Normalizing School Life (1)
Chapter 69 - Normalizing School Life (1)
I, Karalin, walked the night path pressed tightly against his side. The sky was clear and elegant. Starlight poured down as it always did. The path back to the dormitory along Zigmund's grounds was usually like this. As someone who adored romance and beauty, I always wanted to drink in this atmosphere until the night grew weary. But tonight was different. On top of everything else, Yohan was beside me. The massive boy I loved most. The one who placed the perfect period at the end of this beautiful scene. When I thought about that fact, my heart felt as though it were being squeezed from every direction, overwhelmed by a heartbeat that shouldn't exist.
Of course, it had always been this way. How much I cherished the one who supported my fate from beside me—I had already reminded myself of that countless times. However, after deliberately losing my memories and regaining them… after putting on that little show to lure out Vankite, the feelings I held for him now carried an added layer of embarrassment. A rather large proportion of it. Five parts embarrassment to… the desperation, longing, relief, and affection that had always been there. …But isn't it only natural to feel this way? If I considered what I had done to the people around me after he disappeared, honestly, I didn't think I could clean up that mess myself. That was why, when Yohan woke in his hospital bed and tried to whisper words of reunion, I had deflected with some excuse like, "I just want things to stay the way they were… our relationship right now…"
It was fortunate that Yohan was kind enough to listen to me. If he ever learned the full details of what had happened… if he found out… "Die, die, die! You damned wench, just die…!" I felt as though the only option left to me was to bite my tongue and die. Now that I had regained my memories, my defense mechanism was working successfully, comforting me with thoughts like, "That was just an illusion created by your memories. You did nothing wrong, Karalin." Even so, the emotions and actions from that time had seeped deep into my heart and remained there. It was, to put it metaphorically, exactly like the behavior of a widow who had completely lost her husband—screaming that Yohan was dead, turning everything upside down, sobbing, fainting…
That was why I feared the day Yohan would learn of it all. If I told him not to try to find out, he would surely let it go without question, but the very act of saying those words felt shameful. Why was I like this? Was it because I didn't want him to know my true feelings? Or was it because I didn't want him to feel guilty about the situation that had reduced me to this state? "Both, I suppose…"
Especially since we were in this place, those feelings only grew stronger. Before everything happened, Yohan had… embraced me tightly right here. "Ugh…!" Whenever I thought of it, my face flushed red and no words would come out. That action had been truly precious. Even when I lost my memories, I had endured by remembering the warmth Yohan had given me then. It felt as though I had only truly understood what it meant to be alive at that moment. "Besides, when Yohan regained consciousness, he did that to me again for a moment, didn't he?"
That was the vulnerable, childlike side of Yohan that completely contradicted his usual strong, masculine appearance. I felt sorry for him, but… I remembered every single word he had said then, crystal clear. I like you. Please don't leave my side. You're all I need… Don't abandon me. Please love me. Hearing those words made me feel an enormous sense of debt, as though I had caused him unnecessary heartache by being stubborn. Of course, he hadn't been fully conscious at the time, so it was probably just his pent-up feelings slipping out. Still, the fact that he had been thinking that way all along was what allowed those words to surface. But honestly… Even though it was pitiful that even the iron-willed Yohan had been harboring such thoughts, at the same time, it was endearing and adorable. Like a child searching for his mother, he had held me and said he liked me. …Well, my answer to that question was, "………O-of course—"
But Yohan cut me off. "My lady." "H-huh?! I didn't even say anything." "The moon is beautiful tonight." "…It is. It's been a long time since we've seen such clear weather together like this." "If you don't mind… would you like to link arms?" Huh? Huh?! My mind went blank at those words. Not just holding hands—linking arms? "Oh my, what am I going to do with this boy…!" This child… He probably didn't mean anything by it, but sometimes his actions really seemed to lack any sense of propriety. Well, well… When he had pulled me into that embrace and collapsed again, I had also stolen a quick kiss on his cheek. I was just as much of a fool with strange notions. But seizing the moment to do something like that was truly reckless, so I quickly turned away—yet the lipstick mark I hadn't thought to wipe away had been a major incident. It was a relief he hadn't noticed. However, as I said, Yohan would never know I was having such vulgar thoughts. He casually extended his thick arm toward me. Because the moonlight was strong, the veins on his masculine, muscular forearm stood out vividly, as though an earthquake were occurring beneath his skin. There was no reason to hesitate about whether I could take it. Though I had no choice but to put on an act of modesty, pretending to hesitate, I quickly wrapped myself around his arm as if clinging to it. "Swoosh—"
Just from touching him, I could feel his blood vessels pulsing rapidly. After the field training ended and Yohan rose from his sickbed, it seemed he had been trying to express something to me more often lately… Surely, surely, surely. Was it mutual? The way he had muttered that he liked me on the hospital bed—did that mean he liked me as a woman? Being like this naturally made me think a lot. However, as the path gradually narrowed and he drew closer… I simply stroked his skin with my fingers, lost in thought without a single coherent idea. "Hwaaah, a boy… It's a boy…"
The feeling was strange. But this magical time didn't last long. Pleasant moments always flow by quickly. The moment we arrived in front of the men's dormitory, I had to use stealth to avoid the dorm supervisor, just as I always did when Yohan returned to his room. "Should I… disguise myself as a man?" "Haha. No. Today, I'll show you something interesting, my lady." Then, my body was enveloped in something like a thin mirror… a mysterious, cool sensation. Somewhere, someone. Was it just my imagination, or did I hear a voice saying, "Damn it, Master of Steel. Don't use me for this kind of crap"?
