The Wanted Poster That Turned Me Into a Pig

The innkeeper looked at her with a strange expression. “Do you know this beggar, ma’am?”

“They’re human bounty hunters, apparently. Something about a reward. Aigoo, everything’s getting smashed. What are we going to do?”

The waiter was stomping his feet in distress. Something about the situation finally clicked for Cheong. She cautiously peeked out from behind the long table that was blocking her view and assessed the battlefield.

It was a nine-versus-four brawl. But in terms of realm, the four were clearly superior. Still, this fight wouldn’t teach anyone how absolute martial realms were in the Murim. There was no business that could stand against sheer numbers—the four were surrounded and sweating bullets.

Even a master needed to be at least at the Peak level to overturn a numerical disadvantage. When the strongest on one side was only late-to-mid First-class and the rest were early First-class or Second-class, the side with more bodies usually won.

“Ah, which side is the one coughing up blood? The four? Or the nine?”

“Originally there were eleven.”

Despite all the talk of danger, the waiter was clearly enjoying the show. He pointed with a sneaky finger, and under an overturned table, Cheong could see a pair of legs from the knee down.

“Oh dear. This is a life-or-death duel, then.”

No wonder they were fighting so desperately. Two of the eleven had already died, so of course their eyes had rolled back in their heads. If the four had shown overwhelming dominance it might have been different, but since they were constantly on the defensive, even beasts refused to hold back when they had the advantage.

“Hmm.”

Soon the four would die, and they might take a few more with them, but ultimately the side with more numbers would win. The only consolation was that while the larger group had quite flashy negative karma, the four seemed to lean toward positive karma. Especially the strongest one who looked like their leader—he had a full thirteen points.

“I’m going to borrow some chopsticks.”

“Hm? What for?”

She had planned to wait until the fight was over and then head out to clean up. Cheong suddenly stood up, chopsticks already slotted between every finger of both hands, arms crossed in front of her chest. It was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a completely meaningless preparatory stance. She had seen Dang Nan-a do it once and decided to copy her. The girl could throw multiple ones at once with surprising skill.

Cheong shook the chopsticks off onto the table, picked them up one by one, and began hurling them while swinging her arms wildly. The chopsticks flew faster than arrows and slammed mercilessly into soft bellies, throats, and the backs of hands.

A chorus of colorful screams rang out—Ack! Uwaaack! Gack!—and the four didn’t miss their chance. They immediately launched a coordinated attack. Three of them moved in perfect sync, but the youngest one was slightly out of rhythm and looked a bit clumsy. Still, it was decent teamplay.

When a Super Peak master who could even beat Transcendent experts was throwing penetrating chopsticks at their limbs, there was no way the fight could continue.

“Wait! Stop! Leave that one alive!”

One chopstick flew out and struck a late First-class expert’s sword with a loud clang!. That was the end of the battle.

Excluding the two that Cheong had deliberately spared because they had double-digit negative karma, the eleven were completely annihilated.

The four—especially the strongest among them—cupped their fists toward Cheong with deep respect.

“We are grateful for Senior’s assistance. This one is called Jo Gaksan of the Cheongha Martial Hall. Though it is embarrassing, in the gangho I am known as the Cheongha Gale Hero.”

“Hmm. I’m just a beggar passing ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠by. At the Seoryang Restaurant, they call me the Flower Beggar.”

Jo Gaksan’s expression turned subtle. He couldn’t tell if she was teasing him or simply didn’t want to reveal her identity, especially since her face was covered. Still, a woman’s age couldn’t be determined by voice alone, and although her appearance was strange, he decided she must be a senior of the gangho. There were plenty of eccentric masters among the reclusive experts of the martial world.

“By the way, what’s going on? Why are you fighting in someone else’s place of business? Look at all this damage. Can’t you see how heartbroken the waiter uncle is?”

“Aigoooo…… *hic* What are we going to do with all this…… I still haven’t paid back my debt to the owner……”

If he didn’t have this much sense, he wouldn’t be qualified to be a waiter. The man pretended to sob loudly, throwing himself over the table and wailing.

“Surely righteous heroes like yourselves wouldn’t just ignore the harm you’ve caused to innocent civilians, right?”

“O-of course not! Here, um… it’s not much, but please accept this……”

When Jo Gaksan pulled out some silver, Cheong added, “It really is not much.”

“Ahem. I was going to take out more. My hands are small, so I couldn’t grab many at once……”

Cheong thought his hands looked plenty large for a man, but a rather pathetic excuse later, a decent pile of silver had accumulated in front of her. Only then did she nod with a satisfied expression and ask, “So, what happened?”

