One's Own Choice
"TS potion?"
It was something he'd heard of before. No, more than heard — it was familiar. It popped up on the news and social media whenever people least expected it, so of course he knew about it. Kim Yujae stared at the medicine bottle as if trying to bore a hole through it. He quickly organized in his head what the doctor was about to say.
"So if I take that..."
"The potion's magical effects will reshape and restore the damaged parts."
"Which means I'll become a woman."
The idea repulsed him, but it wasn't entirely bad. If becoming a woman allowed him to recover, then surely he could turn back into a man later. In other words, it was one step back for two steps forward.
"However, once you become female through this potion, you will never be able to return to being male."
"What?"
That wasn't what he'd been told. Did it mean he couldn't revert even by taking the potion again? If the magical effect failed to trigger a reversal, he could always rely on modern medicine to physically become male again. But apparently even that wouldn't work?
"Yes. The change is limited to a single use, and even if you undergo separate surgery, your body will gradually restore itself toward the female form."
From the moment his sex changed, the potion became useless. Even physical surgery would result in his body reverting to female. That meant any surgery he got could end with his new parts falling off or closing up. If that happened, it would be the greatest medical disaster of the century and a strong contender for a Darwin Award.
"Are you saying I could die?"
"Yes. There haven't been any actual cases yet, but the possibility is quite high."
It wasn't exactly a good option. After all, it would leave behind the dubious legacy of "might actually die" in human history. Still, it could be considered a worthy sacrifice for the advancement of pragmatism and medicine. Kim Yujae, however, was not the kind of man to throw his life away for something like that. A truly unfortunate situation.
"Why on earth...?"
"Because this potion is nothing more than water drawn from a certain spring."
Even the manufacturer didn't know the exact principles behind it. They had simply followed the regressor's instructions, sent out an investigation team, discovered the mysterious spring, and started selling the water because it had these effects. Since it was taken directly from nature, future problems could arise. Still, the fact that no one had died from it over the years suggested it wasn't that dangerous. It was an extremely expensive potion, one ordinary people couldn't afford anyway. As long as you weren't completely reckless, at least minimal verification and quality control had been done.
"...How much is this potion?"
"Two million won per bottle."
"That's cheap?"
"Ah, taking it once won't turn you into a woman. You have to take it every hour for a full week, so... it'll cost around 336 million won."
The real problem, if there was one, was that Cheon Mari had interfered with the quality control. Diluting the mysterious spring water with plain water to extend the dosage period by 168 times was clearly exploitative. It was the kind of idea that would fry the frontal lobe of any normal person who tried to think of it. This commercial feat worthy of the legendary swindler Kim Seondal proved that the old saying about merchants wasn't wrong. Whether this was fortunate or tragic, very few people in the world knew the truth. Kim Yujae was less likely to learn about it than Russians were to reclaim their homeland.
"I'll do it."
"Excuse me?"
"The TS potion. I'll undergo the sex change."
"Once you finish taking it, there will be no going back. Your mind will feminize, and your body will completely—"
"I don't care about that. I'll pay for the surgery, treatment, hospital fees, and the potion, all of it..."
His family had plenty of money anyway. What parents would refuse when their child wanted to continue being a hunter and was determined to get revenge no matter what? Even if it cost three hundred million, no, even a billion won, they would support their child. He gritted his teeth and made his resolve. He would make Kang Sian suffer even more than he had. The mind of someone who would live as a woman forever was like ashes — dreary beyond compare, yet strangely light.
"Revenge... No, please, just let me keep being a hunter..."
The doctor stared at Kim Yujae. He knew who had really ordered this, which made him hesitate. He wanted to advise him to just live as a neutral person and never show his face in public again. From what he'd heard, this was entirely Kim Yujae's own fault. If he tried to get revenge and went against his superiors, the outcome was obvious.
"Then I'll bring the contract. Nurse Jeong? Please fetch it."
"Yep, understood."
But undergoing the sex change was purely his own choice. Whatever ending came from this would be his responsibility. With his parents' consent, who understood their child's feelings, the contract was drawn up. The moment he signed and stamped it, the potion was handed over. Much of the money he paid would go toward Nartika's media campaigns harassing his parents' guild. Some of it would also be used as entertainment expenses for a certain high-ranking person's pleasant Christmas. Of course, he himself didn't know that.
"Since the potion will magically transform your body anyway, there won't be any major surgeries, though minor ones might be necessary."
"Understood..."
