Chapter 108
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 108
Chapter Title: The Mayor and Sloth
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Wednesday afternoon.
The midpoint that brings both the despair of Monday and the excitement of Friday.
The weekend was still a distant dream, yet it offered the faint comfort of inching toward it. A middling day like that.
I was sprawled on the mayor's office sofa like a massive clump of seaweed.
Every joint and muscle in my body yielding to gravity, spreading out like liquid.
Next to me was another puddle.
Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus.
I whispered to my adorable calico cat.
"Nero, what is life?"
Meow.
Too lighthearted a reply. She didn't grasp the profundity of my question at all.
"No, seriously. Why do we have to work? Can't we just breathe, eat delicious food, bask in the sun, and go like that? Like you do."
Nyaaoow.
This time, a longer response. The nuance was spot on: 'Cut the nonsense and bring the treats, human.'
This one was getting too good at expressing herself. It was troublesome.
"A mere cat like you couldn't understand my anguish. I'm the mayor. The weight of my life is different from that of some cat."
Having said that, all I did was bury my face deeper into the sofa cushion. The weight of life was too heavy to get up. Something like that.
Click-clack, click-clack.
Then came the steady rhythm of approaching doom.
"Good morning, Mayor."
My petite secretary, Seria Park.
The true ruler of Neo Incheon City Hall. The leader of the secret society Erebos and an S-Rank villain.
But none of that mattered right now.
What mattered was what she was holding.
Thud.
She dropped a mountain of documents onto the table in front of me. The table legs seemed to scream.
"These are the documents for your approval today."
"......"
I immediately launched into death-acting mode.
Instead of replying, I slid off the sofa and flopped fully onto the floor.
Play dead. The ultimate defense.
"Mayor."
"......"
"Stop rolling around like some rare organic matter on the floor and get up."
Damn, it wasn't working. I reluctantly lifted only my upper body.
I picked up the top document from the stack with the most pitiful, drained expression I could muster.
And without even reading it, I tried to stamp the approval line.
In that instant.
Swish.
A cold hand grabbed my wrist.
"You need to read and review them properly. Every document requires your deep and insightful opinion."
"My deep and insightful opinion is 'this is extremely annoying'!"
"Please write such profound opinions in your diary. These are important matters concerning the city's future."
"No, when am I supposed to go through all this? The competent staff already reviewed them, right?"
"The staff reviewed them from a practical standpoint. Only with your macroscopic vision and sharp insight does a policy for the people truly come to life."
So that's how it is? I had a countermeasure for this.
"Nero!"
Nyaa?
I pointed a finger-gun at Nero.
"Bang!"
Nero stared at me blankly.
Damn, our timing was way off!
I put force into my eyes and shouted again.
"Bang! I shot you! Fall down! We practiced this!"
Nero glanced back and forth between me and Seria.
Then, very slowly, she flopped sideways.
Half-heartedly. Without commitment. Reluctantly.
But it was enough!
"Agh! N-Nero got shot and collapsed! Oh my god, she's not breathing! We need to get her to the animal hospital right now! Emergency! Move, everyone move! Neo Incheon's mascot is in critical condition! Golden hour is key for this!"
Perfect alibi. Grounds to cancel the entire afternoon schedule.
This should do it.
I hugged the fallen Nero and sobbed dramatically.
Even that devilish secretary wouldn't dare bring up work in this tragic scene.
I snuck a glance at Seria's reaction.
Seria silently pulled a silver packet from her pocket.
Top-grade smoked salmon treats.
The exact snack Nero went crazy for.
Crumple.
Nero's floppy ears perked up.
Crumple, crumple.
Nero's eyes snapped open.
Spring.
Nero, who had been on the brink of death(?), bounced up like a spring.
"No! How can you get shot and resurrect?! Nero! You're supposed to be dying from a gunshot right now!"
"A miracle. Resurrected in three seconds."
Seria opened the treat packet. Nero fully turned to her side.
She started rubbing against Seria's leg. Purring included.
Traitor. That ungrateful furball.
A revolutionary beast seduced by capitalist sweets. Marx was right!
"Now that the third-rate theater is over, shall we get to work?"
I slumped onto the floor in defeat. All plans foiled.
"......Why?"
"Why what?"
