Chapter 86
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 86
Chapter Title: The Mayor's Leisure
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It's been over a month since the record-breaking rainy season ended, and Neo Incheon earned the ridiculous title of the Venice of the East.
The lifting of the state of emergency meant a return to everyday life.
And my everyday life, naturally, meant not working.
Today's secret fortress for me, Lee Garam, was under the desk in the mayor's office.
The cool marble floor chilled my back refreshingly, while the thick mahogany wooden ceiling overhead created a cozy cave-like atmosphere.
Darkness surrounded me on all sides, with only the screen of the smartphone in my hand emitting light.
Perfect peace. Perfect harmony.
The mountain of approval documents piled up on the desk above were just stories from another world.
This was tunnel warfare for sabotage. If the Resistance's weapon was a Molotov cocktail, mine was a smartphone.
[Shocking! 7 Secrets of Cat Kneading You Never Knew!]
"Krr, this is what culture is. Far more nutritious knowledge than outdated talk of labor or capital. Right, Nero?"
Meow~
Atop my stomach, the calico cat Nero purred contentedly.
Click-clack. Click-clack.
At that moment, the sound of heels echoing across the office floor stopped right in front of my fortress.
I knew the owner of that sound without even checking.
The true ruler of this city hall, my handler, devil, mastermind, and secretary.
Seria Park.
I held my breath. Nero seemed to sense it too, stopping her purring and perking up her ears.
It's fine. This is a perfect hideout. Out of sight, out of mind. Basic common sense from every stealth action game.
Silent stillness flowed.
One second, two seconds, three seconds.
Did she leave? Give up? Even S-Rank villains can't beat my stealth skills─
"Mayor."
"Eek!"
Damn. How did she know?
I peeked out slightly, and there was Seria looking down at me with crossed arms, her expression one of utter pity.
Following her gaze, I saw Nero's tail sticking out from under the desk.
The fluffy tail swayed lazily side to side, as if advertising 'I'm right here.'
This traitorous cat. Was tickling my face with her tail earlier a foreshadowing?
"It seems the mayor prefers cramped, enclosed office spaces."
Her cold voice pierced down from above.
"If such a narrow space is sufficient, how about borrowing wisdom from the Joseon era to improve your work environment? A cozy spot walled on all sides with just a tiny hole. You know, the rice chest."
She could euphemize 'locking you in a wooden punishment box' so elegantly.
No thanks to the Crown Prince ending!
Thud─
"Ow!"
I shot up and banged my head on the desk. It hurt. Tears welled up from the pain.
But I couldn't cry. A mayor has his dignity. Or rather, crying in front of Seria would just invite more teasing.
I quickly sat in the chair. Seria might actually shove me into a special punishment box and make me approve documents inside.
"When you're tired, nothing beats an energy drink. The fantastic synergy of caffeine and taurine. The ultimate booster from modern science."
I pulled a can from the mini-fridge as if nothing happened.
Pssht─
The cheerful sound rang out.
"Even with boosters, some people remain stuck in place."
"Kuh…!"
"Instead of unproven chemical concoctions, coffee—proven safe over thousands of years—is far more fitting for an intellectual. Mayor."
"Energy drinks are the new coffee these days!"
"Hah?"
"They've got vitamins and taurine… and zero calories? This is a revolution. A revolution!"
"If zero calories means zero work output, what's the point?"
The moment I opened my mouth to retort, Nero stretched out a front paw and batted the energy drink can I held.
The can teetered precariously toward the desk edge and fell toward the floor.
'Ah, my energy drink!'
At the same time, Nero's opposite front paw stretched like rubber, snatching the falling can and placing it back on the desk.
Meow─
Then, as if nothing happened, she settled back on my lap, swishing her tail.
'…Did that guy just deliberately end the fight?'
She wrapped up the coffee vs. energy drink debate in one go. Cats really are wiser than humans.
"Ahem. Seria. Work, you see, is fundamentally an act that alienates humans."
I cleared my throat and changed the subject. Right, go for the root issue.
"……Pardon?"
"Workers are alienated from their labor's product, the labor process, themselves, and ultimately other humans. How tragic is that? I'm resisting that alienation with my whole body right now."
Seria fell silent at my profound philosophical musing.
Oh, finally impressed by my intellect? Speechless at my deep insight?
"Did you actually read that book?"
"Of course. Perfect binge-read. The 3-minute Shorts summary version."
"Three minutes. You truly maxed out your concentration."
Seria nodded.
"Then, true liberation from labor begins with refusing the wages it brings, no?"
"Th-that's a different issue!"
"Why? It's a noble act of freeing yourself from capitalism's biggest shackle. I'll call accounting right now to halt your salary."
"No, wait! My struggle hasn't reached that stage yet! Gradual resistance is key!"
Damn. Fell for it again. No matter what I say, she twists it into 'lazy guy trying to freeload salary.'
"Haa."
Seria let out a deep sigh laced with contempt, pity, and a hint of resignation.
She picked up the top approval document from the desk.
"Mayor."
"Wh-what?"