“Ah. These are my sworn brothers. We travel the gangho performing acts of chivalry. Because of that, it’s embarrassing, but people have given us the excessive title of the Four Heroes of Cheongha.”

“Hmm? Cheongha Four Heroes? Why does that sound familiar?”

“Oh! So Senior has heard of us! Haha, how embarrassing……”

Jo Gaksan scratched the back of his head with a proud look on his face.

Shouldn’t it be the Cheongha Three Heroes? Why does it feel like there are four? Is it because of some mysterious gap in civilization that doesn’t have a Three Heroes yet?

“Anyway, what’s the story? How many times do I have to ask?”

“Ah, my apologies. The truth is, we were chasing a vicious wanted criminal when these bastards tore off the wanted poster and insisted on keeping the description to themselves. We sternly admonished them that this was wrong, but the insolent fools drew their blades……”

Of course, they would need to hear the eleven’s side of the story too. The two survivors were looking at her with aggrieved eyes, clearly having something to say. But if they felt wronged, they should have lived better lives.

When Cheong looked away, the two drooped their heads in dejection.

“A wanted poster, you say. Could I take a look?”

“Yes, Senior! Please wait a moment.”

The Cheongha Four Heroes busily searched the corpses and soon handed her a folded piece of paper. When Cheong unfolded it, a woman who was beautiful yet somehow not was drawn in a realistic style that didn’t quite match the artistic conventions of the Central Plains.

It was unfortunate, but wanted posters only worked on faces with distinct ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠features. Drawing a simple beauty was difficult even with modern techniques from her original world.

“What the hell is this?”

Do I look like a pig?

Originally, when a woman with large breasts wore thick padded winter clothes, the biggest circumference became the torso, making the body look unusually bulky. This was exactly why large breasts were frowned upon in the Central Plains’ standard of beauty—the clothes ruined the silhouette and made one look fat instead of pretty.

Anyway, after checking the wanted poster, Cheong felt relieved.

What is this? How is anyone supposed to find me with this?

At that moment, the Cheongha Four Heroes were also looking at the poster. It turned out the human bounty hunters had torn off more than one copy. It was common practice for them to monopolize posters to hinder their competitors.

The Cheongha Four Heroes looked at Cheong with subtle expressions.

Super Peak estimated. Face covered. Tall stature. Plump, large, fat body. On top of that, not only were Cheong’s breasts well above average, her hips were too. Wearing thick clothes, her entire body looked extremely thick and straight.

“Um… Senior?”

“What?”

“Perhaps… never mind.”

Jo Gaksan quickly changed the subject. Asking a veiled woman to show her face was incredibly rude—enough to start a sword fight.

Cheong glanced at the second poster Jo Gaksan was holding and flinched. Ah. They can recognize me from this?

Is it because of my height? But do I really look that much like a pig?

That aside, why was she so angry? What was wrong with looking a little thick? No matter how hard she tried to rationalize it, her insides continued to boil and refused to calm down.

Wow, this is seriously pissing me off. What kind of bastard wrote a wanted poster like this?

A chilling aura began leaking from Cheong. Jo Gaksan swallowed hard and spoke in a trembling voice.

“Uh… Senior?”

“Ah. Right. I know what you’re thinking, but I’m actually quite slim, okay? Here, look at this.”

Cheong grabbed the hem of her clothes at the waist and squeezed it tightly. Using her monstrous strength, she rolled the fabric until it was practically vacuum-sealed. The width of her waist instantly shrank by half.

“Ah! What incredible—*ahem*. I didn’t realize because you were wearing such thick clothes.”

“It really was the clothes, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, winter clothes are all like that, aren’t they? I have embarrassed myself. I apologize.”

Having completely cleared his suspicions after the excellent show, Jo Gaksan and his sworn ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠brothers bowed their heads respectfully. Thanks to that, Cheong’s anger slowly melted away. When someone apologized so politely, what else could she do?

Black markets were held separately in each administrative province. In the vast lands of Sichuan, two were held—one in the east or west, and one in the south or north—while other provinces generally had one each. Within a city, the location changed every four or five days, so calling it an irregular four-to-five-day night market wasn’t entirely wrong.

Regardless, black-clad figures suddenly swarmed into the black markets of Fujian Province and its neighbors—Guangdong, Jiangxi, and Zhejiang. Among them, not a single one was weak. There were even many indestructible monsters whose bodies were impervious to swords and blades.

