Chapter 84
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 84
Chapter Title: The Mayor and the Canal
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Three days and nights.
I waged a desperate battle on the razor's edge of what any human organism could endure while keeping a shred of sanity intact.
Black instant noodle cups littered the floor.
Yeah, a mayor could afford that small luxury—insisting on the black label cup noodles.
Next to them, energy drink cans piled up into a bizarre tower.
A modern pyramid forged from caffeine and taurine.
That's right. The out-of-place artifact of the modern age that I completed by grinding my soul into dust.
I am Pharaoh, Igaramhotep.
I ruled the Neo Incheon Empire day and night, building a great history.
Those stacked documents over there are the papyrus scrolls proving my reign, and that pyramid is the obelisk honoring my sleepless nights.
"Pharaoh Igaram commands! Grant me eternal rest! Lead me to the reed fields where remote work and flexible hours are guaranteed!"
I declared it majestically.
"Mayor."
A cold voice interrupted my proclamation.
My loyal handmaiden, Seriatet. Or in Egyptian mythology terms, Anubis. The god of death.
She didn't even twitch as she processed the mountain of parchment, then opened her mouth.
"Your brain must be so pickled in caffeine and sodium that you're seeing things. That tower isn't a monument to you—it's your gravestone. If you don't sort that trash for recycling right now, I might just turn you into a pyramid mummy. While you're still alive."
"Mummy! That's a great idea! I'm Tutankhamun! Pharaoh of the golden mask! And by my side is the sacred cat goddess, Nerotet!"
Nyaang.
At that moment, Nero sauntered over from the sofa and pawed at the pyramid's base.
Crash—
"Aaaah! My dynasty! My empire!"
And so, the Great Igaram Dynasty crumbled pathetically. Nero climbed atop the ruins of cans and swished her tail in satisfaction.
With the pharaoh's dignity gone, I returned to reality as just an ordinary office worker—no, a slave below even that—Mayor Igaram.
Over the past few days, we'd literally poured our stamina into restoring the city.
Parts of the city were still submerged, and citizens' complaints pierced the heavens.
And every single grievance, report, and plan funneled straight to our desks without exception.
"Ahem. Just kidding, kidding. It's the boss's warm consideration to make his overworked subordinate smile!"
"Thanks to the mayor's sense of humor, I think my lifespan just shortened by about three days."
"Hahaha. Glad to hear it."
Ah, I don't wanna do this.
Really, truly, completely, absolutely don't wanna.
I stroked Nero's back as she slinked onto the desk. The soft calico fur transmitted straight from my fingertips to my brain.
"Nerooo... You're the only one who comforts me."
Grrr...
The gentle purring vibration soothed my ravaged soul.
This wasn't mere cat-petting. It was a sacred ritual to absorb the divine cat's energy and gain profound inspiration for city governance.
"Petting cat fur won't magically write the recovery plan for you."
Tap tap tap.
I sneaked a glance at Seria across from me, following the sound of her keyboard.
We'd both endured the same three-day hell. Why was she the only one unscathed?
Her black suit was still impeccably sharp, her pale pink hair shimmering like a shampoo ad.
"Seria. Take a break. Humans aren't machines. Here, borrow Nero."
"Unlike you, Mayor, I have this thing called a sense of responsibility. Someone has to run this city, right? While you're bothering Nero."
But I spotted it.
Human Igaram's survival instincts detected a tiny crack in the flawless secretary Seria.
Normally, she reviews a document in exactly 3.7 seconds.
But now? 4.0 seconds. A full 0.3-second delay.
And seven disposable coffee cups stacked by her desk!
Normally, she has one in the morning, one in the afternoon. Exactly two.
"Seria, aren't you drinking too much coffee?"
"Compared to the energy drinks you chug all day? This is nothing. Besides, I drink while working. You drink while not working."
And the clincher.
A shift in the ratio of her gaze at me.
Normally, 10% contempt and 90% pity. Now, about 20% murderous intent flickered in.
"Mayor. While you're lost in cat-petting daydreams, the other officials are pulling all-nighters on recovery work."
