When an Angel Gets Angry
I'd been told she was out on important business, but the human heart is a funny thing. Anxiety has a way of sending you looking for someone even when you already know she isn't there.
Sister Greta and Father would handle things just fine, of course. And Gabriel, of all people, had sung my praises so extravagantly that I almost believed I had nothing to worry about…
"Still, I'm a little uneasy. Is there really no way to reach her?"
At that, Sister Greta asked, with that impassive face of hers,
"Have you committed some kind of crime in the meantime?"
"What? No?"
"Or become unable to care for the children?"
"No."
"Then there shouldn't be any problem. You might try having a little more confidence in yourself. That will be all."
"Wait—"
These nuns had to be drinking some kind of personality-coolant water. Every last one of them.
"Whew."
"Daddy?"
Reni, clinging to my leg, called up to me.
"Hm? Yeah, Reni. Sorry—Daddy was a little busy for a second."
"Okay…"
"…?"
Unlike usual, Reni was holding onto my coat with a distinctly gloomy face.
I'd already sent the taxi away, having come intending to see the Mother Superior, so I took him over to a nearby bench and sat down.
"Sweetheart, did something happen?"
Reni stared hard at Luca, who was standing by the stroller and looking around, then whipped his head up at me with a face full of pure injustice.
"Daddyyy… Listen, listen…"
A child who normally spoke so well struggling to get the words out told me something pretty upsetting must have happened.
Had he fought with Jennyfer?
If it had been anything serious, Sister Greta would have said something. Even knowing that, I couldn't help worrying, and I stroked his hair gently.
After a long hesitation, a single tear rolled from his eye.
Oh no… This might actually be serious.
I scooped Reni up onto my lap. A flash of heat was already rising in my chest.
"Our Reni—who made you feel bad?"
"…Yeah!"
I wanted to demand who and go storming over with him that second. But I quickly reminded myself that whoever had hurt him was almost certainly another child, not an adult.
I patted the back of my huffing, fuming son, about to wait for him to speak—then realized something. The only children here so far were Reni and Jennyfer.
I asked softly,
"Reni, did you fight with Jennyfer?"
A vigorous head-shake.
"Oh… Then did something happen with Mommy, or with the Sisters?"
Another head-shake.
"I see. Then who made our Reni feel this sad?"
As I asked, my eyes caught on a child swinging alone far across the lawn.
Had a new child arrived?
That seemed to be it.
Reni lifted a small finger, pointed at the boy in the distance, and said,
"That, that big brother over there said me and Jennyfer are stupid."
And with that, his lower lip jutted out.
Aigoo…
The child who had hurt mine was almost certainly another child who was hurting.
I held him tight as he fought desperately not to cry—and Reni couldn't hold it in any longer. He burst into heartbreaking sobs.
"Waaaaah!"
Luca, who had been looking the other way, turned to see his brother crying. Then his own lip started to wobble.
Aigoo.
"…Waaaaah!"
These kids laughed as a buy-one-get-one deal, and they cried as a buy-one-get-one deal too. In the end I ended up walking back and forth with both of them in my arms, soothing them as best I could.
Even through his sobs, Reni pressed his case.
"I'm not—hic—stupid!"
"Of course not. Our Reni is super smart. Right?"
When I agreed, he cried even harder and poured out what was in his heart.
"I hate big brother—waaah—I hate him! Hic!"
"I know. Our Reni felt really hurt…"
As time passed, his crying gradually quieted. I took the opening to ask gently,
"Reni, did big brother hit you or anything?"
If he had, one of the Sisters would have tipped me off—but still, just in case.
Thankfully, Reni shook his head. I breathed an inward sigh of relief.
At least the new child wasn't violent.
"How old is the new big brother? What's his name?"
"Tony big brother is… six."
Still hiccuping and catching his breath, Reni diligently folded his fingers to show me the number.
"Ah. I see."
I kissed both of their foreheads as their tears began to settle, and smiled a little to let them know it was okay.
"…"
Reni gradually stopped crying. Luca stopped cold.
"Mm… mm…"
He wiggled his fingers and looked back and forth between me and Reni as if asking, Why was I even crying just now?
"Our Luca cried because big brother was sad, right?"
"Yeah."
He always answered well.
I settled the two sniffling boys into the stroller.
I always carried a damp handkerchief when we went out; I pulled it from its pouch, wiped their faces clean of sweat and tears, smoothed their hair, and took turns giving them water.
Luca gulped it down, let out a little burp, and sank back against the seat.
Having cried his heart out without even knowing why, he looked ready for a nap.
Perfect. I pushed the stroller slowly and walked the grounds around the church lawn.
There was no rush to leave. If I could, I wanted to smooth things over between this Tony and Reni.