The words slipped out sincerely before I knew it.
"Be honest. City Hall runs fine without me."
I was genuinely curious.
This was peak inefficiency.
Was there anything less productive than forcing work on someone who hated it?
"The staff here are smarter, more diligent, and more capable than me. And crucially, you've got Seria. So why keep dumping work on me? Honestly, no one would notice if you stamped Nero's paw print instead of mine."
The fundamental question I'd harbored since possessing this body.
Why must a lowly everyman decide the fate of this city?
Seria looked down at me instead of answering. Like I was the world's most pathetic scrap.
"N-No, I can ask, can't I? The people's right to know! No, the mayor's right to know!"
I flailed, spouting nonsense even I didn't understand.
After staring at me for a long while, Seria finally spoke.
"You're lazy, Mayor."
Firm voice. Straight to the point. Piercing truth.
"Undeniably, pathologically, irredeemably lazy. To the point of visceral disgust for work itself."
"......"
I had no rebuttal to the factual violence.
"But that laziness leads to interesting things."
A faint, very faint smile tugged at her lips.
A chill ran down my spine.
"Suppose a typical civil servant or mayor has a project that takes three months. They'd follow procedures and regulations steadily, inefficiently, but stably. But you're different."
Seria stepped closer and placed a hand on the desk edge.
"The three-month process is so excruciatingly annoying that you find shortcuts or innovative methods to finish in three days. Regulations get ignored, people suffer, unpredictable variables pop up. Everything descends into chaos."
She leaned slightly over me. Her cold turquoise eyes pierced straight through.
"And from that chaos comes results no one could imagine."
"......"
"I find the chaos your annoyance creates quite fascinating."
Seria's face was close.
My mind blanked white for a moment.
So... to sum up...
"W-What?! So you just enjoy watching me writhe in agony?!"
"That wouldn't be entirely wrong."
She affirmed it calmly.
"So I'll keep giving you work. I'm looking forward to what outlandish method you'll use to entertain me next."
Meow~
Even Nero meowed in agreement. The whole world was against me.
Seria turned gracefully and left the office. Her heels faded beyond the closed door.
Alone in the office. Silence flowed.
Pat.
Nero lightly jumped onto my desk, settling beside the document mountain.
Then she stared at me with her bright, round eyes.
A cat surveilling her owner.
"You got bribed with treats!"
Meow.
"Not even denying it!"
Grrr.
"......"
We stared down like that for a while.
"Damn... let's work, work..."
Finally, I let out a long, very long sigh.
And quietly picked up a single document.
That afternoon.
A Mount Everest of documents.
An absolute existence testing human will and mocking the arrogance of would-be conquerors.
I barely poked my head out from the avalanche of collapsed papers.
Suffocating paper smell. Dense text blurring my vision.
"This... is murder."
Physical violence isn't the only murder. Labor that gnaws the mind and withers the soul is blatant homicide.
That's why karoshi exists.
I sighed deeply and picked up the approval stamp.
[Garam Waterway Phase 3 Water Quality Improvement and Ecosystem Restoration Plan]
I scrawled on the approval line with a pen.
'Request revision to Nero paw print shape.'
Next one.
[Special Budget Allocation for Kurokumo Clan Settlement Support]
'Ninjas should survive fine without budgets, no?'
Next.
[Support Plan for Healthy Civic Activities of the Abalone Lovers' Club]
'Revolution on taxpayer money? Too intriguing. Approved.'
As I chipped away at the document mountain like this,
Beep-beep.
A call signal rang from the large screen on my desk. Caller: Seoul Metropolitan Government.
I pretended not to hear. Blocked my hearing.
I was an ammonite sunk in the deep sea now.
A creature extinct 300 million years ago can't answer calls.
"Mayor, it's a video call from Seoul City."
Seria's voice pierced the ammonite's shell, transcending 300 million years of space-time.
Damn.
I reluctantly straightened up. An unfamiliar middle-aged man's face appeared on the screen.
Furious expression. Seoul's deputy mayor, he said.
"Mayor Lee Garam! What in the world is going on?!"
Shouting from the start. No courtesy or formality.
"What do you mean? Nice weather today. How's Seoul?"
I scratched my ear with my pinky, oozing annoyance.