"I-I worked too! Look at this pyramid! Proof of my overwork! Right, Nero?"
Nyaah—?
Nero just flicked her tail lazily. Traitor.
"This... This is stress management! You know? Pet therapy! Animal-assisted treatment! Latest psychology trend!"
"And in the midst of that stress management, the mayor's actual duty—the final approval on the city recovery plan—has been stuck on the same page for three hours."
"That's... I'm reviewing it carefully. Major issues like this need caution. Even a rickety bridge gets tested before crossing. One wrong signature could cause massive waves. I feel the weight of that responsibility."
"What you should be feeling is the speed at which your brain cells are evaporating."
I gauged her mood.
My survival instincts flashed a warning.
Seria's condition gauge had entered "warning" mode. Push further, and it's "punishment."
Act carefully. Very carefully.
The golden ratio of pretending to work versus slacking.
7:3? No, 6:4 is safer now.
Time for delicate balance.
"Seria."
"Yes."
"I... just had a great idea."
"A great idea from your head? Impossible."
Why question it?
I do get flashes of genius sometimes. Rarely, but they happen.
Plus, to avoid work, I'm a creative genius bubbling with ideas anytime!
"Think about it. The root cause of this flood is the drainage system. Short-term fixes matter, but we need a long-term view. Like... canals."
"...Pardon?"
Seria's typing stopped.
"Canals! Dig a massive one through the city center. Use it for tourism normally, drainage during heavy rain. Like Venice. Neo Venice! Cool, right? Romantic?"
"Mayor."
"What? Bad name? Neo Amsterdam then?"
"Are you in your right mind?"
"Of course! This is a grand vision for the city's next century! I'll order a planning proposal right—"
"Where's the budget for digging that canal coming from? Did you strike oil in your dreams last night?"
"Budget... Uh... Squeeze some taxes from the top ten corps, whine to central gov... It'll work out."
"Neo Incheon's mostly flat, but areas like Gyeyang-gu and Ganghwa-gun have mountains. You'd have to shave peaks and demolish countless buildings. Then traffic chaos, noise, dust, relocating masses of people during construction—how do you handle that? Levitate everyone?"
"Th-that part, with passion and will!"
"Plus, canals need constant water level control. Bringing in seawater and river water means salinization damage and ecosystem disruption. Who's clearing the silt buildup? Maintenance alone costs billions yearly. That money could rebuild the existing drainage a hundred times over."
I immediately backed down, tail between my legs.
"R-right...? Haha, as expected of Seria. I hadn't thought that far. The city runs right with you around."
Flexible thinking! Courage to admit mistakes!
*
1 PM.
I was dragged to the conference room, deprived even of lunch—the bare minimum right of civilized man.
If ranking the world's most boring places, this would top the list.
The air in the room was dank and heavy. Three days of accumulated fatigue, despair, and caffeine aftertaste blended into a bizarre pressure.
Twelve people sat around the round table.
Neo Incheon's core executives, department heads. But to me, they were just a zombie horde with dark circles.
The Disaster Safety Chief's trembling hands were like a Parkinson's patient; the Construction Chief's sunken eyes, like deep-sea fish.
Just three days of emergency duty turned healthy elite officials into wrecks.
"Let's begin the emergency briefing on flood recovery."
Seria's voice broke the silence.
She alone looked like the sole survivor in this zombie apocalypse.
The Disaster Safety Chief staggered to his feet.
"Report: Total flood damage tallied at 870 billion won. Estimated drainage cost: 320 billion. Road and key facilities repair: about 450 billion. Full normalization: minimum six months."
The numbers hammered my brain like mallets.
Billions. Billions. Billions.
Why do money units have this shrinking power over people?
Of course, it's city budget. Not my personal money.
But I'm the mayor. So the city hall's master is me.
Thus, city budget is basically my money, right?
Damn. All my money.
"Details on the screen."
Seria tapped her tablet, and the front screen showed the city's devastation.
"Namdong-gu, Ju-an-dong area: 70% still flooded. Michuhol-gu, Do-hwa-dong: sewage backlash stench complaints flooding in. Seo-gu, Cheongna research park: chemical leaks suspected."
