Hang In There, Dad
“Mystique? What kind of nonsense is that….”
“Hey, you don’t have to glare at me like that….”
Greg looked away from my eyes, clearly uncomfortable.
I hadn’t even said the thought out loud, but apparently it was written all over my face. Still, Greg didn’t take any of it back.
“I’m not the only one who thinks so, you know?”
He glanced around the table as if fishing for backup. And, to my genuine surprise, people were more on his side than mine.
Maria spoke first, wearing that gentle, motherly smile of hers.
“He’s right. There’s definitely something special about you that draws the eye, Jun.”
She clearly saw me as something like her grown son or a favorite nephew.
“Exactly! It’s reverse charm, I’m telling you. That cool, chic look and personality, paired with real talent—and then the secretly warm dad who melts only for his baby!”
Cassandra was still fully in “make Jun into a star” mode for the sake of our YouTube channel….
“And the way he occasionally shows a little fire? Somehow that just makes him more attractive. Must be because he’s handsome, right?”
The last comment came from Rachel, so I couldn’t exactly argue.
She wasn’t my boss anymore, but the old distance between us was still there. Even so, there was one thing I had to ask.
“If I may… when exactly did I ever seem hot-tempered at the company?”
Hadn’t I been the quiet guy who just did his work, stayed out of trouble, and kept his head down?
“Most recently? When you quit.”
“Ah….”
Yeah. No comeback for that one.
I shut my mouth. Greg made a weird noise like he’d just inhaled food and clapped a napkin over his mouth to hide his laughter.
Cassandra wasn’t done with the whole “mystique” topic yet and piled on one more point.
“Jun, people—especially a lot of women—are drawn to the kind of man who seems indifferent to the rest of the world, but warm only to his own people!”
“……Is that so.”
I scrambled for a way to kill this awkward subject and suddenly remembered I actually had real news to share.
“Oh, right. I think I’m going to put out a recipe book.”
The reaction was instant. Greg and Rachel both stared at me with matching looks of surprise, while Maria clapped her hands in pure delight.
“Oh my goodness, really?”
“Yes.”
I smiled a little. Having someone nearby who could celebrate so purely when something good happened… it was something to be grateful for.
“Why are you only telling us this now?!”
Of course, having someone like Cassandra who treated my business as her own was… also something.
“I only got the offer yesterday. We haven’t signed anything yet. Once the publisher sets a presentation date, I’m going to go hear the details.”
“How did you even get an offer? Which publisher?”
“A neighbor in our building turns out to be an editor. So it just kind of… happened. Oh, and the publisher is Brown House Publishing.”
That name split the table. Greg and Cassandra reacted one way; Maria and Rachel another.
“Is that a good place?”
“Are they reputable?”
The ones who didn’t read much found the name unfamiliar. The other two—who probably polished off at least a book a week—spoke up at once.
“Greg, that place is excellent!”
“They’ve been around for… what, at least thirty years? Every book I’ve read from them has been solid.”
Seeing their reactions, Cassandra nodded as if that settled it.
“If they’re trustworthy, that’s a relief. When’s the presentation?”
“I don’t have an exact date yet. They said about two weeks. There’ll be several other authors involved too.”
Cassandra’s eyes lit up.
“Perfect. Two weeks is plenty of prep time. I’ll come along as your manager that day!”
“Huh? Wait, that’s really not necessary… is it?”
I wasn’t some million-subscriber YouTuber. Showing up with a manager would just look like overkill, wouldn’t it?
“From now on, live every day believing you’re a superstar, Jun!”
“Just like that? Even if you say so, Cassandra….”
“You have to believe you’re a celebrity first. Only then will other people treat you like one!”
“That’s… a pretty intense mindset to commit to….”
“And for the next performance, don’t show up in plain all-black like this. Try to dress a little more stylish.”
“Cassandra, I’d honestly prefer people just treated me as Greg’s backdrop….”
“This guy, I swear.”
“……Fine. I’ll put more thought into clothes next time.”
I gave in. Once Cassandra got that fierce look in her eyes, arguing was nearly impossible. My will just crumpled.
Satisfied, she nodded and kept going.
“And you don’t have a car, Jun. Wherever that publisher is, getting there with a baby is going to be rough. The weather’s only getting hotter too.”
“I can just call a taxi.”
At that, Greg—who’d been wisely staying out of the conversation—jumped in.
“Jun. Don’t you need a car by now too?”
I let out a short sigh. Of course a car would be nice.
But buying one meant insurance, maintenance, gas—ongoing costs on top of the sticker price. The reason Greg never seemed to have savings probably had a lot to do with his car expenses.
