The Great King Parasite's Mountain Snack Run
The head chef of the Gyerim Sword Sect protested. "Can't you at least reduce the number of dishes or cut back on the inspections? Would it kill you to do one or the other? What is all this work for, going through everything one by one?"
"Chef Kang, do you think I want to be doing this? When the higher-ups say jump, we jump. What else can I do?"
The disciple chefs and the junior cooks peeling the mountain of onions in the corner all nodded along. Yeah. If they say peel, you peel. Obviously.
Peeling onions for a year, garlic for a year—just to get to touch a ladle once was the iron law of the kitchen. Of course, even after two years you weren't freed from onions and garlic, so no matter how much you peeled, they remained the eternal companions of every junior cook.
The head chef's eyes blazed as he watched them poke sticks into every single dish he'd prepared with such care. These dishes are like my own children, crafted with love. Just eat them and enjoy, damn it. Why do we have to keep doing this crap about poison being dangerous?
The Gyerim disciples tasked with the poison testing were just as uncomfortable. Just in case, the job of carrying the dishes had been reassigned from servants to them.
All of it traced back to a single mysterious letter that had flown into the Gyerim Sword Sect.
A treacherous viper has bared its poisonous fangs and slithered into our midst. Please remain vigilant.
It was only natural that Sect Leader Kang Su-yang's heart sank at those words. We're hosting such precious guests, yet I've been far too complacent!
And so the emergency poison vigilance operation was put in place with no end date in sight.
But the letter had arrived ten days ago. There was no sign of any viper, let alone a single suspicious person. That was because the servants of Gyerim were the loyal sort who had stayed even when the Sado Alliance attacked and the sect's destruction seemed certain. They were the genuine articles who could truly be called the Gyerim family.
Kang Su-yang wondered, So when the hell is this viper supposed to show up? Does it even exist?
That viper was just draining the sect's food supplies. And not just any parasite—a king among parasites, a great king parasite that cost three times the normal food budget.
Of course, if Cheong's acquaintances heard that, they might say "Only three times the food cost? Aren't you underestimating her?" But as a general rule, when quantity increases, the unit price tends to drop.
And so right now, that great king parasite was surrounded by her fanatical followers.
"Aigoo, my lady! I heard the news. If not for you, we would have faced disaster. If His Highness had passed away, this old Gyeon No would have gladly followed him in death. You are the benefactor of His Highness and this old man's benefactor as well. This grace—this old one will repay it for the rest of his life. Well, how many years does this old man have left anyway? This young lady here will repay it for this old one's share as well."
"Me...?"
Chang Yeo-in, who had suddenly become a debt collector, wore a puzzled expression that said Why me?
"Hehe, do you remember this small one? This small one is Chang Nan-geum-ho. Though this small one is no better than a beast, a swindler, I have received great grace. However, since this body must serve His Highness, Lady Chang Yeo-in will repay my debt as well."
"Wait, why me again...?"
And beside them stood one slouching man.
"Oh, that sounds good. Changnyeo-in, pay my share too—ow, ow! That hurts! What's with a woman having such monstrous strength!"
"You, shut up."
"Ahem. Last night I dreamed that a great ruby emitted an auspicious light, transformed into a vermilion bird, and flew away. Was that not—"
"This bastard really only knows about the vermilion bird, and you didn't sleep last night anyway. You were sleeping with your eyes open—"
"Um, it's nothing much, but..."
A man with shaggy hair grown down to his nose, covering everything but his lower face, stealthily offered a dagger belt. It was Cheong's second-favorite type of gift. For reference, her first favorite was anything delicious.
"Oh, throwing knives. Thanks. I'll use them well."
"I just picked it up on the road, so there's no need for a noble person to thank me..."
"No, this is a brand new blade without a single scratch. Where would you even find something like this lying around? I need to know the spot. Let's go pick some up—huh? What is this? Déjà vu?"
"That Gakda-gwi bastard is bribing her again!"
"When did that cheap bastard prepare something by himself again! He's literally carrying bribes around with him!"