“This is a matter for the Jinju Eon Clan! We are simply punishing the insolent ones who dared threaten our clan head! Guests, raise your weapons above your heads with both hands and leave immediately!”

“We are only here to punish the black market! Innocent guests, leave this place!”

Eon Yeonyeong was no fool. There was no reason to earn extra grudges by cutting down customers as well. So she carefully established justification and only targeted the black market and the merchants.

The merchants had plenty of luggage and probably hadn’t brought weapons. Those who had were simply lucky.

Then the terrified martial artists—commonly called mugados—shouted.

“What about those who trained in fist techniques?!”

“You useless fools! Why would you abandon perfectly good weapons and stupidly, idiotically, brainlessly swing only your arms and legs?! You lowlife bastards who only realize which gets cut when a fist meets a sword! Those who learned fist techniques, raise both hands and continuously shout the names of your fist forms!”

Suddenly, the night market filled with the screams of technique names mixed with animal motifs—Fierce Tiger Emerges from the Cave, Falling Meteor of the Lone Goose, and the like.

Then the ordinary civilians who had simply come to enjoy themselves shouted as well.

“Aigoo, sir! I am not a martial artist!”

“Tsk. At least shout your name and hometown! Then the blades of the Eon Clan will avoid you!”

“I am Wang Jun-yeong of Siheung in Guangdong Province! I am Wang Jun-yeong of Siheung in Guangdong Province! I am Wang Jun-yeong of Siheung in Guangdong Province!”

Thanks to that, amid the sounds of blades and screams, the stupid shouting of animal names rang loud, mixed with untimely self-introductions. It created a perfect pandemonium.

Through the burning black market, an incongruously frail-looking woman walked with graceful, modest steps.

When Eon Yeonyeong burst into the central administrative office of the black market, the Guangdong branch manager cried out in shock.

“Hasn’t the Jinju Eon Clan been destroyed……!”

“Oh my, what a hurtful thing to say. I am the Jinju Eon Clan. Oh, is this my wanted poster? Let me see how prettily they drew me.”

Eon Yeonyeong picked up the poster. The gentle smile that always graced her face suddenly twisted into an expression very similar to the one Cheong made when she heard something difficult. Anyone watching would have thought question marks were popping up all over her face.

“Huh……? Just who is this supposed to be?”

“That bitch is Eon Yeonyeong, isn’t she!”

“I am Eon Yeonyeong? But who is this person? Six chi……? Shinpa, do I look that tall to you?”

Suddenly, a snow-white hand shot through the branch manager’s chest with a wet puuk. In the hand dripping with blood, a human heart now rested perfectly.

The branch manager whose heart had been stolen collapsed like a rag doll. Shinpa tossed the heart to Eon Yeonyeong and sneered.

“Heng. Look at you, acting all smart and then getting hit properly. It’s obviously an impersonator. With a ruined clan, anyone can impersonate them as much as they want.”

“Ah. My ingredient.”

Eon Yeonyeong awkwardly fumbled to catch the heart flying in an arc, barely managing to grab it before stuffing it into the pouch at her waist with an awkward smile.

“To dare impersonate me… what tremendous courage. Hmm. A beauty comparable to the greatest under heaven? Could it be one of the Five Flowers of Murim?”

“Unless the black market bastards are blind, there’s no way they wouldn’t recognize one of the Five Flowers of Murim and cause this kind of mess.”

“That’s true…… Then who could it be……”

At that moment, a face suddenly flashed through her mind. Eon Yeonyeong’s eyes curved beautifully with a color of longing.

“Cheong-ah isn’t that much of a beauty, after all.”

“Hm? What are you saying?”

“Oh my. Eavesdropping on someone’s monologue? Your personality really is quite nasty.”

At that, the Small Demon Flower snorted. “Hearing that from the nastiest bitch in the world makes me feel even filthier. Hmph. So what are you going to do now?”

“The black market people were simply deceived. Shall we withdraw?”

“I feel bad for the black market bastards. They don’t even know they were deceived and got completely wrecked.”

“What? Oh my, *hup*, Shinpa, what kind of—*hehe*—joke is this. *Haa*, it’s funny. Kyahahaha……”

Eon Yeonyeong couldn’t hold it in any longer. She bent at the waist and burst into loud laughter. After laughing for a long while, she finally caught her breath, stroking her aching stomach and wiping away tears as she continued.

“That was the funniest joke Shinpa has ever told. Then, every time Shinpa swats a mosquito or a fly, should we build a shrine to honor those poor bugs? That way, Shinpa’s heart can be at ease.”

At those words, Shinpa’s expression rotted.