"Mayor. I've analyzed your daily work pattern."
"Why?! Why bother with something so pointless!"
"Official start time is 9 a.m., but you arrive at the office at 9:37 on average."
"Traffic's bad…"
"9:50 to short-form videos. Mostly cat reels and mukbangs."
"That's current affairs education…"
"10 a.m. to 25 minutes in the bathroom. Accounting for average bowel time leaves 20 minutes for smartphone games."
"Privacy violation!"
"10:25 to 57 minutes: one document approved. Thirty-two minutes per sheet. New record."
"Ever heard of thorough review?"
"11 a.m.: staring blankly into space again… Lunch is at noon, but menu pondering starts at 10:30. And afternoons…"
"Stop! Enough!"
I screamed and covered my ears. Every move, every pattern analyzed. Chilling.
This woman wasn't ordinary. Not just a secretary.
Seria was a scholar. A Lee Garam scholar. Authority on all things me.
She pierced through every excuse, trick, and laziness in my history, predicting my next move for perfect countermeasures. Terrifying.
Defeat.
I slumped back in the chair.
"…Fine. I'll work. Happy now?"
"Excellent decision."
At my resigned words, Seria's lips twitched upward ever so slightly, almost imperceptibly.
"Just one hour, right? Exactly one? Please?"
Last resistance. Armistice negotiations remained.
"Yes, Mayor."
Oh? Agreed easily?
"One hour, eight times."
"That's eight full hours!"
"Oh, you can do arithmetic."
*
In the end, my noble resistance failed.
Business as usual.
Embracing defeat is the wisdom of the modern everyman.
The aesthetic of defeat. Master of defeat, Lee Garam.
I graciously acknowledged my loss and begged mercy from the victor, Seria.
"I worked hard today, so lunch is on me, right? Menu's jjajangmyeon!"
"Jjajangmyeon. Quite the populist choice for you, Mayor. Approved."
"To Chinatown! The holy land of jjajangmyeon!"
Neo Incheon's Chinatown was still red and bustling.
Red, bustling, chaotic as ever.
Crowds flowed like a river under the paifang gate coiled with dragons. And now with actual canals, real rivers flowed too.
The air tickled the nose with thick spices and the savory-sweet scent of freshly fried empty buns.
Still, jjajangmyeon enjoyed in this chaos was true soul food.
We headed to a Chinese restaurant in a rundown alley of Chinatown.
"Boss! Two jjajangmyeon! One double portion!"
I declared triumphantly and sat. Seria wiped the table with a wet cloth, scanning around.
Moments later, the creaky old owner appeared with a tray.
And set down two bowls.
I doubted my eyes.
What was in the bowl wasn't the jjajangmyeon I knew.
Noodles were there, but no black sauce. Or rather… it was white.
"……."
What? This milky sauce? Cream instead of chunjang? This was some carbonara cousin, not jjajangmyeon.
I cautiously stirred the noodles with chopsticks. White sauce coated them evenly. Minced pork, onions, cucumber slices—ingredients matched jjajangmyeon, but…
Why. Why. Why is it white?
"Mayor, you've frozen with chopsticks raised. New meditation form? Or finally, side effects of excessive slacking paralyzing your nerves?"
"Seria… this is…"
I said in a trembling voice.
"This isn't jjajangmyeon."
"Menu says jjajangmyeon."
"No! Jjajangmyeon is black! That's its identity, purpose, essence! What's this milky stuff?!"
Whitewashed jjajangmyeon?
Tragic product denying its black identity to assimilate into mainstream culture?
Abandoning black sauce pride for white world compromise! Alas, why deny thyself!
Despite my anguish, Seria elegantly took a bite.
"Tastes good."
That one phrase nullified my ideological battle. With crumbling resolve, I shoved a chopstickful of white jjajangmyeon into my mouth.
And fell into chaos.
Delicious.
Instead of chunjang's salty-sweet, a mellow, clean umami based on doenjang enveloped my tongue.
Not greasy or stimulating, yet deeply flavorful.
Completely different from black jjajangmyeon.
Yet it clearly embodied jjajang's spirit.
'What is this? What am I eating?'
Lost in confusion, I kept slurping noodles.
White jjajangmyeon. Jjajang, but white.
Is it jjajangmyeon? Or not? Is jjajang's essence color or taste?
'Right. Jjajangmyeon isn't pure Chinese food anyway.'
Evolved in Korea, practically Korean food.
So identity isn't fixed, but fluid?
Insisting on black suppresses jjajangmyeon's infinite potential?
Black or white, does it matter!
"White jjajang or black, if it tastes good, that's it."
Like black cats or white, if cute, fine.
I set down my chopsticks and declared solemnly.
"Made in Korea, sold in Korea, deliciously eaten by a Korean like me—that's Korean jjajangmyeon."
The owner cautiously approached at my profound realization.
"Sir, are you… a philosopher by chance?"
"Ahem. Well, I have my own insight into reading the world. From Plato's theory of forms to Confucius's Confucianism, I've delved into philosophies East and West, ancient and modern."