"Ahem. It can't be helped. Your Majesty, in the rush I failed to prepare an appropriate tribute, but if you enjoy calligraphy or painting—"
"Wait, Your Majesty?"
At that, the guests from the Deokhyeon Royal Palace all clamped their mouths shut at once. They then shot fierce glares at the scholar-dressed man who had made the verbal slip.
"T-this is Yeon Pa. This Kang Mo greets Your Highness."
When the scholar-dressed man decided to just go with it and bowed his head to the floor, the rest of the guests all collapsed forward in a wave of kowtows.
"I have no intention of becoming a princess, so stop spreading that around. Even Yeon Pa has a loose mouth. I didn't think she would."
"This is simply because Yeon Pa holds only His Highness as the most precious in the world. Please do not be too angry."
"No, that's not what I meant."
It had been the twentieth day of the first lunar month—technically the middle of the night on the nineteenth—when the guests from the Deokhyeon Royal Palace had arrived. They were still as noisy and polite as ever in their treatment of their superior. Last time there had seemed to be a bit over a dozen, but now there were only eleven. The numbers had shrunk considerably.
"You lot! Do you really have nothing better to do? If your hands are idle, find work! Why are you barging into a woman's room first thing in the morning and causing such a racket! Get lost! Ah, Chang Yeo-in, you stay."
The royal palace guests all shrank their shoulders at once. They must have been quite afraid of Yeon Pa, because after offering quick bows they immediately scampered away.
"If I said I have no intention of becoming a princess, why are you telling everyone?"
"I was concerned that lowly ones might commit some discourtesy toward Your Majesty. Though they may appear frivolous and worthless on the surface, they are ones who have keenly realized how terrifying a disaster spoken words can become. Please do not worry, honored one."
"Hmm."
It wasn't an excuse. It was genuine politeness born from the heart? Something similar—a kind of emotion that cared for her. Cheong immediately softened. It was her weakness; she couldn't help it.
"This lowly old one was greatly troubled that Your Majesty had no maidservant to attend you. Although this Chang Yeo-in lacks womanly graces, she is still a woman. Please use her like a convenient beast of burden, such as an ox or horse. Chang Yeo-in will also perform her duties to the utmost."
"Eek, you're talking about me...?"
Chang Yeo-in jumped in surprise and made an aggrieved face. Cheong shook her head.
"Aish, it's fine. What would I need attendants for? Since you're servants, it actually makes me uncomfortable. I'll just accept the thought."
If the people from the Divine Cult had heard, even her fanatical followers would have protested what kind of nonsense that was. For a human who had reached the pinnacle of being served upon to say such a thing was absurd.
But Cheong was confident. In the case of the old man and her sworn sister, she had 'allowed' them to serve her. They had clung to her pants leg, begging to be allowed to attend her, so she had no choice but to grant their wish. Yep. That's how it was. How could one person exploit another like that?
Come to think of it, it's been a while since I saw my sworn sister... She said she was going into closed-door training? I wonder if her realm improved at all. The great realm of Transcendent isn't something you reach easily. If it's my sworn sister, who would put anyone to shame no matter where you put her, even a thousand years of closed-door training might not be enough. Oh well. When I see her next, I'll have to pass on at least one enlightenment.
Today's schedule was hiking up Cheongsu-san.
They had mentioned at the hot springs yesterday that today some honored guests had reserved the entire place, so they couldn't come. How dare they monopolize a hot spring meant for everyone (it wasn't)! It was unforgivable! She had been furious, but those honored guests turned out to be the prince's sons. What could she do?
Of course, a mere prince was still a lowly thing, half a step or so beneath an imperial princess of the royal family. The reason it was half a step was that lowering it just one step would make them a grand prince or the firstborn of a royal prince, which would allow them to be considered one level below. Not that the direct imperial lineage was something you could easily compare against.
But she had no intention of playing the 'I am the nation's princess' card and acting like a tyrant just to claim one more day of something she already enjoyed every day. So she decided to visit Cheongsu-san, the very place U Na-ram had sung about so enthusiastically.
However.