That was the end of it. The doctor handed him a pamphlet and left the room. When he opened it, he saw reviews of the TS potion. Anonymous testimonials from Nartika-affiliated internet broadcasters were filled with perfect scores and extreme praise, as if pointing him toward an alternative path. He immediately closed it. There was no alternative path.
"Definitely... I'll definitely get my revenge..."
He would do whatever it took to win. This was just part of the process. Endless self-justification followed. It was necessary to overcome his psychological resistance. The hospital room became filled with curses. At some point, even a rather concrete plan began to spill out. A foolish man who didn't understand his own situation. No matter how difficult things were, he shouldn't have done this. Nartika's security department had begun thoroughly monitoring both him and his parents. Naturally, the words he muttered to himself would be reported to the "VIPs."
"What an idiot."
The regressor was laughing.
* * *
As good hospital rooms tended to be, this one also had a white ceiling. A pure white that seemed to cleanse and beautify the mind. The pink-haired high school girl who opened her eyes at some point couldn't look away. She could only stare endlessly at the ceiling, maintaining that pure white state of mind.
She only broke out of that state when the sun, which had been high in the sky, began to set. The sunset visible from a hospital as tall as a skyscraper was fantastical. To the high school girl, Lim Hana, it was almost ecstatic. It was a sensation she had never felt before. It was like the long-forgotten aesthetics of restraint.
"Ah..."
Why? What was making her feel so refreshed? Soon she got up from her bed. Though her back hurt, she walked to the window without thinking. She opened the window and stuck her head out slightly. The sunlight disappearing beyond the horizon and mountains was like a drug. She lowered her head and looked down at the ground.
"Wow..."
The height was so great that the clouds seemed within reach. She belatedly realized she was in such a place. Lim Hana looked down at the ground again and again. Then, out of habit, she put her hand in her pants pocket. She was looking for the matchbox containing Gwangjeungcho, but unfortunately, it wasn't there. That meant there were no pockets, no matchbox, and no Gwangjeungcho.
Lim Hana looked around for a moment. Then she noticed something placed on the drawer next to the bed. A broken phone and a matchbox — her belongings. Relieved, she picked up the matchbox. When she slid it open to check inside, a sigh escaped her lips. Because there was nothing inside. An empty matchbox was completely useless. She immediately threw it in the trash can. She sat back on the bed and stared blankly out the window.
"...But why am I here?"
A sudden question. She had no idea why she was here, why she had been looking for the matchbox, or why her phone was broken. She tried to search her memories, but all she felt was a hazy fog. Amid the sense of dissonance, she picked up the phone.
'I must have forgotten.'
Maybe something was written on the phone. If she looked at that, she thought her memories might come back. But the moment she actually picked up the phone, what she felt wasn't memories. Her hands trembled, and her nerves screamed with withdrawal symptoms.
"W-what is this..."
She stared at her palm. Fear suddenly poured out. Cold sweat ran down her back. Her breathing became rapid. She couldn't think. It felt like her brain function was deteriorating. She tried to scream, but no words came out of her mouth. Finally, she tried to open the hospital room door and ask for help. But her hips wouldn't move. Instead, her memories belatedly began to move. No, rather than move, they poured out. Wrong memories struck her thoughts, and she had to grab her head in pain. She had to endure. She had to somehow weather the storm. Unfortunately, a brain soaked in drugs couldn't do it. Her vision flipped, and Lim Hana collapsed just like that. She felt a cold sensation.
* * *
Some time later — she didn't know how much had passed — Lim Hana opened her eyes again.
"Ugh, ugh..."
"Ah, I'm glad you've woken up."
Several people were beside her bed. Fortunately, this time her memories came back, albeit slowly, so she could distinguish who they were. A doctor, her family, and a woman she didn't know. In reality, the only ones she could clearly identify were her family.
"Hana, are you okay? If you are, nod your head."
"What happened to our daughter to end up like this..."
With an oxygen mask on, she listened to her family's words. However, there was little constructive or important content — mostly just words of concern for Lim Hana. Thus, Lim Hana was able to enjoy a brief rest amid her family's worries. They left when the doctor said the patient needed stability.
"...Just a moment."
A short-haired female student wearing the same patient gown. She asked the doctor's permission and then strode toward Lim Hana.
"Who..."
She didn't recognize the face or the voice. This person didn't exist in Lim Hana's memories. Who was she, acting like they knew each other? Could it be someone Lim Hana had caused great trouble for? Just as that thought dominated her mind, the female student slowly opened her mouth.
"Hana. It's me, Kim Yujae."
The reunion with her boyfriend was the worst possible.