***
Getting the young lady into the dormitory was easily resolved thanks to the powerful abilities of Lorschach, which I had upgraded for the field training. Not "Robung"—Lorschach. When I opened the door to my room, it was as clean as Eclipse's room. No, it even gave off an additional sense of orderliness. She was clean, but she had always struck me as somewhat scattered. Anyway, it was fortunate. If I hadn't maintained my usual habits, I would have hesitated greatly at such a spontaneous invitation. Yet the young lady, who was holding my arm as preciously as if it were a money pouch, tucked away her usual dignified demeanor somewhere deep inside and looked around the room with a very fidgety, awkward expression. "Y-you're just like Yohan. So neat and tidy. I-if you ever get married later? Your wife will be very pleased."
Yet she was stuttering while saying something incredibly absurd. Was she infected with Eclipse's disease? "No… I have no intention of bringing in another woman." After seeing clearly during this field training what happened to the young lady when I wasn't around, and after nearly crossing the River of Three Crossings while absorbing Yagnus, even the "Neo Yohan" who had gained new perspectives through his conversation with the ever-reliable Hilken had made up his mind. The mind and body were temporary. They could never live forever. So even if I had to split the world in two by mistake, I would make this beautiful, slender woman with deep blue hair—the one I had been drawn to since our first meeting—mine. Of course, I still lacked the confidence that I could actually do it. Even after going through something so significant, my status remained lowly, and it was only natural to think that the young lady wouldn't like someone as ugly and massive as me. But still. The old Yohan, who had only known how to run away until now, would have twisted his body with all sorts of excuses. The current me, Neo Yohan, was different. If I had no status, I would seize it. If she didn't like my appearance, I would make her like it somehow. As for my inner self—well, I had been polishing it diligently for the young lady's sake, and she already seemed to like it, so that passed. That was the same reason I had called her here. If the people I knew saw me inviting her to my room for a private meeting, they would probably think, "That bastard's going to give his usual status report again. He took down Yagnus and gained new powers, so he's probably muttering that he's found a way to save the world." But for today, they could politely go to hell. The reason I called her today was simple. I just wanted to be with her. Did a man need a grand reason to want to be with the woman he cared for? …Well, if I were to be honest, it was also because I felt like I had found a way to prevent the world from walking the path of destruction. I wanted to release that joyful feeling through the lingering warmth of spending time with the young lady. "………"
However, when I remained silent, lost in thought, "Yohan, um…" The young lady, looking extremely embarrassed, sat down at the table I usually used while trying her best to act composed. "If it's alright, could you make me some black tea? I want to drink the kind you brew…" "No. If you drink black tea now, you won't be able to sleep." "…U-uh?! Then… well, I guess there's no choice." Yet the young lady seemed greatly flustered, as if she hadn't expected me to refuse so firmly. This wasn't like her at all. She must have sensed, even slightly, that I was different from usual. So I got to the point. Honest, but not too sudden. "My lady, I simply… today…" I sat across from her at the table and gently took her hand. Then I softly spoke the words I had been putting off. "I wanted to tell you that you worked hard…"
"Y-you did? This whole incident was all because of your hard work. It seems like you think differently, but I was just riding along on your plan." I see. I gave a wry smile. Praising me like that—that was the unchanging young lady I knew. So… "I'll be honest. There's no special reason I called you. I just wanted to spend time alone with you like this." "…Ah. I-is that so?" "…Perhaps because the burden on my heart that I've been carrying all this time has been lifted." Those words carried many meanings, but explaining them would waste this precious time we finally had together. I gently gazed into her eyes. "You're truly beautiful today as well." "…M-me? I don't think I'm worthy of hearing such words—" "No. I'm sorry, but I've thought that way ever since you saved me on the snowy mountain for the first time." I could see her cheeks flush slightly.