If there was an older boy he didn't get along with at a place he'd be coming back to every weekend, the stress would follow him through the weekdays too. Jennyfer was probably fuming somewhere herself.
And of course, the child still glancing our way from a distance, reading our every move, wouldn't have an easy week of it either.
"…"
It would have been stranger if new children at the group home started out smiling and getting along from day one.
This was a place for kids who had been passed over by the parental love that should have been theirs by right.
And of course, the older the child, the harder the adjustment.
"Why? Why're you here, mister? Who even are you?"
When I brought the kids up in front of him, the boy's crisp, defensive-and-aggressive tone was all too familiar.
I knew that behind the anger, behind the look that said he hated everyone, there was a fear bigger than anything else.
I smiled as if I had no idea they'd fought, and greeted him.
"Hi, Tony. Uncle baked some really delicious chocolate muffins—want to have some with us?"
The boy hesitated, eyes briefly startled. He looked about to say no right away.
But then he spotted a Sister hurrying toward us from a distance and shut his mouth.
I exchanged a silent greeting with the nun who was probably Tony's primary caretaker.
Clink.
Sister Marisa set a warm cup of coffee in front of me.
"Thank you."
I took a sip and looked around.
The first floor was cozy, almost like a regular home, with a dining room and a broad table.
Around a table that could easily seat ten sat me, Reni, Jennyfer, Tony, and Sister Marisa.
I checked that Luca was sound asleep and closed the stroller's canopy.
Sister Marisa looked at the children with the air of a kindergarten teacher.
"All right, today Reni's daddy has brought us some delicious chocolate muffins. Shall we all say thank you?"
"Thank you."
"…Thank you."
Jennyfer chirped like a little chick. Tony answered reluctantly.
Sister Marisa was warm and affectionate with the children, and Tony instinctively understood that he had to listen to her for now.
She was probably the only adult he could lean on at the moment, after all.
"…It's good!"
Jennyfer, who seemed to have resolved to stubbornly ignore Tony beside her, took a bite of muffin and beamed.
Reni brought his muffin to his mouth with a rare, sulky face.
A sidelong glance showed Tony also gripping his muffin firmly and taking a bite.
The way he hurried into a second bite made my heart ache a little.
Discomfort and anger were one thing—but kids who still couldn't resist a chocolate muffin were also just plain adorable.
As if I knew nothing, I asked Sister Marisa,
"So does that make Tony the oldest brother here now?"
She smiled and patted Tony's shoulder.
"Yes. Tony is six now, so I'm sure he'll be a good leader for his four-year-old little siblings."
Hmm… She meant it like a teacher and a mother, but it had to feel uncomfortable for the boy.
Suddenly being expected to play big brother just because you were two years older was a heavy load.
As a senior alumnus of this place, I figured I could take the side of a child only just starting to adjust to a strange new home—just a little.
"Still, Tony came later, so… at first it would be nice if Reni and Jennyfer helped him out, don't you think?"
I smiled gently at the two four-year-olds, who had gone a little stiff at my words.
Reni looked up at me with a How could you, Daddy look in his eyes.
Jennyfer, though, had no such restraint.
"No, mister! Tony big brother called me and Reni stupid, so I'm not playing with him."
I squeezed Reni's hand under the table and asked, as if shocked,
"No way! Tony must have misunderstood something. Our Reni and Jennyfer are super smart."
Jennyfer lifted her chin loftily and drank her milk.
I swallowed a laugh. To the kids it was deadly serious—but they were still unbearably cute.
Unlike Jennyfer, Reni was keeping a tight silence. I secretly patted his knee under the table and looked at Tony.
"…"
Tony was staring only at his own knees.
Sister Marisa put a gentle arm around his shoulders.
"Tony, if there's anything you'd like to say to your little siblings, would you like to try?"
She also invited all the children to speak up if something upsetting had happened earlier.
Reni looked back and forth between me and Sister Marisa in confusion. Jennyfer, once again, spoke up first with total confidence.
"Big brother said earlier, 'All grown-ups are liars!'"
"Ah…"
Tony's face went bright red.
"So when me and Reni said that wasn't true, Tony big brother called us stupid."
I'd heard that girls' language development ran a little ahead of boys', and it really seemed to be true.
Jennyfer laid out the injustice they had suffered with perfect clarity for the adults.
"And he said our slime dolls look like poop! Our dolls even go to kindergarten!"
So that was it.
Jennyfer was getting a little worked up by the end, and now I understood why Reni had been furious about more than just the word "stupid."
Sure enough, the child who had been quiet until then slammed a small hand on the table and declared,
"Slimes are not poop!"
Aigoo. Our Reni had really been hurt.
But the cry that followed nearly made me drop my coffee cup.
"Big brother is poop!"