I was listening.
Pretending really hard to listen.
But my mind had already escaped reality for deeper, more profound matters.
Nero's whiskers, sitting primly on my lap.
One, two, three... thirteen on the left.
One, two, three... twelve on the right.
Asymmetrical.
Why? In this perfect being, why asymmetry?
Cosmic absurdity. Proof of chaos.
Oh god. I'm the only one who knows the universal balance is broken.
"Mayor. Were you listening?"
Seria's voice pierced my deep contemplation.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, of course. Loud and clear. Namdong-gu 70% drained, Michuhol-gu smells, Cheongna... dangerous? Right?"
The room temperature dropped about 2 degrees.
"70% still flooded. Not drained."
Seria's voice was an ice pick.
Then, Nero on my lap yawned hugely.
Nyaaaawn—
Like saying, "What a pathetic butler."
This rascal, driving the nail into my coffin.
I turned back to the screen.
Ah. Don't wanna.
Don't wanna. Don't wanna. Don't wanna.
Already doing nothing, but wanna do even more nothing!
"Um."
I cautiously raised my hand.
"Can't we just... not drain the water?"
Money and time either way.
Six months, too?
Means six months of reports and complaints for me.
No way. Absolutely not.
Don't wanna, so won't. Costs too much, so won't.
How clear, rational, and totally Igaram.
Silence.
Twelve zombies stared at me in unison.
"Pardon? You're joking, right, Mayor?"
The Disaster Safety Chief stammered.
"Not... drain the water?"
The Construction Chief's mouth hung open blankly.
"Mayor must be exhausted."
The Finance Chief tried to smooth things over.
Then Seria spoke.
"Mayor. Are you saying this because you don't want to work?"
Right on the mark.
"N-no! Not that! Just... costs too much! Saving taxes! For the citizens...!"
"Or do you really plan to flood Neo Incheon into a giant aquarium? Finishing the Sea Dragon Cult's dream for them?"
My voice shrank to an ant's whisper.
Seria stared. Her eyes said:
'Just stay quiet. Please.'
I clamped my mouth shut.
Yes. Staying quiet.
"So... mobilize all heavy equipment..."
"Budget shortage, Finance Chief."
"Then request cooperation from top ten corps..."
The meeting drifted like a ghost ship without a destination.
"Already requested. Just vague 'positive review' replies."
"Then... more manpower..."
"Manpower at limit. Everyone's on day three without home."
No solutions. Just primitive grind of money, time, manpower.
I succeeded in soul-separating from this boring, pointless desk debate.
Body sat seriously nodding as mayor, but mind wandered far.
Like the whereabouts of last night's leftover hot dog.
Bang!
Then, the door burst open.
All eyes to the door.
A man stood there.
Drenched suit caked in mud, unrecognizable color; water dripped from hair.
Each step left black footprints; sewage stench invaded the bland air.
Mayor's direct audit organ, Special Audit Team head.
Enforcer Kang Hyunwoo.
He pushed through the zombie horde straight to me.
Hey, talk from afar? You stink!
"Mayor. Urgent report on major find."
"Enforcer Kang. What happened to you? Catch a rat in the sewer?"
"Sewer, yes. Rat, no."
Instant reply.
No catching breath, straight to report.
"With Special Task Force, completed search of Sea Dragon Cult hideout. Fully seized their waterway system."
"Waterway?"
"Not simple. Spiderweb across all Neo Incheon. Confirmed total length: 847 km. 12 main lines, 156 branches. All districts organically linked."
Everyone in the room swallowed.
"Not just scale. Precision beyond imagination. Dozens of anti-backflow valves, over a hundred level controls. Even self-purification facilities. Perfect control of Neo Incheon's chronic seawater backflow."
He paused, staring straight at me.
"Sea Dragon Cult called it the 'Leviathan System.' Their ace to submerge the city. Hidden waterways: paths for aquatic creatures, invasion routes. But... reverse is possible."
His eyes burned brighter.