"This isn't about the weather! Seventeen terrorist acts by Neo Incheon villains in Seoul this month alone!"
He began listing specific cases in an anger-filled voice.
"Last week, Zodiac remnants called 'Zodiac Stars' rampaged in Gangnam shouting about Virgo and Gemini! Two days ago, Black Hound copycats robbed a bank and took civilians hostage! Yesterday, Sea Dragon Cult scraps caused a scene trying to plant seaweed in the Han River! Even magical girls terrorizing because they want to be Sugar Girl! You know all these scum are based in Neo Incheon?!"
Our city had become a villain export hub. Proud as a Neo Incheon citizen.
I replied indifferently.
"So? Seoul's the capital. The heart of Korea. Natural that villains pay attention, right?"
"Pardon?!"
"Tokyo and New York blow up all the time. Proof Seoul's developed. Congrats."
"You call that words?!"
The deputy mayor's face turned tomato red.
"All their bases are in Neo Incheon! Why must Seoul take the damage?!"
He had a point.
Neo Incheon was a holy site for both heroes and villains.
The Silicon Valley of superhumans. Harvard for villains. Premier League of crime.
State-of-the-art labs birthed new monsters daily, massive capital fueling their ambitions.
Could there be a better city for aspiring villains?
Ideal environment for superpowered villains to spread their wings(?).
"We're busy protecting our own city. Special Task Force patrols 24/7, Hero Association deploys daily. No bandwidth to micromanage Seoul."
Pure lie, of course.
Neo Incheon was weirdly peaceful lately.
The reason was simple.
Villains feared Jin Yeonhwa, Kang Jiyeong, and me.
Learned helplessness: breathe quietly here, and one whim from the mayor could wipe out your organization.
So Neo Incheon became a villain incubator.
They grew fat there, then headed to Seoul for real-world training.
I shrugged brazenly.
"We systematically protect Neo Incheon citizens. Our civilian casualty rate is the nation's lowest: 0.3%."
True fact.
Seoul's? 2.7%. Highest among major cities.
The deputy mayor's face boiled crimson on the monitor.
"That's because all your villains come to us!"
"Doesn't that prove Seoul's disaster system is lax?"
"Intelligence says the new 'Resistance Pre-Fall' anti-government group is based in Neo Incheon too! That damn Gravity Zero flew landfill trash straight to Gangnam center! 'Clean up your own trash!' Why let such dangerous groups harm Seoul? Are you sending them on purpose?!"
Sharp criticism. Hit the nail on the head.
But me, Lee Garam. Veteran of such situations.
I didn't blink.
"They're a citizen group... no, terrorist organization with free will. How could I control S-Rank villains or terrorists? Am I a god?"
"Th-That's...!"
Seoul's deputy mayor was speechless. Logically flawless rebuttal.
Right. How could I control them?
I merely advised.
"Neo Incheon has the best Special Task Force. Great coordination with Hero Association. And I personally go to sites to communicate with citizens, so few complaints."
I pointed at the deputy mayor on the monitor.
"Seoul should try harder. Don't just sit at desks. You have tons of S-Rank heroes—why can't you handle a few villains?"
"Y-You...!"
Seoul's deputy mayor's face turned explosion-red.
He trembled and unilaterally cut the call.
Click.
Screen went black.
"Phew. Noisy."
I stretched contentedly.
'Seoul will handle it. Plenty of heroes and budget.'
I pulled out my smartphone and checked the [Eternal Revolution] Pre-Fall group chat.
Report! Gangnam Station underground mall abalone op success! Merchants resisted, but knelt before our revolutionary will!
Scrawled 'Gravity is an illusion' graffiti at Seoul City Hall. Security was tight, but comrades made it possible.
Great work, everyone. As Advisor Comrade suggested, moving our stage to Seoul has gone smoothly. ^^
Yeah, yeah. As long as you're happy.
I know nothing. Absolutely nothing.
"Seoul's deputy mayor seemed very angry."
It was Seria. Standing ghost-like by my side before I knew it.
"I-I know nothing! Purely those villains acting on their own!"
"Of course."
I waved my hands, denying desperately.
Seria gazed down at me steadily.
Those eyes seeing through everything.
"You're just lazy, Mayor."