wasn't bribery the lubricant of business and the beautiful flower of cronyism!
I couldn't hold back and slammed my fist on the desk.
Bang!
"Can't you just give me some! I'm begging here!"
Bang! Bang!
"Dirty money! Black money! I'll take any amount, just give it!"
Bang! Bang! Bang!
"Bitcoin's fine! Ethereum's fine! Even Dogecoin!"
My desperate wail echoed through the empty mayor's office.
I was completely alone.
Even in the world of corruption, I was an outcast.
No one dared tarnish the icon of integrity branded upon me.
That was when it happened.
Something soft bumped my leg.
Meow~
Looking down, Nero gazed up at me with pitying eyes.
Those round, enormous pupils brimmed with sympathy and compassion.
As if saying, "Hang in there, human. I understand your pain."
And moments later, it returned with something in its mouth.
Plop.
What fell on my foot was a round, chocolate-filled pastry overflowing with affection.
A Choco Pie.
"Is this... a bribe?"
I felt a surge of emotion.
Yeah. You're the only one in this world who understands me.
The only one who gets this desire to fall, this thirst for corruption.
"Pathetic. Even pity from a cat."
Overwhelmed, I picked up the Choco Pie.
And took a big bite.
Sweet marshmallow, soft bread, and rich chocolate coating melded in my mouth.
...Huh?
Wait a sec.
This Choco Pie.
I have a feeling I've seen it before.
It's the exact one I stashed in my desk drawer as emergency rations this morning.
"This is mine!"
It offered my own thing back to me as a bribe.
Bribing with embezzled goods!
What a shameless cat.
Meow.
Nero looked up innocently, as if it knew nothing.
I laughed helplessly and shoved the rest into my mouth.
The sweet chocolate and chewy marshmallow spread across my tongue.
The taste of defeat.
Afternoon.
A perfect afternoon.
An utterly flawless afternoon.
Finally, truly, peace had arrived after the end of labor.
The extra document boxes Seria had hauled from hell's gateway—no, the printer room—over the past days now decorated the corner as empty paper coffins.
I leaned my chair back.
Creeeak—
The cheerful friction was a fanfare celebrating my victory.
Stretching both arms skyward, my stiffened spine joints popped back into place with satisfying cracks.
Ahh, liberation. Ahh, freedom.
Nero watched me intently, then stretched its front legs and yawned in the exact same pose.
That arched back line and erupting cry.
Ne-rooong~
"You get it too. This languor is proof we're alive."
Yes, that's it. That's the essence of life.
Throw out that nonsense about non-workers not deserving to eat.
Only those untainted by labor truly earn the right to eat.
Only a pure palate unsullied by work can fully savor the saltiness of potato chips and the sweetness of soda.
One hand crunching crispy chips, the other clicking the mouse to watch Polaris's stream on the monitor.
Gone was the clumsy D-rank hero from before; now she subdued villains with practiced skill.
How much had my anonymous account "Illwait" contributed to her growth?
This must be the joy of raising your fave. Impressive, Polaris! Well done, Han Sia!
"Grr, this is a mayor's true duty. I worked too hard lately. Nearly burned out."
Crunch—
I tossed chips into my mouth.
That very instant.
Shh.
A faint dissonance, like a film splice.
The shadow outside the window darkened ever so slightly.
The office air felt a degree warmer, an illusion perhaps.
Crash!
"Gyaah!"
A deafening explosion dwarfing the chips' crunch.
The reinforced window shattered into shards with an ear-splitting blast.
Glass flew like snow, scattering sunlight wildly. A sudden gust whipped papers from my desk into the air.
And at the epicenter stood a woman with flame-red hair whipping like fire.
Hero Association President Jin Yeonhwa.
She hopped lightly over the frame as if entering her own bedroom. The flying shards melted from her heat before dirtying the room.
"Use the door! Door! DOOR! That square thing with a handle! Why do you always break in!"
How much will repairs cost this time! Seria keeps telling me to pay!
Jin Yeonhwa sneered pityingly at me.
"Doors are for the weak."
She strode over and loomed at my desk. Her shadow fell.
Her 180cm frame perfectly blocked the afternoon sun.
"No more excuses now?"
The smile on her lips was a predator's.
"That Kurokumo Clan you whined about last time. We caught a few elders and are investigating."
"...Huh?"
