Bandit Extermination
I lightly sheathed my greatsword and scanned the surroundings. ‘Looks like there were about ten bandits, give or take.’ Inside the hideout, a woman who I assumed was the client’s target—Lady Layla—sat tied up. The bandits must have been terrified of the count, because there were no signs they had touched her.
“Y-you think being a knight makes you invincible, you bastard…!”
“Wait! That guy isn’t even a—”
Whoosh!
One of the bandits charged straight at me. His weapon was a hammer. Blunt weapons like that could damage even a knight in full plate armor. But I was different.
“Who the hell gets hit by something that slow?”
“…Guh!!”
Thud.
I easily dodged the hammer and sliced the man clean in two with my greatsword. Using the momentum, I spun around and stabbed the sneaky bastard who had been aiming for me from behind. His eyes widened, clearly shocked that his ambush had failed.
“H-how…?”
Crunch!
I twisted the blade, and he collapsed in a spray of bloody foam. The moment I pulled my sword free, more of them came rushing from the front. Since they could only come at me one at a time through the doorway, dealing with them was ridiculously easy.
Crunch! Thud!
One by one. After sending their friends to the afterlife, only three remained. They gripped their weapons with trembling hands.
“Not coming?” I asked.
“H-heee… H-heeeek… The Black Death God…”
“S-snap out of it! He’s still human—he must be getting tired!”
“Y-yeah?”
“Black Death God or whatever, he’s still a human! We can win this!”
The bandits slowly raised their weapons and advanced. Full plate armor weighed around twenty to thirty kilograms. Swinging a greatsword the size of a grown man while wearing what amounted to a modern soldier’s full combat load would exhaust anyone. It was only natural for a knight to tire.
Of course, that didn’t apply to me.
“Haaa… Kill him!!”
“L-let’s kill him together!”
“If we all strike at once—”
CRRRRACK!!
Before they could even coordinate their attack, my horizontal slash tore through them. Not one of them managed to swing their weapon before their upper and lower bodies parted ways. As expected of my blade. Its cutting power really was top-notch.
With that, every last bandit drew his final breath.
“Lady Layla.”
“Eek!”
Step.
Her eyes turned toward me. Blue irises and golden hair—the classic blonde with blue eyes. I vaguely remembered hearing that Count Schwartz’s family were descendants of elves, and she certainly looked the part.
“Your ears don’t seem particularly long, though.”
“E-excuse me…? Hiiiik!”
“It’s just blood, so don’t freak out.”
Whoosh! Drip, drip.
With a grotesque sound, blood flew from the greatsword as I swung it. A straight line of crimson splatter. The puddle forming on the floor swallowed up the bloody trail.
“Let’s go. His Lordship the Count sent me.”
Crack!
I immediately grabbed the ropes binding her and snapped them apart. She rotated her freed wrists a few times before slowly standing up. Her legs were shaking quite badly.
“Hyaaat?!”
Grab!
Just as I thought. I swiftly caught her by the waist. For some reason, most of the women I rescued ended up like this—their legs giving out completely.
“Are you alright?”
“S-s-sorry… I was just a little startled.”
“That’s understandable. If you’d like, I can carry you. The armor might be a bit cold and hard, though.”
“N-no! I-I’m fine… So could you please let go?”
“My apologies.”
I withdrew my hand. If I were still a living person, something might have stirred, but it was a shame that nothing did.
“Then let’s head out. Back to the capital.”
“…Yes!”
With my greatsword resting on my shoulder, I left the bandit hideout together with her.
Neigh!
“Good boy. You worked hard.”
I had been riding for quite a while with the lady seated on the horse. I tied the horse to a tree for a rest, feeding it carrots and water. We still hadn’t covered even half the distance to the capital.
‘Still, we should reach the capital by tomorrow night.’
The distance from the bandit hideout to the capital was roughly a full day’s hard ride. We couldn’t gallop for twenty-four hours straight, so we had to take breaks here and there. Especially since the horse had been pushed hard on the way here, rest was even more necessary. Now that we had put a good distance between ourselves and the hideout, this was the perfect opportunity.
