The Lanterns of the First Full Moon
Didn't you say to go out and have fun? It's the Lantern Festival!
Yuanxiao means the first night. It uses the character for "first" combined with "night," marking the day of the first full moon of the new year—right on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month. Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with the Western word for "element." It's simply what people in Cheong's homeland call the First Full Moon Festival. For the people of the Central Plains, the Lantern Festival signals the end of the New Year holiday season.
By the first month, there's not much to do anyway. From the first day of the new year during the Spring Festival, everyone spends their time eating, playing, and reveling without restraint. Then, when the streets are suddenly filled with lanterns symbolizing the full moon, glowing brilliantly in every direction, people realize—Ah, today must be the Lantern Festival. And with that comes the understanding that the holiday is truly over, that the grand New Year feast has reached its final night.
However, Cheong was far more interested in the yuanxiao itself than in the festival. Yuanxiao referred to the sweet rice cakes eaten during the Lantern Festival. They were usually boiled into a soup called tteokguk. It was tteokguk, sure—but the dumplings were made of sweet honey rice cake. Typically, they were filled with sugar and sesame, or sometimes red bean paste depending on the region, then simmered in a clear, transparent broth.
Sweet rice cakes in a clear meat broth.
Cheong trembled with righteous fury at the crimes of the Chinese people.
No way. How could they? In this world! How can anyone put sweet rice cakes in meat broth?! This is unforgivable! Such a dish should never exist in this world! Sweet rice cakes do not belong in meat broth! This is completely insane!
Therefore, it all had to be destroyed.
Burning with a sacred sense of duty, Cheong sacrificed her very body to ensure this horrific food would never exist in the world again. She chewed and swallowed every last piece. It was a truly noble sacrifice. A sweet-and-savory one, at that.
The Lantern Festival was a time to pray for abundance. After Cheong and her disciples had eaten their fill and cleared away all the leftover yuanxiao from the face of the earth, her upper belly swelled upward like a majestic mountain.
“As expected of Hyung-nim! This U Na-ram could only manage two pitiful bowls! But look at the sheer capacity of the next greatest under heaven! How can a human body possibly hold seven whole bowls of yuanxiao?! This is a miracle! This is awe-inspiring! Just look at this magnificently protruding belly!! A grand Mount Tai that would make all Five Great Mountains of the Central Plains bow their heads in shame! A towering skyscraper! A majestic presence that touches the heavens! This U Na-ram is utterly moved!!”
U Na-ram shouted excitedly beside Cheong, who was sprawled contentedly on the bed after eating her fill. Listening to her, Cheong felt a strangely mixed emotion. What is this? Why does it feel like I'm being subtly roasted?
“You're saying that in a good way… right?”
“Of course! A meal is a battle! A battle is a meal! Since what a person eats eventually becomes their body, a meal is the body! And the body is a meal, isn't it?! Hyung-nim's incredible strength! I've caught a glimpse of its secret! It must come from that inhuman appetite! That superhuman capacity for eating!!”
“Hoo… Yeah, I'm definitely being roasted.”
“However! This humble girl U Na-ram has one request for Hyung-nim! Could I possibly touch that enormous food pouch with my own hands just once?! My eyes refuse to believe what they're seeing!”
In truth, Cheong was in an exceptionally good mood. Her stomach was full and her body felt comfortable. So if someone wanted to touch her belly, why not?
“Only if you do it gently. Don't press down. I might throw up what I ate.”
“What an honor! What an absolute honor!”
U Na-ram carefully reached out and gently stroked Cheong's taut, tightly stretched upper belly. Her touch was so cautious it was as if she were caressing the belly of a pregnant woman. Then, suddenly, her hand began sliding upward. When those soft fingertips brushed a certain spot, Cheong couldn't hold back the ticklish sensation and let out an undignified squeal.
“Miss Na-ram? That's not my stomach, you know? Realistically speaking, would the food I ate be stored there?”
“Ah! I didn't mean to! There were three mountain peaks rising like Mount Tai! I thought they were all part of the same range! But since all that food is stored in your chest, of course it would create such magnificent grandeur!”
Cheong tilted her head. Chest head? What the hell is chest head? Oh. This again.
“Indeed! So to develop two such heavy heads on your chest, you must keep stuffing yourself until your belly is about to burst!”
Cheong's eyes narrowed.
“You've been sneakily bringing up my three heads this whole time, haven't you?”
“Ah! My apologies! I have committed a grave offense! This U Na-ram shall now perform the Khitan Festival of Repentance!! Hiyaap!!”
