As Tutor to the Grand Ducal House (2)
"Your Grace, I am Kana de Glacia. May I come in?"
"Yes, come in and make yourself comfortable. You may simply go by Kana, or by Tutor—speak as freely as you like."
"Ah... thank you for the consideration."
I smiled and nodded at Kaide's words. I had never expected to be shown quite this much consideration, and the pleasure of it was real—yet it also struck me that he was a gentler man than I had imagined.
If someone more capable than I was originally meant to come as Aiden's tutor, and if that was why Aiden later grew into so gentle a person, could I truly see that role through to the end? In the end I was only human. Was it not arrogant of me to think that knowing a little of some other world would be enough?
The unease seemed only to brush past me, there and gone.
"Miss Kana, what has you thinking so hard? It only makes me more eager to hear how our first conversation struck you."
"...Ah, it wasn't anything important. Just... a moment's hesitation, that's all."
"Hesitation... And what is it you're hesitating over? From today you'll be living here as well, so I think it best we clear away whatever problems we can."
"Mm... It's only that I've been wondering how I might open the young master's heart... and how I ought to clear up a misunderstanding."
"A misunderstanding? Has some misunderstanding arisen?"
At Kaide's question I hesitated a moment, then spoke.
"Well... A few days ago, didn't the young master slip out for a little while at night?"
"Ah, if you mean last week's incident... that was about a week ago. Did the two of you happen to become acquainted then?"
"Ah, well... He was trying to shake the guards, and he was climbing the inn wall up toward the window of the second-floor room where I was staying. It looked dangerous, so I pulled him in."
I had no wish to repeat aloud what I had heard from him that night, so I left it at the mere fact that such a thing had happened. From the way I had been dressed, and from how I had acted, he seemed to have taken me for someone engaged in rather unsavory work.
"Hm... But what sort of misunderstanding came of it? If anything, you saved him while he was moving about so recklessly."
"Well... He seems to think I'm the sort of person who lets just anyone into her room, and he even suspects that my reason for coming here has something to do with you, Your Grace. I can't say I fail to understand it entirely, but the trouble is how I'm supposed to prove otherwise."
Living here, I would come to speak with Aiden as a matter of course, and the misunderstanding would clear in time. The question was how.
"...Forgive me. Aiden loved the Grand Duchess very much, and her leaving so suddenly seems to have become a wound."
"...I don't want an apology for something like that. I don't know the details, but I don't believe it was anyone's fault. I only mean to make a story in which the young master can change as well—just as you, carrying a wound like that, can still be gentle."
My aim was not for Kaide and Aiden to become identical in character. I only hoped Aiden might carry within him a gentleness like his father's, and live in the world with it.
"Well, if that's how you feel, then I'm glad I seem to have brought the right person to serve as tutor. There is, however, one thing I wish to say to you."
"One thing... What is it you wish to tell me, Your Grace?"
Wondering what he could want to say to me himself, I looked at him. Kaide quietly took a sip of water, then spoke.
"First, regarding the teaching of etiquette... the truth is, Aiden has already received instruction in formal manners."
"...Then what sort of etiquette and decorum do you want from me? If he already knows it perfectly, that would mean there's nothing for me to touch where manners and protocol are concerned."
And that would mean the five days I had spent studying noble etiquette had been for nothing—and, even before that disappointment, it made me want to ask what meaning I had in being here at all.
"What I want from you, Miss Kana, is not the surface etiquette that shows on the outside. Where the right hand ought to point when one offers a greeting, or the angle of the legs—those are things that feel courteous enough, so long as the form is correct."
As if to make his own view plain, and the meaning of my presence with it, he looked at me and went on.
"Aiden has no particular trouble with that sort of superficial, conventional etiquette. What I hope he will learn is a more human courtesy—the kind that keeps two people from wounding each other's feelings when they meet and speak."
"...So you don't mean the courtesy of outward conduct alone. You want the young master to come to understand courtesy in feeling, and in words?"
"That's right. The etiquette I want from you is not a lesson in how to bow. I hope that, through all manner of conversation with Aiden, my son will naturally learn consideration for others."
"...In short, rather than having him learn manners by rote, you hope that through natural, everyday conversation the young master will come to possess gentleness, and consideration for other people?"
At my words Kaide smiled as if to say yes, and nodded.
"That's right. I had a feeling that if it were you, Miss Kana, Aiden would open his heart before very long."
He considered a moment, then slowly turned his gaze on me and spoke.
"Someone of an age that falls neatly between mine and Aiden's, without any particular private feelings of her own, and kind besides. That a person like that walked here of her own accord—I can only think of it as good fortune."
"Mm... If you say so, I'll do everything I can to live up to that expectation. I, too, hope the young master will get along well with people as he lives among them."
There were words I could not bring out here, so I kept them pressed down inside. If I could, I wanted to grow as close to him as possible and, for the sake of the life I hoped for, shape him as fully as I could into the person I already knew.
I did not want to die. More than anyone, I wanted desperately to live. I was the only one in this world who knew how my death would come, and that knowledge only sharpened the feeling.
The life I wanted, when all was said, was a peaceful one. A life in which I harmed no one, and did nothing but watch over these northern snowfields as the north's guardian dragon. A life in which I came down to Kartz now and then to watch the people, and sometimes traveled to other lands, and gave myself a rest as well. I hoped I might be allowed to live days like those.
And I knew, better than anyone, the problems I would have to solve before I could.
"If that is truly how you think, then I have no doubt you will manage it. So long as my eyes are not mistaken, you are someone who can make Aiden understand what gentleness is."
I nodded at his words and was setting my thoughts in order when, before I knew it, Kaide had come to stand beside me.
"Your thoughts look rather tangled, Miss Kana. Don't complicate them. Rest a little today."
"Mm... I suppose I should. Will I... be taking my meals here?"
"Ha ha... Of course. As I said earlier, room and board are provided. If you're living here, that much is only natural."
He smiled as he answered. The look was warm, and yet it also seemed halfway to a helpless little laugh—but there was no harm in making sure.
There was one thing I ought to tell him beforehand, though, so I edged a little closer and asked.
"Um... Your Grace, I eat rather a lot... Will that be all right?"
"Pfft... That doesn't matter in the least. No one here will say a word if you eat a great deal. If anything, we'll be glad to see you enjoy it. It means the food agrees with you, at least."
The Grand Duke seemed to be welcoming me quite warmly, both as a guest and as a tutor, so I nodded in thanks and smiled. For today, it was enough simply to be at ease.
"Ah—and as for your work as tutor, you'll likely speak far more often with the head maid, or with Mr. Miguel, than with me. Think of it as sharing ordinary conversation with Aiden, at your ease... You may even take it as something like a parent's place. That will do."
"A parent... Put that way, I feel less sure of myself, if anything. But I'll do my best. If it's the place of family, that ought to be enough."
Yes. The feeling of an older brother would suit me far better than that of a father.
Telling myself it would work out somehow, I rose and followed Kaide out of the reception room.