“We’ll spend the night here and continue in the morning.”
“…Spend the night?”
“The horse isn’t in good shape. We’ve traveled far enough from the hideout that they won’t find us easily.”
I said this while rubbing two sticks together. These guys were the ‘Anus Bandit Group’ that had recently been raising hell near the capital. For bandits—who usually survived by scattering and died when they gathered—to have an actual name meant they were on another level.
‘I heard their leader absorbed every other bandit group out there.’
I never expected to run into the very group that was the talk of the capital. Well, as long as the Adventurers’ Guild paid me, I’d do anything.
…But why won’t this fire start?
“Um…”
“Yes?”
“If it’s not too much trouble, may I light the fire for you? I can use basic magic.”
“Oh, thank you.”
I neatly piled the kindling in front of her.
“O spirit of fire, heed my call and bear fruit. Fireball.”
Fwoosh.
A cute little fireball shot from her hand and struck the kindling. I carefully added straw and twigs so the precious flame wouldn’t go out. Thanks to her, I didn’t have to struggle with the sticks anymore.
“Um… Was that useful?”
“Useful?”
“I-I’m different from the other nobles…!”
“Pardon?”
What was she suddenly talking about? While I stood there confused, she started spewing words like a runaway train.
“I can use pretty much all basic magic, and while I’m not great at combat, I’m decent with daily-life spells.”
“Wait…”
“I don’t act arrogant just because I’m a noble, and I listen well. My nanny—who was like a mother to me—was a commoner. I sleep soundly, and I won’t complain even if we ride for a long time. So…”
“First, please calm down.”
“Hyaaat!”
Grab!
I placed my hands on her shoulders to steady her. Her eyes, wide like a startled rabbit, stared up at me. Why was she so frightened?
“Why are you acting like this all of a sudden? I haven’t said anything yet.”
“Because… you said we’re resting… It’s dangerous.”
“Huh?”
“You’re only stopping because of me, right?”
“?”
What on earth was she saying now?
“We should be hurrying… but you’re worried I’ll complain like the other young ladies or become a burden, so you’re stopping here, aren’t you?”
“That’s not it at all.”
“Then why… Staying here overnight is dangerous.”
“The horse needs rest. So do I.”
“Ah.”
Only then did the lady look at the horse tied to the tree. It snorted and scraped the ground with its hoof. Somehow, the action looked strangely like it was mocking her.
‘Compared to the other young ladies, her treatment is actually quite good… almost too good?’
To be honest, I hadn’t wanted to take this request. Not only was finding the bandit hideout annoying, but just as she said, the tantrums noble ladies threw were beyond imagination. But this girl’s self-esteem was far too low.
“Don’t worry. Let’s just get some sleep and continue tomorrow.”
“But what if the bandits come…”
“Even if dozens or hundreds of them show up, I won’t die.”
Thump!
I slammed the greatsword into the ground.
“If anything, they should be the ones running away when they see me.”
“……”
“So please don’t worry.”
It might have sounded like bravado, but I meant every word.
“As expected of the Black Death God…”
“……”
“I’m sorry. I bothered you for no reason…”
“It’s fine. Just rest.”
After finally calming her down, I began cleaning my greatsword.
‘Black Death God… I still can’t get used to that nickname.’
The Grim Reaper clad in black armor. It was a rather straightforward name, but I understood why. After all, the number of trash I had killed had long since passed three digits. Still, I hadn’t particularly wanted to become famous.
‘What the hell is a Black Death God in a romance-fantasy world?’
The world I had possessed was a romance fantasy novel. The title… unfortunately, I couldn’t quite remember it. Most of the original story had faded from my memory. That was probably because of the brutal five years I had spent struggling to survive after reincarnating as something that wasn’t even human—a Living Armor.
‘At least I had some swordsmanship talent. That was a relief.’