"Wow… Impressed. For such a person to see our shop's true value. Service!"
The owner placed a plate of crispy fried mandu on the table.
Intellect is the ultimate weapon.
"Not because of your philosophy that he's giving free mandu."
"Jealousy's ugly, Seria."
"No, that grandpa recognized you as mayor…"
"What? I'm no celebrity."
As we finished eating and stood to leave.
"Mayor! An honor! Photo for shop promo?"
Ah.
No such thing as free in this world.
*
Satisfied lunch done, back to city hall.
My soul brimmed with jjajangmyeon and mandu, stomach full. Perfect afternoon.
"Then, Mayor, I'll attend the regular policy meeting. Please don't turn this office into a primitive ape cave while I'm gone."
"Don't worry. I'm civilized. Homo sapiens sapiens, double-certified!"
"Neanderthals probably thought they were true humans too."
Seria shook her head pityingly and left the office.
Thud.
Door closed.
Silence descended.
'Great. Seria's tied up in budget meetings all afternoon— at least two hours free!'
I flopped onto the mayor's office sofa.
Outside the window, Neo Incheon's skyscrapers sparkled in sunlight.
Grrr~
Nero climbed onto my stomach and started kneading. Her purring was lullaby-like.
Peace. Such a sweet word. No one to disturb me now.
This time was purely mine.
NerTube Shorts, internet forums, cat videos…
Knock. Knock.
Hm?
Knocking?
I tilted my head.
Seria's in a meeting.
Knock. Knock knock.
The sound came not from the office door, but elsewhere.
Knock knock knock— bang bang bang!
The noise grew clearer. Violent, even.
Not knocking. Declaration of war.
I slowly turned my head.
The source… the full-length glass window beside me.
Beyond it, in mid-air, my eyes met a woman's.
Red hair whipping in the wind, golden eyes glaring at me.
Hero Association President, Jin Yeonhwa.
"Hey! Open the door already!"
Her muffled voice came through the glass.
"Why come through the window again! This is the 15th floor!"
I yelped, but she ignored me, clenching her fist in silent threat: 'Open or I break in.'
Is this woman insane?
Grudgingly, I pressed the remote to open the floor-to-ceiling window. Jin Yeonhwa leaped in casually.
"Every time, this place is needlessly huge."
She scanned the office and clicked her tongue.
"What's the business, President? I'm in the middle of work. Very busy."
"Ha!"
Jin Yeonhwa snorted.
"You, sprawled on the sofa with a cat on your gut about to nap, are 'busy'?"
"Just a brief rest to boost creative thinking…"
"Cut it."
She sliced through my excuse.
"Found an amazing loach stew joint. You used me last time, so repay now. Let's go."
She slung her arm over my shoulder. I recoiled in horror.
"No, you went on your own. When did I use you…"
"What? Ungrateful jerk repaying favor with enmity? Without me, you'd be kraken bait back then. Know that?"
Temperature rising. Literally. AC maxed, still hot.
Crisis. Must escape. Caught by her, afternoon's gone.
Dragged to some weird backwoods spot for fried loach or worse.
What to do? Excuse to send this bulldozer away?
Sick? Urgent meeting? No, she won't buy it.
Brainstorm, Lee Garam! Summon villain cunning, everyman tricks!
And… eureka!
Yes! That's it!
I switched faces instantly, looking like a man bearing the world's sorrows, trembling mournfully with hands over face.
"President… I can't go eat loach stew right now…"
"What? Why?"
Jin Yeonhwa eyed me puzzled.
Good, hooked.
"Lately… can't sleep at night. Close my eyes, faces of Neo Incheon citizens flicker… Too many evil shadows targeting this city!"
I recalled minor villain groups from the original comic—flash-in-the-pan extras with grandiose names.
"Like… the cult 'Blood Moon'… Villain group mimicking fairy tale baddies, 'Bad Ending Club'… Oh, and shadow ninja samurai 'Kurokumo Clan' lurking in the city's darkness…! Knowing they could strike citizens anytime… Sob… As mayor, I feel so powerless…"
Her expression grew serious at my all-in acting.
"That many? Where are they?"
"That's… the problem! Their exact locations… still unknown."
True fact.
How would I know hideouts of one-liners, one-panel fodder from the comic?
"All I know is their evil shadows loom everywhere… Aaah, incompetent mayor! This guilt for failing citizens burns me…!"
But that's the plan's crux.
No leads means she'll scour the whole city.
Jin Yeonhwa stared at my face, then crossed arms and nodded.
"Yeah? Guess you're still mayor."
Simple as that.
"I'll handle that trash. You rest easy."
She headed to the window without looking back, vanishing in a red blur.
I stared blankly at the blue sky through the open window.
"Phew…"
Survived.
Sighing in relief, I flopped back on the sofa.
They haven't even properly started activities yet.
Even Jin Yeonhwa can't find hidden villains without clues.
Quiet for a while now.
I'm a genius! Improv genius! Method acting master!
"Kahaha! Lee Garam's free for a while!"