"Blocking seawater backflow means perfectly draining city water to sea. And this system... more sophisticated than Venice. It's a completed canal system."
The room filled with gasps of shock and awe.
"My god..."
"Those Sea Dragon bastards built this over decades..."
"Use it and drainage solved in one go?"
"Not just drainage! Perfect water transport! Water taxis! Gondolas!"
Then.
Finance Chief's eyes widened in realization.
"Wait. Then the mayor's earlier comment about not draining..."
All eyes snapped to me.
No doubt or confusion anymore.
Color returned to the chiefs' faces.
Zombies injected with serum, back to human.
Awe, respect, cult-like faith.
"No way... Mayor already knew about this waterway?"
"Drain residential floods through it, keep commercial flooded for... controlled water city plan!"
"Seize decades of cult infra, save taxes and time! How efficient!"
"As expected... of the mayor!"
No.
No.
I just blurted it to avoid work.
Wanted to shout truth. I'm not that great. Just ordinary scum mayor.
But felt Seria's gaze beside me.
Her eyes cold, but lips curved faintly.
She's enjoying it.
This whole mess. My dumb, miraculous predicament.
Her eyes whispered:
'Go on. Let's see how you handle this.'
I shut my mouth.
Then slowly shrugged.
"Yeah, something like that."
As casually as possible. Like I planned it all.
I stood, gazed out window.
"Blindly draining is the worst. Mastering water is best."
Turned to the adoring zombies... no, loyal retainers. Declared.
"Hm. Enforcer Kang's report matches what I envisioned."
Well, since it's like this, ride it.
"Harmony of land and water. Yes. We'll rebirth Neo Incheon as a beautiful water city coexisting with water."
Aaah... I can hear the workload growing...
The next day.
Regardless of human will, morning dawns, salarymen commute, mayors get dragged.
Where to?
City Hall briefing room. Modern guillotine.
"Mayor, this way."
Why am I here?
What must I do?
"Mayor, manage your expression. You look like a dumb Shiba Inu, not the hero who saved the city."
"Seria."
I gazed at my competent secretary with doe eyes.
"Cancel this. Say I'm sick. Heartbroken. Wait, bad for boss. Panic disorder? Acute mic phobia? Whatever, make something up."
Seria calmly placed the speech in my hand.
"Too late. Over 200 reporters in the lobby to hear your grand vision. Say sick now, and furious press will make you really sick. Twelve weeks recovery."
Twelve weeks.
Twelve weeks in hospital bed.
...Honestly tempting. No work for twelve weeks?
"Mayor, you're not calculating hospital vacation now, are you?"
"N-no!"
"Let's go."
Doomed.
Each push on my back advanced me to the scaffold.
Dozens of camera lenses gleamed like monster eyes, aimed at me.
Click, click.
Each flash shaved a second off my life.
Then Nero in my arms hopped down lightly to the podium.
No hesitation, she posed for the press. Top model unfazed by flash storm.
"Oh! It's Nero!"
"So cute! Look here!"
Reporters' buzz softened instantly. Tension melted like snow.
Cats are indeed great.
Humanity's greatest invention might not be the wheel, but cats.
Hiding behind Nero's shadow, I quietly eyed the paper Seria gave me.
Five A4 pages of speech.
Title: 'Paradigm Shift in Urban Drainage from a Hydrodynamic Perspective and Macroeconomically Induced Effects'.
[Esteemed Neo Incheon citizens and press. Regarding the recent record rainfall, the basis of the city government's 'Leviathan System-Based Flood Recovery and Urban Restructuring Project' is a paradigm shift from hydraulic engineering and proactive agenda in post-climate urban...]
Pretentious and boring.
I quietly folded it in half. Again. Stuffed deep in suit pocket.
"Mayor?"
Felt Seria's puzzled look, ignored it.
Grabbed mic. Closed eyes. Deep breath.
Screw it.
"Esteemed Neo Incheon citizens and press. A few days ago, our city faced unprecedented disaster."
I spoke.
"But! I declare: This is not a crisis. It's an opportunity!"
Throw cool line first. No content. But style.