U Na-ram immediately stood at attention with both arms raised. But the Khitan Festival of Repentance loses its impact after the first few times. Seeing it three or four times a day kills any emotional weight it might have had. Then, suddenly, U Na-ram cried out desperately.
“Hyung-nim! I'm sorry but! Urp. This girl ate too much!!! I can barely hold back the reflux! Would it be acceptable to replace it with a more ordinary bow instead?!”
“Wow. You're really going all out, huh.”
In the end, U Na-ram (age thirty) knelt down, thrust her hands into the air, and spoke in a gloomy tone.
“This girl will speak honestly. Honestly, I cannot contain my admiration for Hyung-nim's beautiful breasts. The title of Greatest Breasts Under Heaven suits you far better than any other alias. The Han people may consider large breasts vulgar, but for us Zhang people, a woman's ample bosom is the very essence of untouchable beauty. Moreover, they possess such enormous dignity without sagging in the slightest, and their shape is so perfect that every time I see them, I am filled with wonder, mystery, and instinctive reverence. I simply cannot contain this burning respect, so it keeps bursting out of me……”
It wasn't even a backhanded compliment. It was a genuine confession that she simply couldn't hold it in. After all, having followed her around for just over two weeks, Cheong had clearly realized that this athletic woman wasn't the type to offer subtle, roundabout praise. She was just an extremely shameless auntie with a serious case of verbal diarrhea.
And so the night of the Lantern Festival grew deeper.
Surprisingly, Cheong was currently carrying out the Murim Alliance's mission with great diligence. The mission to visit the Gyerim Sword Sect and have fun. Even her master had told her to go, enjoy their hospitality, and rest well. So it seemed like Cheong was once again perfectly completing her mission for another day.
But then another letter arrived, disguised as a romantic correspondence but clearly a demand.
"Do you even intend to keep your promise? I will wait for you at the Peony Room at the Hour of the Rat."
Today's activities were not over yet.
---
Nanning's greatest inn and restaurant, Yonggung-ru, was once again overflowing with people. Perhaps because it was the final night of the holiday, everyone seemed determined to release all the pent-up feelings they hadn't yet expressed. Every table on the first and second floors was packed, filled with loud, cheerful chatter.
“Haha, Brothers! This little brother will offer another cup! On such a fine day, what could be better than sharing it with the most respected brothers? In that spirit, may this little brother offer a toast?”
“Of course, of course. How could we refuse our youngest's toast?”
“Ahem. Then, to the eternal friendship of the Blue Summer Hero!”
“Cheers!”
“Cheers!”
“Cheers!”
“Cheers!”
Didn't that sound a little familiar? Cheong thought as she climbed the stairs, tilting her head. What is it? It feels like the number was off somehow? Must be my imagination.
The Dragon King Room that Cheong had occupied last time was on the seventh floor. The Plum Blossom Room that Bo-yeol of the Sasa-ui had taken was on the sixth. And the Peony Room that Cheong was heading to was on the fifth.
What? Did this old man run out of money?
Cheong felt a slight concern for Bo-yeol's financial situation as she finally arrived in front of the Peony Room. She knocked politely, and from inside came the characteristically sharp voice of an old man.
“What is it? I didn't call for anyone.”
“Why are you acting like this? You clearly called for someone.”
The door opened, revealing an old man with an urgent expression—Bo-yeol. Cheong's eyesight had now reached the level where she could discern people's facial expressions. A truly remarkable achievement.
“What are you doing standing out there? Hurry, hurry, get inside!”
The current position of the moon indicated it was just past the Hour of the Rat. Cheong had arrived a full hour and a half earlier than the appointed time. And she had done so by walking boldly down the inn's corridor in plain sight.
“Are you trying to start a rumor that the Sasa-ui and the Heavenly Flower Sword are in cahoots? I specifically told you to meet at the Hour of the Rat because I was worried you'd be out playing until late on the Lantern Festival. Just what are you scheming?”
“Scheming? You never asked if the Hour of the Rat was convenient for me. I wanted to finish this quickly so I could go to the night market with Na-ram. Oh, do you know Na-ram? She's the First Great Senior Sister of the Gyerim Sword Sect. We promised to tour the night market together.”
“What? No, what is this—”
It was the sound of someone completely speechless, their insides burning with frustration. Cheong's tongue had always been like this. The more you talked with her, the more you ended up losing unilaterally.