That was his lifestyle, though. I wasn’t that active a person. And now that I’d left the company I used to commute to every day, I didn’t even have somewhere I had to go regularly….
Still, even if I didn’t go out much, those rare times I did have to leave would be a lot less painful with a car.
“…….”
Truth was, I’d been thinking about getting one before winter came back around. Last winter especially, with all the running around we’d had to do, Luca had suffered more than he should have.
“Anyway, this time I’ll drive you!”
Cassandra said it so proudly that I just gave in and said okay.
Pale dawn light.
In the quiet room, I opened my eyes.
“…….”
Having nowhere I had to go every morning brought a rush of freedom—and at the same time demanded that I take responsibility for that freedom.
It hadn’t even been a full week since I quit, but I was trying to keep every part of my routine that didn’t involve the office as steady as possible.
Which meant Sunday had been spent entirely with Luca.
But now it was a busy Monday morning, and I’d woken at my usual time without an alarm….
Instead of pure joy at the thought of I don’t have to go to work anymore!, something closer to a hollow, sudden anxiety bloomed in my gut.
I’d quit because I was confident I could still put food on the table without the company….
Still, after years of showing up every day, walking away so abruptly was bound to leave a few residual feelings. I decided to just accept that.
I turned my head a little to check on the baby who should have been sleeping beside me—and found myself staring straight at Luca’s plump white soles.
“……Mm.”
I bit back a laugh and sat up.
I’d definitely laid him down right next to me, but overnight he’d rotated almost halfway around, clock-wise.
Looking at the child sleeping as if he didn’t have a single care in the world, the brief anxiety melted away and turned into quiet determination again.
I tucked the blanket properly around him, did my usual morning jump-rope session out on the terrace, showered, and poured myself a cup of coffee.
Then I carried the household ledger over to the island table and sat down.
Flip.
The same ledger I’d opened the night before I decided to quit, now opened again this morning.
If my finances had been truly desperate, I would have stayed at the company no matter how much Luca cried all day or what people muttered behind my back. Luckily, things weren’t that bad.
What remained in my account was a little under twenty thousand dollars.
Everything I’d had before moving here had gone straight into the security deposit for this place….
So this money was the sum of the donation from Sister Eloise, Luca’s foster care stipend, the dessert payments from the café downstairs, YouTube earnings, and the performance fees from Lemon Soup. My old company paycheck had always vanished straight into rent.
Most of it was still the donation Sister Eloise had given me. She’d handed me a full fifteen thousand dollars that day.
Fortunately, I’d managed to cover living expenses and even put a little aside from the smaller streams of income, so her gift remained untouched.
Now that the salary was gone, I’d have to cover rent from the other fixed income….
Even after setting aside Luca’s stipend, money still came in steadily from three places: dessert supply, YouTube, and performance fees.
And once I signed the recipe book contract, another five thousand dollars in advance would be on the way.
It wasn’t the kind of wealth that let you spend freely without a care, but it was enough that we wouldn’t be scraping by.
“Well done, me.”
All that scrambling had been worth it. Yes—there would still be anxious moments, but life without a company no longer terrified me.
I’d been clumsy, but I’d tried. I’d worked. And now the results were starting to show.
Of course, every income stream except Luca’s stipend was highly variable. Desserts paid a percentage of sales. Performance fees leaned more on tips than base pay.
YouTube earnings were better than expected, but nowhere near what people assumed when they heard the subscriber count.
And even if I’d been running the channel alone it would have been one thing—now the revenue was split, and after material costs I still had to keep grinding.
Views could stay the same while ad rates changed, so predicting next month’s income was nearly impossible… in short, it was complicated.
The most important thing was that the channel’s upward curve could stall or drop at any moment.
To succeed as a YouTuber, you had to be like a swan: looking serene on the surface while paddling furiously underneath. Steady, passionate effort was required.
Of course, from now on the hours I used to spend at the company would go into this instead, so that was already a big improvement.
I could no longer just clock in and coast. Every moment would demand my best, which meant there would be times it felt overwhelming.
What used to be a side hustle was now a full business, and that meant more things to worry about. Stop moving and you fall behind. Quitting and going back to a regular job wouldn’t be easy either.
……Maybe it really was time to start thinking like a superstar.
But it also felt good that the value of my labor stayed mine now. At the company, no matter how hard you worked, everything ultimately became the company’s achievement, not yours.
Now, whatever I put in would all be my—
“A-bu…! Ah…!”
“I’m here, Luca. Daddy’s right here!”
I jumped up and hurried over before the baby could start crying in earnest.
The moment he saw me, Luca broke into a bright smile.
“……My Luca. Daddy loves you so much.”
Daddy’s going to work hard. From now on, everything I earn will be ours.