Her actual impression after climbing Cheongsu-san was rather subtle.
"What is this? You said it was a mountain."
"Didn't I tell you it wasn't very tall! Isn't this the perfect height to warm up your body!?"
"Shouldn't you remove the 'mountain' from Cheongsu-san?"
What kind of mountain was this? It was basically just a neighborhood.
In fact, rather than calling it a mountain, it was treated more like the high ground in Namnyeong. Still, the highest peak had a bit of forest remaining, and when she climbed up, an unexpectedly warm and familiar scene unfolded.
On both sides of the wide hiking path were rows of stalls, tea houses, restaurants, dumpling shops, and craft stores. Looking at the signs advertising makgeolli and tofu in large letters to attract customers, Cheong asked, just in case.
"Is there a temple up there or something?"
"That's right! Isn't it normal for there to be a temple or Taoist temple on a mountain!? Having a temple at the summit is the standard! Ohh! Isn't that a profoundly meaningful phrase!?"
"Never mind. I've seen enough. Let's go back."
Wooden bars, tea houses, and chicken soup restaurants lined both sides, and then a temple on top? What was this? Had she somehow returned without realizing it? Was this the Central Plains or South Korea?
"Ah! You're not going up?"
"It feels like I can already see it without looking. They're probably just selling roof tiles at the temple anyway. If we're just going to drink tea and eat anyway, there's no need to go to a place like this, right? It feels like they'd rip us off pretty badly."
"That is true..."
It was true that prices were usually different between the base and the summit of a mountain, but setting up proper shops on a well-paved, not-very-tall mountain and charging high prices was rather shameless.
"Instead, don't you know any hidden local restaurants? You know, the kind only locals know about."
"Mm! If that's what you want! Now that I think about it, Hyung-nim, you eat just about anything! Then do you also enjoy eating things raw!?"
"Well, that's true, but... the way you said that sounds weird."
"In that case! How about great white insects!? They're a specialty of the Yao people and supposedly very delicious!"
"Great white insects? Not bugs, right?"
"They are bugs!"
Cheong's face crumpled.
"I'm pretty sure you just asked if I liked eating things raw, right?"
"That's correct! They're about this big! I've heard they have a soft, nutty flavor like breast milk with an apple aroma!"
U Na-ram held up a finger. Not her pinky—her index finger.
"Na-ram, do you eat that stuff...?"
"I can't eat it! Isn't it gross!? But if Hyung-nim wants to eat it! This U Na-ram! Will summon her courage! And cheer you on from the side!!"
In the end, it was just her saying she wouldn't eat it herself. What was this? Didn't people usually say they'd try it together? How much did she not want to eat it that 'summoning courage' just meant cheering from the sidelines?
"Forget it. Let's just go to a tea house and destroy some snacks. Do you know any good places?"
"I'm sorry! I have no knowledge of snacks! Looking for snacks! Isn't that too feminine!?"
"Then what are you, Na-ram?"
"I am a martial artist!!"
Cheong tilted her head. For all the talk of Hyung-nim and respect, she was starting to feel like something about this was off. Of course, U Na-ram was just being U Na-ram.
But before that, wasn't there a pathetic parasite who did nothing but eat, drink tea, eat snacks, soak in the hot springs, then eat, drink tea, eat snacks again, and lie around rolling on the floor whenever there was time?
In that sense, U Na-ram, who still showed respect, was actually the one who deserved respect.
And so Cheong, having changed course from the local specialty recommended by a native to a snack exploration, was wandering the bustling streets of Namnyeong in search of a crowded, lively tea house when—
CRASH! CLATTER!
The loud sound of something breaking and shattering rang out, followed by a high-pitched scream and sharp curses.
Huh? This is...?
The premonition of a disturbance? There must be some bad guys, right?
Suddenly, the thought of snacks, rice, or tea vanished. Instead, the fishy scent, the hot warmth, and the satisfying feeling of a palm striking flesh came rushing in.
Ah, now that she thought about it, it had been a while since she'd gone without. Inside her cotton mask, a bright, innocent smile bloomed.