"We won't cling to old ways. In a world changing daily, rebuilding ruins isn't recovery—it's regression! We'll build a brand-new future atop these ashes!"
Ooh. Sounds good?
"We won't fight water. We'll live with it. Era of dikes against floods is over. We'll harness water's flow for new paths into the future."
Hear reporters' pens scratching. Good vibe.
"Some say mad. Reckless. But I declare: This is not madness—vision! In climate change era, before inevitable nature, Neo Incheon will show humanity's new path!"
Spread arms wide. As dramatic as possible.
"Remember this day! And the future unfolding! We're no longer gray concrete city! This is vibrant blue water city, Neo Incheon!"
As I finished, flashy CG city dev roadmap lit the back screen.
Of course, I saw it first today.
Brief silence.
Then.
Waaaaaah—!
Thunderous applause, flashes like fireworks. Reporters buzzed, scribbling, calling editors.
"Scoop!"
"Contact the desk now!"
"Igaram! Igaram! Igaram!"
Huh?
It worked?
"Mayor."
Seria sidled up quietly.
"Excellent speech."
"Uh... yeah?"
"Of course, zero content."
Classic Seria.
Praise always hides a blade.
"But sometimes form trumps content. Especially in politics."
She smiled faintly.
"You're a natural con artist, Mayor. Compliment."
Compliment or insult? Unclear.
But it passed, so fine.
Weeks passed.
World changes at speeds I can't grasp.
Neo Incheon truly became a water city.
Venice of the East.
This cringy moniker headlined papers.
Youth busked on gondolas, birthing K-Aqua culture.
Slap K- on anything and it works. That laziness swallowed the city as trend.
TV full of Neo Incheon.
[Breaking! Global K-POP Justice confirms water concert on 'Garam Waterway'!]
Garam Waterway?
Who named that without permission? Face burns.
[Special! Neo Incheon rises as youth startup mecca! Water food trucks chase 1B sales myth!]
[In-depth! Water City Project creates 30K jobs in one month!]
Floating food carts and water cafes sprouted like mushrooms; city hall flooded with water biz inquiries.
People accepted the change. No, enjoyed it.
"Huh? Actually pretty good."
"Gondola commute feels like Europe trip. No traffic."
"Kayaking in canal park with kids every weekend. They love it! Like daily picnic."
And at center: me.
SNS plastered with my praise.
#IgaramIsGenius
#21stCenturyPoseidon
#ClimateChangeInnovator
#IgaramTheSavior
#GaramForeverReign
I'm no genius, Poseidon, or innovator.
Just a pathetic mayor who hated work.
Why?
How'd it balloon like this? Neo Incheon's competent staff again?
Songdo Central Park lake became heart of city-spanning canals; Chinatown night water markets lit nights. Incheon to sea canal gateway hauled cargo.
I just gazed out window. Gondolas gliding past office, citizens' laughter.
Unreal scenery. Like a well-scripted play.
"Ughhh..."
Worst: Work exploded.
Disaster levels.
Daily department reports endless.
Why so diligent? Civil servant virtues: welfare stasis, safety first, formalism?
Planning Chief gushed excitedly.
"Neo Venice Project economic ripple exceeds forecasts—Q3 growth projected 4.7%! Water tourism infra: ~50K jobs!"
Urban Dev Director continued.
"Canal-adjacent property values up 23% avg. Commercial vacancy at historic low 1.2%! From better waterfront access boosting foot traffic!"
Citizen Comms Chief shouted, thrilled.
"Admin satisfaction survey: 82% positive! Leadership trust: 91%, highest ever! Support rate to rise further!"
Graphs, stats, jargon.
Everything attacked me.
Worse: their eyes.
Twinkling.
Like puppies awaiting master's praise.
Overwhelming. Too much.
Stop! Please stop!
"Seria, what's all this? Why are they like that?!"
"Atmosphere you created, Mayor? Miracle from incompetence. Ironic."
She turned, faint smile. Deadlier than any poison.
"Congratulations, Mayor."
Kraaaah!
Today too, my scream filled the office.