You Are Indeed the Pope!
In a religion where the exposure of the labia and groin is taken for granted, I had become the Pope.
...I’m not asking for recommendations for a title for an erotic novel, but what on earth is going on right now?
I had only come to quietly cheer for Hayeon noona, worried about whether she could become a saintess candidate.
But the moment she saw me—a mere guest—the woman called the Saintess spread her groin, where silver strands of hair flowed, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and declared, "Please become our Pope."
Thanks to that, for a moment, I was truly speechless.
"That appearance! That dignified posture! It is undoubtedly the exact likeness of the Pope described in Chapter 1, Verse 2 of the Vulgata Vulvae!"
"Uh... I don't know if that’s a gospel or an obscene book, but how did they describe the Pope in there for you to conclude it’s me?"
"First, the height! It was written that he is over 180 centimeters tall, enough to grab a presumptuous female by the throat and rape her immediately!"
A man over 180...
In this world where the average life expectancy for men is only in their early thirties, men of that height are certainly rare.
To begin with, most men here never received proper nutrition from childhood; they grew up eating stimulating jjampong or malatang from kindergarten, comforting themselves by saying, "It has vegetables, so it's a health food."
Perhaps that’s why, even as a man myself, I don’t recall ever seeing a man over 160.
Even so...
"My height is 188, but isn't it a bit premature to conclude I'm the Pope just because of that...?"
Even if men over 180cm are rare, I shouldn't be the only one.
I didn't want to become the Pope of this insane religion, so I retorted.
However.
"You are correct. Somewhere in the world, there might be another man over 180... besides you, Pope."
Saintess Emilia seemed to already firmly believe that I was the Pope.
Then, she pulled out a text called the Vulgata Vulvae from between her holy breasts, which were slightly protruding above her nipples—I have no idea where she had hidden it.
"However, there is plenty of other evidence that the Pope before my eyes is the very person who has only been passed down through legend."
"...For example?"
"First, your body! Those muscles, firmly forged in a way not typical of a man—aren't they the symbol of one who has trained by using ignorant females as punching bags, pounding their wombs?!"
"No... I just worked out in my room by myself...?"
Whether I said that or not.
Before the females who had lost the will to live and were sprawled on the floor, a man called the Pope appeared.
He first constricted their breath, making the sensations near their wombs extremely sensitive, and in that state, he drove a punch directly into their exposed lower abdomens.
Then, pleasure and terror erupted simultaneously, their juices sprayed, their wombs twitched madly while soaked, and it is said that the females finally realized with their whole bodies that they were alive.
Thus, the Pope forcibly engraved a reason for living into the females who had wished for death, and since that day, they have called the Pope the 'Liberator' and worship him with their wombs every day.
Saintess Emilia insisted, reading that passage with emphasis, that my muscles were created through such a process.
But unfairly, my muscles are not the result of such barbaric violence; they are simply the result of consistent exercise.
It was just a sincere physique obtained at the end of a battle with pull-up bars and dumbbells.
"That cannot be... that firm skin on your legs! Isn't it clearly the mark of a conqueror who has trampled on the faces of countless females and taught them submission?!"
"No?! I don't have that kind of taste?!"
"But! There is plenty of other evidence that the Pope is the Pope!"
Just then.
"For the 'truth' of the Pope, please forgive my momentary rudeness..."
The Saintess's fingertips slowly rose, and at that moment, a massive figure of a goddess bloomed behind her back.
The silhouette, holding a scale while blindfolded, was majesty itself, giving off pressure just by looking at it.
Facing that figure, I couldn't even breathe properly.
"M-my body won't move...?"
"Hyunwoo?! Saintess, what on earth are you doing?!"
"Young nun. Please wait a moment. I am not trying to harm the Pope."
Calming Hayeon noona, who was flustered, with a gentle gaze, Saintess Emilia fixed her eyes on me and spoke in a low voice.
"My ability, God Order, is the power to look only into the truth of the opponent."
"Truth...?"
"Yes. With this ability, I will prove that Hyunwoo-nim... no, that the Pope is the true Pope."
...What.
Does that mean she is convinced that I am the real Pope hiding my identity?
That's ridiculous.
I was just a mediocre sidekick belonging to the Hero Association.
So I pondered for a moment about what to do.
'Even so, the answer you want won't come out.'
I hadn't brought Ego anyway, and having no means to resist, I decided to quietly accept her 'judgment.'
I had nothing to hide.
I figured showing my clean self as it was would be the most comfortable thing to do.