“By the way, you were on the sixth floor last time, but today you're on the fifth? Isn't the treatment from that Salt House too shabby for someone of your stature? From what I hear, you're a very famous physician and martial artist. When someone like you says they're going to Yonggung-ru, they should obviously reserve the entire top floor—the seventh floor—for you.”
“Exactly! Yes, you're right. That salt-selling bastard is as stingy as the salt he peddles. Since it looks like this operation will take longer, he's already skimping on the quality of the food from the start. He doesn't want to keep serving expensive meals to someone he has to feed for a long time.”
“Doesn't the Salt House have a lot of money?”
“That's exactly what I'm saying! This is why you should never associate with those lowly salt-drying bastards. What kind of prestigious family does a salt merchant think he is? Ha, I'm speechless.”
“Right? How dare those guys who just scoop seawater and sell it not understand how precious a physician is? Especially a physician who knows martial arts—that's ten times more valuable.”
“Exactly! Ha, see? Those ignorant sword-wielders don't know the value of a good physician. The same goes for those Hall Masters. Last time……”
Bo-yeol began pouring out all his accumulated grievances. Cheong responded with perfect timing using the Five Elements Principle of Agreement: “That's right,” “That's too much,” “Amazing,” “Really?” “How could they do that?” Thanks to this, she was able to smoothly extract various pieces of information about the general scale, martial prowess, and personalities of the Salt House and the Sadoryeon dispatch team.
“Ha, I'm someone who has established a name for myself in medicine. Just because I learned a bit of poison arts, they treat me like cold rice. That bastard Cho-hyeon is the same. Last time……”
And on top of that, information about the petty demonic heads affiliated with the Sadoryeon.
“Hah. No, this isn't the time for this!”
Bo-yeol, who had been leaking valuable information without realizing it, finally came to his senses. Anyone caught by this terrifying old-man-slayer would end up spilling everything in their guts, whether they were a great hero or a demonic head.
“Anyway, a promise is a promise. Hasn't it already been half a month? When exactly are you planning to administer the poison?”
“Ah. About that. The truth is, I dropped it somewhere and can't find it.”
Cheong offered the excuse she had prepared. I dropped it somewhere (in my travel bag) and can't see it (because it's inside my travel bag and out of my sight). Cheong generally avoided lying if possible.
“What?! That precious thing! You should have searched more carefully!”
“I'm sorry. So, um, do you happen to have another bottle? To administer poison, I need the poison itself……”
“Ha. You didn't lose it inside the Gyerim Sword Sect's grounds, did you? If that were to be discovered……”
“Ah. That's definitely not the case. I can say that with absolute certainty. If you really don't believe me, should I swear on my master?”
After all, she had never lost it in the first place.
Bo-yeol clicked his tongue in clear displeasure, his face twisting into a frown.
“Tsk. Do you even know how valuable that poison is? It's so precious that even ten gold ingots per bottle wouldn't be enough. Tsk.”
“Ah. It's that valuable? As expected of one of the Ten Great Poisons Under Heaven. I'm really sorry about this……”
“Ahem. One bottle contains the condensed venom of a thousand snakes, so of course it's valuable. Not only are the venomous snakes themselves rare, but to collect them one by one—ha, never mind. Here. This time, don't lose it. No, administer the poison the moment you return.”
“That might be difficult. Na-ram and I have some elixirs to take……”
Cheong had been doing so well, but then she suddenly veered off course.
“No! Come on! When an adult tells you to do something, just do it!”
“But… the Lantern Festival is only today……”
“Ha. Fine. I'll give you four days. No, five days. If there isn't a funeral at the Gyerim Sword Sect within five days, your true identity will be revealed to the entire world.”
“Hmm. Then, since you're already giving me days, couldn't you make it six? There are five fingers on a hand, and people always count in fives, but you really should give five days at minimum.”
“Sigh. If only you couldn't speak, you wouldn't be so annoying. Fine. Five days. I'll give you five days.”
“Hehe. Thank you.”
Of course she was thankful. After all, Cheong had never actually agreed to administer the poison. She had simply negotiated the four days into five. Four days? How about five instead? Oh, you'll give me one more? Then five days it is.
Cheong sometimes lied, but she always kept her promises. Of course, she was also a despicable con artist who interpreted those promises in whatever way benefited her most. Her skill at deceiving others was improving day by day. If she had used even half this much brainpower in her daily life, she probably could have avoided most of the dangers that came her way.
So how could a naive old man possibly win against a professional senior-citizen-extortion scammer?
And so, Bo-yeol was fooled once again.