"Turns out most are clean. Haven't committed any crimes in Korea yet?"
In the original story, the Kurokumo Clan dominated Neo Incheon's underworld as assassins.
Handling corporations' dirty jobs.
Eliminating rivals.
At the heart of every scandal, an evil organization.
But they haven't done anything yet?
"Cut them off before they act, you say. Lee Garam, you're one ruthless bastard."
Jin Yeonhwa laughed heartily and slapped my back. Thwack, thwack.
"Guh! Ack!"
Air was forced from my lungs with each hit.
"N-No, I mean, that's..."
'Oh right. I swept up all the corrupt companies.'
With their main clients in prison, the clan had no work.
Pro assassin family from Japan turns unemployed in Korea.
Korea turns elite killer clans into jobless youth.
I desperately scrambled for another excuse.
Monsters! Say monsters appeared! Or a new villain group!
"Neo Incheon still has lots of hidden evils..."
"Wanna die?"
Squeeze—
Before I finished, her arm locked around my neck. S-rank hero headlock.
"Gack! Guuurk!"
"Think I'm your subordinate?"
My vision darkened.
Soft, massive, suffocating pressure.
Is this asphyxiation or crushing?
"Gaaah! Tap! Tap! Mercy!"
I pounded her arm desperately. Human dignity means nothing in the face of death.
Jin Yeonhwa whispered low above my head. Her voice like a devil's temptation.
"You'll keep your promise, right? Loach stew."
I nodded frantically even as I choked.
"Yes! Yes! I'll go! Please let me live!"
Only then did her arm loosen.
"Hoo... haah... haah..."
I filled my lungs with fresh air and collapsed to the floor. Air was this precious?
Nero approached and licked my cheek worriedly. Only cats are on my side in this world.
"Alright, let's go."
Jin Yeonhwa hoisted me up.
"Wait! I'll walk! On my own feet!"
"Too slow."
Ignoring my protests, she tucked me under her arm and leaped out the window—now just a hole.
"Gyaah!"
Freefall from the 15th floor!
Gravity 9.8 m/s². Newton's law in every fiber.
Meooow—
A leisurely cry from behind. Nero had flattened like paper, gliding like a kite.
A calico kite drifting on the wind. Mocking physics with elegant spirals.
Even somersaulting midair. That cat turns everything into play.
Eventually, I was dragged by Jin Yeonhwa to a dingy alley loach stew joint near city hall.
The faded sign made it hard to tell if it was "Loach Stew" or "Nostalgia Stew."
"Eat up."
Before me wasn't a hot pot. It was nearly a washbasin-sized bowl.
Brown broth steamed, something huge—not loach-like—wriggling inside.
"This is... loach stew?"
"Made from D-rank monster 'Swamp Loach.' On another level from regular."
Jin Yeonhwa said casually, eyeing her own eel... no, loach.
"Don't worry. Edible certified. Ten times more nutritious than normal."
I picked up the spoon with teary resignation. All because I flapped my mouth wrong.
Should've just gone to a nearby spot obediently.
Or said "I'm vegetarian" instead of villain excuses.
I shut my eyes and scooped broth to my mouth.
"...!"
Huh?
Rich. Hearty. Deep.
Sichuan pepper and veggies in a symphony of flavors.
No fishiness, just umami coating my tongue.
"Uh... it's good?"
I muttered unwittingly, and Jin Yeonhwa smiled satisfied.
Then, Nero beside me sniffed.
Its eyes fixed on Jin Yeonhwa's ordered "giant loach fry."
The golden, crispy batter was child-arm thick.
Me?
Nero tentatively poked with a paw.
Jin Yeonhwa placed one before Nero.
It sniffed, then gulped it whole without hesitation.
Crunch—
Cheeks bulged hamster-like. Golden crumbs dusted its whiskers.
Nyum nyum— smack smack—
Eyes narrowed in bliss, tail swishing. Ears twitching with each bite of crust and chewy flesh.
Gulp.
Finally swallowed, Nero licked its lips with pink tongue.
Then stared up at Jin Yeonhwa...
Meooow~
A pleading cry for more, even tapping her arm with a paw.
Jin Yeonhwa's lips curved.
"Hmm. Seems to like it quite a bit."
Another giant fry down, and Nero clutched it with both paws, munching crunchily.
How did my life come to this.
I scooped monster loach meat.
Chewy. Nutty. And heartbreaking.