I moved my creaking fingers, clenching and unclenching my fist. Living Armor were generally treated as monsters. I didn’t want to be hunted by other adventurers, nor did I want to be killed by other monsters, so I had worked hard.
‘I didn’t even know Living Armor could talk until I became one.’
I swung my sword to survive. I learned how to speak as a Living Armor to survive. And in the end, I managed to enter the capital and become an adventurer. Looking back now, it really had been an tear-jerkingly brutal journey.
‘But… why does this young lady seem familiar?’
I stared at Layla. She was warming her palms by the campfire. Blonde hair and blue eyes weren’t exactly rare, but something about her face felt familiar. Had she been an important character in the romance-fantasy novel I possessed?
“W-why are you staring at me like that?”
“…It’s nothing.”
“Oh, now that I think about it, there’s something I should tell you.”
“Please speak.”
Her question brought me back to my senses. Even though she knew I was a commoner adventurer, she still used polite speech. At this level, she was easily in the top one percent of nobles when it came to personality.
“I overheard the bandits talking… They said their leader would return at dawn…”
“Their leader… You mean that guy?”
“Yes. Anus of Lightning. It’s him.”
Anus of Lightning. Just as the name suggested, he was a man who had obtained a magic tool that could generate lightning. He had gathered the scattered bandit groups and claimed the position of their boss.
‘Doesn’t seem like he rose up purely thanks to that magic tool, though.’
I had heard plenty of rumors before coming here. That his lightning was impossible to react to. That once you were hit, you couldn’t move. They were less battle reports and more like horror stories, so even I felt a little tense. Still, one swing of my greatsword would cut him in half anyway.
“Thank you for the information. I’ll take the night watch, so please sleep, my lady.”
“Thank you for your consideration… But, um, I have one request.”
“Go ahead.”
I listened to her with a generous heart. A noble who used polite speech toward a commoner was already top-tier in character. Since a kind word begets a kind answer, I genuinely wanted to grant whatever she asked.
“Um… Would it be alright if I… used your lap as a pillow?”
“Pardon?”
“I… usually use a rather high pillow, so…”
“……”
I offered her one of my legs. She said it was cool and nice, then immediately fell fast asleep. I stared down at her in disbelief as she lay with her head on my knee, the top of her head exposed.
What the hell was wrong with this young lady…??
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
“No, it’s really fine.”
Clip-clop, clip-clop!
On the running horse, she kept her head down, apologizing nonstop. Perhaps from embarrassment, the tips of her ears visible through her golden hair were slightly red. The reason was none other than—
‘Who would have thought she’d drool all over my armor?’
While sleeping, she had drooled quite heavily onto my knee. Since she had been sleeping so peacefully, I couldn’t bring myself to wake her, so I just let it be… Only for her to wake up the next morning and scream in horror.
“I-I really don’t drool when I sleep at home, okay?”
“Yes, I believe you. Though it feels like the drool even seeped into the gaps of the armor, but yes.”
“…It’s true.”
I looked down at her slumped shoulders and smiled warmly. Her back looked so sulky just because I had teased her a little. If I teased her any more, she might actually get upset, so I decided to stop. She really was fun to tease, though.
“If we ride hard, we should arrive in half a day.”
“Half a day?”
“At the earliest, around sunset. At the latest, after the sun has completely set. If Father has already pulled troops aside—”
“Found them!!!”
“!”
While we were riding peacefully, a human voice rang out from behind us. The lady flinched, her body trembling slightly. When I turned around, thinking ‘no way’—
‘Why the hell do these bandits have so many horses?’
A group of bandits was galloping toward us at full speed. There were easily dozens of them. And at the very front was a vicious-looking man…
At a glance, it was clear he was the boss—Anus of Lightning.
“Hand over the lady!!”
“Hiii…”
At the bandit leader’s roar, the lady trembled like a small animal. I, on the other hand, let out a hollow laugh at his ridiculous demand.
‘Dude, you guys are the ones who kidnapped her in the first place.’
Even as I laughed in disbelief, I gripped the reins and urged the horse faster. And so, an unexpected chase with the bandits began.