"Then, the first question. Pope."
"Yes, go ahead. Saintess."
"Yes. Then, first of all, how many times a day do you masturbate?"
"...Excuse me?"
But damn it.
What kind of question is this...?
No, what kind of existence is the Pope in the gospel that the nuns of this church read, for such a question to pop out from the start?
Flustered, I glanced to the side.
Then.
Sparkle, sparkle.
Hayeon noona, who was sitting on her knees with her hands folded, was looking up at me with her lips tightly pressed together.
Far from helping, her eyes were a mixture of pure curiosity and subtle anticipation.
Just like a suggestive nun character waiting for the protagonist's confession in a dating simulation.
'Let's just make something up...'
It was an atmosphere where even a sound effect might play. But since I wasn't interested in humiliation play, I intended to give a sound answer like, "About once every three days?"
...I definitely intended to.
"Three times... a day...!"
"O-once a day..."
"You masturbate three times a day?!"
Is this the Saintess's ability?
True to the name God Order, my mouth, which had intended to lie, spilled the truth on its own.
At that, Hayeon noona parted her lips slightly, stuck out the tip of her tongue, and swallowed hard.
Her gaze was not that of a nun, but of a female in heat. Her appearance, which had been looking at the ceiling and twitching her nose, changed in an instant; she crossed her legs, squeezed her thighs, and twisted her body suggestively.
Above all, Saintess Emilia's face turned as red as a tomato, and while she kept her hands cupped around her mouth, emitting sounds close to moans like "Hwa-wa...!", she didn't stop the questions.
"Even in the gospel, it said the Pope only masturbated once a day...! Hyunwoo Pope, you are truly a person who transcends even the records of your predecessors!"
"...Can you let me go now?"
"Ah, that is impossible! Then, the second question. What is the most recent material you used? Please tell me specifically what your taste is!"
...What, is this place really a cult?
Then my mouth moved on its own again.
"That is..."
"That is?"
"...It was a video with a concept of driving a punch directly into the womb of a woman who doesn't listen, and training her into a masochistic female."
"Ohhh...! As expected! That holy gaze that considers women merely as holes...! You are truly qualified to subdue all of us nuns; you have the vessel of a Pope!"
Honestly, everything I just said was the truth.
Because I was in a situation where I couldn't lie thanks to the ability.
But I felt something was unfair.
No, seriously, listen to me!
In this shitty reversed world, men were beings who had to live modestly and quietly from birth.
Like prey, if eyes met, run away; if you even brush against someone, you might be reported for sexual harassment, so always keep your head down and be quiet...
But what is the officially sanctioned porn in this country?
All of it is hardcore stuff exclusively for women.
It's all absurd perverted stuff where they tie up limbs, blindfold, and even knock them out with stomach punches.
The stuff for men was even more ridiculous.
It was just... a collection of gay Blu-rays.
It was only porn where men kissed until their noses were buried, and at some point, they were biting each other's anuses and moaning.
'No, you want me to masturbate to this?!'
So in the end... I had no choice but to watch. I had to masturbate to the hardcore-of-hardcore genres exclusively for women—training, rape, masochistic females, womb rupture, dismemberment, corruption—that I could at least get an erection to.
But this crazy cult is cheering for it, calling it the "Pope's great inclination."
"Damn it..."
And as if to mock my confused mental state, Saintess Emilia was already standing with her legs spread wide, her hands behind her head.
In that posture, she began to slowly shake her hips back and forth.
Breasts swaying like waves up and down, and between her legs, her moist, wet flesh was revealed from time to time.
It was too obscene to be called a dance, and too provocative to be called worship.
But she was sincere.
As if conveying joy to a goddess... no, as if expressing her enthusiasm for me with her whole body, her appearance was holy yet terrifyingly lewd.
"Pope! Finally... to finally meet the true legendary Pope in my generation! My Omangko dance of joy won't stop~!"
"What is that..."
"Hyunwoo, do you not know the Saintess's Omangko dance?! That is a sacred ritual that only the Saintess can perform, conveying joy to the Goddess!"
...No matter how I look at it, it just looks like a provocation asking to be fucked?
"By the way, there is a legend that a woman who sees that dance will definitely conceive a boy within that year. That's why it's also called the 'Dance of Happiness'."
"...That's a lie, right?"
Watching the headmistress continue her explanation so triumphantly, what should I say.
I felt like I was the only sucker here.
'...Should I just kick her in the crotch and run away quickly while I have the chance?'